


We've Always Been Equals

by horrorgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Betrayal, F/M, Fear, Finding Success, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lies, Loss, Loss of Trust, Lost Love, Love For Family, M/M, Minor Character Death, Moving On, Orphan Castiel, Overworking, Past Relationship(s), Smut, Starting Over, Survivor Guilt, Unexpected Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 129,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8741842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorgirl/pseuds/horrorgirl
Summary: Dean Winchester needed to start over, he needed to leave a painful past behind him. When his Uncle Bobby calls, asking for help running his auto shop in California, Dean knows it's the change he needs. A good job and the opportunity to be closer to his brother, Sam. All Dean needs is his job, Sam's family, Bobby, and his dog to make him happy. Until a chance meeting at a party, a failed one sided relationship, a business deal, and a tragedy changes everything.





	1. I Thought Maybe You Could Use A Friend

"He's in a meeting right now, Mr. Winchester."

 

"You call me Mr. Winchester and I feel like I should turn around to make sure that my brother isn't standing behind me. It's Dean," Dean winked at the blonde receptionist. 

 

"I'm sorry Mr...Dean. I'm just used to the..."

 

"Yeah, the suits and shit. I get it. I'll just go wait in his office for him. If I'm lucky, he didn't hide the little rake for his zen garden from me this time." He smiled and walked past the front desk, past the cubicles, and stopped. He always stopped for a moment just to read the words 'Sam Winchester Attorney at Law'. He could still remember how it felt to watch his little brother cross the stage and accept his diploma from Stanford. He went inside and flopped down into one of the soft chairs near the large desk, wondering how the stacks of files and papers could possibly have any rhyme or reason to them. It was like a clean and professional version of their Uncle Bobby's apartment above the garage. Dean started unpacking the paper bag when his brother rushed in, closing the door behind him and loosening his tie.

 

"Rough day, Sammy?"

 

"You have no idea. We had a case that was ready to settle and now the asshole wants to take it to court."

 

"I guess that's the price you pay for being a big shot," Dean grinned, handing his brother a sandwich and drink.

 

"I don't know that I'd say big shot, more like paid monkey," Sam sat down and took the food from his brother. "Oh my god, the deli. I was going to text you and ask you to stop there."

 

"No need to text, I can read minds. So whatever happened to being a criminal attorney who was going to right the wrongs and fight all of the injustices in this world?"

 

"Twins, mortgage, car payments. Public defenders don't exactly make enough to support a wife and two babies."

 

"With a third on the way. How's Jess doing?"

 

Sam always smiled when he talked about his wife and daughters. "She's amazing, as always. I don't know how she deals with those girls all day, and being pregnant again on top of it."

 

"Hey, don't talk about my nieces like that," Dean grinned. Those two little girls meant everything to him. "Feel free to drop them off anytime to hang out with their Unca Dee."

 

"Yeah, they'd love that. Unca Dee gives them whatever they want," Sam smiled wryly.

 

"Yes he does, and he always will."

 

This was the Winchester brothers Monday ritual. Sam worked at least 60 hours a week at the office, and who knows how many hours he'd put in at home. Dean's life could get just as hectic. Monday afternoon was the only time that they had to see each other. Sam had it permanently on his calendar and he would change appointments and meetings for the one hour of relaxation and banter with his older brother. "Have you talked to mom?"

 

"Yeah," Dean mumbled, his mouth full of food. "She called last night. I'm going to go out there sometime next month and she definitely plans to be here when the baby's born. She'll probably drive Jess nuts, just like she did with the twins."

 

"Jess knows that she means well. I just wish that she'd just move here."

 

"Hey, I tell her all of the time that a bachelor does not need a three bedroom house all to himself. I even offered her the position of walking Chuck on the beach while I'm at work. She's not going for it. That's the house her and dad bought when they got married, the house that they raised us in."

 

"The house where you raised hell."

 

"Raised hell?" Dean asked innocently. "I prefer to think of it as living life to the fullest as a free spirit."

 

"I don't think that free spirits get brought home in handcuffs at 3:00 in the morning."

 

"Hey, that only happened twice."

 

"Three times."

 

"Three times? Are you sure? Let's see, there was the drunk and disorderly, the reckless driving...oh yeah, I almost forgot about the time I got caught at the park with that girl? What was her name?"

 

"Anna. And you got in a fight with the cops just to impress her."

 

"I always wondered why that relationship didn't last."

 

"Um, probably because of Heather, and Katie, and Melissa," Sam laughed. "Following in your footsteps in high school was not easy. The fact that my last name is Winchester made it almost impossible to date."

 

"But, then you went to Stanford and met that cute blonde that you keep knocking up. I'm still waiting for her to realize that she is way out of your league," Dean grinned.

 

"So am I," Sam laughed again. He and Dean were opposites in almost every way, and fought almost to the death growing up, but either one of them would lay down their life for the other and they both knew it. "How's Bobby?"

 

"Still grumpy as hell. He sits in his office most of the time now. He hasn't touched a car in months. I worry about him."

 

"He's getting old, Dean. I mean that's why you came out here, he can't run the shop by himself anymore."

 

"Yeah, well," Dean balled up his wrapper and tossed it into the garbage can. "He was in over his head. He's a hell of a mechanic if you bring him something built before 1980, but all of the new shit is too much for him. The fact that he added 'and restoration' to the sign just a couple of months after I got here made it worse. I've had to hire two more full time guys just to keep up."

 

"He needed the help, and you needed the change of scenery," Sam watched his brother subtly drop his head and regretted the words. "I shouldn't have..."

 

"No, you're right Sammy," Dean said quietly, lifting his head. "Sometimes a guy needs a fresh start."

 

With their food gone and Dean's feet annoyingly resting on the top of Sam's desk, they fell into an almost somber silence. "So, uh Jess was saying something about having you over for dinner on Sunday."

 

"Oh yeah? I could handle some home cooking."

 

They were interrupted by a knock at the door and head poking into the office as it opened. "Hey Winchester, sorry to interrupt but Mr. Olsen just called and said that he's reconsidering the settlement. He wants to meet this afternoon if you have time."

 

"If he's willing to settle instead of dragging this out, I'll meet with him whenever he wants. I just want this $6.5 million dollar mess off of my desk. Tell him that I am open at 3:00. You're welcome to sit in if you want."

 

"Sure, I'll have Sarah give him a call. Again, sorry to interrupt."

 

The door shut and Sam closed his eyes, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job," he repeated quietly.

 

"Who was that?"

 

"Cas Novak, new Jr. Partner. He started about a week ago and somehow they conned him into helping me with this Olsen case. If this guys settles then maybe I'll finally get a full night's sleep. Millionaires are assholes."

 

"I'll get out of your hair, Sammy. Call me and let me know about Sunday."

 

"I will," Sam stood up and gave his brother a hug. "Sorry I had to cut this short."

 

"Hey, I've had more than my fair share of 14 hour days, so I feel your pain. Those same millionaires drop their cars off to be fixed. Or, if I'm lucky, they want a full restoration, and they want it done yesterday while they haggle with me over the price. So good luck meeting with the asshole. I think I'll go take Chuck for a jog on the beach and then back to my silent empty house for a nice nap," Dean smiled.

 

"Not even a millionaire, and yet you're still an asshole. I'll call you this week." 

 

Dean showed himself out and winked at the receptionist as he got in the elevator. Some days he envied his brother's life and other days he was perfectly happy to go home and relax with nobody to answer to other than his black lab.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was out of breath when he stopped jogging and started randomly throwing a stick for Chuck to fetch and bring back. He had almost the entire beach to himself on Monday afternoons, and that was just what he wanted. Dean used to be outgoing, the life of the party and a ladies man. Now, he divided his time between the shop, Sam's family, and his house. His life hadn't always been easy, but he was comfortable where he was. The shop was busy, too busy to keep up. The restoration side had a two month waiting list and he was starting to become known as 'the' guy to bring your classic to if you wanted a solid job done. He worked hard, but it paid well, and he loved when he could lose himself in turning rusty metal into something that was showroom quality. When he wanted to be alone, he went back to the bungalow that he'd bought last year. When he didn't want to be alone, he went to Sam's and spent hours with two four year old's wrapped around their Unca Dee. He tried to get out to Kansas as often as he could to see their mother. He had a 'once every other month' rule and the guys in the shop knew that unless the building was on fire, they could take their problems to the assistant manager. Life in Kansas was completely different than life in California, and that's the way that he needed to keep it, but he always felt a little guilty when it was time for him to go back home. At least until their mother reminded him that Bobby needed him. His uncle Bobby had served in Vietnam with their father, and the two had a brotherly connection that almost rivaled Sam and Dean's. They had experienced things and seen things that were so ugly they only talked about them if they'd been drinking. After John Winchester’s death, he had been there for Dean. Dean owed it to him to keep his business, and his legacy, going. 

 

After Dean's arm started growing tired from throwing the stick, he loaded Chuck into his 1967 Chevy Impala, the car that he'd always coveted, the car that he inherited from their father. The only thing that he hated about Monday afternoon at the beach was that it took a couple of days to get rid of the wet dog smell in his backseat.

 

After a hot shower he grabbed a cold beer and laid down on the oversized couch. He reached for the remote, hoping to find something mindless to watch so that maybe he could get in that nap that he'd talked about.

 

\-------------------------

 

"MaryEllen! JoAnna! Let your Uncle Dean through the door," Jess reprimanded.

 

"They're fine," Dean laughed, looking down at the identical faces. It was easy for him to tell them apart. MaryEllen had a faint freckle above her left eyebrow, but he always pretended like he didn't know which was which. "Come here and give your uncle a hug, JoAnna," he said, picking up MaryEllen.

 

"I'm not JoAnna, Unca Dee," she giggled.

 

He looked at those big blue eyes, the blond ringlets framing the chubby cheeks, "Sammy, you're going to have to invest in a gun soon. Maybe two, I'll sit on the front porch with you when the boys start showing up."

 

"Boys are gross," MaryEllen said, making a face.

 

"Yes, they are. Boys are very gross, never forget that," Dean grinned, setting MaryEllen down and picking up JoAnna for a hug.

 

Jess smiled while she watched Dean play with the twins, it was the only time she ever saw his eyes light up. She knew what kind of pressure Dean was under, they all knew. He was running the shop, taking care of Bobby, and slowly renovating his house. He was always being told that a guy as good looking and charismatic as he was should find a girl and settle down. She had tried introducing him to some of her single friends, but after the third disastrous date, she stopped. Her friends always said the same thing. He was gorgeous and he was charming, but he was distant. He was obviously happy being a bachelor and in no hurry to settle down. Sam had told her that when the timing was right, he would find the right girl. 

 

"How are you feeling?" he asked, kissing her cheek.

 

"Ugh, sick most of the time. This one is a lot harder than when I was pregnant with them."

 

"Doesn't my asshole brother help out around here?" 

 

Jess answered him by threatening to swat him with a rubber spatula, "Language!"

 

"Sorry," he whispered with a wink. 

 

Jess smiled and shooed him out of the kitchen, it was almost impossible to stay mad at Dean. Sometimes she still saw it all in his eyes and wondered if he would always just be the single devoted uncle that he was. "Will you go tell my husband that dinner is ready and he needs to set that computer down and come eat with his family?" she called.

 

"He hasn't listened to me since birth, what makes you think he'd start now?" Dean chuckled as he left the kitchen to go in search of his brother. He knew that he'd find him in one of two places, his study or the family room. That always depended on how much work he had to do. He was in the study, which meant that he would be up until all hours finalizing the settlement that he'd been working on. Sam had already poured him a glass of scotch before he sat down. "Please tell me that you aren't working on that same case."

 

Sam looked up from his computer, "I’m still working on the same case."

 

"I thought you said that the asshole was going to settle."

 

"He is, but it's not that simple. I'm going blind on paperwork here."

 

"What about that Novak guy?" Dean asked, taking a sip of his drink. Sam always had the good scotch, but he was more than happy to settle for mid-grade. At least he wasn't at Bobby's drinking the rotgut that he bought by the gallon.

 

"What about him?"

 

"I thought that he was your, I don't know, lackey or something."

 

"He's a Jr. Partner. That's not exactly a lackey position."

 

"Sam, you're a Jr. Partner. The youngest one at the firm. Pass some of this shit off and spend some times with that beautiful wife and those girls."

 

"I know. I spend a lot of time asking myself why I decided to go to law school," Sam sighed, rubbing his forehead.

 

"For the greater good. Or the money. I never figured it out."

 

Sam smiled at his brother. Dean had always been his biggest supporter. He cheered the loudest at graduation, stood as his best man at the wedding, and spent 16 hours in the waiting room when the twins were born. "I haven't figured it out either."

 

"Well, that barefoot and pregnant wife of yours sent me here to tell you to come eat with your family."

 

"I keep telling her that she needs to put shoes on before you show up. The joke is getting old."

 

"As long as she's barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen...the joke will never get old."

 

"When I make you an uncle again, the joke is done," Sam closed his laptop and followed his brother into the dining room.

 

\-------------------------

 

"Okay, I guess I'm showing my grease monkey side when I ask what in the h...I mean what exactly is a garden party?"

 

"It's a girlie way of saying that we take the party outside," Sam mumbled. "Trust me, I don't get it either."

 

"I don't know, Jess. I mean the people from the firm and me? It just doesn't fit. I'd be more than happy to take the girls for you."

 

"Nope, the girls are already spoken for. Mrs. McGuire has already promised to take them to spend the night with her granddaughter."

 

"Jess...."

 

"You aren't going to win this one, Dean. You might as well stop trying. Besides, they are just lawyers and assistants. What part of that doesn't fit?"

 

"Are you talking about other than the fact that I have absolutely nothing in common with these people?"

 

"You know the people that I work with."

 

"No, I say hello to the people that you work with and I flirt with the receptionist."

 

"Who? Rachel? She'll be here."

 

"Sam, please tell me that this is not a set up."

 

"Mommy?" JoAnna asked, "What's a set up? Are you trying to find Unca Dee a wife?"

 

"Your Unca Dee doesn't need a wife," Dean laughed. "He has Chuck."

 

"Chuck's a dog," MaryEllen giggled.

 

"He doesn't know that," Dean smiled. "I don't have the heart to tell him. So I'm guessing that this garden party is on a Saturday? Because I have a shop to run."

 

"Sunday brunch," Sam muttered under his breath.

 

"Of course it is," Dean whispered.

 

"So that's a yes?" Jess asked.

 

"More like an I can't say no to a beautiful barefoot and pregnant lady who just cooked me dinner."

 

"I told you that taking my shoes off before he showed up would work," Jess smiled.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean looked through the glass window and into Bobby's office. The old man was sitting with his head in his hands, a tumbler of scotch hiding behind a pile of old repair manuals. "Garth!" he called. He watched as the skinny assistant manager made his way between torn apart cars and other mechanics. "Hey, I just realized that Bobby and I need to do the monthly audit today," Dean said as quietly as he could get away with in the noisy shop. "Mr. Baldwin is bringing his truck back. He says that the brakes are still making noise. I'm guessing that it's just brake dust, but you know how he is. I need you to keep an eye on things and deal with him when he shows up. Knock if there's an emergency." Garth took a quick glance at the office window and nodded at Dean. Bobby's health and his problem with alcohol weren't a secret, but they were something that nobody talked about. As much as his employees loved him, the shop ran a lot smoother after Dean showed up. Dean patted Garth on the back before going into Bobby's office and shutting the blinds.

 

"Bobby, are you okay?" Dean asked, sitting in one of the old wooden chairs across the desk.

 

"I'm fine, kid. Just a little tired."

 

"Did you go to the doctor last week?"

 

"Nah, I didn't have time." They both knew that was a lie, with Dean running the shop Bobby had nothing but time.

 

"I can call and reschedule. Are you taking your meds?"

 

"Who are you? My mother?"

 

"Damnit Bobby, we've been over this. The blood pressure, the cholesterol, and all of the other shit that I can't pronounce, you've got to take care of it. Sitting down here drinking rotgut isn't going to help."

 

Bobby lifted his head and looked at Dean, "Sittin' up there in my apartment drinking rotgut ain't gonna help neither. Cut me some slack, boy."

 

"I am cutting you slack. If you weren't like a second father to me I would have said 'fuck it' a long time ago," Dean said, growing increasingly frustrated. "You know that I would do anything for you, but you've got to meet me halfway," Dean's voice softened. He knew that Bobby drank away the memories of his young wife, his time in Vietnam, the loss of his best friend and brother. "I get it man, I really do. But, this shit can't be happening. Not upstairs, and definitely not down here. Now, I told Garth that we were doing the monthly audit. Do you really want to see the numbers?"

 

"Are we in the red?"

 

"Uh, no. Actually the restoration side is turning a profit. I brought in a couple of guys and I'm showing them the ropes."

 

"And you don't trust either one of 'em to touch those cars," Bobby chuckled. 

 

"I let them hand me tools," Dean grinned before he stood up. "Make the appointment, take your meds."

 

"Dean?"

 

Dean turned around with his hand on the doorknob, "Yeah?"

 

"Thanks kid."

 

Dean gave Bobby a quick nod and left his office. "Garth!" he called when he'd shut the door behind him.

 

\--------------------------

 

"German pieces of shit," Dean muttered under his breath as he drove slowly past his brother's house, looking for a place to park. From the looks of it, in order to work at Sam's firm you had to drive either a BMW or a Mercedes. He had to walk close to a block, and almost turned around when he got to Sam's and heard the voices and laughter coming from the backyard. He took a deep breath before he reached over the top of the gate and unhooked the latch to let himself in. He moved quietly, standing close to the fence, and watched the people milling around in small groups. At 6'4" Sam was easy to spot, and Dean made his way to where his brother was talking with a group of co-workers.

 

"Dean!" Sam called, turning back to the group. "I'll be right back." Sam jogged over to his brother and hugged him. "I seriously thought that you'd back out of this one."

 

"Don't think that I didn't want to, but I promised Jess."

 

"They're not all uppity dicks. I work with some decent people. Let's grab you one of these champagne juice things that Jess is trying to pass off as a drink and I'll introduce you."

 

Dean felt like a fish out of water, but at least Sam knew that, and wouldn't leave his side. They grabbed their drinks and started walking around Sam's expansive backyard, past the pool that Jess still had fenced off until the summer months, past the playground that he and Sam had built by hand for the girls. "Don't think that just because you came today doesn't mean you get a free pass on lunch tomorrow," Sam smiled.

 

"Oh no, Monday lunch, that's never going to stop happening. Even when we're old and retired we'll still do Monday lunch."

 

"So uh, Rachel was asking about you."

 

"Sam..."

 

"Hey, I'm not pushing it. I asked Jess not to push it. I'm just telling you."

 

"Dating someone in the workplace is a bad idea. Dating someone in your brother's workplace is almost as bad."

 

"I'm just saying. Now come on and meet the guys."

 

Dean sighed and followed his brother.

 

"Guys, this is my brother, Dean. Dean this is Dmitri, Jared, Mark, Jensen, and Cas."

 

Dean gave a firm round of handshakes. He'd seen most of these guys when he went to the firm for lunch, but they'd been nameless faces. He knew that Mark was the owner, and drove Sam nuts. Cas was the guy who poked his head in the door last Monday. The others seemed pretty down to earth. "It's, uh, nice to meet you," he mumbled.

 

"So, Winchester," one of them started. Both Sam and Dean looked up. "Sorry, I meant the tall goofy one. I noticed the mini cars."

 

Sam turned around and saw the matching pink roadster convertibles that Dean had given the girls. "Amazing, right?"

 

"I would love to get something like that for Zoe. Where did you find those?"

 

"Um, custom job."

 

"You must have shelled out a shit ton, they look like the real thing."

 

"They almost are. The lights work, radios, even the horns, which drives Jess nuts. But I didn't pay a dime. Their favorite uncle built those for them."

 

"Wait," another one of Sam's co-worker said. "You built those? So you're the Winchester guy from Singer Auto?"

 

"Guilty as charged," Dean smiled, inadvertently making the worst lawyer joke ever.

 

"You worked on my buddy's car, an old 1970 Mustang."

 

"Yeah," Dean grinned. "Rob Edlund. I talked him out of going with the typical cherry red paint."

 

"That midnight blue is unbelievable. You guys, this man is an auto genius. He took a pile of rust and turned it into the sweetest ride I've ever seen."

 

Dean felt himself starting to relax. "I don't know that I'd say genius. That thing took me months to finish."

 

"Yeah, but worth every minute of it, and every dime. That car is fucking amazing. Now, his neighbors and wife don't always appreciate the pipes when he hauls ass down the street."

 

Dean laughed, "he told me to go big. I went big."

 

They stood and talked cars until they started breaking off to find food or their wives. "See," Sam said pointedly. "You need to get out of your 'just a grease monkey' mentality. I may have graduated from Stanford, but you started helping dad fix the Impala and that old truck when you were like ten. Technically, you have a lot more education than I do."

 

"Thanks, Sammy," Dean patted his brother on the shoulder and went in search of Jess. He was feeling a little better. He heard the squeal before he saw her.

 

"Dean!" Jess threw her arms around his neck. "I'm so glad you made it. Especially since I won the bet."

 

Dean leaned down and kissed Jess on the cheek, "What is he going to get stuck with doing?"

 

"Rubbing my feet every night until this baby comes."

 

"He'd do that anyway," Dean winked. He'd watched their parents growing up, how in love they had always been. Sam and Jess had that same connection, he'd felt it the first time he saw them together. Sam could be bossy and controlling, until he got home. His wife and children were everything to him and that was why, in some ways, Dean envied him. Not for the large house or the money, just for the simple fact that Jess knew everything about him and loved him. She rivaled Dean in Sam's 'best friend' department, but Dean always stepped back and told Sam that Jess and those girls came first. He knew that his brother felt guilty about not spending enough time with Bobby, but Sam never had the relationship with Bobby that he had. The grumpy old man loved them equally, but he favored Dean. He always had and everyone knew it. "Did you get something to eat? Drink?" Jess interrupted his thoughts. 

 

"Sam made me grab one of these fruity things. Don't tell him I said this, but it's not half bad."

 

"It's our secret," Jess winked. "Grab some food, mingle, try to pretend like you are enjoying yourself before you sneak out of here early." 

 

Dean laughed and hugged her again before watching her walk away to join a group of women. 

 

"So you're the restoration expert in town, huh?" Dean turned when he heard a voice behind him and saw Cas, the new jr. partner. Dean had never seen eyes that shade of blue before.

 

"I don't know if I'd say expert. But, apparently my work has been appreciated."

 

"Right before I moved down here I had a moment where I saw what I thought was a good deal on a pile of metal. I thought it would give me something to do with my time off."

 

"Lawyers get time off?" Dean smiled.

 

"When we aren't in litigation? They give us a few hours to eat and sleep," Cas smiled back. "But, I look at the thing and I don't even know where to start. I'll be honest, the closest I've come to auto repair is handing the guy at the register my credit card. Anyway, is there a chance I could get it in? At least have you look at it?"

 

"Does it run?"

 

"Uh, no. true pile of metal. I have to hide it in my garage so that the neighbors don't complain about me leaving my trash in the driveway."

 

"Total rebuild. Right now I have a two month waiting list, but you can come by the shop and I can show you some examples of my work. If you like it and you trust me, we can put you on the list."

 

"If Krushnic is that impressed by your work, I don't need to see examples."

 

"What have you got?"

 

"It's a '68 Camaro."

 

"No shit? Late 60's Chevy? I can probably do that with my eyes closed. I drive a '67 Impala. '68 Chevy...I would love to get my hands on that. Not many wives let a guy drag something like that into their garage."

 

"Yeah, the ex wasn't a big fan."

 

"And that's when the fight started?"

 

Cas laughed, "One of many, but yes."

 

"If it's not running, you can have it towed. Or I would be more than happy to stop by and check it out, give you an estimate."

 

"Sure, sounds good. I uh, think that one of us has an admirer over there. I'm guessing that it's you considering that she sees me every day and I barely get a 'good morning Mr. Novak' out of her."

 

Dean turned and saw Rachel, the receptionist smiling as she walked towards them. He turned back, but Cas was gone. "Hello Mr. Winch...I mean Dean," she said shyly. "It's nice to see somebody else who isn't a lawyer or at least married to one here."

 

"C'mon," Dean said, trying his best to be charming. "They can't all be lawyers."

 

"Well, Sarah Blake is here. She's a legal assistant, student, intern, something like that. Jessica introduced me to a few neighbors and friends. I don't really know anybody else, and it's a little awkward to be here with Mr. Crowley."

 

Dean looked over at Mark Crowley. There was something intimidating about the guy. "So no husband or boyfriend to use as a human shield?"

 

"No," Rachel smiled, the blush running up her cheeks. "I almost didn't come, but your brother can be very convincing."

 

"Which is why he's a good lawyer. Why don't us misfits band together and grab some food."

 

\-------------------------

 

The sun was starting to set when Sam and Dean sent Jess in the house to sit and relax while they cleaned up the backyard. "Well, you survived."

 

"It wasn't the total nightmare that I expected. Everybody seemed pretty okay and I got two numbers," Dean grinned.

 

"Two?"

 

"Yeah, Rachel and that Novak guy." Sam looked confused. "I thought I'd ask one of them out, and I promised the other that I'd look at a car that needs restoration. I'll let you figure out which is which."

 

"I thought you weren't interested in Rachel."

 

"Neither did I, but she's got a really sweet classic Chevy that needs an overhaul," Dean smiled.

 

"You're an asshole."

 

"Yep. Now help me get this table folded up."

 

\-------------------------

 

"Hello Mr...."

 

"Okay, seriously if you call me Mr. Winchester one more time I'm going to start using the stairs in the back," Dean winked. "I uh, thought that maybe some night this week you might want to go for drinks."

 

"That would be great," Rachel responded, a little too eagerly. "Call me and let me know."

 

"I will. Now where is that ginormous brother of mine?"

 

"I think that he's actually in his office this time."

 

"Sounds good, I'll call you."

 

\-------------------------

 

"You know, this is the only time I get to eat this type of shit. Jess insists upon organic, grass fed, no GMO stuff at home," Sam said, grease from the bacon cheeseburger running down his hand.

 

"So that's why you invite me for lunch."

 

"Pretty much."

 

"And you say that I'm the asshole."

 

"Well, you survived Jess's garden party," Sam smiled. He hated that his brother spent most of his free time with Bobby or at home.

 

"I did, but let's not tell Jess that. I seriously do not want to make a habit of rubbing elbows with the rich and elite."

 

Sam laughed, "I am neither rich nor elite."

 

"Yeah, but your boss? Holy shit is that guy pompous."

 

"Mark? He's a pain in the ass, but he runs one of the best firms in the city, and hires only the best. Apparently the word Stanford cancels out zero experience when it comes to high profile settlements. They're teaming me up with Novak for a pretty big case and I think we're both scared shitless."

 

"That's that Cas guy, right?"

 

"Yeah. The one that you are either going to look at his car or take out for a romantic dinner. I never did figure out which was which."

 

"Funny. But that's impressive. You were the youngest guy to ever make Jr. Partner and they give you the big ones, Sammy."

 

Sam just looked at Dean. His brother had gone from a punk kid to an asshole man-whore to the guy that was turning Singer Auto into something big. "Yeah well, you've done pretty well for yourself too."

 

"I just showed up and cleaned up Bobby's mess. I couldn't let the guy go under. Not after everything he's done for us. That's not a huge accomplishment."

 

"You didn't clean up a mess, you pretty much rebuilt that shop from the bottom up."

 

"I show up and I do my job. Speaking of Bobby, you need to get over there and see him. He's doing that thing where he doesn't go to the doctor or take his meds and I need another voice of reason to back my ass up."

 

"Yeah, I know. And I need to go see mom. I feel like shit when it comes to this family."

 

"Sammy, you've got a lot on your plate. Mom knows that. She'll come out when the baby is born and knowing her, she'll stay for a solid month. Maybe if we both work on her, she'll stay for good. You have that whole argumentative thing going on. You should be able to talk her into it."

 

"I'll try. So, are you really going to take Rachel out?"

 

Dean groaned, "I asked her, but I'm kind of regretting it. What if it goes south and I still have to see her every Monday?"

 

"Why do you always think that these things are going to go south? She's a beautiful girl, sweet, smart. It's entirely possible that you'll end up actually going on a second date. Just take her out. One bad date isn't going to fuck up your walk from the elevator to my office. And, one bad date isn't going to get you out of coming for lunch. You seriously need more of a social life, taking Chuck jogging does not count."

 

"I play pool with the guys after work sometimes."

 

"Yeah, I don't think that qualifies either. I get it, Dean. You've got the shop and Bobby. You go back to Kansas whenever you can. You steal my kids from me every chance that you get and pump them full of pizza and candy. I just think that maybe you need more. I mean, not to be a dick, but is there anyone out there who you can say is actually a true friend? And Chuck doesn't count."

 

"I have you and Jess and the girls. I have Bobby and the guys from the shop. I have mom. I can get laid if I want to, that's never been a problem. I just, I don't know, I don't want to share my life, I don't want to share my space with anybody."

 

"I know that. But one date, maybe two or three does not mean you have to share your space. I'm not trying to talk you into anything, I just want to see you happy."

 

"I am happy, Sam. You know that I'll never get married. I don't have kids, so I borrow yours..."

 

"And fill them full of pizza and candy..."

 

Dean smiled when he thought about his nieces, "Yes I do, and I always will. Soon I will have another one to build a car for and fill full of pizza and candy. You know that I requested a nephew this time."

 

"Yeah, I requested a son. My house is entirely too...pink. I'm seriously outnumbered and I could use the backup."

 

"You wouldn't change a thing, Sammy."

 

"No, I wouldn't."

 

They finished eating, Dean's feet once again propped annoying on the edge of Sam's desk. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Saturdays were always their busiest days. They closed the shop at the regular time, but usually most of them ended up staying late. Dean felt irresponsible when he pulled Garth aside and told him that he was bailing early, asking him to close up. He knew that Garth was more than capable, but that shop was his to run. He had told Rachel that he'd pick her up at 8:00 and he still needed to get home and shower. 

 

He was pulling on his socks and boots, droplets of water still running down his neck, and getting quizzical looks from Chuck. "Don't worry boy," he said, reaching out to scratch the black lab behind the ears, "I'll be home early."

 

With a deep breath he got in his car, entered Rachel's address into the map application on his phone, and headed out.

 

It was a second story apartment and Dean wasn't nervous, but he wasn't excited. He just figured; what the hell, why not try, as he knocked on the door.

 

\-------------------------

 

"Oh we are not getting in to me telling stories about Sam Winchester as a kid," Dean laughed, signaling to the cocktail waitress that they were ready for another round. He pushed his empty beer bottle aside and leaned his elbows on the table. "I'm pretty sure that he'd kill me...or not. He was actually the good kid. He stayed out of trouble, for the most part. He got perfect grades. I hate to say it, but there really aren't any good stories to tell."

 

"So you were the one who got in trouble," Rachel leaned forward, trying to get a read on Dean.

 

"If brought home by the police in handcuffs is what you consider trouble, then yes. I say it happened twice, Sam insists there was a third time," Dean was doing his best to be charming, and it seemed to be working.

 

"Do I want to know why?"

 

"Absolutely not," Dean laughed as he nodded at the waitress and gave her cash after she'd set down their drinks. He never ran a tab when he was on a date, he didn't like the idea of an open invitation to get drunk without realizing it. "I wouldn't say that I was a bad kid, I just preferred to ignore the rules."

 

"So you've never been married?"

 

"Never been married, never been a big fan," Dean watched to check her reaction. He breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't look disappointed. Like he'd told Sam, he could get laid. His dark hair, green eyes, and hard body that came from years of working on cars, always attracted women. All he had to do was wink a few times and flash his signature grin and he could work his way into almost anybody's pants. He knew already that he wasn't even going to try. But, he had been on too many dates where it was obvious that the girl was looking to move too fast too soon, and that was the quickest way to get Dean Winchester to never call you again. "You know, you may actually have better Sam Winchester stories than I do."

 

"There is really nothing too exciting about high profile lawsuits."

 

"Yeah, I can't imagine there would be. What about the rest of them?"

 

"They are all really good guys, believe it or not. I don't know Mr. Novak very well yet."

 

"How about Crowley?" Dean grinned. He knew how Sam felt about Mark Crowley.

 

"Mr. Crowley signs my checks, so I have nothing bad to say about the man," Rachel smiled almost coyly. 

 

Sam was right, she was beautiful, smart, and sweet. This was probably the best date that he had been on in since he’d moved to California. They had a few more drinks and decided to call it a night. Dean had worked all day and was exhausted. He wanted to get home to his large comfortable bed, and he wanted to be in it by himself. He never brought girls to his house. They pulled up at the apartment complex and he walked Rachel to the door. This was always the moment.

 

"Do you want to come in?"

 

"Uh no, but thanks. I had a long day and I have to get up early tomorrow." She looked disappointed, but not too upset. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek. "It was nice talking to you. I'll call you?"

 

"Yeah, call me." She smiled before she went inside and closed the door. Dean breathed another sigh of relief. She wasn't offended that he turned down her invitation. If she were just a random chick, he may have considered taking her up on it. But, she was a nice girl and she worked with his brother, he had to take it easy with this one. He got in the car and headed home, ready for a tumbler of scotch and a bad movie before bed. He did have to get up in the morning, but not as early as he made it sound. He was going to go check out that scrap that once was a '68 Camaro.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean had already walked around the car twice in the dim garage. The body was a mess, but the frame seemed to be intact. "So she doesn't run at all?"

 

"I can't even get the engine to turn over."

 

"Well, unless you're looking for something ornamental to sit in your driveway, I'm going to have to start there. Can I pop the hood?"

 

"You can do whatever you want. I don't know a damn thing about cars, embarrassingly enough."

 

"Ah, no reason to be embarrassed. Sam doesn't know much either. I started helping the old man when I was a kid." Dean got the hood opened and leaned over the engine. It was covered in dirt and grime. It looked like spiders and hornets had been fighting for ownership at one point. "Well, this is almost an entire rebuild, engine and all. It's not going to be cheap, and it's going to take some time."

 

"But you can do it?"

 

Dean stood up and turned around, "I can do almost anything. Okay, that sounded cocky, but when it comes to cars..."

 

"No, I believe you. So what do we do now? Tow it to the shop and put it on that waiting list?"

 

"We can do that, or," Dean muttered, leaning back over the engine, "I can work on it as a side project. To a guy like me, this is almost a dream job. I love Chevys and in my opinion, this is one of the Camaro's best years. I wouldn't mind working on it here. It would take me a hell of a long time, but if you consider the two month wait at the shop and the time it would take there, I honestly think that it would even itself out as far as a deadline. I'm going to need to get that engine started first. There are still a few good usable parts, but I know a guy and should be able to get most of it either at cost or from salvage. The cosmetic side I'll probably have to do by hand. I can't imagine it would be easy to find fenders for this thing in good condition. But, it's up to you."

 

"Well," Cas stammered, taken aback at the offer. "I mean I have no problem with you working on it here, but doesn't that cut into your, you know, personal time?"

 

Dean stood back up and smiled, closing the hood. "Unless you mean lunch with my brother or jogging on the beach with my dog, then no, it doesn't cut into my personal time. The biggest problem is, I can't really do all of it in here. It's too dark and there isn't enough room for the car, me, and all of the tools that I'd have to drag over. We're going to have to push her into the driveway if that's okay. I know that your neighbors won’t exactly be thrilled, but I'll just throw a cover on her and they won't have to see her until she's been restored to her former glory."

 

"Uh yeah, that's fine. But are you sure? Spending your free time away from work to come here and work?"

 

"This shit isn't work to me. When I'm telling a dozen grease monkey's what to do, that's work. As long as you don't mind me drinking a few cold ones and listening to some classic rock, I'm good. And I'll even try to keep the music down so that the neighbors don't start bitching. I won't charge you any more for the house calls than I'd charge you at the shop. I do my best not to be a total dick. It doesn't always work, but I try," Dean grinned. "It'll take awhile, but you might start wanting to think about the interior and paint job that you want, and please don't tell me red. Everybody wants their classic painted red."

 

Cas laughed, "I'm not a red car kind of guy, but I'll start looking, slowly."

 

"Okay, so I can start on her next Sunday if that's cool. I'll charge you cost for the parts, but I am going to have to prostitute myself and charge you for the labor. My dog can get very upset when I'm not home and I'll need to buy him something pretty to make up for it." Dean held out his hand and Cas gripped it. "Alright, well I'll get out of your way. I don't know if your Sunday plans are as exciting as mine, but I have to stop by the hardware store. I'm almost finished with the twins room."

 

"You have a room just for your brother's twins?"

 

"Almost."

 

"Do you ever stop working?"

 

"If you saw me laying on my couch on Mondays you wouldn't ask me that. So, next Sunday. I'll call first."

 

Cas watched Dean walk down his driveway and get into his car, shaking his head. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean put the half empty beer bottle on the coffee table before he rolled on his side and pulled the blanket over himself. He started to doze off on the couch thinking about cute blondes, Chevy Camaros, and the matching princess castle beds that he was almost done building.

 

\-------------------------

 

"So?"

 

"So what?" Dean asked innocently, handing Sam the cartons of Chinese food.

 

"Your date."

 

"What are we? In high school?"

 

"I just want to know if you banged my receptionist."

 

Dean gave Sam a dirty look, "No I did not bang your receptionist. I have no plans to bang your receptionist at this point. We had a few drinks, she's a nice girl, I told her I'd call her and I think that I actually mean it."

 

"Wow, a second date. Are we ready for a 'save the date' announcement?"

 

"Funny, Sam. I went and checked out that guy's Camaro."

 

"And?"

 

"That thing is fucked up. It's a complete rebuild."

 

"Let me guess, internally you squealed like a sixteen year old who had just been asked to prom, and then inconspicuously wiped off the drool with your t-shirt."

 

"Pretty close. I told him I'd work on it at his place, charge him cost for parts."

 

"Sounds like you're more excited about the car than you are about the girl."

 

"I am," Dean smiled. "Cars don't have expectations. They don't come on too strong or sit with mascara running down their face when you said the wrong thing. They don't get upset when I need to do things in my own way on my own terms. They don't cheat or lie."

 

"Okay, that's true. But..."

 

"Okay, I've officially added my personal life, or lack of, to the list of things that we don't need to talk about. So, I should have the girls room done this week. Do you mind if I borrow them from you for a night? You can put down that laptop and take your wife out for a nice dinner or something."

 

"I still can't believe that you made them their own room."

 

"I have three bedrooms, Sam. One for me, one for mom when she finally moves, and one for the girls. When this nephew shows up I made have to consider an add-on."

 

"I get that you love my kids, and you have no idea how much it means to me. But why do you do all of this?"

 

"Because I can. Because they deserve it. I think of all of the things that Bobby has done for me, he saved me from myself. I want to be that uncle. Kids deserve unconditional love and the more they have, the better off they are. Plus, it annoys the hell out of you when I get them hopped up on sugar and send them home."

 

Sam chuckled, "I'll talk to Jess, but for now I'm giving you an informal go-ahead."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean knew that his car looked less than manly with the matching car seats in the back, but he didn't care. "Tell your mom and dad goodbye," he reminded the twins when he'd finished buckling them in. He slid into the driver's seat and looked in the rear view mirror, watching their pudgy hands wave as he pulled away from the curb. "So, burgers or pizza?"

 

"Pizza!" they called out in unison. He smiled and turned towards home. He'd already stocked the fridge with ice cream for breakfast. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"I'll order the pizza if you two will do me a favor. You know the room next to mine? I think that Chuck got in there and made a mess, will you go check for me?" Dean smiled and waited. He watched them run down the hallway with Chuck on their heels and swing the door open wide. 

 

"Unca Dee! Princess beds!" 

 

He followed their voices and stood in the doorway. "Oops, wrong room. I should have had you check the other one." MaryEllen was already jumping on one of the beds and JoAnna ran over to hug his leg. 

 

"Is this ours?"

 

"Yep, it's all yours. Every time you stay here you'll have your own bed instead of having to share the big bed." He laughed, letting them run around, search through the toyboxes, jump on the beds. They were already making a mess of the room and they'd only been there for 20 minutes. "Okay, go grab your bags and then fight over who gets which bed. I'll order the pizza. Cheese, right?"

 

"Yes, I love you Unca Dee."

 

"I love you too MaryEllen," he squatted down and hugged them both at the same time, giving them an extra squeeze before he let them go to grab the bags that they’d dropped by the front door. He could hear them showing Chuck around their room when he picked up his phone and started to dial.

 

\-------------------------

 

Both girls had fallen asleep after they'd worn themselves out running around the house, playing with the dog. Dean never knew who they were more excited to see, him or Chuck. He turned off the movie and turned on the low lamp in their room before he shut the door, leaving it cracked. Chuck laid down on the floor in front of it instead of following him into the kitchen. Dean just smiled, that dog loved those girls as much as he did. He picked up his phone to shoot off a quick text.

 

_"I have to drop my nieces off around noon_  
_and then I can head over and get started._  
_Does that work?"_

 

He couldn't wait to get his hands on that car. It was therapeutic for him. He didn't have to think about anything other than what part went where and why. 

 

_"Sounds good."_

 

He poured himself a drink and walked into the living room, picking up the remote and dropping onto his couch. It was still early and he hadn't gone through his DVR in weeks. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"What do we tell mommy that we had for breakfast?" Dean asked, pouring chocolate syrup on the vanilla ice cream.

 

"Eggs and toast!" the girls called in unison.

 

"Okay, you should never lie to your mom and dad unless it's about our ice cream sundae breakfast, you got it?" Both girls nodded and started digging their spoons into the bowls. Dean searched for an old t-shirt and some worn out jeans that he rarely wore. He got dressed and grabbed his steel toed boots. He'd already put his tools in the trunk of the car. He watched the twins take turns standing on the stool to rinse out their bowls before they ran to their room to get dressed. He may spoil them, but there were still rules and they always stuck to them at his house. They'd cleaned up their room and rinsed their dishes. He got them loaded into the car and started the drive back to Sam's.

 

They were hyper and excited to tell their parents about their princess room the minute he unbuckled their car seats. Jess gave him a disapproving look, knowing that the eggs and toast story was a lie. Sam tried to bite back a smile. He nodded and waved before he left to go play with a classic Chevy.

 

\-------------------------

 

"If you could just give me a hand pushing her out into the driveway, then I can get started."

 

Cas nodded and grabbed a hold of the door frame on the passenger side.

 

"Okay, I think we're good," Dean said, leaning in to pull the emergency brake. "I'm just going to pop the hood and start cleaning it out. It looks like a National Geographic special about insect habitats in there."

 

"Do you need anything?" Cas felt awkward just going back into his house and leaving Dean out in his driveway. It wasn't that he didn't trust Dean, he just felt like somehow he should be somewhat involved.

 

"Nope, I think I'm good," came the muffled reply. Dean was already leaning into the engine with a wire brush and shop rag. Cas walked slowly back towards his house, stopping to look at Dean. He was embarrassed that he couldn't be of any help. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"Thirsty?"

 

Dean stood up and wiped his sweaty forehead with a greasy hand. It wasn’t quite summer, but already getting hot in southern California. "I brought my own," he nodded at the cooler, "but I'd be more than happy to take one of yours off your hands," he smiled, taking the cold bottle from Cas.

 

"Okay, well..."

 

"Grab one of mine, apparently we have the same taste in beer. I can show you what's going on with this thing if you have any interest."

 

Cas reached into the cooler and grabbed a bottle for himself. "Yeah, of course. I mean when it's done and people ask me about it, I should at least sound like I know what I'm talking about." They both set their bottles down and leaned over the engine, Dean explaining in layman's terms what things were and what they did. "Okay, some of that actually made sense. I guess the auto shop class in high school paid off a little."

 

Dean smiled and took a drink, "You're welcome to pull up a seat and let me bore you by explaining what I'm doing."

 

Cas pulled the cooler closer to the car and sat on it, "I think I could even hand you tools if you need me to. Again, auto shop in high school."

 

"Well there you go. I think you just saved yourself about an hour of labor total," Dean grinned. "So, this isn't car related, but I was wondering if your name is short for something."

 

"Actually it's short for Castiel."

 

"Castiel? Um, that's different. I'm guessing that your folks are bible thumpers? No offense."

 

"None taken. I wouldn't know. I grew up in the foster system. I'm the walking version of one of those feel good movies about the kid who comes from nothing and works his way through college to become a successful lawyer. I was dropped off at a church when I was a baby. The story has it, a nun actually named me after an angel."

 

"And the last name?"

 

"The first foster family I had were the Novak's. According to the file that was handed to me when I turned 18, they were going to adopt me until they found out that Mrs. Novak was miraculously pregnant and they couldn't handle two children. I was still a baby. So, from there I bounced around. I came close to adoption a couple of times but somehow it always fell through. Got my high school diploma, worked my way through the University of Washington, and got a low level job at a shitty firm in Seattle."

 

"I don't know if I should say wow or I'm sorry. That's quite the story."

 

"No reason for the I'm sorry. It's all I knew so I have no idea about what I missed out on."

 

"So that's where you're from? Seattle? How did you end up in SoCal?"

 

"Met a girl, Hannah. Things were good at first. We were able to move out of my crappy apartment and buy a house. She kept waiting for a ring and the go-ahead to start trying to have kids. The longer I put it off, the more controlling she became. I finally told her that I didn't see any reason to get married, especially since I wasn't sure if I wanted kids. She blew up on me, and there was no saving it. I packed up a few things, including the car, and left everything else behind. Her, my job, my friends. I came here to start over and was lucky enough to land the position at Crowley's firm."

 

"Well, if the things that my brother says about Crowley are true, I don't know if I'd call it lucky. Shit, I probably shouldn't have said that."

 

"No," Cas laughed. "You're good. I'm guessing that everything you've been told is true. He's a pompous pain in the ass, but he's smart. He knows what he's doing."

 

"Okay, well that's pretty much the same shit that Sam says. He uses more colorful words on occasion, but I get the general idea. You've lived a hell of a life, man. It's impressive."

 

"What about you?"

 

"What? My life?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Well, not exactly feel good movie material. Born and raised in Kansas. Made my parents crazy as a teenager, I'm guessing that it's pretty obvious who the rebellious brother was. Bounced around from job to job, didn't stay in one place for very long. Finally moved back to Kansas to get my shit together after my dad passed away. My life became a fucked up whirlwind after that. So, my uncle Bobby called and said he needed some help running the shop out here. I wanted to stay, be there for my mom, but she insisted. Bobby was close to losing his business and I needed a new start. I think she was the one who actually packed my bags and threw them in the trunk for me. I stayed with Sam and Jess until I found a little fixer upper. Now I work, see my brother when I can, spoil my nieces, and apparently work on cars in my free time." Dean stood up and smiled.

 

"Sound like you keep yourself busy. When do you find time to date?"

 

"I don't. Not really. I mean I do every once in awhile, I took your receptionist out last weekend."

 

"Rachel?"

 

"Yeah. Nice girl, we'll see how it goes."

 

Cas handed Dean tools and watched him tear apart the engine while they talked. The light was fading when they finally pulled the cover over the car and shook hands. "Next Sunday?" Dean asked. Cas just nodded and watched Dean pick up his tool box, put it in his trunk, and drive away. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"You made them castle beds? Seriously?"

 

"What?" Dean asked, handing his brother a bag of street tacos.

 

"We spent hours hearing about the princess room and toys. By the way, you really need to stop feeding them ice cream for breakfast."

 

"Did they rat me out?"

 

"Nope, you just did," Sam smiled. "I know you."

 

"Eggs and toast, Sammy. That's all I'm going to say."

 

"Okay, these tacos are amazing."

 

"See, I give you food that you probably lie to Jess about," Dean smiled.

 

"Point taken. So how did the car thing go?"

 

"Good. It's going to be a serious labor of love, so it's a damn good thing that I love cars. That guy, Cas, he has a hell of a story to tell."

 

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

 

"I said it's his story to tell, not mine. Just know that you should respect the hell out of the guy."

 

"I already do. We're working together on a lawsuit, he busts his ass. I thought that I went blind on paperwork, he puts in more hours than I do."

 

"Well, he's trying to prove himself."

 

"To who?"

 

"My guess is, himself."

 

\-------------------------

 

Each date, things progressed a little further. The second date ended with a soft peck on the lips, the third date they shared a real kiss. After a few more dates, they'd moved things into her apartment. They got as far as the couch, but never to the bedroom. They got as far as her shirt off, but her bra stayed on. Dean realized that before the mascara started running, he needed to explain himself. "Listen Rachel, yes this is the cheesy it's not you it's me talk. It really is me. I used to be 'that guy'. I was 'that guy' for a long time. Things change when you sleep with somebody and chances are if this happened, I would end up being a total dick. Don't think that I'm not tempted, I mean seriously tempted, but I can't. Not yet."

 

"No, I get it," she said quietly, pulling her shirt on. Dean knew that she didn't get it at all.

 

"Do you want me to stop calling you?"

 

"No, I guess I'm just not used to this. I mean guys usually try on the first date, and give up if they don't get it by the third date."

 

"Trust me, I know. I usually didn't make it to a third date. So I'm going to head home and take a cold shower. I'll call you?"

 

She finally smiled at him, "call me." He gave her a quick kiss and pulled the door closed behind him when he left.

 

He sighed deeply when he got in his car and started it. He never should have started dating somebody that his brother works with. Especially the somebody that you see the minute you get off of the elevator. He didn't know if he should just end it now, or let it run it's course.

 

\-------------------------

 

He had most of the engine fixed, he was still waiting for a few special order parts. He'd started to putty where he could on the body. He knew that he'd have to probably do some welding and was trying to figure out how he was going to manage it outside. He was sweating like crazy when he pulled his shirt off and hung it over the car door. He was bent over the engine, tightening some bolts when he heard the voice behind him.

 

"You keep dressing like that and all of the bored housewives in my neighborhood will be sending me gift baskets for Christmas."

 

"Sorry, I'm just sweating my ass off out here."

 

"Hey, as long as you keep your pants on, I really don't give a shit. I just noticed that Mrs. Simon has already been out to check her mail, twice, on a Sunday," Cas chuckled. He was starting to think that he should switch to auto mechanic instead of paying for the gym membership that he never used. Dean was built, his chest and shoulders were toned, his stomach had a subtle six pack. "Aaand Mrs. Simon just went over to the Anderson's. How much do you want to bet that they've decided to take a walk around the neighborhood?"

 

Dean stood up and looked around. He was sweaty and greasy and two rich and bored looking housewives were walking down the sidewalk. "Are you objectifying me Cas Novak?" he smiled. He was so used to attention from women, he barely even noticed it anymore. 

 

"I'm thinking that I should start a fan club. Maybe make a calendar," Cas laughed. "Twelve months of a hot mechanic."

 

"Okay, now you've gone from objectifying to straight up flirting," Dean laughed.

 

"Nah, you're not my type. Too, uh, manly."

 

"Okay, I can accept that. Now do you want me to put the shirt back on? You have to live next door to these people."

 

"No, I say give them all of the eye candy that they want."

 

"Asshole," Dean muttered under his breath.

 

"I heard that."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was packing his bag for his trip out to Kansas. He hadn't been out there for a few months and knew that he needed to go. He was always worried about leaving the shop, but the reality was that it would be okay without him for a week. He didn't know why he found it necessary to tell Rachel, but he did. He let Cas know that he wouldn't be by to work on the car that Sunday but he'd be home the next. He stopped at Sam's to pick up the cards and pictures that Jess wanted him to take, along with apologies and and love to give to their mom when he got there. Chuck knew the drill, he laid down in the backseat while they took the long drive straight through from California to Kansas, with a few food and bathroom breaks on the way.

 

\-------------------------

 

"Dean," she said softly before she wrapped her arms around him. He was always reminded how much Sam looked like her and how much he looked like their father when he came back to the house he grew up in. They put Chuck in the backyard and he dropped his bags in his old room, still looking exactly how it did when he was in high school. "I know that you drove straight through and you must be exhausted. Why don't you go take a nap."

 

"I will. Here, this is from Sam and Jess," he said, handing her the card and packet of pictures. "They planned to come out here this year. However, they did not plan this baby so they weren't able to pull it off."

 

"We only have a few more months until the baby comes, I'll be there for that."

 

"Good, because your room is still ready and waiting at my place."

 

"Sam told me about the room that you built for the girls."

 

"More like remodeled, but yeah. They love it. Now they want to come to Unca Dee's house every weekend. Sam finally caught onto the ice cream sundae breakfast tradition."

 

Mary Winchester smiled at her oldest son. Things hadn't been easy for him, John's death had hit him hard and it just got worse from there. It almost looked like he was starting to believe in himself, and that's all she wanted for him. They went through the pictures together. Sam had tried emailing them to her, but realized it was easier to just send her hard copies. She didn't want to mess with downloading and printing, she just wanted to frame them and hang them up. Mary and Dean sat at the kitchen table and talked until he couldn't keep his eyes open and he finally went upstairs to crawl into the bed he'd spent most of his childhood sleeping in. He always felt calm, but melancholy when he came back here and he fell asleep under a cloak of light sorrow.

 

\-------------------------

 

Mary had cooked dinner. She asked him if he was seeing anybody, he asked her to move to California. She asked questions about Rachel, he asked her to move to California. She asked questions about Bobby and the shop, and he asked her to move to California. She reminded him over and over that this was the house that the Winchesters bought as newlyweds, and the house they raised their sons in. He reminded her that she was the one who told him that sometimes you need to let go and move on. They bantered and bickered, and after a few days he was finally ready to go to the cemetery. He didn't take flowers with him, he never understood the point. He didn't know that he believed in spirits or ghosts, but even if they were real why would they care about flowers. He stood in front of the marble headstone that had Winchester carved across the top. He always cringed when he saw the side that said 'John' and listed his birthdate and the date of his death, and the other side that said 'Mary' that only listed her birth date. He knew that someday he would stand here and see both dates. He knelt down and talked to his father, he apologized for not being able to do more. He felt the tears as he repeatedly said, "I'm so sorry dad, I tried, I really tried." He wandered around the cemetery, stopping at other graves. Some Winchester's, some Campbell's from his mother's side, some neither. He was emotionally empty by the time he got back in his car and Mary could see it in his eyes when he came through the door. She just hugged him and watched him walk slowly up the stairs. Dean felt things deeply, he wore his heart on his sleeve in many way, and he blamed himself for so many things. 

 

\-------------------------

 

After another unsuccessful attempt at talking his mother into moving out to California with him, Dean loaded Chuck into the car and headed home. This part of the trip, the drive home, was when he always lost himself in his own head.

 

\-------------------------

 

He called Sam when he got home, but cut the conversation short. He texted Rachel, and he still didn't know why. It was only Friday night, but he texted Cas and let him know that he wouldn't be by on Sunday. The shop didn't expect him back until Tuesday and he took advantage of the time to fix some things around the house, get completely caught up on his DVR, and sleep.

 

\-------------------------

 

He went up the back steps to get to Bobby's. He didn't want anyone at the shop to see him. He knocked, but used his own key to let himself in. As usual, Bobby was sitting at his desk with a glass of rotgut and a book. "How's your mama?"

 

"She's good. Still not willing to move out here, but good," Dean said, clearing some books and newspapers so that he could sit down. "How are you?"

 

"Bout the same that I was when you asked me that last week."

 

"That's good. At least you finally listened to me about the doctor. Now as long as you’re taking your medication..."

 

"Dean..."

 

"Yes, Bobby I'm on your ass for this. You need to take care of yourself. I can't tell you to stop drinking, hell I drink myself to sleep most nights too. All I can do is piss you off enough that you'll do what you need to do in order to shut me the fuck up. Now, I can count all of the people that I actually give a shit about on my fingers, with a few to spare, and you're right up there, close to the top of that list. If I have to show up here every day and piss you off, then I'll show up every day and piss you off. I just got back from Kansas, you know where my head is at right now. I'll sleep on your fucking couch if that means that you'll take care of yourself."

 

"I know you mean well, son."

 

"I'm fucking serious, Bobby. Now let's sneak down the back stairs and go get something to eat." He watched the older man swallow the rest of the amber liquid and reach for his shoes.

 

\-------------------------

 

He'd finally gotten Bobby to talk and laugh. He dropped him off with promises that he'd take better care of himself. Then he'd come home and laid awake most of the night. He could have gone to Sam's, he could have called Rachel, but he didn't. He ignored incoming calls and texts, he didn't even look at his phone. Not wanting to be alone, but not wanting anybody around was the worst feeling, and by Sunday morning he was crawling out of his skin. He got Chuck into the backseat of the car and drove to the beach. He hated Sundays because it was more crowded, but he went jogging anyway. He didn't know how many times he'd gone up and down the edge of the water before he sat down and started throwing the stick for Chuck to fetch. He saw the shadow before he felt the body sit next to him. He didn't even turn his head. "Not to be rude, but how did you find me and why are you here?"

 

"The 'how' was a hunch," Cas answered. "You told me once that you come here to go jogging, that it's your escape. The 'why' is because you just got back from Kansas and it seems like you've shut yourself off. We may not know each other very well, but I thought maybe you could use a friend. If I'm wrong, just tell me and I'll go."

 

Dean picked up the stick where Chuck had dropped it and threw it again. "I was with him when he died, I'm not convinced that it wasn't my fault," he said quietly.

 

"Your father?"

 

"Yeah." Dean watched the dog sniff at Cas's hands before dropping the stick in between them. This time Cas picked it up and tossed it. "I'd been on a bender, a hell of a bender. For days they'd all been trying to get a hold of me. My mom, my dad, even Sam. I wasn't answering. But," he said, taking a deep breath," I ran out of money and had just enough gas to limp this piece of shit car that I'd paid $500 for back to my parent's house. The old man was in the driveway working on the Impala. He started in with me the minute he saw my face. He and I, it was always black and white, no gray area. It was always so love/hate between us. Anyway, he started in with me, and I was just starting to sober up. I asked him for money. I didn't even say hello, I just asked for money and we got into it. Man, he was so red in the face. I got pissed and I shoved him. He shoved me back so I took a swing. It connected, I felt it. But then it was like time stood still. He grabbed his arm, then his chest. He was pale and his eyes," Dean was trying to stop the tears. "His eyes were open wide and glassy, just staring at me like 'how could you'. I dialed 911 before he hit the ground and put it on speaker. I did the chest compressions, I pinched his nose and breathed into his mouth, I was screaming for my mom but she didn't hear a thing until the ambulance showed up. They had to pull me away from him. My mom, she got in the back of the ambulance with him and just gave me this look. I know I was a mess and I still smelled like alcohol and cheap perfume. I wasn't in any condition to drive, but I did anyway. He was gone by the time I got there. Dead on arrival from a heart attack. I know that she didn't mean the things she said to me that night, but she had to blame someone. Her husband of over 30 years, the only man that she'd ever loved, died in the driveway. Sometimes I wonder if that's why she won't leave or if that's why I want her to leave. I don't know. I just know that I shouldn't have shoved him, I shouldn't have swung on him. Shit, I shouldn't have been the asshole that I was. I was a grown man, but it was all about alcohol and girls. I showed up to ask for money, that's the only reason I went there that night. Not to spend time with my parents, I wanted money. She tells me that I need to forgive myself, that I need to forgive myself for a lot of things, but it's really fucking hard sometimes." Dean stopped trying to fight it and let the tears come silently. He could see Cas throwing the stick out of the corner of his eye. "You really didn't have to come here."

 

"I know I didn't. But, like I said, I thought you could use a friend, and it looks like maybe I was right. I'm not going to sit here and give you a speech about how you need to forgive yourself. You've probably heard that speech thousands of times. All I am going to say is that you eventually need to put it behind you. I'm not comparing our lives, they're nothing alike, but I've had to put a lot of shit behind me. Stuff like this, it's quicksand, Dean. You grab a rope and pull yourself out or you let it devour you. It's really your choice."

 

"Why did you come looking for me?" Dean asked again, quietly.

 

Cas sighed, "Because sitting at home feeling like maybe you could use a friend made me realize that maybe I could use a friend. I know people, I work with people, but I don't have any real friends. Maybe it's ridiculous, I don't know, but when we sit in my driveway and just bullshit while you work on my car, that's the closest I come to having actual conversation. It's not the forced bullshit that I do every day while I wear an expensive suit and tie. I'm in jeans and a t-shirt and I'm the guy who told you my sob story that nobody else knows. I'm the guy who probably paid way too much for a pile of metal that he didn't know what to do with. We drink beer and laugh at my neighbors. I'm just Cas. I'm not a jr. partner at a law firm, I'm not Hannah's asshole boyfriend, I'm just a guy."

 

"And now you're a guy who's throwing a stick for a dog who will never let you stop," Dean said with a half smile, pulling his knees to his chest. They stared at the water, only the sound of the dog running with the stick breaking the silence. "I know that I've got Sam and Jess, Bobby, my mom, and at least a dozen guys in greasy clothes, but the only friend I've had since I've moved here is ready to slobber all over your face if you let him and is going to make my car smell like wet dog for the next couple of days. You don't have to be here."

 

"Yes, I do. Burgers and beers? I'll buy?"

 

"A guy can't say no to an offer like that," Dean said, standing up and brushing the sand off of his clothes. "I don't know that I'm dressed for the occasion."

 

"Hey," Cas stood up and did the same. "I don't judge, but go home and change. We'll meet somewhere in an hour."

 

"Okay, Red's Bar and Grill. It's just off Main. Best burgers around."

 

"I'm holding you to that."

 

Dean reached out and hugged Cas with one arm, "Thanks man."

 

"That's what friends are for."

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas admitted that they were the best burgers around while they sat at the table and talked. They talked about sports, music, movies, work, and women. 

 

"Wait, not to sound sexist, but you hired a woman?"

 

"Yep," Dean said with his mouth full. "Her name is Jody. She's smart as hell and tough as nails."

 

"Is she hot?"

 

"I'm her boss so I can't exactly make that call. But, if I weren't her boss I would have to say that she's pretty hot."

 

"I may need a tune-up and oil change soon," Cas smiled.

 

"On that German piece of shit?"

 

"Do you have any idea how much I paid for that German piece of shit?"

 

"Yeah, actually I do. But soon you'll be driving an American beauty and not that beamer."

 

"I can't drive the Camaro for everyday use."

 

"Why in the hell not? Oh wait, it's that lawyer thing, right? It's like one of the requisites. You have to drive an overpriced foreign car."

 

"Sam doesn't drive an overpriced foreign car."

 

"That's because Sam is my brother and he knows that I'd take a baseball bat to his knees if he even considered it. Pretty soon he'll be buying a minivan and it cracks me up every time I think about it."

 

Cas had to laugh at the visual of all 6'4" of Sam Winchester behind the wheel of a minivan. "Yeah, but it's worth it."

 

"You'd better believe that it's worth it. Hell, I'll buy him one myself just to keep those kids safe. I've already considered it."

 

"You would buy your brother a car?"

 

"Hell yes I would buy my brother a car. I already built two for my nieces. Now I'm just hoping for a nephew so that I can build a mini hot rod. Jess will kill me for that," Dean grinned.

 

"You really should have had kids of your own."

 

"Yeah well, it's not in the cards."

 

"Okay, I am with you on that, but let me ask you a question. You're dating a younger girl who probably wants to get married and have kids eventually. How do you think that's going to work out? Because I can tell you from personal experience, it doesn't end well."

 

"First of all, her and I are nowhere near there yet. If I start to think that we are, I'll just tell her and she can make her decision. No moving in together or any of that shit."

 

"Really?" Cas questioned. "You don't want to meet that, I don't know, someone special?"

 

"Again, not in the cards. I stopped holding my breath a long time ago."

 

"But you said you have a three bedroom house."

 

"Yep. One for me, one for Sam's kids, and one for my mom if I can get her to move out here. And it was a fixer upper. I got a good deal, and it gives me something to do."

 

"I don't think that you are hurting for things to do."

 

"Like I said, you've never seen me lay on my couch on a Monday."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean kissed Rachel on the cheek and assured her that he was fine before he headed into Sam's office.

 

"Curry," he smiled when he shut the door behind him. Sam stood up from his desk and reached out to give his brother a hug.

 

"You okay?"

 

"Yeah, I'm good Sammy. Some trips are harder than others. This one was rough."

 

"She called after you left, she said that she was worried about you."

 

"No reason to be. I'm fine. So, how are the girls? Jess?"

 

"Um, little monsters, and starting to get miserable. In that order."

 

"Ah, we're counting down to just a few more months, aren't we?"

 

"Yep, and the fact that she doesn't want to know the gender is driving me crazy."

 

"Tell me about it. I don't know if I should start working on the add-on."

 

"You are seriously fucking nuts. I only say that because I truly believe that if this baby is a boy, you will build an add on."

 

"Of course I will. He can take over the other guest room, I'll turn the master bedroom into mom's room, and I will build myself a huge new bedroom. Dean's man cave."

 

"You're a bachelor, the entire house is a man cave."

 

"Man caves do not include princess beds. Look it up, it's in the rule book," Dean smiled.

 

"The princess beds were optional, you brought that one upon yourself."

 

"Well, considering that I'll never have my own..."

 

"That's not etched in stone, Dean."

 

"No, it's a conscious decision. I'll never have my own and I know that, so I'll spoil the shit out of yours."

 

"Speaking of mine, dinner at my house on Sunday?"

 

"Um, yeah. I can leave Cas's early."

 

"You're still working on Novak's car?"

 

"It's a labor of love that needed a total overhaul. You should have seen the thing. But, I think I'm almost ready to fire up the engine. I'm just hoping that he agrees to the loud pipes."

 

"Okay, so you'll leave Novak's place early. You should bring Rachel."

 

"Sam...."

 

"You've been seeing her for awhile."

 

"Yeah, but we're not exactly in a 'meet the family' place."

 

"Uh, she's already met your family."

 

"You know what I mean. I don't want her getting the wrong idea, okay?"

 

"Wait, you're not stringing her along are you? I've got to work with the girl."

 

"Which is exactly why I told you I didn't want to date her in the first place. But no, I'm not stringing her along. She knows where I stand." Dean wasn't about to tell Sam that he hadn't even slept with her. Sam had always known him as a ladies man. He'd always been a ladies man, but it hadn't gotten him anywhere and he'd learned to keep himself in check. He just didn't want to have to explain that to his little brother. "So what time is dinner?"

 

"Sixish, I think."

 

"Sounds good, but I'm not bringing Rachel so don't even mention it to her."

 

"Okay," Sam replied, shaking his head.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean had stopped at Rachel's desk on the way out, he felt like he owed her that much. He was hoping that it would run it's course and she would get bored, but so far it hadn't happened. He did like her, but she wasn't the one and he'd hoped that they both knew it. She tried to make plans with him but he played the 'busy all weekend' card and looked around before he kissed her and got on the elevator. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"The best place to go for steak? Um, are you talking about like the best place to take a date?" Dean asked.

 

"No, I'm talking in general. I haven’t even been here a year and I don't really know a damn thing about this city," 

 

"So you seriously want to know the best place for you to go get steak by yourself? That's kind of pathetic."

 

"Shut up, asshole. What's the best place."

 

Dean didn't bother to cover the phone when he laughed, "There's this great place just off of Vine and 1st. You can't miss it. It's a white building on the corner."

 

"Okay, you'd better be right."

 

"Was I wrong about the burgers?"

 

"You've got me on that one. Okay, Vine and 1st. Thanks."

 

"No problem," Dean hung up, still laughing. He wondered how long it would take for Cas to call him back. He only had to wait about 20 minutes.

 

"It's a goddamn grocery store."

 

"I know, and that's where you get the best steak. You buy them and then grill them at home."

 

"I don't own a grill, Dean."

 

"Okay, then buy a steak and a grill or buy two steaks and a 12 pack and come to my place. I will show you what a true grill looks like."

 

"You are seriously an asshole."

 

"My brother says the same thing all of the time. You two should get together and form a club. So which is it going to be? One steak or two?"

 

"What time are you off?"

 

"Well, the place didn't fall apart while I was gone but I've had a few fires to put out. I probably won't get out of here until close to 8:00. Home and showered by 9:00. I know that you and Sam are working on some multi million dollar shit so if you don't want to be out..."

 

"No, it's fine. I don't think that your brother will really care if I sleep in."

 

"Do not tell him it's because you were drinking beer with me. I am going to his house for dinner this weekend and I will never hear the end of it if I am the reason you showed up late. Seriously, I'll give you the actual address to the best steakhouse in town."

 

"Okay, then give me your address."

 

Dean gave him the address and hung up the phone. He walked back into the shop and looked around. Garth had done a decent job of keeping everything in order, but the restoration side was a week behind. Nobody dared touch anything unless he was there. Everybody knew that part of the business was his and that things were done his way.

 

\-------------------------

 

"You built this?" Cas said, eyeing Dean's outdoor kitchen. "Okay, I don't know why I even bothered asking. Of course you built this. Is there anything you can't do?"

 

"I can't decorate for shit. Besides her communications degree, Jess has a degree in interior design. I bought the couch and she decorated around it with the rule of nothing girly."

 

"You have princess beds in your house, Dean."

 

"They are for my nieces. Why in the hell is everyone so interested in the princess beds? I could build one for you. Or maybe a race car bed? Wait! I know, a big castle with a moat." 

 

"You really are an asshole," Cas groaned, grabbing a beer out of the cooler and reaching down to scratch the dog behind his ears.

 

"Now that you've thrown a stick for him to fetch he's probably decided that you two are soulmates. Enjoy eating dinner with him laying on your feet."

 

"But he's your dog."

 

"And fickle as hell. He'll turn on me to get attention any time. Usually it's just me here, unless I have MaryEllen and JoAnna over. You should see him with those girls. They sit on him, pull on his ears, he doesn't give a shit."

 

"So what you're saying is that I could have gone to the animal shelter instead of tracking you down at the beach in my pathetic attempt at making friends?" Cas asked, taking a drink.

 

"Yeah, except that he doesn't talk much and I talk entirely too much. Either way you would have been kind of screwed. Okay so it's 9:30 and we both have to work tomorrow, I think it's time to eat. He'll hate me for it, but I'll leave him outside until you go."

 

"I don't mind him laying on my feet."

 

"Do you want dog slobber on your food?"

 

"Leave him outside."

 

They talked for hours after dinner, and Dean finally noticed the time. "So, it's like 1:00 in the morning and even though you’re lucky ass gets to wander in whenever it wants, I have to be up in five hours."

 

"Shit, I didn't realize it was that late. Thanks for dinner, well cooking it at least. I think that I seriously need to buy a grill."

 

"Or just keep bringing steak over here," Dean grinned.

 

"I buy, you cook?"

 

"Anytime," Dean yawned, walking Cas to the door. They gave each other a quick one armed hug and pat on the back before he watched Cas climb into his BMW and take off down the street. He still cringed when he thought about his friend driving that thing. He locked the doors and filled the dog dishes with food and water before he let Chuck back in. He was crawling into bed when he realized that besides Sam and his family, and Bobby, this was the first time he'd ever let anybody come over to his house. He and Cas, their lives had been completely different, but in a lot of ways it felt like they came from the same place. He set his alarm and rolled over, wrapping himself in the blanket.

 

\-------------------------

 

He took Rachel out for drinks a few nights later. He was doing his best to not be distant. That was always the complaint, that he wasn't present. A small part of him was hoping to see that look of defeat in her eyes. He knew that it was cruel and unfair to need her to end things. They still hadn't slept together. They'd gotten close, but he'd always kept his pants zipped and buttoned. The fact that she worked with Sam made it tricky and the last thing he wanted to do was end it badly. He needed her to realize that she'd put a lot of time and effort into something that wasn't going anywhere, but she seemed determined to change that and he honestly didn't know how to handle it. He'd never met a girl this patient. 

 

"So let me ask you a question."

 

"Shoot."

 

"How much of this 'keeping yourself in check' has to do with the fact that I work with your brother?"

 

Dean took a big swallow of beer before setting the bottle down. Maybe this would be the night. "Honestly? It does have something to do with it. If things went bad, I wouldn't want it to carry over to the office. I'll still show up every Monday to see him no matter what happens."

 

"Went bad? You're kind of negative."

 

"No, I'm realistic. Sam, Jess, those kids, they mean everything to me. I'm not about to make things difficult for him at work."

 

"So, your 'no below the belt' rule, I get it, kind of. But we've been seeing each other for awhile now."

 

Dean was screaming internally for her to break things off. "Yeah, we have and this may make me sound like a total asshole, but I took over the girl role when it comes to that and said I can't do it. Not yet."

 

"You're hiding something."

 

"Everybody is hiding something, we just don't admit it. I ask you out, you agree knowing full well how I am. If you knew me years ago, it would be an entirely different story. Maybe that's the Dean Winchester you should have dated."

 

"It sounds like that Dean Winchester would have talked me out of my pants the first night and never called again."

 

"Yes he would have. He did it more than once. Way more than once. He drank too much, did drugs a few times, hooked up with women and didn't bother to remember their names. This Dean Winchester, hates talking about himself in the third person, and doesn't want to be that guy. I am who I am. Who I am isn't always easy to deal with."

 

"But is it worth it?"

 

"That is the million dollar question right there. Listen Rachel, you're what? Seven or eight years younger than me. I've been through a lot of shit in seven or eight years. Shit that changed my perspective. I'm going to be honest, I don't have a whole lot of second dates because I'm too distant, and I'm a big enough asshole to be okay with that. You've stuck around, you've been patient as hell. I like you, I do care about you, but I can't give you a time or a date of when things will change for me. When I have slept with someone, it was a cheap one night deal. You're a nice girl and you deserve more than that so I'm kind of in uncharted territory here."

 

"Am I wasting my time?"

 

"That's your call."

 

"I want to be there for that time and date, Dean." 

 

Dean groaned inwardly. Those were not the words he'd wanted to hear but he didn't know how to let her down easy without hurting her feelings. "Then I guess you'll just have to be patient."

 

"I think you're worth it."

 

"Eventually we'll find out. Are you ready to go?"

 

He dropped her off with a kiss at the door and got back in his car to head home, resting his forehead against the steering wheel for a minute. This whole situation was fucked up and he knew it. It was a bad idea from the beginning and he needed to figure out how to end it well.

 

\-------------------------

 

He was running the sander over the left fender when Cas would start to talk. He'd turn it off to listen and then respond before turning it on. This had been happening for over an hour. "You are seriously doing this to fuck with me, aren't you?"

 

"Maybe," Cas laughed from where he was laying in his driveway with his shirt off.

 

"And the shirt thing, are we trying to tempt all of the bored housewives?" Cas was a lot more muscular than Dean expected the first time he took his shirt off. He had been helping more than Dean thought he would, and it was sweaty work.

 

"I'm thinking that we can split the calendar. I'll let you choose which six months you want."

 

"I get January, that's my birthday month. And May, that's Sam's."

 

"Do you realize how fucking creepy that sounded?"

 

"The minute it came out of my mouth. So it's either his business partner or his brother. I'm changing my vote to business partner. When is your birthday?"

 

"Well, they figured I was a couple of weeks old when I was dropped off, why she waited a couple of weeks is a serious mystery, so they basically pointed at a calendar and said September 16th was it."

 

"That's crazy," Dean said, laying down on the warm concrete of the driveway. "Do you ever wonder, about them?"

 

"My biological parents? I used to. I wondered why she dropped me off. I wondered if I had siblings."

 

"Did you look into it?"

 

"I started to, but I realized that it was pointless. I can romanticize it all I want and say that maybe she was young and forced to give me up or any number of scenarios, but it doesn't change the way I grew up. Somewhere there are two people out there who gave me the DNA for my dark hair and my blue eyes. That's all they gave me. I fought for the rest. At one point I hoped that they'd try, or at least she would, but it never happened. She never wanted me, so I just moved on."

 

"It was really that easy?"

 

Cas turned his head and looked at Dean, their eyes locked. "It was probably the hardest fucking thing that I've ever done, but I had no choice."

 

Dean looked into Cas's eyes and realized that he'd had some bad years, but he knew who his parent were and no matter how angry his father would get, he still loved him. He had a brother and sister-in-law who would do anything for him. He had his nieces who thought that he made the sun rise and set. He had Bobby who trusted him enough basically hand over his broken life and ask Dean to fix it. 

 

"I'm really sorry, man. I don't realize how much I take for granted."

 

"It's not your fault, Dean. My life has nothing to do with yours. Maybe that's why things ended the way they did with Hannah. Commitment issues. Don't let anyone close enough to hurt me."

 

"Believe it or not, I understand that."

 

"Are we playing psychiatrist in my driveway while four or five of my neighbors have suddenly decided to start power walking through the neighborhood on Sunday afternoons?"

 

"I think we are. Sorry if I was out of line by saying anything."

 

"Hey, it's not every day that you get to ask a guy when his birthday is and his answer is that he doesn't really know. I just don't want you to ever feel sorry for me, Dean. That's the last thing that I want."

 

"I respect the hell out of you for what you've done. So many of those dicks that you work with were born with a silver spoon. Sam made it through college on scholarships alone. I was handed this business by Bobby. Maybe we didn't scratch and crawl our way to the top, we've both worked at it. But not like you, man. It changes my perspective a little bit. Bobby was in the red when I showed up and now his business is making serious money, I'm making good money for the first time in my life, I didn't really earn that. It was all timing."

 

"That's not true. You could have shown up and done oil changes and tune ups until he went under. That isn't Bobby's shop anymore and everybody knows it, even if they don't say it. The only reason I talked to you at Sam's that day was because of your reputation. You're the best, you just won't admit it to yourself. Being the best is a lot of pressure. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's part of the reason you come here. Nobody is pressuring you. Hell, I sit on a cooler and hand you tools. That's my part in this restoration."

 

"Not true. I've showed you things. You've helped me hammer out dents, which I'm sure your neighbors have loved listening to. But you talk to me and sometimes it's like that's what keeps me sane. My family, they know my temper and they tiptoe around me. I see it, I feel it. I know how angry I can be and they do what they can to avoid setting me off. They keep track of my drinking. I lie about it, but they still try to keep track of it. They worry, you know your quicksand theory. I'm just looking for that rope, ya know? Sam's girls, this new baby coming, they're my rope. I need to be Unca Dee. That's my job, it's what I live for."

 

"But seriously no wife? No kids? None of that?"

 

"Nope. I made the decision that it wasn't me, I'm not wired that way. I have Chuck and he loves me unconditionally, unless the twins or you show up. Then he couldn't care less. But, at least I'm not alone. I know, he's just a dog, but he relies on me. He needs me and he's always happy to see me when I get home. This may be the most sexist comment in the world, but I know I could never get that from a woman. I'm too big of an asshole."

 

Cas looked away and pulled himself up on his elbows. "You really aren't that big of an asshole, it's just easier to get through life if you think that you are."

 

"Meaning?"

 

"This might piss you off, but that's your excuse. Dean Winchester is just an asshole so don't expect any more from him. I mean, would an asshole build a room like that for four year old twins? Would an asshole spend his hard earned money to buy his successful brother a minivan just so that he knew that his family was safe? Would an asshole keep a room decorated for his mother in the hopes that she would move here? Not to mention the trips to Kansas that are obviously difficult, but you go to see her knowing that it's going to tear you up. You just want her here with you and you'll do anything to make it happen.. Would an asshole be all over Bobby to take care of himself?"

 

"Wow, I have seriously told you a lot of shit about my life."

 

"Except for the part about how Rachel is in bed. But, I work with the girl so I don't ask."

 

"And I'll never tell."

 

\-------------------------

 

"How are things going with that girl?" Jess asked innocently over dinner.

 

"They're going," he mumbled.

 

"Momma, I thought we weren't looking for a wife for Unca Dee."

 

"JoAnna," Sam smiled. "We are not looking for a wife for your Unca Dee. I'm pretty sure that you girls come first."

 

Dean looked at their cherubic faces, "Your dad is right, family always comes first."

 

"But if you got married, wouldn't she be family?" MaryEllen asked.

 

"I guess so," Dean stammered. "But, I don't need a wife to be happy. I have you girls, your mom and dad, grumpy old Uncle Bobby, and grandma in Kansas. I don't need anyone else."

 

"Except for the baby," JoAnna interjected.

 

"You're right, except for the baby." Dean sighed.

 

\-------------------------

 

"How did four year old's learn to call me out?" Dean asked his brother while they were loading the dishwasher.

 

"Smart four year old's. It's not me and I'm pretty sure that it's not Jess. We don't talk about it anymore."

 

"Well, could you please quit asking me about my personal life at the dinner table? I know that Jess means well, but I don't want to get into it."

 

"I know, you're a private person. Hell, you won't even give me any details."

 

There weren't any details to give. Dean needed to just end it and do it as gently as he could. He couldn't do it in her apartment, the office, or in a restaurant. She didn't know where he lived, he didn't want her to know, so he couldn't do it there. He'd been trying to figure it out for days.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas started coming over a couple of nights a week. Steak, burgers, beer, but mostly conversation. Dean opened up, told him as much as he could about the bad times. Cas opened up and admitted how tough it was to grow up the way that he did. Some nights they just sat in silence and watched movies. Dean was always on the couch and Cas always saw in the oversized chair with his feet propped up on the ottoman. Dean got the final parts for the engine and let Cas turn the key. The bright blue eyes and grin were almost like watching a kid on Christmas. The body still needed work, but he'd taught Cas how to putty and sand, and how to stay back when he welded. He never did take the car to the shop, he wanted to finish the job where he started it.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was laying under the car, checking the undercarriage for what he hoped was the last time when he felt his phone in his pocket. He ignored it, but it went off a second time. He tried to ignore it again, but when he felt it the third time he called to Cas. "I know this sounds really weird, but I'm in dirt and grime up to my elbows and somebody won't stop calling me. Will you slip my phone out of my pocket and check it for me?"

 

"It's a little weird, but sure." It was going off for a fourth time when Cas slid it carefully out of Dean's pocket and looked at it. "Garth?"

 

"What the fuck? Garth is my assistant manager," Dean said, sliding out from underneath the car and wiping his hands off. When it rang the fifth time he answered. "Garth? What in the hell is go....okay calm down. I’m leaving now." Dean was pale and shaking when he grabbed his shirt from where he hung it on the door and pulled it over his head. "I've got to go."

 

"Dean, wait," Cas reached for his arm. "What's going on?"

 

"Garth went into the shop today to finish up a brake job that was due tomorrow. He found Bobby in his office, slumped over. He said that he found a pulse, but Bobby wasn't responding to him. I have to go."

 

"You can't drive, not like this. I'll take you."

 

"Cas..."

 

"Dean, you're a fucking wreck. I'll take you." 

 

Dean just nodded quietly and got in Cas's car. He was on pins and needles, he could barely breathe, he was shaking uncontrollably. The drive to the hospital seemed to take hours, not minutes and Cas hadn't even parked the car before Dean jumped out and ran in. "Robert Singer," was all that he could say to the lady at the front desk.

 

"They just took him from the emergency room to the third floor. He's in 310."

 

Dean sighed with relief while he waited impatiently for the elevator. Somehow Cas had been able to park and run inside to stand with him. The elevator doors closed and Dean leaned against Cas, "I can't go through this again," he whispered.

 

"If they moved him to a floor, that's a good sign, right?" Cas said, holding Dean up.

 

"I need to call Sam," Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket, but his vision was fuzzy. He handed it to Cas and let him find Sam's number and hit call before handing it back. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," Dean muttered. "Jess, is Sam around...Okay, I need to talk to him like right now...No, everything is not okay, I just need to talk to my brother...Sam! Bobby is in the hospital. Garth found him slumped over in his office. He's out of the emergency room and the put him on the floor...310...I have no idea what is going on yet but we're already here and getting off of the elevator now...okay I'll see you in a few." He hung up the phone and slid it into his pocket, Cas was right behind him as he ran down the long hallway looking for room 310.

 

\-------------------------

 

"Dean Winchester?"

 

"Yeah, I'm Dean."

 

"We were just getting ready to call you. He has you listed as his next of kin."

 

"He's my uncle," Dean panted, feeling like his legs were going to give out. Cas slid a chair behind him and rested his hand reassuringly on Dean's shoulder when he finally sat down.

 

"Your uncle suffered a myocardial infarction. His heart stopped in the ambulance but they were able to resuscitate him. I need to be honest with you Mr. Winchester, the outlook isn't good."

 

"Meaning?"

 

"He's already going into multi organ failure. From reading his chart, he's had ongoing heart and liver problems. I'm guessing that he hasn't been proactive when it comes to his medication."

 

"You son of a bitch, Bobby," Dean mumbled. He slid the chair closer to the bed and wrapped his hand around Bobby's. "I told you, I kept telling you that you needed to take your fucking meds. I fucking told you," he cried, resting his head against the bed railing. Cas stood in the corner and watched Sam rush in.

 

"What's going on?"

 

"A heart attack. His liver is all fucked up. All of these machines and shit," Dean was openly crying. "It's Bobby Singer Auto, not Dean Winchester Auto...I can't fucking do it without him. Damnit Bobby," he cried. Sam noticed Cas in the corner and signaled for him to meet in the hallway.

 

\-------------------------

 

"What in the hell happened?" 

 

Sam was shaken up, Cas could see it. "We were working on the car and his phone wouldn't stop ringing. I guess that Garth went into the shop today and found Bobby slumped over his desk. He called 911 and then he called Dean. He was in no condition to drive, so I drove him here. Bobby had a heart attack, they had to resuscitate him in the ambulance. It sounds like his liver is going to. The doctor told Dean that the outlook isn't good, and you saw his reaction. I can leave if you want me to."

 

"No, you're fine. I'm going to call Jess and our mom. Just stay with him."

 

Cas nodded and went back into the room to lean against the wall. Dean was torn up in a way that Cas couldn't have imagined. He was crying and muttering, berating the old man for not taking better care of himself. The monitors showed that his blood pressure wasn't normal, his heartbeat was slow. They were pumping him full of medication, but the damage may have already been done. He moved toward the chair, "Let me see your phone."

 

Dean turned, tears running down his face,"What?" he asked softly.

 

"Let me see your phone. I'm going to call Garth, give him an update, and tell him not to open the shop tomorrow."

 

Dean slid his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Cas. "Thank you," he whispered.

 

Sam passed Cas in the hallway. He had Dean's phone and he thought that he heard him say something about the shop. He shrugged it off and pulled up a chair on the other side of Bobby's bed. He watched the monitors and heard his brother mumbling and crying. He didn't know if Dean could go through this again. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"What do you mean I have to leave? I'm his next of kin and he's in the ICU."

 

"I'm sorry Mr. Winchester, but we can't have visitors after 9:00."

 

"He's my fucking uncle," Dean shouted. "I think I qualify as more than a visitor."

 

"Visiting hours start at 8:00 am, but for now we need to keep this floor quiet for the other patients."

 

Dean wanted to scream fuck the other patients, he didn't care who any of them were. This was Bobby. Sam got him arms around Dean and led him to the hallway. "I need to get home to Jess and the girls. Do you want to come with me?"

 

"And let them see me like this? I can't do that to them. I just need to go home. My car is at Cas's, he can take me back to it."

 

Sam and Cas watched Dean walk towards the elevators and punch a wall. "He can't be alone tonight," Sam whispered.

 

"I'll figure something out. What should we do about tomorrow?"

 

"I'll email Crowley and let him know that there has been a family emergency. He'll either accept or he won't. You and I are the only ones who know anything about this case so he's just going to have to wait."

 

"Okay, I'll get him home." Cas followed Dean down the hallway and caught up with him at the elevators. They got inside and Dean's legs finally gave out after the doors closed.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was able to get Dean in the car. He was a combination of exhausted, angry, and helpless. "Dean, you need to listen to me. Your car is at my house but I am not going to let you drive. You can either stay with me or I'll take you home."

 

"Just take me home," Dean cried softly.

 

They pulled into Dean's driveway and Cas had to take the keys from his hand to unlock the door. He got him seated on the couch and poured him a drink. He didn't know if that was a good idea, but it's all he could think of. "Do you want me to call anyone? Do you want me to call Rachel?

 

"Why in the hell would you call Rachel?"

 

"Isn't she your...I mean."

 

"She's never been to my house. I haven't even slept with her. I've been trying to get her to break it off for weeks."

 

Cas was surprised. Although they never really talked about it, he was under the impression that they had an actual relationship and Dean was just being tight lipped since they worked together. "Sam doesn't want you to be alone."

 

"What in the fuck am I going to do? I don't have my car. I can't exactly walk back to the hospital. They wouldn't let me in if I tried." He set his drink down and dropped his head between his knees, sobbing. "It's like going through the same shit all over again. The not knowing, the waiting, I can't do this again, Cas. I can't," he looked up at Cas, his eyes full of fear and anger. 

 

Cas moved to squat in front of him. "What do you want me to do? What do you need me to do?"

 

"I don't fucking know. I am going to go there tomorrow and they are going to ask me a million fucking questions that I don't know how to answer," he cried. "Damnit Bobby! I fucking told your stubborn ass and you promised me. You looked me right in the eye and you promised me that you were doing what they told you to do. You know, you fucking know my whole story but you let this happen anyway," he yelled. Cas reached for him and let him rest his forehead on his shoulder. He held his hand against the back of Dean's head and started rubbing his back to help calm him. When he felt Dean's body start shaking with sobs he wrapped his arms around him in an embrace and let him cry against his neck. Dean reached out to hold him with an almost iron grip. "Just stay with me," he pleaded. "Just stay." Cas moved onto the couch and pulled Dean against him, letting him cry against his chest. He whispered comforting words and rubbed his back to try and calm him. Dean's body shivered before he looked up and whispered, "I’m fucked up, I’m all over the place. I need to feel something. I need to feel like I'm living and not dying right now." He leaned up and kissed Cas. Cas knew that he should pull away, that they were emotionally charged and this was the last thing that should be happening, but he kissed him back, parting his lips so that their tongues could slide together slowly. They kissed until they were almost breathless, Dean leaning his head back, letting Cas know without words that he needed to feel his mouth on the sensitive skin of his neck. Cas cleared his mind of everything and gave in, running his lips across Dean's skin, kissing and sucking. Dean moaned softly before reaching down to pull both of their shirts over their heads, needing to feel the skin of somebody who cared about him. He pulled Cas on top of him and slid his hands up his sides before gripping his shoulders. They were both hard, neither one expecting it but it was happening. Cas was rocking his hips, Dean was so hard that it hurt. Dean wasn't thinking straight when he slid his hands between them and started fumbling with both of their belts. It had been so long since he had been touched like this. Cas took control, he knew that he couldn't stop it when he pulled their shoes and jeans off before settling back between Dean's legs. Dean kissed him desperately, tears still in his eyes, while Cas rocked, trapping their cocks between their bodies. They moved slowly, their hands, their lips, not knowing that it could feel this way between them. Dean was broken and Cas was confused while they kissed, their bodies sliding together. Cas could feel it building, he could feel Dean throbbing against him and he started to rock faster. He didn't know why, but he needed them to come together. When he felt Dean's hands press against his lower back he couldn't take anymore and he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and cried out, vaguely hearing Dean call his name, the sounds echoing off of the walls. "I need you tonight. Stay with me," Dean whispered when Cas's sweaty body collapsed against his. Cas reached for tissues on the end table and cleaned them up as well as he could before laying on his side and wrapping his arms around Dean, feeling his body tremble and the tears against his chest. He pulled a blanket over them and held Dean closer. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean could hear somebody fumbling around in his kitchen and realized when he sat up that he was sitting on the couch naked. It hit him all at once, Bobby, Cas, memories that he'd tried to forget. He walked quietly to his room and grabbed clean clothes before he took a hot shower. His car was at Cas's and he didn't know what to say when he finally faced him.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean took the mug quietly from Cas and went outside to sit on his back patio. Cas followed him, sitting down in a chair while he blew on his coffee. "I know that I should say something, and I would give anything to come up with those words," he said softly.

 

"You don't need words, Cas. You were there, you stayed with me. This should probably feel weird...awkward, but it doesn't. You're the best friend I've had in a long time. Hell, you're probably the best friend that I've ever had. You didn't do anything that I didn't ask you to do."

 

"I feel like I took advantage somehow and that I should be sorry."

 

Dean looked over at him, his eyes red, puffy, and empty. "Did you bring me here with the intention of sleeping with me?"

 

"No, it's not something I've ever even thought about."

 

"Then you didn't take advantage of anything and you don't need to be sorry. I needed somebody and you were here."

 

"I am sorry, Dean. Not for that, just in general."

 

"I know that you are, Cas. You need to get to work and I need to get to the hospital. Do you mind taking me back to my car?"

 

"Not at all, are you ready?"

 

"As ready as I'll ever be."

 

They shared another one armed hug and pat on the back before Dean got in the Impala and pulled away from the curb. Cas was confused but chalked it up to an emotional night that led to something they never expected. He went inside and showered before putting on the suit and tie that he sometimes hated, and left for work.

 

\-------------------------

 

It was later than 8:00 by the time Dean made it to the hospital, and there was no change. The doctor started explaining things to him, but he finally asked for him to dumb it down a little. Bobby had a stroke during the night. He was never going to fully recover. He'd be in a hospital bed for the rest of his life. Dean signed the 'do not intubate do not resuscitate’ order mindlessly and sat down in the chair next to Bobby's bed. He couldn't yell or cry, he'd gotten that out of his system. All he could do was hold Bobby's hand and talk softly, thanking him for everything that he'd ever done, telling him how much he cared, letting him know how sorry he was for all of the bullshit that he had put them all through. Bobby was never going to walk out of this hospital and he knew it.

 

Sam showed up and again took the chair on the other side of the hospital bed. He could see how empty and defeated his brother was, but he could also see the purple marks on his neck. Maybe having Rachel over was the best thing for Dean last night. It was better than Dean spending the night drinking. The two of them didn't talk, they didn't need to. Ultimately the decisions were Dean's to make, and Sam knew that he just needed some time to make them.

 

They were both in shock when Mary walked in the room, tears coursing down her cheeks. "Mom," Sam said with surprise when he stood up to hug her. "Your plane wasn't supposed to leave until a few hours from now. I was going to pick you up at the airport."

 

"I got a call from Dean's phone last night. Somebody paid for an earlier plane ticket and gave the cab company a credit card number so that I could get to the hospital."

 

Sam looked confused until Dean stood up to hug Mary, "It was Cas, I know that it was Cas. I'm guessing that you'll get a refund for the flight that she didn't take, and I'm also guessing that he won't accept a dime of repayment."

 

"Why do you say that?"

 

"I just know."

 

Mary took Sam's chair and Sam stood at the foot of the bed. They all looked back and forth between the monitors and Bobby's face.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean felt his phone and pulled it out of his pocket.

 

_"Are you okay?"_

 

He didn't know how to respond. He wasn't okay, he'd probably never be okay, but he owed it to Cas to say something.

 

_"No, not even close. You didn't have_  
_to pay for the plane ticket. Sam and I_  
_will pay you back. But, thank you. for_  
_everything."_

 

By mid-afternoon the doctor finally told Dean that Bobby's condition wasn't going to improve, that he’d never wake up. They could keep him alive on life support, but that was all they could do. He had a choice to make. He couldn't make that choice tonight, and he let them know that before he left the hospital. He declined Sam's offer to stay at their house and hugged both his brother and his mom before leaving to go home. He got part way there before he turned his car around to take a different route.

 

\-------------------------

 

"I'm not even going to ask how or why this time," Dean said quietly when Cas sat down in the sand next to him. It had already grown dark and Dean had been watching the moonlight dance on the waves for at least an hour.

 

"How is he?"

 

Dean took a deep breath, "Gone as soon as I give them the go-ahead. He's never going to get better. His organs are failing. I told them that I needed a night to think about it, wrap my head around it."

 

"Take as long as you need. Garth said he'd open the shop later this week but wouldn't take on any new customers until you came back."

 

"Thank you for that, and for the plane ticket. We will pay you back."

 

"You don't need to, Dean. I wanted to do something, I needed to do something other than stand against a wall and watch you fall apart."

 

"I'm going to have to come into the office sometime this week and go through all of his paperwork. I know that he has a will. I know that he probably left everything to me, which makes me feel like shit."

 

"Why?"

 

"My brother deserves something."

 

"You didn't write the will, you don't even know what's in it. If he did leave you everything, I'm pretty sure that Sam will understand. If it makes you feel better, you always have the choice to give away part of his estate."

 

Dean sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "How do you always know what to say and when to say it?"

 

"Because I'm a lawyer, because I'm your friend."

 

"Does it change the friend thing if I tell you that I don't want to be alone tonight?"

 

"No. We'll work through this whole thing with Bobby and worry about that later."

 

Dean turned and looked at Cas's profile in the dark. He could barely make out his features. "I need to go home."

 

"I'll follow you."

 

\-------------------------

 

They crawled into the large bed this time. They tried to stay away from one another, each having their own reasons, but they ended up touching and kissing for most of the night. They learned each other's bodies with their mouths and hands. Somehow they found comfort in Dean's bed and fell asleep with their limbs entangled. Dean woke up alone and naked again but smelled coffee and knew who was brewing it. Chuck was busy eating his breakfast, his water bowl was full, and Cas was on the back patio. He'd left an empty mug next to the coffee maker. Dean walked outside in his boxers and a t-shirt and sat in the chair next to Cas's. "Are you going to be okay at the hospital?"

 

Dean looked down at his cup of coffee, "No."

 

"Do you want me to go with you?"

 

"You have to work, Cas."

 

"I don't have a family, but I'm entitled to family emergencies. Crowley isn't going to fire me in the middle of this settlement. He stands to make way too much money off of it. If you want me there, I'll be there. If you don't, I'll leave and call you later."

 

After a long pause Dean finally said, "I want you there. Sam will ask questions but I don't have the energy to give a shit."

 

"There isn't anything going on that he needs to know about. Nothing makes sense right now, we don't have to make sense of it. Go shower, I'll go home and get changed, and I'll drive you to the hospital."

 

"How many times have I thanked you over the last couple of days?"

 

"Too many."

 

\-------------------------

 

Sam was confused when he walked in the room and saw Cas, but he didn't ask questions. Mary showed up and Dean signed the paperwork. Now it was just a matter of waiting for them to unhook all of the machines. Cas reached for Dean when they heard the flat line. Sam and Mary both looked confused when Dean turned and wrapped his arms around Cas's neck. They each took their turn saying goodbye, Dean was the last.

 

"You stubborn son of a bitch. You should have listened to me, Bobby. You shouldn't have let me go through with this again. Am I supposed to lose everyone and everything that I love? How could you do this to us? I can't do it alone, Bobby. I can't do it," he cried quietly. Mary, Cas, and Sam stood in the hallway and waited. Sam and Mary had so many questions, but knew that it wasn't the time to ask. 

 

"So uh, Novak, he's going to need to come in some time this week to deal with the paperwork."

 

"I know. I'll be in and working on the Robinson settlement."

 

"I'm not trying to be a dick."

 

"I know that you're not. But, I'm not the one to talk to if you need to know anything that doesn't involve the firm."

 

"You're right. Here he comes."

 

Dean was walking slowly, his face stone cold. "They asked me what we want to do with the body. Do we take him up to Sioux Falls? Do we bury him here? I have no fucking idea."

 

"They'll hold him for a couple of days. I'll look through his paperwork and see if he had any final wishes."

 

"Thanks," he said quietly. He hugged his brother and his mom tightly before letting go and asking Cas if he was ready. Sam raised his eyebrows, but stopped himself from saying anything.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was confused. It felt too normal to have Cas in his bed again. He didn't know why he kept asking, he should be able to get through this alone, but he couldn't. He needed to be touched, he needed Cas's hands and mouth instead of scotch to help him fall asleep. He knew that he had to go see Sam tomorrow to go through some paperwork, he knew that he needed to open the shop next week, but right now he needed Cas. He needed to smell his skin and feel him. He needed to fall asleep with their arms wrapped around each other and wake up to the smell of coffee brewing. He also know that he couldn't rely on Cas forever and that they needed to talk.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas left after a cup of coffee and hug. Dean got in the shower and stood there under the hot water until the skin on his fingers started to wrinkle. He threw on the first clothes he could find and left. He wanted to get to the firm and get this over with. They already knew what the will would say, he just wanted to sign the documents and leave. He took a deep breath before he got in the elevator that would take him to Sam's office. The door opened and he saw Rachel. He hadn't talked to her in a couple of weeks. She jumped out of her chair and wrapped her arms around him, trying to comfort him. She eventually pulled away and Dean saw the betrayal in her eyes.

 

\-------------------------

 

"You aren't there yet, huh? Looks to me like you are, or were."

 

"What?"

 

"Didn't you look in the mirror before you left your house, the house that I've never even been invited to? That, on your neck" She was getting upset and Dean did not want to do this here. 

 

"Okay, it has been a seriously long week for me, but if you want to talk about this now, we aren't going to do it in the lobby. Find someone to cover your desk, or hold off and we'll talk later."

 

"Is there anything to talk about? You spent months taking me out..."

 

"Okay, apparently we need to do this now. Find someone to take over the front desk and we'll go somewhere else." He watched her pick up her phone and wait until that girl, Sarah, that he'd met at Sam's showed up. He got into the elevator and she followed him, not saying a word until they got to the parking garage. "Okay Rachel, there's nobody around. So I'll go ahead and admit it, yes something happened and yes I'm a dick for letting it."

 

"How long?"

 

"What?"

 

"How long has it been going on?"

 

Dean groaned, "The night that my uncle was taken to the hospital I was in a really bad place."

 

"You could have called me," she cried.

 

"I know that, but this just kind of happened."

 

"Dean, your uncle went into the hospital on Sunday. That does not look like it's been there since Sunday night."

 

"What do you want me to say? It happened, and it happened more than once. It's not something that I went looking for. I didn't want to be alone that night, I didn't want to be alone last night."

 

"You could have called me, Dean. You could have come to my apartment. I care about you and I was hoping..."

 

"Okay, I feel like a total dick so I might as well be one. This was never going anywhere, Rachel. You're young, you probably want to get married and have kids and I'm not made that way. I have more baggage than you can possibly imagine and I'm not going to drag anyone into my shit."

 

"So why didn't you just end this?"

 

"Partially because my brother works with you and I didn't want to make things awkward and partially because there never really was a 'this'. We never talked about what was going on between us."

 

"You told me that you weren't in a position to be with anybody, but obviously you haven't been sleeping in a cold bed."

 

"No, I haven't. My life is fucked up right now and the smartest thing you could do is just forget about me. You should have seen the red flags a long time ago. I'm Sam Winchester's brother. That's all I need to be to you."

 

"Do you care about her?"

 

"I'm not getting into this with you. We've established that I'm an asshole because I slept with somebody. That's it, end of story. From now on, when I show up I'll just walk past and go straight to Sam's office. This doesn't need to get ugly and it doesn't need to become my brother's problem. Do you honestly think that Mr. Crowley is going to care if Sam Winchester's brother dated the receptionist but slept with somebody else when he was in a fucked up place in his head?"

 

"So we're done."

 

"Yeah, we're done. We should have been a long time ago. Listen, I am sorry it had to happen this way. I didn't think that I would ever be in a position to be with somebody, I didn't expect it. You dodged a bullet with me because I am not relationship material. Go find yourself a nice guy who can give you what you need and chalk this up to a few months of your life that you'll never get back."

 

"You're a fucking asshole, Dean."

 

"Yeah, I know," Dean said quietly before she turned around and walked to the elevators. He let her go and took the stairs that would take him up to the office from the back. This would have to be his route from now on. 

 

\-------------------------

 

He tried to pull his collar up before he walked into Sam's office, and was surprised as hell when he saw Cas in there. "Uh, Novak why don't you go finish up this financial report while I get some things worked out with my brother?"

 

"Yeah, okay I'll get last year’s financials taken care of." Cas walked out without making eye contact. 

 

Dean sat down and waited while Sam pulled out files from his filing cabinet. "So, he wants to be buried in Sioux Falls next to his wife. I'll work out those details. Now there is a will." Sam sat down and looked at his brother. He too could see the new dark bruise on his neck. 

 

"No, it wasn't Rachel. That whole thing is done and over and it's a little ugly right now so I'm probably going to start using the stairs."

 

"I wasn't going to ask."

 

"But you wanted to, I know you."

 

Sam set the files down and ran his hands through his hair before propping his elbows on his desk. He waited until Dean's eyes met his. "I don't want to be nosy, and I'm not going to ask questions. All I'm going to say is that I know who you've been spending all of your time with lately and if things got ugly with Rachel, they could get just as ugly elsewhere."

 

"I know that Sam, let me deal with it."

 

"Okay, I'll stay out of it as long as it doesn't affect my job."

 

"My personal life has nothing to do with you, and it's going to stay that way. Can we just go over the will?"

 

"He's my partner, Dean."

 

"Can we please just go over the will so that I can get the fuck out of here?"

 

"Fine. It's pretty much what we thought, he left everything to you except for some rare books for me and college funds for my kids. I didn't know that he had enough money for college funds, but it's there."

 

"Business boomed. So he left me the shop?"

 

"The entire building, including the apartment above it. Other than the rare books and the building, we can split whatever else he owned between us. I'm guessing he means all of his personal property in the apartment."

 

"He had a few cars and trucks, but you can take them. I really don't give a shit about who gets what."

 

"Okay, so you get the shop and the building, I get some books and college funds, why not give mom the cars and trucks to sell?"

 

“Sounds good,” Dean said quietly.

 

"I'll have Sarah draw up the paperwork, just give me a minute."

 

Sam left the office and Dean sat miserably, running the small rake across his zen garden.

 

"Here it is," Sam said, closing the door behind him. "She marked where you need to sign."

 

Dean signed the paperwork and slid it across the desk, "So is this an issue now? Some type of tension between us? Because that's the last fucking thing that either one of us needs."

 

"It's not an issue, Dean. I just have to believe that you know what you’re doing."

 

"Actually, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm sure that it's freaking you the fuck out. It's freaking me out too. I don't know what to do with it, but I'll figure it out. It's not going to be your problem, it's mine. Shit got crazy and the person closest to me at the moment got dragged into it. I need to fix that."

 

"Dinner on Sunday? The girls are dying to see you." 

 

"Of course, just let me know what time."

 

"I'll call you," Sam said, hugging his brother.

 

Dean was able to leave without bumping into Rachel or Cas. He just wanted to go home and lay on his couch for the rest of the day and pretend like the outside world didn't exist. He knew that he’d be leaving in the morning for Sioux Falls, he was the only family that Bobby had. He didn’t know how he was going to bury another father, but he needed to do what Bobby wanted. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Sam offered to make the trip with him, but Dean knew that he was entirely too busy to take the time off. He knew that his brother felt guilty, that somehow he’d let Bobby down, but Dean reminded him that it was really nothing more than a formality. They’d said their goodbyes. Dean felt like he needed to do it alone anyway. He made the long drive to Sioux Falls, and only stayed long enough to do what Bobby wanted, he buried him next to his wife. He said a quiet and teary goodbye before he got in his car and headed back home. He needed to start over, this time without the uncle who trusted him, had faith in him, and had given him everything. In so many ways, Dean owed Bobby his life. His first priority, his only priority right now was Singer Auto and his beloved uncle’s legacy.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean called the restaurant and was relieved when they were able to do what he needed. He called each and every employee of Singer Auto and invited them to dinner for the following night. He didn't know what he was going to say, but he knew that the rumor mill had already started and he needed them, he needed himself, to know that he was going to keep the shop and that Bobby's legacy would live on. 

 

After that, he tried laying on the couch, he tried to watch a movie, but he couldn't do it. He loaded Chuck into the car and drove to the beach. He jogged, he didn't know how long he jogged. His legs hurt, he'd been out of breath for awhile, but he didn't stop. He was hurt and pissed off and confused. All he could see was Bobby's face, the heartbreak in Rachel's eyes, the understanding in Cas's, and the judgment in Sam's. He finally stopped when he couldn't take any more and he sat down, reaching for his phone. He dialed the familiar number.

 

\-------------------------

 

"Hey mom, I'm sorry I haven't really called...I know, but that's no excuse...I'm happy you got to be here too. It's what dad would have wanted...well I thought if you aren't busy there is this green eyed guy who would love to take you out for a night on the town...I just got done jogging so let me run home and shower and all of that and I'll just come by Sam's and pick you up...okay...yeah I'll see you in a few." He hung up the phone and actually smiled. He didn't know why, he was a grown man, but sometimes even a grown man just needed to talk to his mom.

 

\-------------------------

 

He was attacked by the twins the minute he walked through the door.

 

"Mommy says that we have to be extra nice to you because you're sad, Unca Dee."

 

Dean looked at Jess, she looked mortified. He hugged and kissed her on the cheek. "It's fine," he whispered. He reached down to pick up MaryEllen and decided to get it right, "Okay, MaryEllen, right?"

 

"Of course Unca Dee," she giggled. He smiled when he felt those little arms wrap around his neck. "I'm sorry you're sad," she said quietly. 

 

He rubbed her back, "So am I, munchkin. But you know what makes me feel better?"

 

"What?"

 

"Giant hugs from my girls." He squatted down and let them both wrap their arms around him, almost choking him out. They wouldn't let go and neither would he.

 

Mary had sidled up next to Jess, "Is he always like this?"

 

"With them, yes. I don't know what it is, but I don't think that he could live without them and I wonder sometimes if they could live without him. I've tried to teach them to call him 'Uncle Dean' but they refuse. JoAnna told me that anybody can have an uncle, but only her and MaryEllen get an Unca Dee."

 

Mary wiped the corners of her eyes and watched her oldest son, the once reckless and angry man who didn't care if he lived or died, talk softly to those little girls, reassuring them that he was okay, before asking them to give him a kiss on the cheek. He finally let go and stood up to wrap his arms around his mother. "Is that brother of mine home yet?"

 

"Not yet, but I think he's on his way."

 

"Alright, mom are you ready?" Mary smiled and followed him outside. It was always bittersweet to get into the car that John had loved so much. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"So, how are you holding up?" Dean asked after they ordered. He didn't even think about the fact that he'd brought her to what was technically the second best steakhouse in town.

 

"I'm doing okay. I'm worried about you. I know how close you were, Dean. I know that you did everything that you could." She reached across the table and took his hand. She saw his eyes already grow watery.

 

"Yeah, well I helped him build the business and I spent a lot of time on his ass. I just wanted him to take care of himself. I feel like a selfish bastard for being relieved that it was Garth and not me who found him. I couldn't have done it, I couldn't have gone through that."

 

"Don't feel selfish for that, Dean. We all know how much Bobby meant to you, how much he means to you. We all knew that this was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier. You lost somebody who was like a father to you, I lost somebody who was like a brother to John. Did you know that Bobby called me once a week to check on me? He tried so hard to convince me to move here, I almost thought the three of you were working together. He always told me how proud he was of you and Sam, you especially."

 

"All I did was come in, whip some grease monkey asses into shape, and started restoring cars. You know that he left it all to me. He left some college money to Sam's kids and some rare books to Sam, but the rest is mine. He has some cars and trucks. I restored most of them. Sam and I want you to take them. If you want, I'll just sell them and give you the money. I'm guessing that you don't need a driveway full of cars."

 

"Dean, you don't need to do that."

 

"Yes, we do. Sam has money, I have money. Bobby would want to know that he was able to help you. I know some buyers who would be happy to take them off my hands. When we leave here I'll take you to the shop and we can look at them. Who knows, maybe it's time to get you into a sweet convertible," he smiled.

 

"Your brother is worried."

 

"Yeah, and he's got me under a microscope right now. It isn't a fight, or even an argument, but I need him to back off and let me do what I need to do.

 

Their food came and they both nodded a thank you at the young waiter.

 

"He wants to get involved in my personal life, which is confusing as hell right now," Dean continued. "It's a mess and I guess it does affect him, but he needs to have a little faith in me. God, I'm sitting with my mom whining about my little brother. This takes me back 20 years," he smiled.

 

"You can whine all you want. Your personal life has always been complicated, his has been easy. He met Jess in college and they haven't left each other's sides yet. It's different with you, Dean, and he can't see that. You work, you spend all of your free time with those girls or at home with your dog. He doesn't even know that you have a personal life."

 

"Well, I did something stupid and I dated his receptionist for a few months. That went south earlier today. I pulled an asshole move and I ended things in the parking garage."

 

"So she's the one who..." Mary looked pointedly at Dean's neck.

 

"Uh no," he said, taking a deep breath. "That's pretty much why it went south. The other half of the story, I don't know what's going on there. Out of the blue and totally unexpected. That's another thing that I have to deal with. Again with the whining. It is going to feel good when I finally get past this whiny crying bullshit and feel like a man who has his shit together again."

 

"Don't push yourself, honey. And don't compare yourself to your brother. Sam is gentle and kind. You're passionate, Dean. You feel things so deeply, and you feel them for a long time. There is nothing wrong with that. You'll get there."

 

"Thanks, mom," Dean smiled

 

They ate and talked. Not about Bobby or Sam. Not about his personal life. They talked about the renovations he wanted to make to his house, they talked about the twins and the new baby. He tried once again to talk her into moving and thought that maybe she was considering it. He finally paid the bill and left. He dropped her at Sam's, but didn't go in. He wasn't upset with his brother, but he didn't want to see him again today. Sam had figured it out, and he knew that he needed to figure it out too. 

 

\-------------------------

 

He got home and made a list of Bobby's cars, including a rough estimate of what they were worth. It came to over six figures and he smiled. He knew his mom would fight him on it, but she deserved it. He put a note next to each entry, who to call and what price to ask. He could probably have them all sold by the end of the week. He wandered around and cleaned up his already clean house, picking up the few toys that the girls had left out the last time that they had been there, washing dog bowls, fluffing pillows. He finally poured himself and drink and tried to find a movie or something. He considered calling Rachel to apologize again, but he knew that it was too soon. He did owe her an apology, and he was going to give her one. It didn't matter that she worked with Sam, what mattered was that he'd done wrong by her and he wanted to fix it. She didn't deserve to wait for so long just to see him with those marks on his neck. He couldn't be mad at Cas, he knew that it wasn't intentional. It was taking everything that he had in him not to call or text Cas. He hadn't seen him or heard from him since earlier at the office and he needed to try and get his life back to normal, not use his best friend and a security blanket. He finally dozed off, alone and on the couch.

 

\-------------------------

 

The sun had already come up when he stretched and yawned. He made his way into the kitchen and started coffee brewing before he gave Chuck some food and water. He heard his phone buzzing on the coffee table.

 

_"Is everything okay. Things seemed a_  
_little tense around here yesterday."_

 

He sighed and started rubbing his forehead, a habit that he'd picked up from his father.

 

_"I'm not sure how to answer that. I can't_  
_honestly say that everything is okay._  
_Rachel found out. Not the 'who' but the_  
_'what'. Sam figured out the 'who'. I don't_  
_know what to do with any of it."_

 

He couldn't pretend, he couldn't act like it made sense when it didn't. He took his phone and his coffee outside and picked up the thick knotted piece of rope, throwing it across the yard, just to have it brought back and dropped at his feet. "Life was a little easier when you were the only real friend that I had," he said, scratching his dog behind the ears. 

 

_"If you need anything, just let me know. I'm_  
_here if you need me."_

 

That was a loaded text. He knew that Cas was just as confused as he was right now, but he wasn't going to give up on their friendship.

 

_"I know you are, Cas. I know that you always_  
_will be. We need to get this figured out. I need_  
_to get this figured out. I need to get my_  
_head straight."_

 

He couldn't believe that it had been less than a week since Bobby died. Less than a week since he held his hand and let him go, just like he'd done with his father. He needed to get out of the house. He showered and changed before going for a long drive up the coast. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean has asked Garth to be at dinner 30 minutes sooner than everyone else. He thanked him, he thanked him profusely and hugged him. He told him how sorry he was that he had to go through that. Garth just shrugged with tears in his eyes. He'd loved Bobby, they all did in their own way. The rest of the staff showed up, most looking weary or nervous. Dean waited until they ordered drinks and had taken at least one sip before he spoke.

 

"You know, Bobby Singer was a lot of things. He was a hell of a mechanic, he was a grumpy old man who would give you the shirt off his back, and he was the guy who probably saved my life. I know that a lot of you who were here before me weren't real happy when he brought in his punk nephew to run the place instead of bringing somebody up through the ranks. I've done my best and I'm going to keep doing my best. I'm sure that it's no surprise that Bobby left everything to me. I'm not going to close down or sell, we're going open on Monday and we're going to keep it up and running." he saw most of the staff relax. "Now, I'm going to need to step out of the shop more often and deal with the business side of things so there will be some changes. Before I get into that I want you to know that I need you all. I need every single one of you. I've made some choices that might not make sense, I'm sorry that I couldn't do things on a seniority level, but I need to do what's best because we need to keep Bobby's legacy alive. I'm going to stay managing restoration, I'm going to be more hands on and I'm going to show you guys the quality of work that I expect. I will be a pain in your ass, so sorry ahead of time restoration crew.” The staff laughed, they knew that he meant every word. "The shop itself, I want Garth to take over as manager, and I'm promoting Jody to assistant manager. They are both more than capable and I know that they will keep your asses in line." More laughter, but a few disgruntled looks from the old-timers who didn't appreciate being passed over. "Maybe some of you don't want to work for Dean Winchester, and I get that. It's nothing personal. I've been a pain in your ass for years now. But if you stay, you listen to Garth and Jody, and we will build Singer Auto into something that Bobby would be proud of. Now I hate public speaking so can we just do the cheers thing and eat?" There was a loud and boisterous cheer for Bobby and then the low hum of conversation and laughter while the restaurant staff brought the food out. Dean had spared no expense, he needed these people on his side. 

 

People had finished their dinner and were milling around with drinks when Jody pulled him aside. "Dean, are you sure? I've only been here a few months, and are they really going to listen to a woman?"

 

"Okay, first of all the woman thing doesn't matter. You know what you are doing and I know that I can rely on you. Some of the old-timers aren't going to like it, I'm expecting a few of them to leave. Fact is, a few years ago Bobby Singer took a chance on his punk nephew who didn't even deserve the job. Who did absolutely nothing to earn it other than be the son of his best friend. They did not like me when I walked into that shop with a clipboard, but they got used to it. I need to focus my time on the business itself and restoration. You and Garth are the two best that I have. It was a business decision, not a personal one."

 

"Thank you, Dean," she reached out and touched his arm before walking away.

 

\-------------------------

 

He sat on the patio with a tumbler of scotch and played with his phone before he finally hit send.

 

_"You, I need you."_

 

Ten minutes went by, twenty minutes went by, and he got no response. He took the glass inside, unable to decide if he should rinse it out or refill it when he heard the knock at the door. Cas was against the wall, pulling Dean to him before the door was all of the way closed. They didn't speak, they didn't need to. Their lips touched and parted, their tongues slid together. They pulled at each other's clothes with desperation, leaving a trail down the hallway and into the bedroom. Dean held Cas against the mattress with his body and settled between his legs, running his full lips along his jaw and down his neck. He already knew every inch of this body, he knew where to touch. He trailed his mouth down Cas's chest, stopping to gently pull a nipple between his teeth. Cas's hands and mouth were doing everything right, helping Dean to forget, helping him to feel alive. They started to rock, but it wasn't enough for Dean and he could see the need in Cas's blue eyes. "It's going to hurt," he whispered, kissing and nipping Cas's neck. "I don't care, I want to feel you." Dean reached for the lube in his nightstand, the bottle that he used when he was alone, and he sat up. Neither one of them knew what they were doing, they hadn't done this before, but it’s what they both wanted. Dean slid a pillow under Cas's hips and dripped lube on his fingers. When he felt how tight Cas was, he hesitated, wondering if he could go through with it. Cas pulled him into a hungry kiss when he slid it in, moving it, knowing that this was causing Cas pain. He felt Cas's entire body tense and heard the groan when he used the second finger. "We can stop," he whispered. "No," Cas panted. "I just need a minute." Dean kissed him gently, touched him softly, moved his fingers around until he felt Cas arch and subtly rock against him. He grazed the spot that made Cas forget about the pain and kept rubbing. Cas pulled him into a deep kiss, ready for the third, ready to be stretched, wanting to feel Dean inside of him. Dean was clumsy, he was afraid of hurting his best friend, but he'd never wanted anything more than he wanted Cas right now. He dripped lube on his hard cock and pulled his fingers out, burying himself deep. Cas cried out, he saw the pain in his eyes. Something inside of Dean broke. How could something feel so right and so wrong at the same time? He kissed Cas softly, slowly engulfed by a passion that he didn't expect. Cas was moving his body against him and Dean was thrusting with the same rhythm. They slid together, Cas's cock trapped between them. It was like nothing either one of them had ever felt before. Dean moaned when Cas's soft hands slid up his back and his fingers dug into the muscles, squeezing and massaging the knots. Dean knew that he had found the spot, he could feel it in the way that Cas moved, in the way that he sounded. They were both becoming intoxicated by the heady scent of the other's skin and the raw sex that permeated the air around them. Cas moaned and came quickly, calling out Dean's name, spreading his legs wider and rocking his hips faster. Dean was thrusting, hearing Cas's voice reverberate off of the walls before he thrust one last time and came harder than he ever had. He was out of breath and still rocking slowly until he couldn't take any more. He let his sweaty body meld against Cas's, feeling the strong arms wrap around him. He didn't know how long he had been crying when he buried his face in Cas's neck and let himself be comforted. When his body finally became still and there were no more tears, he let Cas lead him to the shower, feeling the soft soapy hands while he closed his eyes and leaned back, knowing that Cas would hold him up. They didn't bother getting dressed when they crawled back into bed and Dean let Cas pull the blanket up, he let Cas hold him, and he finally drifted off.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas woke up, alone and naked, but he knew where he was. The house was obviously empty when he wandered it through, looking for his clothes. The coffee maker hadn't been touched and the dog hadn't been fed. He filled Chuck's bowls and went out the front door, searching the mailbox, under the doormat, and looked for a fake rock until he finally found the spare key. He locked up and got in his car, or as Dean called it, his German piece of shit. He stopped and got two hot coffees before he drove to the place that he knew he'd find Dean. It was summer, but chilly this early in the morning, so he grabbed a blanket out of the trunk before he walked down the rickety wooden stairs and across the sand. He handed Dean a cup of coffee and sat down without saying a word. They sat next to each other in silence, on the empty beach, watching the waves roll in. Cas finally turned and looked at Dean. He had tears streaming down his face.

 

\-------------------------

 

"Her name was Lisa. Lisa Braeden. We had a weekend fling when we were young, really nothing more than kids. I left and honestly thought that I'd never see her again. Nine years later I bumped into her, and her eight year old son, Ben. It was basic math. He had dark hair, but so did she. He had her dark eyes. But, I kept looking at the freckles. I know that doesn't make sense, but Lisa didn't have freckles. I do. I didn't ask her at first, I was afraid to. I was in no position to be a father. She knew that I needed an explanation and she told me that he wasn't mine. I didn't believe her. I wanted to take a DNA test but she said that she'd already done one and it was some other guy who was out of the picture. I still didn't believe her, I knew. He acted just like me. Besides the dark eyes, he even looked like me sometimes. I was angry, I was angry for a long time because she never even tried to find me, she never told me. She just kept insisting that it wasn't me, so I stopped asking. I fell in love with her, I fell in love with both of them. All of my drinking and reckless bullshit, it just dropped by the wayside because I finally had something real, something that was mine, something that I could hold on to. It had only been a year or two since my dad died and I talked her into moving to Kansas. I needed her, I needed Ben, and I needed my mom so that I could get my shit together and learn how to be a man. They were everything to me. We had a home, I was working construction. I came home every night to dinner and I made love to a beautiful woman after our son fell asleep. They meant everything to me and I knew that it was my one shot at happiness. The Impala broke down and I was waiting for replacement parts so we only had one car. I remember standing at the job site, waiting for them to pick me up. I waited and I started getting pissed. It started to rain, and that just pissed me off more. All of the guys on site had already left and so I was just standing in the rain waiting. I tried to call her, she didn't answer. I knew it was going to be a hell of a fight after Ben went to bed. I was ready for it. I wasn't ready for the call from the police. They'd been hit, head on by a drunk driver and they were sending a patrol car to pick me up and take me to the hospital. I didn't feel anything, it's like I just went blank. I got in the car and I just stared out the window. I couldn't see anything, I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't speak. I just followed the cop after we parked and heard the words 'dead on arrival' before they slid the curtain aside and I saw her. There was blood everywhere, but Lisa was gone. I couldn't even say goodbye, I couldn't bring myself to go to her and touch her one last time. Ben had survived and was in the pediatric ICU. They took me to him. I barely recognized him, all of the tubes and wires. I just sat down in a chair and tried to figure out how I was going to raise him by myself. I couldn't even think about Lisa, not yet. Then they started asking me questions. Did I want a 'do not intubate do not resuscitate' order. I didn't even know what that meant until the doctor explained it to me. It was a total blur until I heard the words 'no brain function' and I knew. They were going to ask me if I wanted to keep him on life support. I sat there for two days. I didn't eat, I didn’t sleep, I didn't shower, I didn't answer my phone. I just sat there and waited for something to change, but it didn't. I finally realized that keeping him alive would be about me and not him. He wasn't in there anymore. I signed the paperwork and watched them take the tubes and wires out. I stared at that monitor until every line was flat. I did touch him. I kissed his forehead and told him that I loved him and his mom, I told him how sorry I was. I finally called my mom and asked her to come and get me. She had seen it on the news, but they hadn't released the victims names. I didn't talk or cry for days. I was empty, I was destroyed, I lost everything that mattered to me all while I was standing in the rain and the mud, pissed off and ready for a fight. My mom made the arrangements, they are buried in Kansas. I didn't cry at the funeral. It wasn't until we got back to my mom's house and I went into my old bedroom that I finally let it hit me. I locked the door and stayed in there for I don't know how long. After that, I just existed. We sold the house, I didn't keep much. Pictures mostly, and a few of Ben's things. I did keep a bottle of her perfume. I didn't know how to live anymore. I was slowly dying and my mom sent me out here. She told me that I needed to live because Bobby needed me. It wouldn't have worked if it had been anybody other than Bobby. I loved that man as much as I loved my own father. It took a long time to stop crying and learn to laugh again. I didn't have any dreams or hope until Jess had the twins, and suddenly I saw life again, new life. I held them and knew that I it was my job to let them know every single day that they were loved, because you never know when it might be the last day. You never know if you'll be standing in mud in the rain, pissed off while what you love the most is being taken from you." Dean looked down at the sand and took a deep breath. "I haven't been in a relationship since that happened, and it's been years. To be honest, I haven't even made love to anybody since then. I couldn't. I lied and told people that I was fine, that I didn't sleep in an empty bed every night, but I have. I haven't felt anything for anybody because I knew that she trusted me, she believed in me, she knew everything about me but she didn't care about the bad shit. She cared about who I was when I was with her. Nobody would ever feel that way about me again. Nobody would ever make me feel like they needed me, and I wouldn't ever need anybody. Something snapped inside of me last night, Cas. You were there without hesitation, you gave yourself to me and you trusted me, knowing that I'm in a fucked up place. Anybody who is on the outside looking in would think that I've used you. That somehow this thing between us, whatever it is, is lopsided, but it's not. I needed you the night that Bobby had his heart attack because I felt alone, and I knew that if anybody would understand that, it would be you. For days you were my security blanket, I needed you next to me so that I didn't have to drink myself to sleep. But last night...I just needed you. You gave me what I needed without question and I have no idea what to do with that."

 

Cas didn't know what to say or do. A lot of things made sense now, but that didn't make him feel any better. "Was it a mistake?" he finally asked quietly.

 

"I don't feel like it was. The first thing that people would ask is it a gay thing or a straight thing, how do you explain that it's just a Cas and Dean thing?"

 

"I don't know."

 

Dean finally turned and looked at Cas, "I can't lose you too. We've crossed a line and if we need to find a way to back track, then that's what I'll do. I just know that I can't lose you. You have that same trust and belief and you don't care about who I used to be. It's like that day in your driveway when you told me that when you sat out out there and talked to me while I worked on your car you weren't a lawyer in an expensive suit or somebody's asshole ex-boyfriend, you were just a guy. That's how I feel."

 

Dean was visibly shivering, Cas could sense it. Without thinking he moved closer and wrapped the blanket around both of them. "I don't know if we can back track. It's gotten too big. We'll look at each other, and it will always be there. Especially after last night. I don't know what to do with it either."

 

"Sam knows, he saw the mark on my neck and after I told him that it wasn't Rachel, he figured it out. He's afraid that it will somehow affect things at the firm. I love my brother, but he'd be the first one to accuse me of using you."

 

"But you haven't."

 

"No, I haven't. I've needed you and you've known that. You come to me and something inside of me changes."

 

"I never expected this, Dean."

 

"Neither did I. Not even when it was happening. It honestly didn't seem real until last night. I don't know if you felt it..."

 

"I felt it. That's why I came looking for you."

 

"You'll always come looking for me, won't you?"

 

"Yes."

 

Dean let Cas pull his trembling body into his arms and hold the blanket more tightly around them. Cas kissed the top of his head and he turned, waiting to feel their lips come together in a soft kiss. Cas shifted until Dean was in front of him, sitting between his legs. He pulled Dean back against his chest and wrapped his arms around him while they watched the sunlight slowly begin to shimmer on the water.


	2. The Lawyer And The Grease Monkey

"So, I'm going to my brother's for dinner tomorrow."

 

"Oh yeah," Cas said absentmindedly. They had just finished off an entire pizza and six pack of beer.

 

"You know that there's a decent chance he'll try to pull me aside. He's a lawyer, isn't that like in your blood or something?"

 

Cas looked up from where his head was laying on Dean's lap, "More like natural instinct, but he probably will. If you keep running your fingers through my hair I will fall asleep on your couch, just an FYI."

 

"I don't care," Dean chuckled. "You are welcome to fall asleep anywhere. Except for the princess beds. Those are off limits. So, you're a lawyer, he's a lawyer, technically you're partners. What do I say?"

 

"You're his brother. You know him a hell of a lot better than I do."

 

"You are not helping."

 

"I'm not trying."

 

"Have I ever told you that you're an asshole?"

 

"Yeah," Cas smiled. "Probably somewhere between 30 and 40 times."

 

"Just making sure."

 

"Out of curiousity," Cas said, rolling onto his back to that he could look at Dean. "Is this supposed to be the are we or aren't we conversation?"

 

"Shit, I don't know. Like I said, it's a Cas and Dean thing. There's no way to just slap some label on this and move on."

 

"The rest of the world wouldn't agree with you."

 

"Yeah, well we don't answer to the rest of the world.”

 

"Uh Dean, you are asking me what you should say to your brother. Your brother as in flesh and blood family. You know that if we're having this conversation then he's going to want to have it too. And your mom probably."

 

"What about work?"

 

"Yours or mine?"

 

"Well, mostly yours."

 

"I can't imagine there being a rumor that the new jr. partner Novak has been sleeping with Winchester's brother. Speaking of work, what time are you showing up to work on my car tomorrow?"

 

"You seriously are an asshole," Dean grinned.

 

"We have a business arrangement."

 

"When you say it like that, it makes me feel cheap."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was doing some final sanding while Cas laid on the driveway next to him. "It shouldn't be too much longer. I have some cosmetic things on order and you still need to pick an interior and paint color."

 

"I think I'm going to go with green."

 

"Green? Seriously?"

 

"You said anything but red."

 

"But why green?"

 

Cas smiled slowly, "I have my reasons."

 

\-------------------------

 

"Okay," Dean said, almost out of breath. "If we keep this up I will never make it to my brother's for dinner."

 

"We're nowhere near the bedroom, we're fully clothed, and you have me pinned to the wall."

 

"Good point. One more kiss then I have got to go." They shared a long and lingering kiss, and then another before Dean finally pulled away and opened the door. Cas watched him until he pulled away from the curb and shut the door. He wondered how interesting it would be at work tomorrow.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was laughing when he picked the twins up and let them wrap their arms around his neck. "You know, one of these days they are going to be strong enough to actually choke me out."

 

"What's that?" JoAnna asked, pointing to the bruise on his neck.

 

"I was attacked by a bear."

 

"No you weren't," MaryEllen giggled as he squatted down and let go.

 

"You're right," he grinned at them when he stood up. "I was attacked by a lawyer, and that's a lot scarier than a bear."

 

Sam looked at Jess who looked at Mary who looked at Sam.

 

"How much longer do we have?" Dean asked, eyeing Jess's belly before leaning over to kiss her on the cheek.

 

"Eight miserable weeks."

 

"I do not envy women. Speaking of which, hey mom." He made his way across the room and wrapped his arms around Mary. "Sam," he smiled, before hugging his brother and patting him on the back. They heard the girls calling to him from the family room.

 

"Grandma took them shopping yesterday. I'm guessing they cannot wait to show you their new dresses."

 

Dean walked over to Jess and bent down. "I love them will all of my heart, but please be a boy," he said before he wandered away in search of his nieces.

 

"Well, that was interesting," Mary said quietly. "The mark on his neck, the good mood."

 

"Is he still seeing Rachel?" Jess asked.

 

"Who's Rachel?"

 

"Rachel is our receptionist and that ended not too long ago."

 

"What does not too long ago mean? That mark looks pretty recent. And what did he mean by a lawyer?"

 

Sam looked at Jess. He'd wanted to tell her, but he didn't even know what was going on and it wasn't his place to say anything. Although the mark did look new. "Let's just say I know that it wasn't her. I really don't know what's going on. You know how he is, he's very private."

 

"And I know how you are, you are dying to find out," Jess laughed.

 

"I think that we're all dying to find out," Mary said. "But, you know Dean. It has to be on his terms."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean motioned to Sam to follow him to the study while Jess and Mary finished making dinner. He closed the door while Sam poured drinks and sat down. "I'm only doing this because you think that you know what's going on. You have to work tomorrow, I'm still planning on lunch, and you should have the facts before you walk into your office. Yes, it is who you think it is. The night that Bobby went to the hospital I was a mess, you know that. After Dad, Lisa and Ben, now Bobby, I've lost too many people. I'm not going to tell you his story because it's not mine to tell, but he knows what it's like to feel alone, totally empty and alone."

 

"How do you know his story?"

 

"I've been working on his car for months. We became friends. We started hanging out, a lot. But this, none of it was something that either one of us ever thought about. Not with each other, not with anyone else. I initiated it, I didn't want to be alone the night that Bobby went to the hospital and I asked him to stay with me. I don't know why things got physical, we both just needed...something. He's probably the best friend that I've ever had and we just get each other. That led to another night, I was a wreck and he was there. I needed him, and he was there. And then Friday, the dam broke. I told him everything. He knows about Lisa and Ben. He knows that I haven't even considered a relationship since they died. I'll be as honest with you as I was with him, I haven't really slept with anybody since I lost Lisa. I told him that she trusted me and believed in me, knowing who I was or who I used to be. She never cared about any of that. She just loved me. Do you want to know where I told him this? On the beach at about 4:00 in the morning. He knew where to find me. He always knows where to find me, and not in a creepy stalkerish way, he just does. He'll always come looking for me, and he'll always be there without question. I'd do the same for him. It doesn't make sense to me, or to him, and I'm sure it doesn't make any sense to you. We don't know what we are, we agreed not to put a label on it. But, I don't see it ending anytime soon. Nobody at the office needs to know, I know that there's a chance it could affect your jobs because of some conflict of interest or something. If you want to tell Jess, tell her. I don't care. I'm going to tell mom because for the first time in a long time, I'm actually happy and I want her to know why."

 

\-------------------------

 

"Okay mom, I'm guessing that you are up for a game of 20 questions, you can go first," Dean said as they walked around Sam's backyard after dinner.

 

"I'm not sure what to ask. You've had marks on your neck since I showed up. Sam and Jess said something about a girl named Rachel, but you broke it off. I'm guessing that she isn't responsible for those..."

 

"No, but they definitely did play a part in things ending. I'd been trying to think of a way to let her down easy for awhile, but letting her down easy wasn't exactly an option when she saw me."

 

"Why did you want to let her down easy?"

 

"She's young. She wants a husband and a family, and you know that I can't do that."

 

"Dean, I know that it's a sensitive subject, but you can't just be alone. I don't think that Lisa would want that for you."

 

"That's the thing, I mean I don't know exactly what this is, but I don't feel alone. I don't think that I'm going to be alone."

 

"You found somebody who doesn't want to get married or have kids? Somebody who can accept that you'll never get over Lisa?"

 

"Yeah, I have."

 

"She must be one hell of a girl."

 

"Okay, this is where we get to the part when you stop walking and give me that look."

 

"What look?"

 

"The one you're going to give me when I tell you that she's not one hell of a girl, he's one hell of a guy."

 

"Wait, you mean that you..."

 

"Yep, that look. We've been friends, good friend for a little while. This isn't something that either one of us ever considered. We've both always been in straight relationships. He has as much baggage as I do, maybe more. That's either a good thing, or a really bad thing, I know. But he gets me. I've told him everything, and he doesn't judge me. When I told him about dad he told me that shit like that is quicksand. I need to either grab the rope and pull myself out of it or it will devour me. That was months ago, but I think that maybe he's part of my rope."

 

"It's that guy from the hospital, the one who called me."

 

"Yeah, his name is Cas. He works with Sam. He's actually Sam's partner on a case right now. It's not going to affect Sam's job any more than my dating and breaking up with the receptionist will affect it. Nobody needs to know. I wanted to tell you because you've just want you to see me move on. I'll never get over Lisa and Ben. I can't and I don't want to, but he would never try to replace her."

 

"Does his family know?"

 

"I need this to stay between us. He doesn't have a family. He grew up in the foster system, put himself through school. It's what he calls a 'feel good movie' story. He was named by a nun a given the last name of the first foster family he was with. They didn't even know his birthday so they made one up. It makes me appreciate all of you a lot more, and makes me feel like shit for everything that I've put you through."

 

"No Dean, don't do the apologetic thing. You are who you are, and I've always loved you no matter what. Even when you were in handcuffs," Mary smiled. "If you really think that this is what you need, why wouldn't I want it for you?"

 

"It happened so fast and I guess I thought the whole 'guy' thing might throw you off."

 

"You have always been a ladies man, but why would I care? I want you happy, Dean, and it looks like he does that for you. Plus, he has the most beautiful blue eyes that I've ever seen." 

 

Dean just grinned and kissed Mary on the cheek. His family knew.

 

\-------------------------

 

They were at the table drinking wine while Jess was putting the twins to sleep. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I hired some movers to clear out Bobby's apartment. I thought about doing it myself, but I don't think that I can. I told them to get rid of the furniture, kitchen stuff, and clothes. Except for the baseball hats, we're keeping the baseball hats. They're going to box up all of his books and papers, knick knacks, shit like that. I can store them at my place until we're ready to go through them. Is that okay or did you guys want anything else?"

 

"I was actually thinking about how we were going to do that, so I like the idea. He left a list of books that he wanted me to have, but I'd rather wait."

 

"And, I have some buyers on the line for some of the cars. Are you sure you don't want some little sporty convertible?" Dean smiled over the rim of his wineglass.

 

"I'm sure, and you really don't need to give me the money."

 

"Mom, he left me his business, which has been building serious steam over the last couple of years. Ginormo over here is a lawyer. Neither one of us is hurting for money. Let me do this, it's what he would want."

 

Mary just shrugged and smiled.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean opened the shop, but left Garth in charge while he went to grab lunch. He knew that his schedule was going to be something close to 24/7 from now on. He knew that Rachel would still be upset, but seeing him would be the easiest way to get over it, so he took the elevator and didn't make eye contact when he walked to Sam's office. Sam was alone and he shut the door. 

 

"Oh please tell me that you stopped at the deli."

 

"Like I've said before, mind reader," Dean handed Sam the thick sandwich and a drink before propping his feet on the desk. "So, anything good going on here at Crowley's?"

 

"If you're asking about Rachel and/or Cas, nothing. She said hello, but didn't really look at me this morning. Novak was professional in the meeting and is working on some background checks right now."

 

"Good, so I haven't completely ruined your life."

 

"Not yet," Sam said wryly. "But I want to know one thing."

 

"Okay, what?"

 

"Did you mean the things that you said last night?"

 

"About Cas?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Every single word, and probably a lot more that I forgot to say."

 

"Barbecue this weekend. Bring your swimming trunks because you know that the girls will drag you into the pool. Invite him."

 

\-------------------------

 

Those blue eyes, the strong shoulders and toned chest, the firm stomach, Dean was leaning against his headboard admiring it all. He reached out and pulled Cas closer, the sensitive skin of his inner thighs held tight against Dean's hips. Dean slid his hand up the side of Cas's face and pulled him in for a deep kiss, pressing their bodies together, trapping their hard cocks between their stomachs. Dean's hands roamed Cas's body, squeezing his ass, sliding up his back, gripping his shoulders. He could feel Cas's mouth, kissing and nipping along his jaw, across his neck, down his shoulders. His fingers were lubed when he slid his hand between them and slipped one inside, moving it in and out until Cas was rocking against it. The second finger elicited a gasp and a flash of pain in those blue eyes, but Dean knew. When he felt the moan in Cas's chest and watched his mouth open, caught somewhere between a wince and a smile, he knew that he'd found the spot that made Cas desperate and eager. He moved his fingers, stretching and searching until Cas rose up onto this knees and slid slowly down Dean's slick cock. Dean's breath caught and his slid his hands slowly down Cas's back, squeezing his hips and holding him still. He could feel Cas panting, see the pain in his glossy eyes. He leaned in and pressed their lips together, their tongues sliding slowly, his hand moving between their bodies to wrap around Cas and start slowly stroking. Nobody had ever made Dean feel the things that Cas could. His hands gripping his shoulders, his mouth trailing across his neck, his body starting to slowly grind up and down against him. They moved, turning and shifting until Cas gasped and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. Dean's hand slid up Cas's back and held the back of his neck, pulling him into a heated kiss while they rocked and stroked in the same rhythm, both feeling it build. Cas leaned his body back, letting Dean watch his cock slide in and out, moving faster, wrapping his hand around Dean's to stroke together. Cas cried out and Dean watched him come, the sticky fluid dripping down both of their hands. He was throbbing and thrusting, reaching for Cas's shoulder to pull him down one last time and bury his cock deep, coming hard with a loud groan. Cas moved slowly until he leaned forward and rested his body against Dean's, their chests pressed together, their hearts pounding. Dean reached for tissues and cleaned off their hands before wrapping his arms around Cas and pulling him close, leaning his cheek against the sweaty dark hair. They could have laid like that for hours, they could have fallen asleep like that, but they begrudgingly climbed out of bed and took turns soaping each other up in the shower. "Are you going to stay?" Dean asked quietly as they stood under the warm water. "If you want me," came the answer. "I always want you, but I'd like it if stayed," Dean grinned. Cas put a hand on either side of his face and pulled him into a long soft kiss before they turned the water off and dried each other's bodies.

 

\-------------------------

 

"Did you bring a suit? Or do you have to get up hella early and go home?"

 

"Don't you think that bringing a suit might be a little presumptuous?"

 

"So you brought a suit?" Dean laughed.

 

"Yes, I brought a suit."

 

"Speaking of suits, you do have a swimsuit, right?"

 

"Interesting change of subject."

 

They were laying in the middle of Dean's bed, Cas's head resting on his chest, Dean's fingers trailing lightly down his back leaving goosebumps and causing a visible shiver.

 

"Well, I kind of told my brother almost everything, and I told my mom almost everything. So, you have officially been invited to a Winchester family barbecue."

 

"That sounds, I don't know..."

 

"Annoying? Obnoxious? Exhausting? Take your pick or I can keep going."

 

"I work with your brother."

 

"Yeah, on the same case. He knows that we're sleeping together, and you are going to see him a lot sooner than I am. If you don't want to go, I get it. I mean this thing...us...it's still..."

 

"I'll go."

 

"Are you sure? I mean Sam and Jess, my mom, the twins."

 

Cas turned his head and searched for Dean's eyes in the dark. "If you're going to keep me around, I have to pass the twins test don't I?"

 

"Yeah, pretty much," Dean smiled, leaning down to kiss him. "Now I have to get up in a few hours to open the shop so I need some sleep. You seriously wear me out. Goodnight baby."

 

Cas smiled, it was the first time Dean used a pet name.

 

\-------------------------

 

Running the shop alone was tough, but it wasn't as tough as Dean had anticipated. He realized how sick Bobby really had been, and how little he'd been able to do. His goal was to get restoration to a place where he felt comfortable letting them work on their own. He knew that sometimes his guys hated him, but they all knew the reputation that they were building and they were willing to put up with it.

 

"Marco," Dean walked up on the large man. "I have a special paint job coming in probably next week, maybe the week after. It's a beautiful '68 Camaro and I'd like you to do it for me if you wouldn't mind. It's a really important piece, I need the detailing to be perfect and I'll go over it with you." The man just smiled as Dean walked away, Dean Winchester never let anybody else touch a special custom.

 

Dean went into the office and called his brother, "Hey...am I interrupting anything?...Oh well go ahead and tell Novak that I said hello...yes I'm an asshole...as much as I miss the sound of your voice, this is actually a business related call...yes I'm being serious...okay well do you have any time today that we could meet up? It will only take a few minutes...no that is not what I say to him when I invite him over and if he's still in your office he's probably bright red by now...2:00?...I'll see you then."

 

Dean had been tossing an idea around and he wanted to run it past Sam, find out if it was feasible, or even worth thinking about. He also wanted to get to the firm early because he had some business to take care of.

 

\-------------------------

 

He took a deep breath before he got off of the elevator. He knew that this was the only way that he could make things right. She was sitting at the desk when the doors opened and he walked up, waiting for her to look at him. When she finally did, he could see that she was still angry and hurt. "Hey, uh, can we talk? There are some things that I need to tell you." She nodded and called for Sarah again to see if she'd cover the desk. They got into the elevator in silence and stayed silent until they reached the downstairs lobby. He bought them each a coffee from the small kiosk and they sat across from each other in large upholstered chairs. "Listen Rachel, I lied to you. I lied to you the entire time and I'm a total asshole for doing it."

 

"Lied to me?"

 

"Um, yeah, see...I'm gay," Dean still stuck to the idea of not labeling people, but he felt like she needed to label him. "I wasn't ready to tell anyone, not even my brother. I used you, and I really am sorry."

 

"You're gay? But you got..."

 

"Yeah, sometimes my body just does it's own thing, but I know that if we'd tried it wouldn't have worked. That's why I couldn't sleep with you. It had nothing to do with you. You are a beautiful girl, I just don't, you know..."

 

"So the hickey, you slept with a guy?"

 

"Yes, I did. I wasted your time, I was a total dick in the parking garage that day, and I am sorry. My brother finally knows but I'm still working through some shit, so if we could keep this between us? I mean we wouldn't want to ruin my reputation as a total asshole, right?"

 

She finally smiled at him, "You are still a total asshole."

 

"I know, I really am. Trust me you are not the only person who tells me that. I just wanted to set the record straight...okay there is a joke in there somewhere. Anyway, I just need you to believe that it had nothing to do with you. I never should have asked you out in the first place. It wasn't fair."

 

"No, it wasn't. But okay."

 

"Friends?"

 

"More like I'm the receptionist who works in your brother's office."

 

"I guess that's better than nothing."

 

They rode back up the elevator in silence again and he checked his phone. It was 2:00 and Sam would be waiting for him.

 

\-------------------------

 

"So it is possible? I mean I know that it's possible, but from a business standpoint, does it make sense?"

 

"You'd have to get another license, I'm guessing have some inspections done, let them look over your books, but it's definitely possible."

 

"Well, what's your opinion?"

 

"It's your business, Dean."

 

"I'm asking you brother to brother, what is your opinion?"

 

"I think splitting the auto repair from the restoration side makes sense. It's a smart business move. Do you trust Garth and Jody enough to take over repair?"

 

"Yeah, I do. They're great, the whole staff is great. I mean I'll still be there to oversee all of it, but I'd rather focus my time on building up the restoration side into it's own thing. Give it it's own brand, ya know?"

 

"Smart business move. Start with applying for a business license and I'll do what I can to help you from there."

 

"Thanks Sam, I really appreciate it. Oh, by the way Cas said that he'll be there this weekend and I told your receptionist that I'm gay. I'll call you later."

 

Sam shook his head when he heard his office door shut. He may be younger by four years, but it didn't always feel that way.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean saw Cas getting into the elevator and rushed to make it through the doors without being obvious. "Headed to lunch?"

 

"I was just going to grab something real quick."

 

"Do you mind if a grease monkey tags along?"

 

"Not at all, is he hot?"

 

"You really are an asshole," Dean laughed, kissing him quickly before the door opened on the first floor. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"You have worked here for how many months and you've never been to this deli?"

 

"I rarely eat out. This guy who's working on this case with me is a slave driver. I'm lucky if I get bathroom breaks," Cas grinned.

 

"You should have tried growing up with the guy. So, two things. First, just as an FYI I told Rachel that I'm gay so that she'll stop hating me. Second, I'm going to split the business. Repair and restoration will each be their own entity. Thoughts?"

 

"You told her that you're gay?"

 

"Okay, that's not the part I thought you'd focus on, but yes. If a girl thinks that a guy isn't into her, but has no good reason, it fucks with their self esteem. She's a nice kid and I didn't want to do that to her. I played the gay card so that she thinks that there was never a chance that I'd sleep with her."

 

"Would you have?"

 

"No. But now she has a way to explain it to herself. Shit, I need to get back to the shop. I can probably apply online for this business license, right?"

 

"Um maybe."

 

"Okay, I've got to go. Call me or text me or show up naked or something," Dean said quietly, standing up and dropping a kiss on the top of Cas's head before he left. Sometimes Dean was hard to keep up with in bed, most of the time he was even harder to keep up with in the real world. But, at least now Cas knew where to get the best sandwiches within walking distance of the office.

 

\-------------------------

 

"I have the paperwork filled out and I can pay the fee as soon as possible...I do actually have a business proposal and model that I can send over, do you want that via email?...Yes, I can get it to you today...That's it? That's all I need?...Well, I'll get that all turned in and wait to hear back from you...Thank you very much" Dean sighed with relief and leaned back in the office chair with his feet up on the desk. He'd asked himself how Bobby would feel about him splitting the business, but he knew that old man would just smile at him and call him and idjit. This was his chance to do something for himself. To actually make a name for himself. He went out into the shop and called everyone together.

 

"Everyone? Hey Rich, I know you've got that fuel pump to work on but I just need you for a minute. So, I know that I just told you all that nothing is going to change around here, that I'd still run Singer Auto just like it had always been run. I take that back, I have decided to make some changes," he heard the subtle groans. "I'm splitting the business. We will now have Singer Auto and Winchester Restoration sharing a building. Garth and Jody will step up on the repair side, and unfortunately for you restoration guys I will be all over your asses. Repair, I'm still here and I'm still the owner if you need any fires put out, but I have total faith in Garth and Jody. Also, the apartment upstairs has been emptied and cleaned so if anybody is interested in renting it, come talk to me. I'd rather have one of my own people in it than a stranger and I'll give you a good deal. Thanks guys." Everybody dispersed and Dean suddenly realized how afraid he was. In a matter of two days he had turned a pipe dream into a reality and he didn't know if he could pull it off. He took a deep breath and walked back into the office to go over the Winchester Restoration paperwork. He yelled "Come in" when he heard knocking on the door. "Hey Garth, take a seat. I want you to know that the way you've stepped up has blown my mind. I've always known that you had it in you. Now if you're here to give me your two weeks, I politely decline to let you end your employment."

 

"Uh no, you won't be seeing my two weeks," the skinny mechanic smiled at Dean. "It's about the apartment. It's a little embarrassing, but I still live with my parents, in the basement. I'd love to take it over. I mean I have keys to the shop in case of emergencies and the whole bit. It just makes sense, right?"

 

Dean smiled, "It makes a lot of sense. I'll tell you what, if you can keep your mouth shut, and I mean shut, I won't charge you. All I ask is that you keep an eye on both sides of the business after hours and make sure the shop is clean before you go home. You can tell everyone that I'm a total dick and I'm charging you a shit ton of money if you want. I really don't want any of them thinking that Bobby Singer's punk ass nephew has gone soft."

 

"Thanks Dean," Garth shook his hand with a strong grip and looked like he just been given the greatest gift ever.

 

"I got rid of the furniture, so there really isn't anything up there."

 

"Oh, I've got my bed and a few other things. And that's what thrift shops are for, right?"

 

"Right. Here's the key, you can start moving your shit in anytime you want. I appreciate your hard work. I don't know what I'd do without you and Jody."

 

\-------------------------

 

"Why are you so worried," Cas questioned, laying his legs across Dean's lap on the padded bench outside. He had become the one in charge of throwing the rope for Chuck, and it made Dean laugh every time.

 

"Because this many good things don't happen for me in this short amount of time. Part of me feels like shit for being happy, I mean when you think about it, it's barely been a month since Bobby died. Now I have the Rachel thing taken care of and off my mind. I'm splitting the business. I've drawn up the final plans for the add-on and I'm going to start tearing into it this weekend. I rented the apartment to my best grease monkey. Then there's this, us. I don't deserve all of it, Cas," Dean was surprised when Chuck actually brought the rope to him this time to toss. "Fickle bastard," he whispered, scratching him behind the ears.

 

"But look at all of the shit. The alcohol and women, your dad, Lisa and Ben, Bobby, it's piled up pretty high. You deserve this. And when you really look at it, you're actually just making more work for yourself. Two businesses and the add on, and you haven't even finished my car," Cas smiled.

 

"True, but it's almost ready to go to paint and I'm taking it to Marco next week. That guy has some serious talent. He can free hand shit that I'd never even consider stenciling. It's going to blow your mind. But he agrees with me about the emerald green. The customer is always right, but I still think you might want to reconsider. Maybe a blue or a black."

 

"The customer is always right, and this customer wants it emerald green. Now, we've never discussed payment for your labor."

 

"Again with the making me feel cheap."

 

"I'm serious Dean, you didn't spend all of those Sundays sweating your ass off in my driveway for nothing."

 

"This isn't 'nothing' to me, Cas." Dean said quietly. "That car brought you here and I won't accept a dime from you."

 

"I can't do that."

 

"Yes, you can. You will. I just wanted to rebuild that thing, I didn't care about the money. For the first time in my life, I have money. It was a distraction, and then a way to make a friend, and then a way to find the best friend that I've ever had, and now we're here throwing a rope covered in slobber and drinking coffee.” With Garth living above the garage, Dean felt okay about taking Saturday's and Sunday's off. He still got calls, but he could usually talk them down. He needed to trust his employees so that they would trust him. "Are you ready for the barbecue tomorrow? Sam, Jess, my mom, they'll all go easy on you. Prepare yourself for the onslaught of questions from two four year old's who love their Unca Dee."

 

"I am seriously more nervous about meeting them than I would be meeting your brother, Jess, and mom for the first time."

 

"You should be. They can be animals."

 

\-------------------------

 

They let themselves into the house, walking through the kitchen and family room to slide open the glass door that would take them into the backyard. "We have beer, drinks that are not beer, watermelons, and a bunch of other shit...I mean stuff that we picked up at the store. Where do you want us to set it down, Sammy?" He leaned over to kiss Jess on the cheek. "Wow, you are..."

 

"Don't say it."

 

"Even more beautiful than you were the last time I saw you," he grinned.

 

"You are a smart man, Dean Winchester," Sam laughed. Cas was standing nervously behind him. "Seriously Novak, you see me more than anybody else here."

 

"Can we not to the Novak and Winchester thing? You say Novak and I have no idea who you are talking about. He says Winchester and we both turn around, actually we probably all do. You can do that weird expensive suit locker room thing at the office."

 

"Okay, okay, I've got it. It's just a hard habit to break."

 

"Unca Dee!" They heard the squealing behind them. Mary took everything out of Dean's arms so that he could squat down.

 

"Okay wait, your swimsuits match, your floaties match, this is going to be a hard one. You'll have to give me a minute," he tried to look serious. "MaryEllen," he smiled, poking JoAnna in the stomach.

 

"You almost always get it wrong, Unca Dee."

 

"No, you are MaryEllen, I swear."

 

"I'm JoAnna," she giggled.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Mommy, will you tell him that I'm JoAnna."

 

Jess laughed, "I'm not getting involved with this. You'll have to work it out with Unca Dee."

 

"Okay JoAnna, if that's your real name, I'll believe you this time," he grinned. "Now where are Unca Dee's hugs?" The water wings that were wrapped around their little arms made it even harder for him to breathe.

 

"Come swim."

 

"I will, just let me talk to you mom, dad, and grandma first."

 

"Who's that?" MaryEllen was pointing at Cas.

 

"That's my friend Cas. He works with your dad."

 

"So you're a liar too?"

 

The adults all had to bite their tongues, "Sometimes, but usually he's a lawyer."

 

"I thought that you were attacked by a liar." JoAnna said, looking very serious and very concerned.

 

"Unca Dee was just joking. I was teasing your dad. The first story was true, I was attacked by a bear. But I was able to wrestle him to the ground and we had a nice talk."

 

"You are really silly. C'mon MaryEllen. Mommy said we could go in the pool if we stay on the stairs."

 

"Nice save," Sam smiled.

 

"Smart kids. Do you want a beer, Sammy?"

 

"I'd love one."

 

"Cas? Mom? We brought a shi...lot of juice and soda too. Pick your poison, Jess." 

 

Dean got everybody a drink and made the introductions. Cas and Jess had met briefly, and their mom had seen him, but now that they knew he felt like it was time to introduce him as somebody else. He hugged and kissed both of their cheeks, remarked on how amazing their yard was, how beautiful their house was, and stayed away from the subject of Jess's pregnancy.

 

"So you're the one who keeps Sam so busy?" Jess smiled.

 

"Uh no, Sam is the one who keeps me busy. Being an established jr. partner is one thing, being the new guy is another."

 

"They gave you the gig because you earned it on the Olsen case," Sam called. "The downside of being good at your job, they give you more work."

 

"So that's how to run a successful business? I need to take notes. Mom! I didn't tell you, I'm splitting the business. You are looking at the owner of Singer Auto and Winchester Restorations. The guy said roughly 60 days until they can issue the license, but it's approved and ready to happen. And I have the final plans for the add-on so I'm going to start tearing into that soon."

 

"Why are you adding on? You are a bachelor with a three bedroom house."

 

"Right, one for me, one for those two munchkins, and one for you. When that little boy in there shows up he's going to need one. You're getting bumped to master bedroom status, with your own bathroom. I'm going to build a sweet room for me on the back. Big, lots of windows, a 3/4 bath, and I'm thinking it's own patio."

 

"What's next? A room for Chuck?"

 

"Have you seen the dog house he built?" Cas laughed. "I think it's more elaborate than the princess beds."

 

"I have got to get over there and check all of this out," Sam called over his shoulder. "Who wants steak and how do you want it cooked? Who wants chicken? There's only one way for that if you want to avoid salmonella. And yes, I have your hot dogs," he said before the girls could ask.

 

\-------------------------

 

They ate and laughed until they couldn't eat anymore. Cas, Sam, and Dean went inside to change into swimming trunks while Mary and Jess sat back to watch and gossip.

 

"Not what I expected for Dean," Mary said quietly. "But he is handsome, educated, and seems very sweet."

 

"And have you seen the way he looks at Dean? Maybe I'm being hormonal and dramatic, but it's like Dean is his world."

 

"Now this stays between us, I don't even want you telling your husband. Dean confided in me that Cas was abandoned as a baby and grew up in the foster system. He doesn't have a family. He doesn't trust people. Dean just might be his world right now."

 

"Right now?"

 

"Dean has rushed into things since he was a baby. He gets these big ideas, and doesn't always follow through. I've seen it time and time again with him."

 

"I don't know. He's done amazing things with Bobby's business. He's remodeled that entire house almost completely by himself. And for the first time in years, he actually looks happy. He's always happy when he comes here, but there's always been this underlying, I don't know, restlessness maybe. I haven't seen that in weeks. I know that he was a mess when Bobby died, and Sam thinks that this is fleeting. A fling or new experience. I'm not so sure that he's right."

 

They watched the three grown men splash around in the pool, dunking each other, letting the twins dunk them. They swam and played with paddle boards. The girls even took to Cas and would wrap their arms around his neck from behind and let him pull them around the pool. They finally got out and laid on towels on the warm concrete. Cas smiled because it reminded him of all of those days in his driveway when he and Dean would just talk while Dean worked on his car.

 

"Cas?" Dean had taught him the trick to telling them apart, so he knew that it was MaryEllen talking to him.

 

"Hhhmmm?" Cas murmured.

 

"Are you Unca Dee's bestest friend?"

 

"I'm pretty sure that I am. Well, other than Chuck."

 

"Chuck is a dog," she giggled.

 

"Wait, what? I thought we weren't supposed to tell him that."

 

"We don't, but he's still a dog," JoAnna chimed in. "Unca Dee never brings his friends over here."

 

"Uh, Unca Dee is too busy to have a lot of friends," Dean said, knowing that these two were way too smart for their age.

 

"So Cas is a special friend?"

 

"Yeah, I guess he is a special friend."

 

"Is he your boyfriend?" MaryEllen finally asked.

 

"Can boys have boyfriends?" JoAnna looked at her sister.

 

"Of course. Anybody can have a boyfriend and anybody can have a girlfriend."

 

"Wait, Unca Dee you said that boys are icky."

 

Dean smiled, "They are, very very icky."

 

"Except for daddy, you, and Cas, right?"

 

"Right."

 

"But," Sam interjected, "If you ever meet a boy like your Unca Dee..."

 

"Run!" Sam and Dean said in unison, laughing.

 

Dean laid back on the towel and let his skin soak in the warm sun. "Out of the mouths of babes," he said quietly.

 

\-------------------------

 

Brick and mortar laid on one tarp, the other was covered with pieces of wood in all shapes and sizes. Dean rested the sledgehammer against his leg and took the cold beer from Cas's hand. "You really should try this. Demolition is therapeutic," he panted. Cas picked up the sledgehammer and started swinging it, watching the mortar rain down while the bricks came loose. He looked back at Dean and smiled before he took another swing. "I told you," Dean grinned. "And I don't know why, but watching you do that is seriously hot."

 

"You think that everything is seriously hot."

 

"Only when you do it."

 

"What about my neighbor? You know, Mrs. Anderson who suddenly likes working on her flower beds in that wife beater thing with no bra?"

 

"Okay, that's pretty hot too."

 

"She didn't start doing it until you started showing up to work on my car. But," Cas said, swinging again. "It does give me something to look at when I'm mowing my lawn."

 

"Do you mow your lawn shirtless?"

 

"Sometimes, why?" Cas panted.

 

"Just...thinking..."

 

"Of course you are. Is this like years of pent up sexual frustration or something?"

 

"Maybe," Dean said, moving up behind Cas. "Or maybe you just bring it out in me," he said quietly, wrapping his arms around Cas's waist, running his lips across his neck. 

 

"I thought you needed to get the demolition done out here."

 

"I do, but I don't need a new room yet. I have a perfectly good bedroom inside the house," Dean said, dropping his work gloves and sliding his hands up Cas's shirt.

 

"I'm supposed to be working from home." 

 

"You can take breaks. It will only take a few minutes..." Dean whispered, nipping at his earlobe.

 

"We both know that it will take longer than a few minutes."

 

"And that's a problem?" Dean asked softly, running his fingers over Cas's sensitive nipples.

 

"No..." Cas moaned softly, leaning his body against Dean's. 

 

"Call it a long lunch break," Dean reached down and grabbed Cas's hand, leading him into the house.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas's hair was still wet from the shower when he started scrolling through the hundreds of pages of legal documents. Sometimes he felt like an accountant, adding the numbers and checking the dates. He was absentmindedly throwing the rope for Chuck when something caught his eye. He pulled up a few other documents and studied them, but went back to the financial ledger that he'd been poring over for days. He picked up the phone and dialed.

 

"Sam, it's Cas or Novak or whatever you want to call me...Yeah sorry, your brother is taking down a brick wall. I'll go inside...He can't really back out now, most of the wall is laying on tarps but that's not why I called you. I was looking over these financials and there was a large deposit made into another account in April...I've been staring at this shit for weeks and I don't think that I've seen this account number before...Millions...It might be offshore...Okay I'll run the report and see if it pops up anywhere else but we may want to consider getting warrant to have a hold put on the account so that we can look into it...I'll call you back."

 

He went back outside and started running reports, comparing dollar amounts and account numbers. 

 

He felt the kiss on the top of his head. "Hungry?"

 

"Mmmhhhmm..."

 

"Go out or stay in?"

 

"Uh, stay in."

 

"Steak? Chicken? Burgers?"

 

"Whatever, surprise me."

 

"What is going on?"

 

Cas looked up at Dean. "I think that we may have found some serious fraud and money laundering in the middle of our simple lawsuit."

 

"Wow, so you and Sam are going to have your noses stuck in those computers constantly."

 

"It's my job, Dean."

 

"Cas, I'm not complaining. Sometimes I pull 16 hours at the shop and have enough time to shower, eat, and spend a little time with you before I go do it all over again. I'm impressed. I'm proud of you."

 

Cas didn't think that anyone had ever told him that before. He reached for Dean and pulled him into a kiss. "Thank you. And my vote is for burgers, extra bacon, extra greasy."

 

Cas could hear Dean’s laughter as he went in the house to clean up and get dinner started.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas closed his computer and pushed it aside when they sat down to eat. "As soon as I get the foundation and framing done, I can call in the electrician and plumber. Between this and the shop, I'm going to run myself ragged. Did you look at the plans?"

 

"Dean, I've looked at the plans like 20 times."

 

"I know, but every time I ask you what you think you just smile and tell me that they look good."

 

"They do look good."

 

"Cas, you spend almost as much time in my bedroom as I do. You have suits hanging in my closet. I don't want that to change any time soon, so I would like your input."

 

"Okay, then I say either a jacuzzi tub instead of just a shower, or a hot tub on the outside patio."

 

"You want a hot tub?"

 

"You asked."

 

"Okay, then I guess I'm installing a hot tub. Outdoors on the private patio."

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was putting in easily 60 sometimes 80 hours at the office and then opening his laptop the minute he showed up at Dean's. Dean was at the shop for at least 12 hours a day, getting Winchester Restoration up and running, going over the books, meeting with Garth and Jody. They finally had the chance to go to dinner and knew that they needed to enjoy every minute of it.

 

"So, my mom didn't expect to be here this long. She just packed a small bag, but she felt like Jess was far enough along that she might as well stay."

 

"I'm sure that Jess is thrilled about that."

 

"Mom can get overwhelming, she just has this need to take care of everybody and everything. Jess is independent and likes things done her way. But, I think since the twins were born they've gotten past a lot of that. I did actually have a point. I offered to go to Kansas for a few days to pick some things up for her."

 

Cas looked up from his plate. Dean hadn't been to Kansas since before Bobby died, and he remembered how it had torn him up. "Do you want me to go with you? I can work remotely."

 

"No, I can handle it. But here." Dean slid a key across the table.

 

"What's this?"

 

"Um, it's a key, Cas."

 

"Yeah, I got that part, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's to your house, but I already know where you keep your spare."

 

"Good, then you'll be able to get in if you lock yourself out. Listen, normally I have Sam or Jess drive past and check on the place while I'm gone. Go in and turn lights on or off so that it looks like somebody’s home. If somebody is actually home, then the whole light thing will kind of take care of itself."

 

"If you're not there, I can't...I mean it's your house...and..."

 

"Okay, be honest with me. Do you think that you could spend a week at your house sleeping in your bed alone?"

 

"I have no idea," Cas smiled. 

 

"Could you spend a week sleeping in my bed alone?"

 

"Possibly."

 

"Well 'possibly' overrules 'I have no idea'. I want you to stay. I want you to come and go as you please. So take the key, sleep in the bed, but no parties and girls over while I'm gone," Dean grinned. "I already talked to Garth and I'm going to let Marco keep an eye on the Restoration side, which scares the shit out of me, but I figure that I'll leave in the morning and I'll be back in a few days."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean laid in bed and watched Cas get ready for work. He could never get bored of looking at that body and those sleepy blue eyes. He could hear him in the kitchen, making coffee and feeding Chuck. He felt spoiled when Cas brought him a mug and kissed him before he left. He stayed in bed a little longer, thinking about the list that his mom had given him and the things that he needed to do. She didn't want him to go alone either, but he reminded her that he was a grown man and with Jess as close as she was, Mary needed to stay there. He finally got out of bed and showered, packed a bag, left a note for Cas, and loaded Chuck in the car. He started the long drive with the windows down and the music loud.

 

\-------------------------

 

He pulled into the familiar driveway and still felt the pang of guilt. He couldn't bring himself to look at the spot where his father had died, it was quicksand. He texted everyone to let them know that he'd made it safely and let Chuck into the backyard before he started wandering around. He looked into Sam's old room, the books still in perfect rows on the shelves, the blanket that their mom had made one Christmas still pulled neatly over the twin bed. He looked into his own room. The shelves were full of the vinyl records that he'd collected and his old stereo. He still had a box of cassette tapes somewhere that he kept meaning to go through. He looked into his parent's room. It was like nothing had changed since John had died. His mom had moved all of Sam's academic medals and Dean's few sports trophies downstairs and put them on a shelf in the living room with pictures of them when they were kids. Alone, together, with their dad, with mom, and a few of all four of them. She had an entire shelf dedicated to just the twins. Dean could only smile because he had a shelf just like it at home. He hadn't really been alone in this house in over ten years and he just walked around, running his fingers across the counter tops and looking at things. He finally went outside and sat on the back step, figuring that Chuck had found a stick by now. He smiled when he watching the dog drop it next to him and wait. 

 

\-------------------------

 

It was always strange to wake up in his old room. It took him a moment to look around and realize that it wasn't time to get ready for school. He packed up the things that his mom needed and spent the day driving around Lawrence, looking at how much things had changed. In his mind, it was still a small town, but it wasn't the same town that he grew up in. He decided to stay one more night and then do what he came there to do before he went back home.

 

\-------------------------

 

He didn't cry or apologize at his father's grave this time. He didn't say much at all. He talked a little about Bobby. He talked about the shop. Then he rested his hand on the warm marble for a moment before he walked away. He sat down on the grass in front of the Braeden headstone. Both of their names were there, both of the dates were there. They were buried together, as they needed to be. He set the flowers on the ground and chuckled, "After all of these years this is the first time I've actually brought you flowers. That probably makes me an asshole, but I know that you get it. I found someone, Lis. Maybe you already knew that, maybe you didn't, but I actually found someone. After you...after this I didn't think that I could do it. I couldn't put myself in that position again. I still think about you every day, and the crazy part is that he knows it. I talk about you and Ben, and he listens. He trusts me and he believes in me just like you did. Everybody told me that I just needed to pick up the pieces and move on, but I couldn't," his voice cracked. "There was no moving on or starting over. It was you, it was always you, and that's never going to change. You and Ben, you were my world and sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe because it hurt so much. Even after I moved, my fresh start, nothing changed for me. I smiled and I laughed, but it was always empty. He's given me my life back and I have felt guilty as hell for letting it happen. But I know that you loved me and that the constant pain isn't what you'd want for me. I will never love a woman like I love you, never. But now I have him and...I don't know...I can breathe again. He means everything to me and I think that if you met him, you would love him too. I needed to come here so that I can let go. I can't say goodbye, but I need to let go. I will always love you, Lisa. You and my son. That will never change. I hope that wherever you are, it's somewhere beautiful." He stood up and pressed his lips to the top of the stone before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking away. He slid into the passenger seat and reached back to scratch Chuck behind the ears before he started the car and left. He knew that he'd be back, Kansas was where he grew up, but he also knew that he'd let go and move on. It was bittersweet when he pulled onto the highway and headed back to California.

 

\-------------------------

 

It was late, but Cas's car was in the driveway when he pulled in. He quietly put the dog in the backyard before he stripped down and crawled into bed, reaching for Cas. "Hey baby," he whispered. Cas moved into his arms and Dean rolled him on his back, settling between his legs. Cas's body came alive under his hands and mouth. Dean touched him where he wanted to be touched. Their bodies slid together in a slow and sleepy haze. They arched and rocked, But Dean needed more. He slid the pillow under Cas's hips and dripped lube on his cock. He desperately wanted to be inside of Cas, to feel his body. He heard the gasp in the dark when he buried himself, but held his body perfectly still, running his hand up the side of Cas's face, kissing him deeply. he could feel the hunger, the passion, the tears. They shifted and started slowly moving. Dean was gentle and tender, he needed this to last, it had to mean something. They pressed their bodies together, trapping Cas's cock between them, knowing that the friction and Dean's slow thrusts would be enough to make him come. Dean was dizzy with emotion as he ran his lips across Cas's neck, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I love you," he whispered, feeling Cas's body tremble beneath him. They kissed until they were breathless, trying to hold back, but their need was too overwhelming and they were moving faster, pushing their bodies together harder, fingers digging into soft flesh, mouths biting and kissing. Cas's cry met Dean's loud groan as they came together. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled their sweaty bodies together. "I love you too," he said softly, feeling Dean's tears against his neck. 

 

After a quick and silent shower, they crawled back into bed and Dean laid on his side, pulling Cas to him. "I really do love you, Cas," he whispered against the back of Cas's neck. "I love you, Dean."

 

\-------------------------

 

"Marco, Billy is almost done with the upholstery on that Camaro. I want it in paint today if you can. I know there's a list, but this one is mine so I'm going to throw around the boss thing," Dean grinned. He was finally going to have Cas's car ready. He didn't think Cas had been home enough to realize that he'd even taken it back to the shop.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean just nodded at Rachel on his way to Sam's office. He found it empty and dropped the bag on the desk, sitting back to rest his feet next to it. He watched the door open and a head poke in.

 

"Oh, sorry I was looking for Winchester."

 

"You found one. God, that last name thing is really annoying. Now come here before my brother shows up." Dean wrapped his hand around Cas's tie and pulled him down into a kiss. "You really need your own office so that we can..."

 

"Is that all you think about?"

 

"Nope."

 

"Okay," Cas gave Dean another small kiss, "I've got to go."

 

"Cas, I meant what I said last night."

 

"So did I."

 

Dean leaned back again and smiled.

 

\-------------------------

 

"How was Kansas?" Sam asked, opening the container of sushi.

 

"In some ways more painful and in some ways less painful than it's ever been. But, I took care of what I needed to take care of and brought back enough stuff for mom to practically move into your house," Dean grinned.

 

"I honestly wish she would. Her and Jess have become close, really close. They haven't been butting heads at all."

 

"Maybe she'll stay after this one comes. I mean we are down to days aren't we?"

 

"Her due date is Friday, and she is so ready."

 

"Well, I really need to get my house done. So I heard something about this settlement case might involve money laundering and fraud?"

 

Sam checked to make sure the door is shut, 'We think so, but it's kind of hush hush right now. I still can't believe that Novak found that one little difference in all of that paperwork."

 

"He's amazing, Sam. And he did it ten feet away from where I was destroying a wall with a sledgehammer."

 

"Yeah, I heard that part. I knew that the guy is a good lawyer, but I would never have see that."

 

"So if it is money laundering and all of that shit, what does that mean?"

 

"Well obviously it goes to the criminal courts. I'm not sure how Crowley will handle that part, but he's going to get some serious free advertising out of this. I wouldn't be surprised if your boyfriend got promoted."

 

"My boyfr..."

 

"Hey, my kids officially gave him the title."

 

"Okay, I can accept that. It'll just take a little getting used to. I've never actually referred to him as that."

 

"You don't refer to him at all. You don't talk to anybody about your private life, Dean. If he hadn't gotten, I don't even know what he got, but if he didn't leave that mark on your neck after Bobby died, I probably still wouldn't know."

 

"I told him that I love him last night, Sam."

 

"Wow, okay I did not see that coming. Do you?"

 

"Yes, I do. Maybe it's stupid but part of the reason I wanted to go to Kansas alone was to let go. Lisa was my world, Ben was my son. You guys have been telling me for years that I need to move on, but it's not that easy. I can't look at another woman without thinking about Lisa. I can't even consider having children of my own. I only had a couple of years with Ben, and it wasn't enough. You guys were the ones who needed me to get past it, I was fine being alone. I had accepted that's just how my life was going to be. I never would have thought that things would turn out this way. I know that you and mom think that I'm rushing into something, that it's some type of phase or experiment, but it's not. I mean, do you ever roll over in bed and look at Jess while she's sleeping and wonder how in the hell you got so lucky?"

 

"Actually, I do. All of the time. I'm still waiting for her to realize that she's way out of my league," Sam smiled.

 

"Well, this conversation has become entirely too ‘lifetime network movie’, and I'm sorry about that. I just, I want you to accept him. I get that he's you co-worker and you have to see him as that. But he's someone else when he leaves this place. He's someone who makes your brother happy."

 

"That's all any of us have ever wanted for you, man. So, how's the demolition going?"

 

"Oh, the fun part? It's done. I actually have the foundation and framing finished. I'm having an electrician and plumber come out next week..."

 

"Seriously, how do you find the time for all of this shit?"

 

"Sleep is highly overrated, Sammy."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was still panting, sweat running down his face when he bent down to kiss Cas softly. He pulled himself on his elbows and looked into those blue eyes. He pressed his hand to the side of Cas's face and ran his thumb across his cheekbone, "This, here, it's better than anything that I've ever had." Cas reached for him and pulled him into a deep kiss. They were both satiated, but he still wasn't ready to let go of Dean. His hands wandered while they kissed and...

 

Dean's phone went off.

 

"It's like 2:00 in the morning, who in the hell would be texting me?" Dean grabbed his phone and jumped out of bed. "Okay, we need to get in the shower." Cas looked over his shoulder and saw that the text was from Sam and it was two words long, "baby time"

 

They showered quickly and left the house. Cas kept reminding Dean to go the speed limit, but finally gave up. He'd heard that the twins took 16 hours, he was pretty sure that they had time. Dean parked haphazardly and Cas tried to keep up with him. They found Mary in the labor and delivery waiting room. Dean went to her and hugged her tight. He stepped back and she pulled Cas to her for a hug.

 

"So, how long?" Dean asked, already starting to pace.

 

"Her water broke at home a couple of hours ago. I dropped the girls off with Jess's parents and I've been out here waiting ever since."

 

"So no word, nothing?"

 

"Not yet," Mary watched him pace and realized how much he was like his father. "I'm hoping that Sam comes out with some type of update."

 

Mary and Cas sat and watched Dean pace, repeatedly saying, "Please be a boy, please be a boy."

 

"Has he always been this uptight?" Cas questioned.

 

"Let's just say that Dean has always had a lot of energy and not always somewhere productive to direct it."

 

"He's running two businesses and rebuilding his house, I think he has direction. But look at him, you'd think that he was waiting for his own baby."

 

"To him, he is," Mary said softly. "I know that he told you about Ben. He insisted that having a family, children, he just couldn't do it again. When Dean feels something, he feels it deeply and he feels it for a long time."

 

"I know that he does. I know that I am part of the reason that he went to Kansas this last time. He needed to let go to make room for me."

 

"He told you that?"

 

"He didn't word it that way, but yes."

 

"Okay, so be honest with me, Cas. This thing between you..."

 

"I love him if that's what you're asking. Neither one of us was looking for it. I don't think that either one of us even wanted it, and certainly not from each other. We had a business arrangement, he was restoring my car in my driveway as a side job. It was a way to keep himself busy. I had just gotten away from and ugly situation and moved here. I didn't really know anybody. We started talking. Every Sunday I would sit in my driveway and we would just talk. Then we started hanging out, beers and burgers, that type of thing. We never saw anything other than a best friend when we looked at one another. But, the day came when he needed me and I was there. Everything changed. I don't know why, I really don't know how, it just did."

 

"When Bobby died."

 

"Yeah, it was when Bobby died. He didn't want to be alone, he wanted me to stay with him. I've just kind of been there ever since. Sometimes on the weekends when it's just us, drinking coffee and throwing a stick for Chuck, it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist. Am I saying too much? I'm a little nervous here."

 

"Not at all. With everything that he put us through, and everything that he's been through, it's nice to hear about the times when he's happy."

 

"He's just...I don't know...he'll promise that he's going to rebuild my car, or he decides on a whim to restructure his business, he wants to remodel his house. It all sounds like pipe dreams but then I watch him do it, all of it. He takes it on, but he doesn't half ass it. I mean I'm not sure where my car is, I'm guessing it's at the shop. He's got the business license for Winchester Restoration, and the back half of his house has a tarp covering it while he waits for an electrician and a plumber. I've never known anybody who is so determined."

 

Mary watched Cas while he talked, she could see the adoration in his eyes, she could hear it in his voice. 

 

Finally Sam came through the doors. "They're going to have her start pushing, hopefully it shouldn't be long. I've got to get back in there."

 

Dean reached out for Cas's hand and pulled it to his lips before letting go and starting to pace again. They waited and Dean paced.

 

\-------------------------

 

"I cannot believe that Sam won't tell us the gender until we get to see Jess and the baby in the recovery room," Dean groaned.

 

"It's only going to take us like five minutes to get there," Cas said.

 

Mary just leaned impatiently against the wall in the elevator. They got to the room and saw Jess holding the baby, it's head covered by a yellow hat. "No pink? No blue? Seriously?" Dean asked. Sam stood up from where he'd been sitting next to Jess's bed and took the baby from her. "Okay little one, this is your Unca Dean, if your sisters let you call him that. Unca Dean, I'd like you to meet Dean Robert Winchester," Sam smiled, handing the baby to his brother.

 

"Wait? What?" Dean looked from Sam's face to Jess's. 

 

"You have your nephew. Dean Robert Winchester. We figure we'll call him Robbie," Jess smiled.

 

They all saw the tears in Dean’s eyes while he counted fingers and toes and whispered to his nephew. "He's perfect."

 

"Does grandma get a chance to hold the little guy?"

 

"Oh, sorry mom," Dean handed the baby to Mary and bent over the hospital bed to wrap his arms around Jess, "Thank you," he sniffled. He stood up and hugged his brother, "Congrats man." He turned to Cas and let himself be held. "I can't believe they named him after me, I mean..." he whispered. 

 

"They love you, we all love you," Cas said quietly.

 

"Cas? Do you want to hold him?" 

 

Dean let go and watched Mary hand the baby to Cas. He played with the tiny hands, laughing at the scrunched up little face when he yawned. "He really is perfect," he said, handing him back to Jess.

 

"I knew that tearing apart my house was a good idea. We have a nephew." Dean hugged Cas from behind, resting his chin on Cas's shoulder.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas turned down Dean's street and saw the Impala parked at the curb. He was confused until he started to pull into the driveway and saw the emerald green car parked where the Impala usually was. He grinned, it was the exact color that he wanted. He walked around it a few times, looking in the windows, before grabbing some grocery bags and his laptop out of the backseat. He could hear the nail gun and knew where he'd find Dean. He dropped the groceries in the kitchen and went outside, tossing the rope for a very lonely looking Chuck.

 

"Pretty sweet ride in the driveway."

 

"I hope you aren't talking about that German piece of shit that you insist upon driving."

 

"Nope. The car is perfect. How much do I owe you?"

 

"Well, I'm not cheap," Dean said, coming down the ladder.

 

"You kind of are. I mean I bring you steak and beer and it is not hard to get you into bed."

 

"You could bring me saltine crackers and a bottle of water and it would not be hard to get me into bed," Dean smirked, kissing Cas hard.

 

"See?" Cas laughed.

 

"Oh, I made you something. It's over there by the blue tarp. I also left you something on the table. I had a presumptuous moment," Dean said, climbing back up the ladder. "Sorry, but I want to try and get this plywood nailed on the roof before it gets too dark."

 

Cas set his laptop on the table and saw a small handful of business cards. He looked up at Dean who was doing his best to ignore him before he walked over to the tarp and saw the sign. "Uh, realtors? For sale by owner with my phone number? I'm sensing a theme here. Am I wrong in guessing that this is Dean Winchester's way of asking me to move in with him."

 

"It's actually just common sense and a matter of finances."

 

"Oh this should be good. Finances? We both make good money."

 

Dean climbed down the ladder and walked to Cas. "Right? But then there is the common sense. How many nights have you spent at that house since the first time you stayed here? A few? You are basically paying a mortgage for a large storage unit. People always say that things change when you move in together and blah blah blah, but we already get on each other's nerves. We each have our own designated side of the bed. I have expensive suits hanging in my closet that I can't imagine I would ever need. And playing fetch with Chuck is taking a toll on me, I could really use the help," he smiled, cupping Cas's face. "Is there anything about that house that means anything to you?"

 

"Other than the driveway, no."

 

Dean smiled before he gently kissed Cas, "If you don't want to, I get it. This is a zero pressure thing. It just makes sense to me. You are always here, I want you here. I'm installing a damn hot tub for you. But life has kicked us both in the ass and if you're not ready..."

 

"I'm just surprised, I mean I wasn't expecting it."

 

"So I'll wait, patiently."

 

"I didn't say no..."

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him close. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was going over the books of both businesses. Restoration was making a lot of money, and repair was doing well. The waiting list for restoration was up to four months and he knew that he needed to hire some more people. He called a few of the guys into his office and shut the door. "We have a four month waiting list, you guys are killing it out there. So, Marco, I am putting you over paint. Billy, I want you over interiors. Andy, you get detailing. We are going to need a few more people, so if you know anybody then send them my way. We are going to run out of shop space soon.

 

\-------------------------

 

At least Rachel smiled at him and said hello when he showed up for lunch with Sam. He smiled back and went to his brother's office.

 

"I have been waiting, I am starving."

 

"Damn, slow down there cowboy and let me set the bag down." Sam was already unwrapping the huge burrito before Dean had a chance to prop his feet on the desk. "So, uh, to share an uncomfortably emotional moment, you didn't have to name him after me. But thank you."

 

"The girls wanted to name it Elsa if it was a girl and Kristoff if it was a boy. We dodged a bullet."

 

"I thought you'd name him after dad or yourself."

 

"We thought about it. But Jess turned to me one night and said Dean Robert. It just kind of stuck. You love him as much as we do, and he'll know it."

 

"Yes he will. So whatever happened with that settlement thingy? The one where Cas found the shady deposits and shit?"

 

"Cas doesn't tell you?"

 

"Nah, he lets me save the interesting conversations for you. He tries explaining it but gets distracted by other shit that he finds and I'm about to start a 'how to live with a lawyer' support group with Jess."

 

"So, he's officially moved in?"

 

"Yep, his house is on the market. His female neighbors are not happy about losing the hot guy who mows his lawn shirtless and hangs out with the guy who works on the car shirtless, but he figures it'll sell pretty quick. He's going to realtor route so that he doesn't have to do the showings or any of that shit. It's a nice house, so if you know anybody who's looking..."

 

"I'll keep it in mind. So the settlement, we might be in over our heads. This guy is shady, seriously shady and it looks like it may end up going to court. Money laundering, fraud, I think that they might even start looking at RICO charges."

 

"Like mafia type shit?"

 

"Yeah, kind of. I can't believe his dumbass didn't just take the original settlement. Actually, I can't believe that Cas is that good. Most of us wouldn't have found that different account number. His financial documents filled an entire box, and there was one small mistake. Your boyfriend caught it and Crowley stands to gain a lot from it. It won't be Cas or I who take it to court, but when it hits the press that Crowley and Associates found this guy, it's going to be big. Cas will be the boy king, and I will get some trickle down glory for working on the case with him."

 

"It's that big?"

 

"It's that big. He is a hell of a lawyer."

 

"Being a lawyer is all he's ever had. It's all he ever wanted and he busted his ass to get here. He works his ass off and we barely spend any time together, but I'm proud of him."

 

"You two are seriously too cute."

 

"Shut up Sam."

 

"No, really. Even Jess says so."

 

"You're an asshole," Dean smiled, throwing a balled up napkin at his brother.

 

\-------------------------

 

"So, you got some new people hired and you're looking to possibly buy the building next to the shop?"

 

"Yep. I need to expand."

 

"And you finished the bedroom?"

 

"Yep. I just need to throw some carpet and paint down and we can move in. The hot tub is being installed on Friday."

 

"They took the case from Sam and I and sent it to another department."

 

"Yep, but only because my baby is a kickass lawyer. Are we making a list of what's happened over the last month?"

 

"Kind of."

 

"Okay," Dean said, turning on his side and pulling himself up on his elbow. "And we're doing this because?"

 

"I think we might have free time."

 

"Okay, there is absolutely no chance that we have free time. You must be forgetting about something."

 

Cas looked into those emerald eyes. He could get lost in Dean's eyes. "Think about it, we've been laying in bed for over an hour with nothing to do."

 

"Nothing to do?"

 

"I mean no responsibilities. Neither one of us has a single thing that we absolutely need to get done today."

 

"Okay, that's just weird. I've been meaning to build that playground out back..."

 

"I think that we should go somewhere," Cas said, struggling to sit up.

 

"Go somewhere?"

 

"Yeah, out of town. Away from work and responsibility and all of that shit. Have you ever actually taken a vacation? Planned it out, made reservations, the whole deal?"

 

"Well, no."

 

"Neither have I. I'm not talking a two week cruise. Just a weekend or something."

 

"Are you sure that we have free time?"

 

"Yes. I can tell them tomorrow that I need some time off between projects and you said that you trust Garth and Jody to run repair and you have Marco basically running restoration. Hell, Garth lives above the shop. You could step away for a few days."

 

"What if after spending every waking, and sleeping, moment together we realize that we don't really like each other that much?" Dean grinned.

 

"You are such an asshole."

 

"I'm kidding, baby. I love you and you know it. So I guess the big question is, where?"

 

"Not Vegas."

 

"Shit!"

 

"We should go to Tahoe."

 

"Isn't that like all uppity and expensive and shit?"

 

"It can be, but we really don’t need to worry about the money."

 

"Good point. It's been a long time since I've actually seen anything that remotely resembles a mountain. And, it will actually be cold there."

 

"So should I make the reservations?"

 

"Cas, you paid to get my mom here when Bobby died. I'll take care of it, okay."

 

"You don't owe me for that."

 

"I know that I don't. I know that celebrating your birthday is not a thing for you, so let me do this instead."

 

"I love you."

 

"How could you not?" Dean grinned.

 

"You really are an asshole."

 

"Yes, I am. But I'm an asshole who loves you too, now come here."

 

\-------------------------

 

"So, we'll leave here Thursday morning and then come back on Tuesday? Is that too much time off work?"

 

"Nope, I'll just let Crowley's secretary know. What about you?"

 

"Garth, Jody, and Marco can handle it. Oh, and I hired another woman. She's going to work with Marco in paint."

 

"Is she hot?"

 

"She's my employee."

 

"Right, but is she hot?"

 

"According to the guys at work, yes Donna is very hot," Dean grinned.

 

"You keep hiring these hot chicks..."

 

"And yet I'm taking you to Lake Tahoe for a weekend. Are you ready? I want to get to Sam's and get my hands on that baby."

 

"You know that you have to give him back before we leave, right?"

 

"Maybe. Now let's go."

 

\-------------------------

 

"Unca Dee!" they screamed in unison. He picked them both up and waited for the choke hold. "It's our birthday," MaryEllen said.

 

"So that's why Cas insisted upon bringing those presents. I kept asking him, but he wouldn't tell me. So how old are you now? 27? 28?"

 

"We're five," JoAnna giggled.

 

Dean got kisses and set them down, taking the presents from Cas so that he could get attacked. The girls loved Cas. He was still getting kisses and hugs when Dean set the presents on the table and went looking for the baby. "There you are," he murmured, taking him out of Sam's arms.

 

"Uh, it's nice to see you too," Sam laughed. Dean kissed both his mom and Jess on the cheek, but refused to hand over the baby until Jess's parents showed up.

 

Dean always felt awkward around Jess's family. The Moore's were good people, they were always kind and treated him with respect, but Jess had been raised with money and they had an air about them that Dean didn't understand. He was giving the polite hello's and shaking hands when he heard one of the twins. "Grandma, Grandpa, this is Cas. He's Unca Dee's boyfriend." Dean looked at Cas, he could see that he was frozen. MaryEllen had a iron grip on his left hand and JoAnna had an iron grip on his right. "He's a liar, just like daddy." Cas relaxed a little when everybody laughed and he got the twins to let go long enough for him to introduce himself and shake hands.

 

The girls squealed with each present they opened while the adults passed the baby around. Dean was holding Robbie against his chest when Cas leaned over, "We are so building them that playground."

 

"You have officially been sucked into the uncle trap."

 

"Is there any escape?"

 

"Oh hell no, but you are helping me build it."

 

"Is he getting a race car or rocket ship bed?"

 

"You are beyond sucked in," Dean smiled.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas had taken the day before the trip off of work. He was between cases and said that he needed to get some things done, including picking up some warm clothes for both of them. Dean had some things to go over with his management team. He would be out of town and they wouldn't be able to get a hold of him. He had faith in Garth, but he needed them to know exactly what he expected. They'd decided to leave early and drive the Camaro for it's first road trip. Dean stopped by Sam's and dropped off a key with their mom. She was going to stay at the house and take care of Chuck while they were gone. Sam and Dean were starting to feel like after all of these months in California, they might be able to talk her into selling the house in Kansas and staying. Dean had sold all of Bobby's cars and had a good sized bank account already opened for her. If she didn't want to live with either of the brothers, they'd agreed to chip in and get her into a condo. He got home and started packing, looking at the list that Cas had left. He tried to call Cas, but he didn't answer. Cas never answered when he was driving. He sent him a text before he fed the dog and played outside with him for awhile. It was starting to get dark when he tried to call Cas again, still no answer. He knew that Cas had a bad habit of leaving his phone in the car when he went places so he sat down and turned on the TV. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he kept checking his phone. He called Sam and asked if he'd seen Cas at the office. He hadn't. He tried to call Cas again, and again it went to voicemail. He could feel it, the knot in his stomach. He grabbed his keys and drove over to Cas's house, but the car wasn't there and it was dark. He sat in the driveway and tried calling again, but he still didn't answer. He was starting to panic, the pain had moved to his chest. He didn't know what to do. He needed to call places, places that he didn't want to call, but he couldn't do it. He got in his car and headed to Sam's. He needed his mom.

 

\-------------------------

 

Traffic was backed up and he was pounding on the steering wheel hard enough to break it. It was well after rush hour and construction season had ended. It wasn't until he got to where the red and blue lights were that he realized what had happened. He recognized the smashed up BMW, he recognized the license plate number, and he got dizzy. He wanted to throw up, but he knew that he needed to find out, he needed to know. He asked his phone for directions to the nearest hospital and turned around in a parking lot. He was only a couple of miles away. He was terrified while he drove. He could barely see, he wasn't paying attention to what was around him, he seriously considered running red lights. He knew that he needed to try and stay calm. He could cause an accident and destroy somebody else's family. He finally got to the hospital and parked, pocketing his keys and running into the Emergency Room. "Cas Novak?" The lady at the desk just looked at him. "Castiel Novak, is he here?"

 

"Are you family?"

 

"I'm his husband. Is he here?"

 

"I'll buzz someone to come get you."

 

He was pale, shaking, and barely able to stand while he waited by the large doors. He was sweating and had to look at the ceiling to keep himself from throwing up or crying, or both. A young nurse finally came for him and had to grab his arm to hold him up and calm him down. He couldn’t hear a word she said when she led him to an examination room and opened the glass door. He heard it slide closed behind him as he pushed the curtain aside.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was laying on the bed, his shirt covered in blood, the side of his face raw and bleeding, a line of stitches across his forehead, and a cast on his left arm. Dean fell to his knees and buried his face against Cas's chest. 

 

"Dean, I'm okay."

 

"I saw the car," Dean cried softly.

 

"Oh god, I am so sorry. I know that it looked bad, they had to use the jaws of life, but I'm going to be fine." Cas ran his hands through Dean's hair and tried to hold his shaking body.

 

"What happened?" Dean finally whispered.

 

"I was side swiped and the German piece of shit, as you call it, hit the median and rolled. The airbags went off but fucked up my face and I still smacked my head, they are pretty sure I have a concussion. I broke my wrist. Other than a few other bumps and bruises I'm okay."

 

"I called you."

 

"They left all of my things in the car. The police went back to get it for me and I've just been waiting. I would have called you from a hospital phone, but I just have you programmed in, I don't know your number. I don't know anybody's number. I just pick a name and hit call. I've realized that's a bad idea. I need to make a list and keep it in my wallet."

 

"Cas, you know that I can't lose you."

 

"I know, and I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

 

"It's not your fault, It's just..."

 

"I know," Cas said quietly, kissing the top of Dean's head. "But I'm okay, I'm not going anywhere, I love you and you are stuck with me."

 

"I love you too."

 

Cas held him and tried to soothe him. He couldn't imagine what had gone through Dean's mind when he saw the car. 

 

"What were you doing out this way?" Dean asked softly.

 

"I had some paperwork to do. I sold the house. I was going to grab dinner and surprise you, but then this shit happened."

 

"You sold it?"

 

"Yep. I told the driveway goodbye for you," Cas smiled.

 

Dean wiped his face and moved into a chair when they heard the doctor come in. "Mr. Novak, I have your personal belongings." He handed Cas his phone, laptop, and a few other things. "The nurse said that your husband is here to pick you up?" Dean looked at Cas and shrugged. Cas knew that it was the only way they would have let Dean see him. "Here are the instructions for taking care of the cast. You're going to want to follow up with an orthopedist. Here are the instructions for the stitches, just come back here or go to you primary care physician to have them removed in seven to ten days. Here are the instructions for the concussion. I've written you a prescription for some pain medication."

 

Dean stood up and gripped the Dr's hand, "Thank you so much." 

 

The doctor just nodded and turned to Cas, "You can fill your prescription in the pharmacy down the hall and then head home. Rest and relaxation will be the best medicine. Good luck Mr. Novak." Cas shook his hand and smiled.

 

Dean picked up all of Cas's things and helped him up before they quietly walked down the hall to get his medication and head home.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was pacing, leaving the take out that they'd ordered untouched on the table. "What do you mean we're still going?"

 

"We're still going, Dean. The doctor said rest and relaxation, this trip is the definition of rest and relaxation."

 

"Cas, you are hurt and I'm guessing shaken up. Hell, I'm pretty fucking shaken up."

 

"I know that, so let's get out of town for a few days and leave it all behind us. I'm fine. I'm sitting at our table, eating dinner, wishing that my boyfriend would sit and eat with me." He reached out with his right hand and wrapped it around Dean's wrist, "Dean, when I saw the blood and them breaking out the jaws of life all I could think about was what this would do to you. I broke my wrist, I have a few stitches on my head. My face has this whole Phantom of the Opera thing going on, but I'm here and I'm touching you and I'm not going anywhere except for Lake Tahoe. Please, just sit down and relax. We need this."

 

Dean sighed and bent down to kiss the top of Cas's head and wrap his arms around his chest. "Okay, you're right, you are. I'm over reacting."

 

"You aren't over reacting. You were scared, and I understand that, but there is no chance in hell that you are getting rid of me this easy."

 

Dean sat down and looked at Cas. The bluer than blue eyes, the large cut on his forehead, the mark on the side of his face, he was beautiful. "You are not replacing that thing with another German piece of shit," he insisted.

 

Cas chuckled, "No more German pieces of shit. Hell, I'll let you pick one out for me."

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean called Mary to tell her about the accident. He didn't want her coming over and finding any paperwork without explaining it. She was just as concerned about Dean as she was about Cas, but breathed a sigh of relief when he told her about the injuries. She'd seen the look in her oldest son's eyes when he looked at Cas and she was starting to believe that what they had was real. He made sure that the requisite six hours had passed without dizziness or vomiting before he gave Cas a pain pill and helped him out of his clothes and into bed. The dark purple and bright red marks that covered his body made Dean cringe. He kissed him softly before pressing his lips against every scratch, every bruise, and every mark. He gingerly pulled Cas to him. "I can't lose you too, you know that I can't." Cas turned his head and searched for those emerald eyes in the dark. "You won't." The pill knocked Cas out and Dean was happy to lay awake and just listen to him breathe.

 

\-------------------------

 

He wrapped the cast per the instruction sheet and pulled Cas into the shower, wincing when he saw the look of pain as the hot water hit the side of Cas's face. He knew that he needed to step back, stop babying him, but he couldn't help himself. He loaded their bags in the Camaro's small trunk and they backed down the driveway and towards Lake Tahoe.

 

\-------------------------

 

The lodge was beautiful, the suite even more beautiful. Dean had gone all out and spared no expense. From the bottle of champagne chilling on ice to the plate of chocolate covered strawberries, the room was made for lovers, and that's exactly what he wanted. Cas immediately went out to the balcony and stared at the landscape, shivering from the cold. "You need to come out here and see this," he called.

 

"Just a minute, I'm exploring."

 

"Of course you are," Cas mumbled under his breath. 

 

Dean sent off a quick text to Jess and Sam, letting them know that they'd made it safely before following Cas outside and wrapping his arms around him from behind. "Not to kill the mood, but It's fucking freezing out here."

 

"You have truly turned into a California boy," Cas smiled, turning in Dean's arms. "So, what do we do first?"

 

"Well, Mr. Novak, on a scale of one to ten, what is your pain level?" Dean grinned.

 

"If I said zero, you wouldn't believe me would you?"

 

"Absolutely not."

 

"Well my pain level is about ready to climb into that bed for a nap. You've been driving for hours and I'm guessing that you'd be happy to join me?"

 

Dean smiled when he closed the glass door behind him and figured out how to get the gas fireplace to work. They climbed into the soft bed and held each other under the down comforter. Cas ran his right hand up Dean's chest and leaned in to kiss him deeply, sliding their tongues together with a low moan. Dean hesitated, but Cas just kissed him more passionately. "I'm not made of glass," he whispered against Dean's lips. Dean moved his mouth across Cas's neck and down his collarbone. He kissed and nipped at his chest, sucking on one nipple and then the other while sliding his hands down Cas's sides. His lips were gentle when they traced the subtle ridges of muscle on Cas's taut stomach, sliding further to kiss the sensitive skin on his hips, wrapping his fingers around Cas's cock and slowly stroking. He heard the heavy breathing and hungry groans when he swirled his tongue around the head, teasing him. He looked up to watch the rise and fall of Cas's chest before sliding his tongue up the silky skin of the shaft and taking the head in his mouth, gently sucking. Cas's hips were slowly rocking, his hands sliding down to rest on the back of Dean's head as he took more of Cas into his mouth, moving up and down, using his tongue and full lips to help Cas forget about everything. Cas's hands pressed gently and Dean felt the throbbing before he let out a moan and bent his head forward, taking Cas's cock down his throat, swallowing the warm sticky come. He carefully licked and sucked until Cas was limp and too sensitive to be touched before he crawled up the bed and pressed their lips together, pulling Cas's trembling body against his. "I love you," Cas whispered. "I love you too, baby," Dean said quietly, reaching down to pull the comforter over them before they fell asleep in each other's arms.

 

\-------------------------

 

They slept for hours, through the night while the fire burned low and the ice that had been chilling the champagne had long since melted. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean woke up first and picked up the phone, speaking quietly while he watched Cas sleep. He threw on a soft fluffy robe when he heard the gentle knock on the door and tipped the waiter generously after telling him he'd call to have them come pick up the trays. He put the bottle into a new bucket of ice and set the trays on the oak table before he climbed back into bed and woke Cas up by trailing his lips across his neck and sliding his hand down his body. Cas rolled over and stretched, his yawn turning into a smile when he saw the glimmer in Dean's eyes. "You can sit up, but you are not allowed out of bed yet," Dean said, kissing him quickly. He set a tray on Cas's lap and watched his slow smile. It was a full breakfast in bed. The omelette still warm, the fruit still cold and fresh, and the champagne still bubbling. Dean picked up his own tray and set the basket of baked goods between them. 

 

"Dean," Cas looked at him with wide eyes. "I've never had anybody do anything like this for me."

 

"Well, now you have. Start eating before it gets cold."

 

They ate and cuddled, Cas declining a pain pill. Nothing hurt, everything felt right. 

 

"This is what happens when I have free time and a credit card," Dean mumbled against the top of Cas's head.

 

"We seriously need more free time."

 

"We seriously need a shower. I'll call the lobby and have them come pick this shit up and then I thought if you're up to it, we can just wander around. Look in all of the shops and buy cheesy souvenirs for everybody."

 

Cas grinned and wondered how in the hell he ever got so lucky, "I definitely feel up to it. I didn't, uh, hit you with my cast in my sleep did I?"

 

"Only a few times, but I figure that the bumps on my head will go away soon."

 

"Did I really?"

 

"No," Dean chuckled. "But let's get that thing wrapped up so that we can shower. A green cast? What is it with you and green?"

 

Cas smiled slowly, "I have my reasons."

 

\-------------------------

 

A few souvenirs turned into bags of toys for the girls. T-shirts and collectibles for everybody, multiple onesies and a new hoodie for Robbie. Every time Cas saw how much Dean loved his family, it just made him fall in love even more. They walked through the tourist trap part of town, their hands together, fingers intertwined for hours. They zipped up their jackets and ignored the cold, knowing that they didn't have anywhere to be. Dean didn't take his phone out of his pocket once. Not to call the shop to check in, not to call his mom or Sam, every moment was devoted to his time with Cas.

 

\-------------------------

 

"I say rocket ship."

 

"Really?"

 

"His uncle owns and auto shop. A race car seems a little cliche," Cas smiled.

 

"So a whole space theme? Stars and planets and shit?"

 

"I wouldn't expect any less from you."

 

"Well, you are not getting that castle bed with a moat that you so desperately wanted," Dean laughed.

 

"I think I'll live. Do you really think that Sam and Jess will let us take Robbie for the night when he's still a baby?"

 

"Nah, we'll have to wait a few months. They made me wait almost a year with the girls. I still have the cribs in the garage somewhere. I'll just need to get the furniture moved around and get one set up for him."

 

"You are amazing. Crazy, but amazing."

 

"Hey, you are the one who is ready to draw up plans for that playground in the backyard."

 

"I can't help it. I look at those faces..."

 

"And they own your soul. Trust me, I know."

 

"So, room service again for dinner?"

 

"Nope, I made reservations."

 

Cas stopped walking, "Okay, I have watched you work on cars and tear apart your house with a sledgehammer. This whole romantic thing is kind of throwing me off. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining one bit, but I really don't know what to think of it."

 

"What? A guy can't be multifaceted? Remember, you've also seen me at my weakest, when Bobby died, when I'm with those kids. When I sat on the beach and told you my story. When I fell apart at the hospital after I saw that you were okay."

 

"None of those things make you weak, they make you human."

 

"Again with the knowing what to say and when to say it," Dean pulled Cas to him for a light kiss. "But yes, we have reservations for dinner. Room service will have to wait until breakfast."

 

"I love you."

 

"How could you not?" Dean grinned before tugging on Cas's hand. They still had more to see, more shops to visit, more memories to make.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas looked around the intimate and cozy dining room. "What is it with this town and fireplaces?"

 

"Uh, probably the fact that it's fucking cold. Especially for those of us who are used to the SoCal sun."

 

"Or ambiance."

 

"Well, there's that too. You've looked like a kid in a candy store all day. You really haven't had anybody do something like this for you, have you?"

 

"No, I haven't."

 

"Even when you were with Hannah?"

 

Cas sighed, "Hannah was all about Hannah. I was a lawyer, albeit a struggling one, and that in itself was appealing. She looked at me, but she saw two kids and a white picket fence. I didn't deliver, I wasn't going to deliver. She bought me Christmas presents and birthday presents, but never put any thought into it. God, I'm making her sound like a bad person. She's not, she wasn't. She just started off with expectations and thought that she could change me. I couldn't do it. It's not who I am."

 

"But you're okay with a plain wooden fence, a couple of nieces, and a new nephew?"

 

"Yes, I am. You've never pushed me, other than the for sale sign that you made. But I've never felt like you're sitting back waiting for me to see the light and want something that I really don't want. Our house, my job, your family, I don't know, it just all makes sense.Those kids love their Unca Dee more than anything, but you aren't always with them so you miss them when they aren't there. You spoil them and play with them and then go home and drink a beer while you watch a movie. You don't have to feel guilty about how much time you spend working or doing all of the other things that you do. It's like the best of both worlds for you."

 

"For us, Cas. I know that this has all moved fast, faster than I ever expected. Hell, neither one of us expected it in the first place, but it's gone from zero to sixty in just a matter of months. My mom, Sam, they thought it was a passing thing, but they see it now. I went to Kansas and I let go of something that I've been carrying around for a long time. When I got back, when I walked through that door, all I wanted to do was to make love to you and tell you how I felt. I knew that night that you are my rope, you've pulled me out of the quicksand. I'm impulsive and I don't always think things through, but I do my best to get them done. I was a punk ass kid who treated my parents and my brother like shit. I didn't think about anybody but myself, but I'm not that guy anymore. I don't even like that guy. My family, my business, my home, that guy didn't have those things and he was going nowhere. I still feel that restlessness, it's who I am, but instead of drinking or raising hell, I tear apart the back wall of the house or I paint a damn wooden castle pink. You know," Dean smiled, "it all started with Bobby believing in me. He handed me a clipboard and told me to go out and get his shop running smoothly. I knew that I couldn't let him down because he never let me down. Then Sam saw it. He saw how hard I worked, how much that shop means to me. He saw me settle down and buy the house. With my mom. it took time. Probably a lot of time spent holding her breath, but she's finally proud of me. And then there's you. You took me to the hospital that day because you could see that I couldn't do it myself. I needed you and you were there, as my friend. You came to me at the beach more than once, as my friend. Even after we slept together, you never let it get in the way or get awkward. You still call me an asshole when I'm being one. You put me in my place when I need it, but you also believe in me when I need it. There was this moment, I was tearing down that damn brick wall and I looked over at you. Your laptop was open and you had this intensity, this focus. You showed me what you'd found, but you didn't dumb it down. You didn't treat me like Mr. Blue Collar, you made me feel like I was your equal. You got your hands dirty when you helped me with the car or swung that sledgehammer, but you didn't act like any of it was beneath you. You get up in the morning and put on an expensive suit that hangs in the closet right next to my blue work clothes that has a name patch on the shirt. You stand in the shower and help me clean the grease off of my hands and then fall asleep with your head in my lap because you've worked for 20 hours straight. You have never judged me, Cas. You have never expected anything from me other than just me. In your driveway, you were just a guy in jeans and a t-shirt hanging out with a guy in jeans and a t-shirt. That's what we've always been. At home, here, even in bed. You don't let me call the shots, you give me your opinion and then you trust me. Now, I know that your birthday doesn't mean anything to you. Hell, change the date if you want to. It's not the numbered box on the calendar that matters. What matters is that somewhere, somebody brought you into this world, and a party at my brother’s, that I didn't even want to go to, brought you into mine. Maybe it’s selfish, but I need to celebrate that. I need you to have a birthday so that I can celebrate the fact that you are here. I know that I'm all over the place, but it comes down to one thing. When we are at Sam's, everybody in the room is a Winchester, with one exception. Novak means nothing to you, I know that. It's something that you wrote down when you sold your house and it's the name on your mail. So, how do you give a guy something to celebrate his birthday, when he can already buy anything that he wants or needs? This is as impulsive as hell," Dean said, his voice shaking. "But all I have to offer you is a name." He held out his hand and opened it. It was a simple platinum band with a few diamonds subtly inlaid. "Our house, the holidays at Sam's, barbecues, they all belong to the Winchesters, not a Novak. If you aren't ready, I understand. I really do, but I'll hold on to this until you are."

 

Cas was speechless. Nobody had ever made him feel like he was somebody, let alone somebody worth loving as much as Dean loved him. Dean didn't buy him a piece of jewelry, he was offering an entire family. A life that made sense. A brother and sister-in-law, a mother-in-law, nieces, and a nephew, a place in their lives, the opportunity be be one of them. His cast was on his left arm, but his fingers weren't covered when he held his hand out and let Dean silently slide the ring on it. Dean moved around the table and knelt down next to him, holding a hand against the side of his face and pulling him into a tender kiss. "I love you, Cas," he said quietly, pressing their foreheads together.

 

"I love you too, more than anything. I wasn't expecting this...I mean...I don't have..."

 

"It's a matching set," Dean handed him another ring and let him slide it down his finger with shaky hands. They kissed again before Dean moved back to his chair. The silence was broken by a waiter pouring champagne.

 

"I'm going to guess that we have a reason to celebrate?" He asked with a smile.

 

"Yes, we definitely have a reason to celebrate," Cas grinned, his blue eyes shining as he reached across the table for Dean's hand.

 

"Are you ready to order?"

 

Cas was distracted and barely looked at the menu before he ordered and handed it silently to the waiter. "Did that really just happen?'

 

"You're wearing a ring aren't you?"

 

Cas chuckled and looked at his hand, "I guess we'll have quite a story to tell."

 

"Yes we will. Especially if I can convince you to do it here."

 

"Get married? In Lake Tahoe?"

 

"Yeah, I'm Dean Winchester and eloping is exactly what people would expect from me. I don't want to do the flowers and music thing, I just want me and you standing somewhere outside with a judge, freezing our asses off. I promise, I'll only let them take pictures of the side of your face that you didn't bang up."

 

"I don't care which side of my face is photographed. How long have you been planning this?"

 

"About a week. It helps that you are so damn organized. Finding your birth certificate was a lot easier than I expected."

 

"So we are going to go home married?"

 

Dean looked across the table and smiled, "If you're ready for it we are."

 

Cas just smiled back as the waiters put their plates on the table. "I’m ready."

 

\-------------------------

 

After dinner, slices of a small congratulatory cake, and the manager insisting that he would not take their money, they went back to the hotel and Cas once again went to the balcony to lean against the railing. Dean walked outside and wrapped his arms around him from behind. "So by this time tomorrow I'm going to be..."

 

"Legally and contractually mine," Dean grinned, placing his lips softly against the back of Cas's neck. Cas tilted his head forward and felt Dean's lips move across his neck, his warm hands sliding up his shirt, the ring cold against his skin. He turned in Dean's arms and their gazes locked. Dean kissed him tenderly, still needing to to be gentle. Cas kissed him passionately, needing to feel him. Dean led Cas into the room and slowly slid their clothes off, Cas's right hand moving over his body, his fingertips trailing, his face buried in Dean's neck kissing and nipping. Cas fell to the bed, reaching for Dean, spreading his legs and pulling their bodies together. They were hard, their cocks trapped between them when Dean kissed him gently, Cas parted his lips to deepen the kiss, slowly rocking his hips. "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you." Dean whispered, desperately wanting to move, desperately wanting to feel Cas's skin slide against his. "You won't hurt me," Cas said softly, his mouth curling into a slow smile when Dean started rocking, the familiar friction becoming all consuming. Cas held his left arm against the pillow above him, his right hand eager as he ran it up Dean's back, digging the fingers into muscle and soft flesh. The full lips were hungry when they pressed against his, urging him to deepen the kiss with a soft moan. With heated abandon Cas arched his body, his legs trembling and his cock throbbing, he felt the release and cried Dean's name before pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, needing to feel Dean come against him. Their mouths came together, Cas's hand slid down Dean's back, pressing until he felt Dean tense and groan loudly, the warmth between their stomach's spreading. Dean was gentle when he held Cas against the mattress, propped up on his elbows. He didn't want to hurt Cas with his body weight. His lips dropped feathery kisses near the stitches and the cheek that was still red, but slowly healing. He had only the firelight to lose himself in those blue eyes that were always so full of emotion when they made love. They shared a long lingering kiss, Cas trailing his fingertips up Dean's spine, both of them shaking and sweating. "You make me feel things that I didn't know existed," Cas whispered. "Then I'm doing something right," Dean whispered back.

 

\-------------------------

 

"You spend a lot of time out here," Dean said, walking out onto the balcony. They were fresh out of the shower, their bodies wrapped in the plush robes, an almost imperceptible cold breeze blowing against them. Dean stood next to Cas and leaned his arms on the railing.

 

"So many people want to see the beach, the surf and sun. At home, we can see that any time. But here, the trees and the rocks, it's just a whole different world. There's nothing like it. My life is changing in ways that I never expected, and it's changing in a place that I've never been."

 

Dean reached over and wrapped an arm around his waist, "This is what I wanted for you, Cas. It's what you deserve."

 

"You are the only person who can tell me that and make me believe it."

 

"Then I will tell you that every day. C'mon, let's go to bed. We have things that we need to do tomorrow."

 

\-------------------------

 

There were no suits, no flowers, no line of family members by their sides. They were standing on dirt and rocks, surrounded by the trees that fascinated Cas. The air was cool and smelled of pine. They were two men in button down shirts, open at the collar, with suit jackets and jeans, each holding a ring in their hand. They didn't need special vows. They had already said everything that they needed to say, at the restaurant, on the balcony, at home, in the sweet words they whispered in bed. All Dean asked was that judge not say "Until death do you part." He needed to hear that it was forever, that Cas would always love him. They slid the rings on slowly with wet and shining eyes before they shared the sweetest kiss and most profound embrace that they had ever known. The judge smiled at them when he said "Mr. and Mr. Winchester" and a photographer took pictures, even ones that showed Cas's injuries. Dean wanted to remember how beautiful Cas looked. The stitches, cast, and scrapes made him even more beautiful because he was alive, and he was Dean's husband. The judge's assistant who served as a witness waited for the ink to dry before handing them the completed license and hugging them both, assuring them that they were the most handsome couple that she'd ever had the honor to witness. They held hands and walked through the patch of woods slowly after everybody had left.

 

"So, does it feel any different?" Dean finally broke the amiable silence.

 

"I didn't expect it to, but it does."

 

"Because 20 years from now we can fight like an old married couple?" Dean grinned, winking at his new husband.

 

"Because you just gave me a family. They don't know it yet, but now I'm somebody's son, somebody's brother, somebody's uncle, and somebody's husband. I have a name that means something and a ring on my finger that will remind me every day that I'm lucky."

 

"It's not luck, baby. It's where you belong."

 

"For the first time in my life, I feel like I do."

 

They stopped and held each other close, memorizing how everything looked and smelled. Memorizing the sounds around them. These were all of the things that made Dean want to get married this way. He wanted it to belong to them and not to the big reception that he knew Jess and his mom would want to throw. They finally let go and walked back to the parking lot to get in the green Camaro that had brought them together. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean had never been more gentle, even when he slid his fingers inside of Cas, stretching and searching, slowly skimming his finger across the spot that made Cas tremble with need. He buried himself, running his fingers down the side of Cas’s face, kissing him tenderly. They lost themselves in a haze of low moans and soft sighs, calloused hands touching soft skin, their bodies arching together in a perfect rhythm. The sensitive skin of Cas’s thighs sliding against Dean’s hips with each slow thrust. Their eyes locked, their lips met, a fine sheen of sweat forming between their bodies to create an easy friction. It was an unhurried passion that took them to another place. They whispered words meant only for each other until the physical hunger brought them together quickly. Dean watched Cas’s eyes when he came, crying out before pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, the tension in his thighs encouraging Dean to rock against him. With one hard thrust he buried himself and came, kissing Cas deeply, feeling his body tremble beneath him. There were tears in their eyes when Cas wrapped his right arm around Dean’s body and held him close. They had just made love on their wedding night, and they both knew that they would never feel closer than they did at that moment.

 

\-------------------------

 

Instead of taking the time to wrap it, Cas just held his left arm away from the water while Dean moved across his body with tender soapy hands. They kissed and touched, promising that they would never let go. They dried each other with large fluffy towels and curled up in the soft bed, pulling the down comforter over them letting the low burning fire leave shadows dancing when they kissed one last time before falling asleep as Mr. and Mr. Winchester.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Okay Mr. Winchester, I say that we stay in bed all day, order room service, and watch movies.”

 

“This Mr. Winchester thing is going to get confusing,” Cas smiled. “Especially when I go back to work as Sam’s partner.”

 

“Oh shit, I didn’t think about that. There’s some serious office gossip for Crowley and Associates. Novak eloped with Winchester’s brother, who at one time dated the receptionist.”

 

“I’ll just hide in Sam’s office until it all blows over.”

 

“I can’t believe they haven’t given you your own. You found information that the defendant or whatever was trying to hide and sent that thing into the criminal system. That’s pretty big.”

 

“Something caught my eye when I was scrolling through hundreds of pages of financial records. It was really just a happy accident. Your brother worked a lot harder on that settlement than I did.”

 

Dean leaned over and pressed his lips to Cas’s. “Well, I think that’s enough talk about work and my brother. I only have a couple of more days until I have to go back to sharing you with the world and fully intend to spend this day in this bed with my gorgeous new husband. I can’t believe you were dumb enough to say yes,” he grinned.

 

“Why wouldn’t I? We got cake and a free dinner out of it.”

 

“You are such an asshole,” Dean laughed.

 

“And yet you still love me.”

 

“More than anything. Now, let’s call room service, I’m starving.”

 

As agreed, they stayed in bed all day, eating, napping, watching movies, always keeping their bodies close. It was like a dream that only felt real when they looked into each other’s eyes or absentmindedly touched the matching rings on their fingers. 

 

\-------------------------

 

They drove around the lake with the windows down and the music loud. They hiked, Dean being overly cautious and doting on Cas. They stopped at coffee shops and overpriced bistros. At night they made love and held each other, talking about the future, their family, their home. Cas took pictures of the sunset from the balcony, Dean took pictures of Cas standing on the balcony, not realizing that he was being photographed. They left their house to spend four quiet days together, not knowing that it would be their engagement, their wedding, and their honeymoon. They were somber when they packed up the car and got on the highway headed southwest, the highway that would take them home.

 

\-------------------------

 

They were exhausted when they got home. Mary had left a note that the dog had been fed, she had stocked the refrigerator for them, and she’d gone back to Sam’s. They set their bags on the floor and stripped quietly before crawling into their own bed. They wrapped their arms around each other and fell asleep with the words, “I love you” on their lips.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean got up early and made coffee. They had both taken the day off to recover from the trip. He walked around the house quietly, scratching Chuck behind the ears and giving him an extra treat. He waited until Cas stumbled sleepily out of the bedroom and poured a cup of coffee before he even spoke.

 

“My mom said the guys were here to deliver and install the hot tub while we were gone.”

 

“You talked to your mom? Did you tell her about us?”

 

“No, she sent me a text. Anyway, I’m going to go check it out and make sure they put it where we wanted it,” he walked away, hoping that Cas would follow him. He crossed the new bedroom and opened the sliding glass doors when he heard Cas behind him.

 

“What in the...how in the hell…”

 

Dean turned around and smiled at the look on Cas’s face.

 

“It’s almost identical, the fireplace, the bed, the comforter, all of it. It looks just like…”

 

“Um, another impulsive Dean Winchester moment. Too much?”

 

“No, it’s perfect. But how did you do it? I mean there wasn’t even paint or carpet in here when we left. We got to the lodge late Thursday night. How did…”

 

“I took pictures when we got there, sent them to Jess with my credit card number, and she pulled it off. She has a degree in interior design, and a lot of connections. She texted me yesterday to let me know that it was done.”

 

“But why?”

 

Dean went to Cas and wrapped his arms around him, “Because our life together started in a room like this, and I don’t ever want you to forget that.” Cas leaned against Dean and closed his eyes. It didn’t matter how many times Dean told him that he deserved a life like this, he didn’t know that he truly believed it. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“You don’t have to carry everything, I can help.”

 

“You have a broken wrist.”

 

“It’s my left wrist, I am right handed. You’re going to drop something.”

 

“Use your right hand to knock on the door and open it,” Dean grinned, his arms laden with gifts.

 

“God, you are a pain in my ass.”

 

“Do you really want to go there?” Dean winked. “Now knock and open.” Cas rolled his eyes and gently knocked on the door as he opened it. “Knock, knock. Anybody here?” Dean called.

 

“Unca Dee!”

 

Dean hurried and set down the bags before the twins were able to knock them out of his arms. “Hey,” he said, squatting down. “Come give me hugs and kisses.” He was almost thrown backwards as small arms wrapped around his neck and his face was covered in sticky kisses.

 

“Are those for us?” MaryEllen asked, looking up at the collection of bags.

 

“Oh shoot, Cas? Did we remember to get anything for the girls?”

 

“Dang it, I knew that we forgot something.”

 

“What happened to your face? It looks weird.”

 

“JoAnna!” Sam’s voice echoed. “Remember when we talked about manners?”

 

“It’s okay Sam,” Cas chuckled. “I already told Dean that I’m thinking of trying out for Phantom of the Opera. Especially if it scars.” He turned to JoAnna, “I was in a car accident.”

 

“Did you almost die?”

 

“No, I didn’t almost die,” Cas smiled. “I bumped my head pretty hard, see the stitches? I scraped my face and I broke my wrist,” He held up his cast.

 

MaryEllen joined her sister in examining Cas’s injuries. “I’m glad you didn’t almost die,” she said. 

 

“Thank you,” he said, kneeling down to hug them both.

 

“Okay, where’s that baby?” Dean called.

 

“Nice to see you too, Dean.”

 

“Thanks Sam, now where’s my nephew?”

 

“I think somebody missed you,” Jess cooed to the baby before she handed him to Dean. 

 

Dean kissed her on the cheek and cradled the baby against his chest. He walked to the family room and bent to kiss his mother on the cheek before he sat down. “Oh, I’m sorry Sam. Did you want a kiss too?” he grinned.

 

“Uh, I’m good. But, thanks.” He stood up to help Cas with the bags. “Holy shi....cow. You seriously banged yourself up, man. Wow, how are you feeling?”

 

“I’m good. The stitches come out in a few days. I need to make an appointment with a specialist to have my wrist looked at. You should have seen the car, I’m lucky that I was able to walk away.”

 

“German piece of sh...crap!” Dean called.

 

“Look at his cast, Daddy. What’s this?” JoAnna asked, touching his ring.

 

“Um, that was a gift.”

 

“It’s really pretty.”

 

“Thank you,” Cas stammered. He’d been worried about how they were going to tell Dean’s family. Sam sat on the floor with the girls while Cas hugged and kissed both Jess and Mary.

 

“I’m so glad that you are okay,” Mary said when Cas sat down on the couch next to Dean.

 

“Yeah, that was not a fun night,” Dean lifted his head and looked at his mom. She knew how scared he must have been, that it had been just as traumatic for Dean as it was for Cas. 

 

The girls were slowly going through the bags with Sam’s help, asking who each item was for and delivering them to their rightful owner. Jess laughed when she saw the large pile of clothes and toys for Robbie. “I think you may have gone a little overboard.”

 

“No such thing, not when it comes to these munchkins,” Dean smiled at the girls playing with their toys on the floor while Cas reached out and let the baby hold his finger. 

 

“Who’s hungry?” Sam asked, standing up.

 

“Daddy, we’re playing.”

 

“You aren’t going to make me put this baby down, are you?”

 

“The toys, and the baby will still be here when we’re done eating.”

 

There was a collective groan as the girls walked into the dining room and Dean put Robbie in his bouncy seat.

 

\-------------------------

 

They talked about everything except for Cas’s accident and their trip over dinner. Dean could feel Cas’s nervousness and reached down to squeeze his knee. He would tell them when the time was right.

 

\-------------------------

 

The baby had fallen asleep, the twins opted to play with their new toys instead of having dessert, and the adults moved to the couches and chairs to relax with drinks.

 

“How was the trip?” Mary asked.

 

“Amazing. We didn’t want to come home,” Dean answered, nodding and winking at Jess, letting her know that the bedroom was perfect.

 

“So uh, maybe it’s a lawyer thing, but can I ask about the elephant in the room?”

 

“There’s no elephant, daddy.”

 

“It’s just a saying, JoAnna. Anyway, I think we all noticed Cas’s ‘gift’ thanks to the girls. But uh, I noticed that you have a similar one.”

 

“Oh this?” Dean asked innocently, holding up his left hand. “It’s not similar, they’re identical.”

 

“So, does this mean that there’s a promise or an engage….”

 

“We got married on Saturday,” Dean interrupted.

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Which part of that confused you, Sammy? I proposed Friday night, we got married on Saturday.”

 

There was a stunned silence, Cas had never felt more uncomfortable around the Winchester family until JoAnna crawled onto the couch and looked at him. “So if you married Unca Dee then that means we have two uncles.”

 

“You do have two uncles,” Dean smiled at her.

 

“Yay! Two uncles!” she cried, climbing off of the couch to resume playing with her sister.

 

“See Sam, she gets it. “

 

“Um okay, this is just a little unexpected.”

 

“You should have seen his face,” Dean laughed.

 

“So that’s why you…” Jess trailed off. Dean just grinned and winked.

 

“You do realize that you are all staring with your mouths open and my husband is squirming, probably wishing he was anywhere but here right now.”

 

“Dean…”

 

Jess stood up and walked to where they were sitting, pulling Cas into a hug. “I married into this crazy family too. You have no idea what you are in for,” she smiled. “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you. Now let me look at these rings.” She held both of their hands and looked at Dean, “You picked these out?”

 

“Uh yeah…”

 

“Good choice,” she hugged them both again. “You better have pictures, and a lot of them.”

 

“Let me go grab the laptop out of the car.”

 

Cas was left alone in the room with the Winchesters. He saw Mary’s tears before she wrapped her arms around him. “Congratulations,” she whispered.

 

“Are you changing your name?” Sam asked with a one armed hug and pat on the back.

 

“Yeah, Novak doesn’t really mean anything to me.”

 

“Well, then I guess you’re stuck being a Winchester,” Sam smiled. “And that won’t get confusing at work.”

 

“Maybe you might grow up and start calling each other by your first names,” Dean said, setting his laptop on the coffee table. “I’m just a grease monkey, and we use first names. Now, can I hook this up to your TV or do you all want to crowd around?”

 

“Uh, let’s hook it up to the TV. I’m fine with being one big happy family, but I don’t think that we all need to share the couch.”

 

They went through the pictures of the ceremony, Jess and Mary pointing out the ones that they needed to print and frame, Sam shaking his head at the ones of them kissing. They saw the pictures of the sunset and heard Cas, “You stole my phone and downloaded the pictures?” Dean kissed him and turned back to the computer, “I stole your birth certificate too, and we can see how well that worked out.” The final picture was one that Dean took of Cas standing on the balcony at sunset. “When did you take that?” Cas whispered. “Saturday night. I couldn’t resist. I saw you, and it hit me that you’d said yes and you’re my husband. I wanted to remember that moment.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“Well baby, you survived your first dinner as a Winchester. You okay?”

 

“Let’s just get home, grab cold beer, and turn on the hot tub.”

 

“I will not argue with that plan.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“Good morning Mr. Novak. Wow, Mr. Winchester said that you’d been in an accident before your vacation. I didn’t realize…”

 

“How bad I’d look?” Cas smiled. “I look a lot worse than I feel.”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I...just…”

 

“You’re fine Rachel. I guess now we know which is my good side when I have my picture taken,” he walked away towards Sam’s office. He knew that Rachel wouldn’t take it well when the truth came out.

 

\-------------------------

 

“I just spent four days in the mountains breathing clean air and eating room service. Please tell me that all hell didn’t break loose while I was gone.”

 

“We had a few problems with some parts on backorder, but Jody was able to smooth those over. Other than that, everything was fine.”

 

“So basically what you’re saying is that Jody is our resident smooth talker, and that I can turn around and go back to Tahoe?” Dean smiled at Garth and Jody.

 

“I’m going to say yes on the first one, and probably not on the second one.”

 

“Shit! Well, there’s always next year. If we have parts on backorder, would you mind asking a couple of the guys to do a quick inventory of what we do have? I’m going to talk to Marco about restoration and then I’ll probably be stuck in here most of the day going over the books.”

 

“Sounds good,” Garth nodded before he walked out of Dean’s office.

 

“I don’t mean to be nosy, but I noticed that you’re wearing something new.”

 

“No, I’ve had this shirt for awhile,” he grinned.

 

Jody nodded at his hand, “I’m talking about that.”

 

“Which means you are being nosy, but yes, I got married.”

 

“Wow, I had no idea that you were even dating anybody let alone engaged.”

 

“That’s why they call it a private life.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.”

 

“Nah, you’re fine. None of the guys out there will probably even notice. But, there was no engagement. I proposed Friday night, and we got married Saturday afternoon.”

 

“Lucky girl.”

 

“I’ll tell him you said that,” Dean winked.

 

“Wait…”

 

“Again, that’s why they call it a private life.”

 

“He’s a lucky man.”

 

“Actually, I’m the lucky one. Now go out there and pretend like I was yelling at you or something. I can’t let these guys think that I’m all sentimental and shit,” he grinned.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Hey Dean,” Garth poked his head in the office. “There’s somebody here to see you. A blonde lady.”

 

Dean closed his laptop and followed Garth out into the shop. “Hey mom,” he said, wrapping his arms around Mary. “Okay you slobbering pigs, this is my mother so I do not want to hear words like ‘fine’ or ‘hot’.”

 

“I was wondering if my favorite son wanted to take me to lunch.”

 

“You say the same thing to Sam, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I do. Can you go now?”

 

“I own the place, I can pretty much go when I want. Hey Garth! I’m headed to lunch!” He waited for the thumbs up from Garth before he followed his mom outside. “Is this one of those ‘we need to talk’ kind of lunches?”

 

“Kind of.”

 

“Am I grounded? Because whatever it was that I did, I’m sorry and I’ll never do it again. I swear.”

 

“Let’s just go to lunch,” she laughed.

 

“I’m still your favorite son though, right?”

 

“Go.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“I haven’t said anything to your brother yet, but I wanted to let you know that I think you boys are right. It’s time for me to move out here and be closer to my family. I have three beautiful grandchildren that I rarely saw when I was in Kansas. Both of my boys are married and happy. I can’t hang on to that house just because of the memories when my entire family is here.”

 

“Are you serious? You’re actually going to stay?”

 

“It makes sense, Dean. I’ve been here for months and the longer I’m here, the more I love it. I know that you’ve always had that bedroom waiting for me, I don’t know if that’s changed considering…”

 

“You mean Cas? He wouldn’t care. He’s never known what it’s like to have a mother. I mean certain things may be awkward...we really don’t need to talk about any of that. I’m just saying that you know that you have a room at our house, and you always will. I’m guessing that Sam will say the same thing. But, I sold Bobby’s cars and that money has just been sitting in an account for months. Between that, and a little help from me and Sam, you could get your own place. A little condo or something. And before you do the whole thing about how you can’t ask me or Sam for help, we can and we will to do it. We want you here.”

 

“Thank you, Dean. I also wanted to let you know that I apologize if I came off as less than supportive yesterday. You did take us all by surprise. I had no idea that things were that serious.”

 

“I took him by surprise. I’m going to be honest, and it might not make any sense, but it’s like things have always been this serious. I mean since Bobby died and things changed. It’s was just so easy. I always knew that he was a true friend, and I reached a point where I just couldn’t see my life without him in it. BS’ing in his driveway and going out to grab a beer. I finally had somebody to talk to who didn’t know the old Dean, the selfish asshole Dean. He didn’t have anyone, and we clicked. This is a really really awkward conversation to have with my mom, but there’s really only one thing that’s changed between us. He’s still my best friend, a guy I can talk to. Somebody who trusts me and believes in me. He doesn’t celebrate his birthday, he doesn’t even know the actual date, but I needed to celebrate it. I needed to have a day that celebrated him, but what do you get for a guy who can buy what he needs? I only had one thing to offer, and that was a name and a family. He was dumb enough to agree to it.”

 

“And you are sure that this is what you want?”

 

“It’s what I need. Maybe I had to go to the other end of the spectrum to move on after Lisa and Ben died.”

 

“Because he’s a man?”

 

“No, not really. What I have with him, I don’t think that I could find it anywhere else. I know that Sam’s struggling a little, but I think that’s mostly because they work together. Jess is thrilled. The girls are thrilled. Not to put you on the spot, but where do you stand?”

 

“I want you happy Dean.”

 

“I know that, mom. I do. I’m talking about Cas, as a person. Can you see him as a part of this family?”

 

“I can.”

 

\-------------------------

 

The stitches came out and Cas’s face was healing. The new x-rays showed that he wouldn’t need surgery, and he was more than agreeable when they offered to remove the cast and give him a brace to wear. He could finally shower without wrapping his arm and he could sleep without worrying about hitting Dean when he rolled over. He turned on the hot tub when he got home, but waited until he heard the Impala pulling into the driveway before he stripped down and climbed in.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Hey baby!” Dean called when he walked in the door. He sat down and took his work boots off, leaving them in the entryway. He figured that Cas must be in the kitchen or bedroom. “So, I went to lunch with my mom today. It sounds like she’s finally decided to stay out here.” He went into the bedroom and found it empty. He was unbuttoning his shirt when he noticed the dim lights on the other side of the sliding glass door. He slid the door open and stepped out onto the patio. “How was your doctor’s appointment? Wait, are you naked?”

 

“Stitches are gone, cast is gone,” Cas smiled, holding up his left arm. “And yes, I’m naked.”

 

“No cast means that I don’t have to worry about getting you wet,” Dean mumbled, sliding the glass door shut and struggling to get his clothes off. He settled on the bench, jets of warm water surging against his lower back as he reached for Cas. He pulled their bodies together, Cas’s thighs on either side of his hips. Their lips met passionately, their tongues exploring as their cocks began to grow hard between them. Dean’s hands slid down Cas’s back, squeezing his ass, holding him close. They kissed until they were breathless, Dean leaning his head back, Cas running his mouth across his shoulders and neck, kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin. The warm water, the jets relaxing his lower back, Cas’s mouth on him...Dean knew that he wasn’t going to last long. Cas could feel the throbbing and turned in Dean’s lap, sliding his back against Dean’s chest when he raised up on his knees. “I don’t know how this is going to work. I don’t want to hurt you. Oh my god…” Dean moaned when he felt Cas take the head of his cock. He was slick inside, he had readied himself. Dean pressed his hand flat against Cas’s taut stomach while he slid, taking him deep. “Don’t move baby,” he whispered, holding Cas still against his chest. “I’m right there, and I don’t want to come yet. He kissed the back of Cas’s neck, moving his mouth across his shoulders, reaching out to wrap his fingers around his cock. He moved his hand loosely along the shaft, stopping to squeeze gently, eliciting a low groan. His fingers splayed and his hand tightened against Cas’s stomach as he started to move up and down, shifting and turning until he felt Dean rub against the spot inside of him that always made the pain worth it. Cas was sliding, Dean’s hand barely touching him when he felt himself begin to build. Dean was moaning and thrusting. He leaned his head back and let his hand slide to Cas’s hip, pulling him down hard, coming with a loud groan. “I want you to come baby,” he whispered in Cas’s ear. “Come for me…” Dean tightened his hand around Cas’s cock and heard him cry out, his body trembling. They were breathing heavily, Dean still holding Cas against him. “Um, I think I made a mess in the hot tub,” Cas laughed. “I don’t care,” Dean murmured from where his face was buried in Cas’s neck, his full lips sucking and kissing. “I’ll drain it, clean it, and refill it. Hell, I’ll do that every night if I have to. That was…” Cas leaned his body back and turned his head to look at Dean. “Yes, it was.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“So, serious kudo’s on the hot tub idea. Even though I didn’t last long,” Dean grinned, pulling on pajama pants and a clean t-shirt. “One of the beautiful things about it, I mean besides the fact that it was absolutely incredible, is that we don’t have to shower afterwards.”

 

“No, but we are going to have to clean it out.”

 

“True, but so worth it.”

 

“Now what were you saying about your mom? I didn’t really want to ask while you were inside of me,” Cas smiled.

 

“And I appreciate that, a lot. Let’s order food. Pizza? Chinese?”

 

“Chinese. So, what’s going on with your mom?”

 

Dean picked up his phone, “I’m guessing that you want your usual?” He called in the order and turned to Cas, pulling him into a hug. “She’s going to stay. She’s going to sell the house and move out here.”

 

“Really? So with us or with Sam?”

 

“We’re going to get her a place of her own. Sam has his family and we’re still...I guess you’d say in the newlywed phase. She didn’t come right out and say it, but I think she’d rather not make us feel like we have to, I don’t know, hold back when it comes to that part of our relationship. So, I think that she’s going to start looking for a condo.”

 

Cas let go and kissed Dean softly, reaching for his hand to lead him into the living room. “Does Sam know?”

 

“He might by now, but she told me first. I always knew that I was her favorite.”

 

“You just keep adding Winchesters to this town. That makes three in the last couple of months alone. Robbie, me, and now your mom. Are you planning a full on Winchester take over?”

 

“If we can talk Sam and Jess into popping out more kids I am. Did you get all of your paperwork done?” Dean flopped down on the couch and pulled Cas with him.

 

“I did. They are mailing me my new driver’s license, but as far as the state of California is concerned my name is Castiel Winchester.”

 

“As it should be,” Dean smiled, kissing the top of Cas’s head.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas sat on the patio with a cup of coffee and watched Dean drain and refill the hot tub. “We either need to find a more efficient way of doing that, or stop having sex in the hot tub.”

 

“We are NOT going to stop having sex in the hot tub. I’ll drain this fucker every time if I have to.”

 

“It’s a good thing we have a tall fence.”

 

“You do realize that the bedroom and patio are built higher than the main floor of the house, right? You’ve seen the few steps you have to go up to get into our room. If the neighbors really wanted to watch us have sex, they could,” Dean winked.

 

“I’m sure they can hear us. But, more power to them. I cannot believe that this is like the third weekend in a row that we have actually been able to spend together.”

 

Dean bent down and kissed Cas gently before sitting in a chair and picking up his own mug. “Well, Saturday is our busiest day at the shop so I should probably be there, but I’d rather be here with my husband. Especially since I know that you aren’t going to have free time for much longer. You and Sam are a big deal now.”

 

The settlement that they’d sent to the criminal courts had garnered more media attention than they had expected. Crowley and Associates got free advertising every night on the 6:00 news, and the names Winchester and Novak had been mentioned more than once. 

 

“We took down a crooked business man, we didn’t save the world.”

 

“Well, the dumbass should have settled. So if he goes to court, does your client still get anything for the lawsuit?”

 

“Not yet. All of his assets have been frozen. So we did catch the guy doing some pretty shady shit, but our client isn’t getting anything until they prosecute him. I kind of feel bad for the guy.”

 

“But he didn’t lose. He’ll still get something. He just has to wait, right?”

 

“Pretty much.”

 

“I wonder if Robbie will grow up to be a lawyer like his dad and uncle Cas?”

 

“God, I hope not,” Cas laughed. “Lawyers have no lives.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was excited. Restoration had just finished detailing Cas’s brand new car and he was headed towards the office to drop it off. He was surprised when Cas handed him the insurance money for the totaled BMW and told him to get something that he trusted. He wasn’t usually a Ford guy, but the new black Mustang was beautiful, and something that nobody else at the firm drove. He parked it in the parking garage, grabbed the bags of food that he’d brought Sam, and pocketed the keys. He was smiling in the elevator and nodded at Rachel when he walked past. Her eyes followed him, but he didn’t even notice.

 

\-------------------------

 

“I just delivered an all american car to my all american husband and so it felt like a burger kind of day. I’m just hoping the car doesn’t smell like onions when he gets in it.” Dean dug the greasy food out of the bag and set it on Sam’s desk.

 

“You know, hearing you say ‘husband’ is going to take some getting used to.”

 

“Yeah, well I’m not exactly used to saying it. It’s still a little surreal.”

 

“So, what did you get him?”

 

“A Mustang.”

 

“Seriously? Not a Chevy?” Sam smiled.

 

“It’s a beautiful car, I had a moment of weakness. Have you seen him around? I need to drop off the keys. He has no idea that I brought it with me.”

 

“I talked to him earlier, so he’s somewhere around here. I know that he purposely finds things to do when you bring me lunch. Oh, I think that mom found a place. Her and Jess went and looked at it. It’s small, just a couple of bedrooms, but it’s not too far from us and within our price range.”

 

“You do realize that it’s going to be hell for her to pack up the house in Kansas.”

 

“I know, What do we do? Offer to go with her? Let her do it alone?”

 

“That’s up to her, Sammy. We just stand back and take orders at this point.”

 

“You? Take orders?”

 

“Okay, I’ll rephrase that. We stand back and respect her decisions.”

 

“That’s better.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“It’s on the second level, fourth row. Just hit the alarm button, and whichever car makes noise and flashes it’s lights it yours.” Dean always had a hard time just talking to Cas when he saw him at the office, especially when he left. A hug or a kiss had become habit, just turning and walking away felt almost wrong. He didn’t see Rachel come up behind him as he was handing Cas the keys.

 

“Seriously? Him? It was Novak?”

 

“Rachel? What in the hell are you talking about?” Dean was looking around, hoping that she would lower her voice.

 

“I thought I saw a ring, but I couldn’t tell for sure until his cast came off. I guess it could be a coincidence that you both suddenly have rings on, but I’ve never heard of him dating anyone and after your little confession…”

 

“Rachel, this is seriously not the time, place, or volume to have this discussion. Honestly, we shouldn’t even be having this discussion because my private life is none of your business. We went over this. Go back to your desk and drop it.”

 

Cas looked mortified when people started looking in their direction.

 

“Drop it? You told me that you weren’t in a place to have a relationship, and you told me that you would never get married. You either lied, or the two of you have the same taste in jewelry. This is bullshit Dean.”

 

“Okay, you need to stop. I get the whole schoolgirl crush stringing you along thing. It was a dick move and I’ve already apologized. He works here, and you work here, not to mention my brother.”

 

“I don’t really give a shit. You lied to me for months.”

 

“Okay, you have gone from sweet kid to psycho. If you want to freak out and throw your little fit, we can take this to the parking garage...again. Otherwise you really need to stop,” he dropped the keys in Cas’s hand and mouthed, “Just go.” Cas nodded and started walking away. Dean turned to Rachel, “I don’t understand what your problem is. We went over this, you and I were nothing. We never even slept together. You need to knock of this psycho possessive shit. We went out for drinks. It’s not like I used you for a piece of ass,” he said quietly.

 

“You didn’t need to! You were sleeping with your new husband!” she cried.

 

“What in the bloody hell is going on out here?” Everybody turned when they heard the low voice with the distinct Scottish accent.

 

“I’m sorry Mr. Crowley. I…”

 

“You are making a scene in a professional environment,” he interrupted Rachel. “I think it would be for the best if you left and I will deal with you tomorrow. Why don’t you see her out, Mr. Winchester?” he gestured at Dean. Dean grabbed her elbow and walked her to her desk so that she could grab her things and they got in the elevator. Right before the door closed he heard, “Novak, in my office!”. Dean turned and glared at Rachel. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“Sit down, Novak.”

 

Cas sat uncomfortably in one of the plush chairs in Mr. Crowley’s office. He was both embarrassed and terrified. He didn’t know if his job was on the line, or even worse, Sam’s. 

 

“I’m guessing that congratulations are in order?” Crowley asked, looking at Cas’s ring before sitting at his desk.

 

Cas twisted the ring nervously around his finger, “Yes.”

 

“So will you be taking his name?”

 

“Yes,” Cas didn’t think he could handle anything other than yes or no questions at this point.

 

“Ah, so two Winchesters at my firm. I have to say, I never really did get a read on you. Not that I tried very hard, you are my employee. But Winchester’s brother, that does come as a bit of a surprise. He has that whole excessive testosterone thing going on. But, he is devilishly handsome so I can understand how he could turn heads, or interests. However, my employees personal lives are neither concerning nor interesting to me as long as they are doing their job. I’ve been meaning to talk to you and Winchester, the one who isn’t your husband, for a while now. I was told that it was you who caught the mistake in the financial records.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“There were hundreds of pages, and you caught one suspicious deposit. Excellent work. Because of that, this firm has been in the media and at this point we are turning clients away. I need to re-think the corporate structure and I hope to bring in some fresh faces. I like to promote from within, Novak. I think that your keen eye makes you deserving.”

 

“Sir, I’ve barely been here for a year.”

 

“This isn’t about seniority, this is about hard work and dedication. You have that.”

 

“They all do, I mean we all do,” Cas said nervously.

 

“Some more than others. Now, I paired you with Winchester because I felt like you balanced each other out, and I was right. I don’t know if allowing you to continue working together presents a conflict of interest.”

 

“I don’t think that it would, but if you plan to promote from within he deserves it more than I do.”

 

“You would pass up a promotion for your new brother-in-law? Very sacrificial.”

 

“Sam Winchester is the best lawyer you have. He was the youngest Jr. Partner. He has a family and he works hard. I did my job, I caught an account number that didn’t match the others. As much as I’d love to take credit for it, I got lucky.”

 

“I like you, Novak.”

 

“Sir, with all due respect it’s…”

 

“Ah, Winchester, that’s right. I will make a note to have my secretary make all of the necessary changes for you. You can thank that girl for outing both you and your new husband to the entire office. She seems a bit unbalanced, I don’t think that we will be needing her services any longer. I always seem to hire eye candy to sit in front of the elevators instead of competent employees. Now I’m just boring you.”

 

“No, not at all.”

 

“Well,” Mr. Crowley said, standing up. “I have some things that I need to consider. Don’t worry, neither your job nor Sam Winchester’s will be affected by the ravings of that girl. The office gossip will go crazy for a few days, but it will blow over. I do appreciate your hard work and I respect your impeccable taste in men.” Mr. Crowley held out his hand and Cas stood up to shake it. “Oh, and Mr. Winchester. If anybody asks about this conversation please have the decency to tell the that I was extremely stern and overbearing. I cannot have my employees believing that I am anything but. It’s been a bit of a dramatic morning so why don’t you take the rest of the day off. Just please do not smile or make eye contact with anybody before you leave. Again, I have a reputation to protect.”

 

“Thank you Mr. Crowley.”

 

Cas walked out and sighed deeply. He looked past people instead of at them, including Sam, as he gathered his things and got into the elevator. He didn’t take an actual breath until the doors shut in front of him.

 

\-------------------------

 

“What in the fuck is your problem?” Dean asked. “Why am I in the fucking parking garage with you again trying to defend my private life?”

 

“You made me believe that I was part of that private life.”

 

“Oh no, that’s where you wrong. You believed it, I never said or did anything to put you in that position. Do you want the hard truth? I’m not gay, Rachel. I never was. I asked you out because I got sick and tired of everybody always asking me why I don’t date. I was never going to date. I was fine being alone. But, I made a big fucking mistake when I finally did ask you, and by the third date I seriously regretted it.”

 

“How in the hell can you stand here and tell me that you aren’t gay? You married a man, Dean.”

 

“Okay, but you’re right. I slept with, fell in love with, and married a man. Not that it’s any of your business, but we were two friends who were perfectly happy being single and then something changed. And you’re right about me telling you that I wasn’t in a place for a physical relationship and that I didn’t want to get married, but I never lied. When I told you those things, I meant them.”

 

“And then Novak came along and…”

 

“No, not Novak. He’s a fucking Winchester now, and you better not have fucked up either his job or my brother’s. I’m sorry kiddo, but you have issues. I’m not one of them. You wanted to be the one who broke me, who changed my mind about how I planned to live my life? It was never going to happen.”

 

“But it did with him.”

 

“For fuck’s sake, Rachel, stop comparing yourself to Cas. You do realize that you made a complete ass of yourself up there for absolutely no reason. I. Am. Happily. Married. Move on.”

 

“You are an asshole.”

 

“You know what? I let you say that before because I knew that it would make you feel better, but fuck that. You brought this on yourself and you need to stay the fuck away from me and my husband. Just go home, Rachel.”

 

“I hate you, Dean.”

 

“And I don’t give a shit. Go home.” He sighed deeply when she finally walked away and started to pace, rubbing his forehead. He was supposed to call his mom to pick him up after he dropped off the car and had lunch with Sam. Now he was pissed off and ready to walk the six miles back to the shop. He wanted to call or text Cas, even Sam, but he had no idea what was going on up there and didn’t think that he’d be welcome back anytime soon. He started walking towards the stairs when he heard the noise and saw the lights flashing. He turned around. “So, is it safe to hug you?”

 

“It’s safe.”

 

Dean pulled Cas into his arms and rested his chin on his shoulder. “God, I am sorry that things got so fucked up. I had no idea that she was this bat shit crazy. I heard you get called into Crowley’s office and I know that it can’t be good. I’m sorry baby, the last thing I wanted to do was put your job, or Sam’s job on the line.”

 

“They aren’t, but hers is.”

 

Dean leaned back and looked at Cas, his eyes searching his face. The scar on his forehead, the healing skin on his cheek, the blue eyes that saw right through him. “So everything is okay? I mean you’re down here and the office is up there, and Crowley doesn’t have a warm and fuzzy reputation.”

 

“Come to find out, he’s worked for that reputation. That stays between us. He told me to take the rest of the day off, so why don’t I take you back to the shop in my new car,” Cas smiled.

 

“Okay, you’re going to love it.”

 

“I love you,” he kissed Dean gently. “Apparently Crowley and I have the same taste in men,” he chuckled.

 

“Wait, Crowley’s…”

 

“I think he plays for whatever team is up to bat, but it’s really none of my business. Let’s go.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas walked around the car three or four times while Dean stood with his arms crossed, a self satisfied smile on his face. “So?”

 

“It’s amazing.”

 

“Let’s take her for a spin.”

 

Cas slid behind the wheel and started the engine. “Does it smell like onions in here?”

 

“Nope, I don’t smell a thing. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“You do realize that I’ve never actually been here before.”

 

“That’s right. You’ve never experienced the beauty that is Singer Auto and Winchester Restoration. I’m guessing that you want to meet Garth and Jody?”

 

“They’re the reason that I’ve been able to spend time with you, so of course I do. Do they know?”

 

“Jody does. The rest of them don’t even pay attention to that shit. I’m not ashamed of you, Cas. I’m not ashamed of us. I’m not going to hide it.”

 

“Then let’s go in and check out the grease monkeys in their natural habitat.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll let you explain to Marco why you wanted that damn car painted green. He thinks you’re as crazy as I do.”

 

“I can’t believe you still don’t get it.”

 

“Get what?”

 

“You’ll figure it out. Now introduce me to these hot chick you hired.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“Jody, Cas. Cas, Jody,” Cas reached out and shook the pretty brunette’s hand. He could tell that she was tough, but probably a sweetheart on the inside. And she was beautiful.

 

“I’m impressed, Dean. Not what I expected.”

 

Cas blushed and Dean grinned, “I know, way out of my league, but he hasn’t figured that out yet.”

 

“Those blue eyes alone are enough to break hearts,” she smiled, watching Cas’s face turn bright red. “Garth is over there talking to Mr. Baldwin.”

 

“Don’t tell me that he’s back because of his brakes.”

 

“He’s back because of his brakes.”

 

“Son of a bitch. Cas, will you give me a minute. Small fire that I have to put out. If you’re nice to Jody, she probably won’t bite,” Dean grinned.

 

He crossed the garage and found Garth, “Is there a problem?”

 

“His brakes are still making that squeaking noise.”

 

“Okay, I’ll tell you what Mr. Baldwin. I’ll make you a one time deal. You’ve been a loyal customer so we’ll go ahead a replace them with the top of the line, throw in a tune-up and oil change for free. But, keep in mind that it’s an old truck and brake dust can build up. Garth will get you set up.” He patted Garth on the shoulder and shrugged almost imperceptibly. Keep the customers happy, especially the old-timers.

 

“Thank you, Dean. I was sorry to hear about Bobby’s passing. At least he was able to keep the business in the family.”

 

“Oh yeah, there wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to let this place go under. Garth here is my right hand man and if you need anything you just ask for him.” He reached his hand out and shook Mr. Baldwin’s. He was learning that sometimes as a business owner you had to let shit slide.

 

“Thanks Dean,” Garth smiled. Sometimes Garth broke Dean’s heart. He worked his ass off, he would do anything for Dean and for Singer Auto, Dean just wished that he wasn’t so damn shy. Maybe it was one of those situations where he was happy, so he wanted everyone around him to be happy. He patted Garth on the back before he walked away.

 

\-------------------------

 

“So, did she bite you?”

 

“A few times, but I kind of liked it,” Cas grinned.

 

“I like him, he’s a keeper. And definitely out of your league. I didn’t realize that this is the Novak guy from the news.”

 

“Snagged me a lawyer, and a damn good one. If you ever need to sue anybody, call us. I’m going to show him around. You can tell me later how many questions you get about my ‘friend with the matching rings’ if anyone notices.” Cas shook Jody’s hand and followed Dean around. He showed him the auto shop, stopping to say hello and make introductions. It was obvious that these people respected the hell out of Dean. Then he took him over to restoration, his baby.

 

“You did all of those?”

 

“Well, I didn’t. I worked on some of them, most of them actually. I’m kind of a control freak. But, I’ve had Billy on interior and Marco on paint for awhile. They did the Camaro for me. I need to call a realtor about the building next door. Restoration is what’s making the real money right now. I need more space and new guys.”

 

“And this is all you? You built this from the bottom up?”

 

“Yeah, pretty much. I mean Bobby kind of planted the seed but it’s just boomed. Come meet the guys.”

 

Cas was surprised. He’d never thought of Dean as a grease monkey or looked down on him for the work that he did, but this was a side of him that he’d never seen. An organized business owner who was proud of what he’d built. Everything about his demeanor changed when they walked through restoration and talked to his employees, including the beautiful blonde that he’d hired. “She is seriously hot,” he whispered. Dean laughed and kept walking.

 

“Okay, now you’ve seen my home away from home. Now you understand why I come home as dirty and as messy as I do.”

 

“And I see why Bobby left this all to you. It’s amazing.”

 

“Not really, it’s just what I know. Now I already ate lunch, but are you hungry? We can go grab you something, you can head home and rest. You have that ‘getting a headache and wrist is starting to hurt’ look. You should be wearing your brace.”

 

“You are seriously bossy.”

 

“Yeah, and you don’t listen to half of the shit I say. So, my suggestion is you hit a drive thru in your brand new beautiful car and then take a pain pill and a nap. I need to go over a few things here before I get home and then I’ll shower and crawl in bed with you. Let me walk you out.”

 

Cas was surprised when Dean kissed him before he got in his car, but realized how much he underestimated Dean. He smiled as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to their house.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Seriously Sam I am so sorry about all of that...I didn’t know that she was bat shit crazy...Well Cas said that the meeting with Crowley went okay, I mean he still has a job but apparently Rachel doesn’t...I know that it’s not my fault, but I still feel like shit about it...Yeah, Crowley said he’d get the whole two Winchester thing worked out so it’s official, you work with your brother in law...Wait, seriously...This afternoon?...Um good thing or bad thing?...Hang in there, call me and let me know how the meeting goes. It’s not like the guy can blame you for the bullshit that went down this morning...Okay, call me...Yeah, you too.”

 

Dean hung up his phone. Sam had a meeting with Crowley and Dean was nervous as hell.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was asleep by the time Dean got home. He set the bedroom fireplace on low and scratched Chuck behind the ears. Since the accident, that dog hadn’t left Cas’s side. He turned in the doorway and looked around the room, the sanctuary that always brought him peace. He thought about Rachel, he thought about Lisa, he thought about all of the nameless women before that, and he wondered how he got from there to here. Sometimes he asked himself if he’d been falling in love slowly all of the Sunday’s that he’d spent in Cas’s driveway. Sometimes he wondered if it just happened all at once, when he needed somebody and Cas was there without question. Cas would always be there without question, and Dean knew it. He never expected to find somebody who could be his everything, not again. He smiled when Cas mumbled softly in his sleep and rolled over, his arm reaching for Dean on the other side of the bed out of habit. He wasn’t tired, he had entirely too much on his mind. His mom, the shop, Sam’s meeting. He grabbed a cold beer out of the refrigerator and sat down on the couch with the remote. He knew that he wouldn’t pay attention to whatever was on, but he needed the background noise while he thought. He’d come from a bad place, a place where he didn’t care about anyone or anything, including himself. Now he had almost everything that he’d ever wanted, things that he never knew that he wanted. He settled back against the cushions and started mindlessly flipping through channels.

 

\-------------------------

 

It was late when he crawled into bed and under Cas’s outstretched arm. He could smell Cas’s skin, feel his body, and thought about waking him. He knew that Cas would be willing, even eager. He had met his match when it came to his sexual appetite, but he just wanted to listen to Cas’s even breaths and quiet murmurs. Jody was right, he was a lucky man.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Hey Sammy, what’s up?...Okay, give me a second to go into my office...There, now can you hear me?...Hey, that’s okay. You don’t have to call to check in with me...Well of course I wondered how the meeting went...Wait, what?...Are you fucking serious?...Holy shit, that’s uh...Yeah...No problem, you’re a busy guy...Call me later...Bye.”

 

Dean sat down in his office chair and just stared at his phone. He felt a small twinge of guilt about Rachel getting fired, but she did bring it on herself. He’d been relieved when he found out that Crowley wasn’t upset with Cas. But Sam, that was the big news. Sam had been promoted. A bigger office, his own assistant, it was everything that he’d always wanted and deserved. Mary was close to closing on the condo, he’d already contacted a realtor about the empty building next to the shop, and now his little brother was a Sr. Partner at Crowley and Associates. Life moved quickly and he was even more grateful for the time he and Cas spent in Lake Tahoe. Time stood still for them up there, that’s why it had been so easy to propose. That’s why it had been so hard to come home.


	3. You Need To Trust Me

He saw Garth headed towards his office with the inventory list and sat up in his chair. He had a business to run.

\-------------------------

 

“Everything looks good. We might want to think about ordering some more kits for the Toyota fuel pumps, we seem to get a lot of early 2000’s models coming in needing them.”

 

“Uh Dean,” Garth said quietly. “Can I ask you something. Off the record, I mean non work related?”

 

“No, these aren’t contacts. My eyes really are this color,” Dean grinned.

 

“Okay, that’s actually pretty impressive but I was just wondering...I mean I noticed that you have a...and yesterday…”

 

“So, you are pulling a ‘Jody’ and being nosy?”

 

“I guess so. I wouldn’t ask, but I just had no idea and I was actually trying to work up the nerve to ask you how to meet girls. I mean, you seem like the kind of guy who would be a chick magnet, and I can’t remember the last time I went on a date. I’m living alone now, but I don’t know how to...I don’t know...meet people I guess.”

 

“Well, if you’re asking about the best gay bars, I can’t help you there. So, if we’re having a non work related conversation, yes I am married to Cas. But, I spent a lot of years being a chick magnet. Let me guess, now you’re wondering how I went from point A to point B?”

 

“I’m really not trying to be nosy.”

 

“Nah, you’re fine. I’m not embarrassed. I’ve always dated girls, I never even considered dating guys until him,” Dean propped his feet up on his desk. He didn’t know what it was about Garth, but he liked the kid. It was almost like having a little brother who actually looked up to him. “In fact, the last girl I dated worked with him and my brother. They’re both lawyers, she was the receptionist. Totally psycho. She did the whole possessive thing. Come to think of it, maybe I’m a psycho chick magnet, I seem to have dated a lot of those.”

 

“I can’t even get the psycho ones to look at me,” Garth blushed, looking away.

 

“It’s all about how you carry yourself, man. I mean, I’m an arrogant son of a bitch, I know it. That’s why half of the guys out there don’t like me. But, I’m their boss so they look past it. I’m not saying to go full asshole on people, just don’t spend so much time looking at the floor. Eye contact, a solid grin, and a few non creepy compliments usually work. If you play pool, we could go out sometime.”

 

“I don’t know, Dean. I don’t think that I’m your type,” Garth laughed.

 

Dean chuckled. “Keep the sense of humor, that shit works wonders.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was panting, unable to catch his breath. Cas could see the droplets of sweat on his hairline when he crawled up his body and kissed him before laying his head on his chest. He could feel Dean’s heart pounding against his ear, slowly returning to its normal rhythm.

 

“Feel free to meet me at the door and drag me back here for a blow job any time you want,” Dean gasped. “Shit, you can even manhandle me a little bit next time. God, you are seriously so good at that. But to what do I owe the honor?”

 

“I can’t do it just because?”

 

“Baby, you are more than welcome to do it just because. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you had a good day at work?” Dean asked, still breathing heavily.

 

“It wasn’t bad. Obviously I won’t be working with Sam anymore. But, Crowley handed me a stack of files today and let me know that I have a new case, but no partner.”

 

“Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?”

 

“He obviously trusts me to take care of it myself, so that’s good. But, I have to take care of it myself and that’s going to be a shit ton of work.”

 

“So was that an ‘I love you baby, but I have to start putting in 80 hours a week at the office again’ blow job?”

 

“Maybe a little,” Cas said, sitting up. “Not to mention working from home.”

 

“I need to call Jess and start that support group. Hi, my name is Dean and my husband is a lawyer. I keep a picture of him on my phone so that I can remember what he looks like.”

 

“Is it really that bad?”

 

“Sometimes. Now come here and kiss me and let’s go get burgers and beer.”

 

“I love you,” Cas said softly.

 

Dean reached up and cupped the side of Cas’s face with one hand, pulling him into a long and lingering kiss. “I love you too, baby.”

 

\-------------------------

 

More often than not, Cas worked late and Dean took Garth out to the bar. Getting attention was never a problem. His dark hair, green eyes, solid build, and charming grin had always made Dean stand out. Women loved him. Some weren’t deterred by the ring, but most were. Dean nudged Garth, told him to step up his game. Arrogant sex appeal had always been Dean’s go-to. It just came naturally. He didn’t expect that shy and awkward would work, but eventually it did. He smiled when Garth got numbers, and just shook his head the first time he left with a girl. They didn’t talk about it at work. When Dean was at Singer Auto, he was the boss. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was getting frustrated, which usually made him restless. When Cas wasn’t at work, he was staring at his computer at home. They could go hours without really talking, and some nights Dean went to bed alone while Cas sat at the table working. He tried to understand, Cas had a stressful job, made more stressful by taking on a case alone. He built the playground for the kids alone, something that Cas had said he wanted to be a part of. They had the girls over, Cas played with them and ate dinner, but went right back to work. Dean would reach for him at night and Cas responded, just as passionately as he always had, but Dean was starting to feel like it was the only time that Cas was his. He felt needy, and he hated it. He didn’t want to be that person, the clingy lover. He just kept reminding himself that it wasn’t personal. It was work. Cas was a lawyer, it was important and it was intense. He reminded himself of all of the hours he put into running the shop, building up restoration, the time he spent renovating the house. He still took lunch to Sam every Monday, but sometimes he wouldn’t even see Cas at the office. It was taking a toll on him, and he knew that others could see it. His mom asked him multiple times if he was okay, and he just talked about finally signing the final paperwork for the building next door and expanding his business. When Sam asked, he talked about high maintenance customers and his ideas about going bigger than just print advertising. 

 

The first time he watched Cas put his phone in his pocket when he left the room instead of leaving it on the table, he felt suspicious, and he hated himself for it.

 

\-------------------------

 

Once the seed was planted, it just started to grow no matter how desperately Dean wanted it to stop. First it was the phone, then it was closing the laptop every time he walked away from it. Dean tried to think back over the months, remember if Cas had always done that, convince himself that he was reading too much into things. Cas was quiet, he seemed like he was wound tight, but when Dean asked, he assured him that everything was fine. He hugged Dean, he kissed Dean, they made love, he told Dean every day that he loved him. But, for some reason Dean missed him, even when they were sitting in a room together. He knew that he had married a lawyer, and he needed to be an understanding and supportive husband. He felt selfish and childish for needing Cas as much as he did. It hadn’t even been a year, but he’d already forgotten how to be alone. It wasn’t until Cas did leave his laptop open and Dean looked at it, despising himself the entire time, that he realized maybe something was going on.

 

\-------------------------

 

It was an email. Dean couldn’t tell who it was from, or who Cas was responding to, but he was able to read part of it before he heard Cas coming:

 

“I don’t know what to think or how to feel. Everything has changed for me, and I don’t know that it’s what I want. At one point I thought that it was, but I’m not so sure anymore. I need time, I need to figure out where my life is going…”

 

Dean felt sick when he picked up his phone and car keys. He passed Cas in the hallway and mumbled something about needing to be at the shop. He couldn’t hug him or kiss him. He couldn’t even look him in the eye. He waited until he got into the car before he let it hit him. He couldn’t go to the beach, if Cas thought that anything was wrong, he would come find him. He couldn’t go to Sam’s. Sam would just ask questions. He might as well actually go to the shop. It was Sunday, the shop would be closed. He could sit in his office where nobody would see him fall apart.

 

\-------------------------

 

Two missed calls and a text, and he still wasn’t ready to go home. He texted back a lame excuse about needing to go over the measurements of the new building so that he could start drawing up plans, and he didn’t know when he’d be done.

 

\-------------------------

 

The house was dark when he got home. He felt the knot in his stomach the minute he walked through the door, but he’d been asking himself for hours if he was overreacting. Cas could have been talking about his job, he could have been talking about a lot of things. It wasn’t fair to assume that he was talking about them. He stripped down and quietly climbed into bed. He lost himself in Cas’s touch, his lips. He let everything go, he lot himself when he slid his hands across supple skin, disturbing the fine sheen of sweat that already covered Cas’s body. It was a haze of arms reaching and mouths seeking. He felt like he couldn’t breathe when he slid inside of Cas and heard the familiar intake of breath, saw both the pain and the pleasure in those glossy blue eyes, felt the fingers dig into his back. They moved against each other slowly, their bodies arching while they kissed deeply and whispered soft words and promises. Dean wanted Cas to know with each touch, each kiss, each word that he loved him more than anything. He desperately needed to feel Cas and to hear him. He wasn’t thinking about finishing, he didn’t know if he could come, he just needed Cas to need him. His head dropped when the tears came, he needed to keep them to himself, he had no way to explain them. He was fine as long as his skin was touching his husband’s skin, that was his world and he couldn’t let it end. They made love, held their bodies together, for hours. Dean finally did come, it was heated but quiet. 

 

He leaned his body against Cas and closed his eyes in the shower, letting his tears mix with the warm water already coursing down his face. He held Cas against him in bed, closer than he ever had. “I love you, Dean,” he heard the soft voice. “I love you too, baby,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the back of Cas’s neck and burying his face against the damp hair. Cas reached up and wrapped his hands around Dean’s arms, holding them against his chest. Dean closed his eyes and ignored the tears. He told himself that what he read didn’t mean anything. That he was being unfair and making assumptions. That if Cas was his world, that had to mean that he was Cas’s.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean laid in bed and watched while Cas got ready for work. He hadn’t really slept, but at some point during the night he realized that if Cas was questioning their life together, he wouldn’t have touched him the way that he did. He was being selfish when he should be supportive. He’d forgotten about the email, he had to, he couldn’t let those words haunt him when he didn’t really know what they meant. He got up to pour coffee, getting his kiss, his hug, and his ‘I love you’ while he was leaning against the kitchen counter. He knew that he had to get to the shop and occupy his mind with business, with cars, with the things that he knew best. He pulled Garth, Jody, Marco, and Billy into his office and they went over the expansion plans. He went over the books, he talked to his employees about the changes that were coming, and he interacted with his customers. He did what he needed to do.

 

\-------------------------

 

He and Garth had been to the same few bars enough times that they were becoming regulars. Some nights Garth didn’t seem to care about meeting anyone so they just played pool and drank beer. When Garth did feel like putting himself out there, Dean broke out the cocky grin and was the best wingman a guy could have.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was still working an almost impossible amount of hours, but so was Dean. It was always at night, late at night when they touched and talked in hushed tones that he felt connected to his husband, needed. Cas would hold his hands, twisting his ring on his finger as if to remind him of the promises that they had made. Dean would kiss Cas gently on the scar that remained on his forehead, a reminder of the night when he felt the terror of losing what he loved most, a reminder that he hadn’t, that Cas was still here. They had moments, sometimes hours, and Dean did what he could to make the time mean something. He was just waiting for the time when they would have days, when they could go somewhere and not answer to the world. He just had to be patient.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Garth, we go to the same bars. It’s going to be the same girls, or others just like them. If you don’t want to play their games anymore, we can branch out. I’m not looking, so I really don’t give a shit.” Now that Garth had learned a few tricks, his confidence had grown and with Dean Winchester by his side, he was getting phone numbers.

 

“I’m just not in the mood for the bad country music and leaving with my clothes smelling like beer and cigarettes.”

 

“Hey, I’ve heard that gay bars are pretty classy,” Dean grinned. “I’ve never actually been to one, but if you’re feeling adventurous we could try.”

 

“I’ll take a pass on that.”

 

“Okay, if you say so. There are a couple of places down by where my brother and Cas work. If you don’t mind mingling with corporate assholes and lawyers, we could always check them out. Unfortunately you’re going to have to clean yourself up a little. I mean you’ll definitely get attention if you show up in a t-shirt, jeans, and your work boots. Unfortunately, it’s not the type of attention you want. If you’re looking to nail a hot business professional, you have to make an effort to look the part.”

 

“Meaning?”

 

“Okay, do you have any nice pants? Even nice jeans? Button down shirt? I hate myself for saying this, but a decent jacket?”

 

“Probably. I have an old suit and a couple of nice shirts that my mom bought me. I don’t think I’ve ever worn them.”

 

“Well, try to make it work. So, decent pants, button down, suit jacket, but definitely not the work boots. Unless it’s absolutely necessary. I’ll head home, shower and change, and then text you the address and we can meet up.”

 

“Sounds good. I am going to need some serious wingman help.”

 

“Yeah well, just know that some of these chicks are as bat shit crazy as some of the ones you’ve already met. They just dress nicer and smell better. I’ll text you.” Dean got in the Impala and headed home. He thought if Cas had beat him there, he would invite him to come with them for a drink. If not, they would be close enough to the office that maybe he’d stop by. He felt good, he’d felt good for a few days now. The dark clouds seemed to to have passed.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas wasn’t home, but he shot off a quick text before he jumped in the shower. He dressed in basically the same clothes that he’d worn the day that they got married and looked into what bars and lounges were in that part of town. He found one that he’d heard some of Sam’s co-workers talk about at the garden party last year. It didn’t feel like it had been a year since he’d met Cas, it felt like a lifetime. He texted Garth the address and left. He lived closer, he knew he’d get there first. He also knew that it was a good idea for him to get a feel of the place before Garth showed up. Shy, awkward, and a little goofy might not go over so well in a place like this. He parked and pocketed his keys. When he got to the door, he held it open for a few ladies before he walked inside and looked around. He was only about five feet away from the entrance when he stopped, rooted in place, his eyes drawn to the bar.

 

\-------------------------

 

She was holding on to his hand, looking at his ring while he turned his head away. Dean knew that look, Cas was embarrassed. He almost looked guilty as he turned back and tried to smile at the brunette, a girl who Dean had never seen before. He knew that they had been hiring at the firm, but he always walked from the elevators to Sam’s new office, never looking at his co-workers. For the most part, he didn’t know who was new and who had worked there for years. Dean took his phone out and sent Garth a text. Something came up and he couldn’t make it, they’d have to go out another night. He stepped away from the doors, but other than that, he couldn’t move. Dean knew everything about Cas. He knew that when he dropped his head, he was upset, that when he looked up he was trying to hold something back, when he started chewing on his lip he was nervous. They were talking and obviously it was serious. He felt the knot start to form when she reached for both of his hands and held them. He was shaking when she pulled Cas into her arms and he rested his head against her shoulder. Cas let go and leaned back. That face, that posture, Cas was confused. It wasn’t until she leaned forward and placed her lips on Cas’s that Dean was finally able to move. He quietly shoved past the flow of expensive business suits and out to the parking lot. He wasn’t even thinking about the speed limit when he drove. He had a destination, part of a plan, everything else would have to be instinct.

 

\-------------------------

 

It had only taken him about 45 minutes to get home and get changed. Dean Winchester wore jeans and t-shirts. Maybe a flannel if the temperature dipped below 70. The Mustang, the car that he had been so proud of, was still in the parking lot and ironically the spot next to it was open. All he had to do was park and wait.

 

\-------------------------

 

He didn’t know how long he’d been there, time didn’t matter. He’d only felt like this once before. Empty, but full of pain. He finally saw them, and he didn’t move. He just leaned against his car like he had been since he’d pulled up. It was dark, and he just watched them walk. They finally got close enough for him to hear them talk.

 

“I told you, I have a lot of things that I need to think about. You don’t just jump into something that could change the course of your life. It doesn’t always work out the way that you expected or wanted.”

 

“Cas, if you have regrets then you just put it in your rear view mirror and you move on. Nobody can make the decision for you, this is about what you need to make you happy.”

 

“Yeah, well it’s not that simple. None of this is.”

 

“Hey there cowboy,” Dean finally stepped away from the Impala. “I guess now I know why I stick to the low end grease monkey joints that I’m used to. You never know what you’ll find when you branch out. I will say that I am definitely out of my comfort zone right now.”

 

“Dean…”

 

“Wait, this is Dean?” The woman asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m the other Mr. Winchester.”

 

“How long have you been here?” Cas asked quietly.

 

“Long enough. I was inside for a few minutes. Didn’t take me long to figure out that I didn’t belong. I went home and took care of a few things. I wasn’t going to come back, but there’s that whole thing about curiousity and the cat. Anyway, I’ve pretty much seen everything that I need to see. A lot of things make sense now. The sudden attachment to your phone, closing your laptop when you walk away, that kind of shit can turn a guy into a suspicious bastard. But for future reference, if that suspicious bastard is your husband, you might want to make sure that the one time you do leave your laptop open, it isn’t while you’re writing an email about how unsure you are when it comes to your life choices. And I think you may have put something in there about regret, but I could be wrong. Anyway, apparently you have some thinking to do so I’ll get out of your way.”

 

“Dean…”

 

Dean got in the Impala and pulled out of the parking lot, headed towards the highway.

 

\-------------------------

 

He was still numb when he pulled into a rest stop. He had six missed calls, voicemails, and multiple texts. He deleted them all without listening or looking. He didn’t want to see the words or hear the voice. He sent a text to Garth, Jody, Marco, Sam, and his mom...all saying basically the same thing. Something had come up and he needed to go take care of some business matters. He told Garth, Jody, and Marco to text him if all hell broke loose. He told Sam and his mom to call if all hell broke loose. He tossed his phone onto the passenger seat and took off, looking for the nearest town so that he could stop and grab coffee to go. He just needed to drive.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas stood in the entryway of the house, their house, Dean’s house. He reached down absentmindedly and scratched Chuck when he felt the wet nose against his hand. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried to call Dean again, and again it went to voicemail. He knew that he was in the wrong, he was ready to take responsibility for what Dean had witnessed, but Dean wouldn’t even talk to him. He’d driven to the beach, knowing that the parking lot would be empty, but still hoping. The wet nose pushed against his hand again and he finally walked into the kitchen and fed the dog. He was afraid to go into the bedroom, he was afraid of finding a note or even worse, a ring sitting on top of the dresser. He took a deep breath and walked up the few stairs. The door was open, the fireplace was off, there was no note or ring. He checked the closet, some of Dean’s clothes were missing. He checked the drawers, even more clothes were missing. His head was spinning, he was dizzy and he felt like he was going to be sick. He couldn’t bring himself to sit or lay on the bed so he stumbled into the living room and fell onto the couch. Dean hadn’t packed for an overnight trip, Dean planned to be gone for awhile.

 

\-------------------------

 

He didn’t pull into the driveway, instead he parked the Impala at the curb and went through his keys while he walked up to the door. He found the key, one that he’d kept on his keychain for a long time, and he went inside. He flipped on the light and saw that some of the furniture had already been covered, a few boxes had already been packed. He’d hired movers to most of the heavy lifting, but he knew that Mary would be coming to pack her more personal possessions. He’d told her that she didn’t have to do it alone, he’d told her that he’d help, but he couldn’t. Not right now. He didn’t even know what to say when he talked to her, when he talked to anybody. It was like he had blinders on when he moved around the house, finding things and putting them into boxes. His old stereo, cassette tapes and vinyl records, and pictures...a lot of pictures. He didn’t know if he was hoping to remember the good times, or re-live the hard times, he just needed to feel something. He had to find something to replace the image of the lips that he’d kissed thousands of times, the blue eyes that seemed to see things in him that he didn’t understand. He packed the trunk, barely glancing at the ‘sold’ sign in the front yard before he got in his car and left to find the closest motel. 

 

\-------------------------

 

How do you go into work and run the risk of running into your brother-in-law when you don’t even know where your husband is? Hell, when you don’t even know if your husband talked to his brother? Cas couldn’t sit at home and work, he couldn’t go into the office, he didn’t know what to do. He’d finally stopped trying to call Dean. Dean would talk to him when he was ready. He spent the day hooked up to the wifi at a coffee shop, staring at his computer screen, not really knowing what was on it. He pulled up his emails and read through them, he saw what Dean saw. When the tears started, he grabbed his laptop and left. It was a weekday and so the beach wouldn’t be crowded. If he was going to break down, he couldn’t think of a better place to do it. People jogged past and there were a few brave paddle boarders on the waves, but for the most part he had the patch of sand in the cove to himself. He just stared at the water until he realized that it was pointless. The beach didn’t mean anything to him when he was alone.

 

\-------------------------

 

“I know mom...I did want to be there to help...Yes, it was me who took a few boxes...No, I’m not home...I’m just not...I can’t, I just...No, everything is not okay but I really don’t want to talk about it...I’m somewhere clearing my head...I’m not going to tell you, I’m not going to tell Sam, I’m not going to tell anyone because I’m not going to put anybody in a position to lie for me and I’m not dragging anyone into my problems...I get that...I know you worry, but I’m not that guy anymore...I’ll call you...Love you too.”

 

Dean set the phone down and stopped pacing, squeezing the bridge of his nose between his eyes. He’d had a headache that wouldn’t go away. Drinking wasn’t helping, he hadn’t been able to really sleep, he’d just have to learn to live with it. He sat back on the bed and started sorting through the pictures again. He smiled when he saw him and Sam as kids, they had always been so different. It was still hard to look at some pictures of his father, right now he missed him, him and Bobby both. He still couldn’t bring himself to look through the pile that he’d set aside, the pictures of Lisa, Ben, and him. Smiling and happy, together. But, he had to get through all of it, he had to remember all of it. It’s what made him who he was. Eventually he’d have to deal with the things that he was trying to avoid feeling right now. He knew that would change him.

 

\-------------------------

 

It had been days, close to a week, and Cas needed to reach out. He’d tried calling and texting Dean, but still didn’t get an answer. He finally called Mary, if anyone would know anything, it would be her.

 

Yes, she’d spoken to Dean. No, he wasn’t in Kansas with her, she didn’t know where he was. No, he hadn’t told her anything other than he needed time. She questioned Cas, but he didn’t know what to say. Should he admit that he fucked up? He couldn’t drag Dean’s family into it so he just softly thanked her and hung up. He went to the shop, knowing that Dean wouldn’t be there but desperate enough to talk to Garth or Jody. He needed to know who he’d talked to, if he was okay. He walked through the bay doors and got a surprised look from Jody.

 

\-------------------------

 

“I didn’t expect to see you here. When Dean sent me the text I just assumed that you would be with him. He wasn’t exactly clear, just the basic something had come up and he needed to take care of some business.”

 

“But, you haven’t actually talked to him?”

 

“No,” Jody said, searching Cas’s face. He was broken. “Garth might have, I know that they’ve gotten pretty close. Why don’t you go sit in Dean’s office and I’ll track him down.”

 

“No, that’s okay. I’ll just, uh, I’ll wait to hear from Dean I guess. Thanks Jody,” Cas tried to smile before he turned and walked away. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean had always been private, he’d always kept his personal life to himself. What was he supposed to do when the one person he trusted, the one person that he could talk to was the person who had hurt him? He could talk to ghosts, to memories. He could pretend to know what his father, Bobby, or Lisa would say, but he wanted the answers from a real person, and one who cared about him. It had been a long time since he’d learned that needing to be by yourself, but wanting somebody with you was the worst feeling.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas couldn’t even cry at night anymore. It had been almost two weeks, and he hadn’t heard from Dean. He would give anything if Dean would just hear him out, but he didn’t know if he had the words. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep. He laid on the couch, twisting the ring on his finger, only getting up to feed the dog or let him out. He would scroll through the pictures on his phone, the sunsets in Lake Tahoe. He remembered exactly how things looked, how they smelled the day that they promised to love one another forever. He’d never felt like this before, and it hurt even more when he thought about all of the promises that he had made, how broken they must seem. Dean was his world, but he’d pushed him away. How do you pull yourself out of the quicksand when you were the one who moved the rope out of reach? 

 

\-------------------------

 

He laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He knew that he couldn’t live like this forever. There was a reality out there and it involved a job and people depending on him. He just needed to pick up the pieces. It wouldn’t be the first time. It was time to pack his bag. He knew that he’d drive slowly, he knew that the knot in his stomach would only grow tighter the closer he got. A part of him felt like he was overreacting, that he should just be able to let this go, at least pick up his phone, but he couldn’t. This was why he had always said that he was better off alone. Nobody can hurt you if you don’t have anyone to care about. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“How was Sioux Falls?”

 

Dean didn’t turn around. He couldn’t bring himself to. “Quiet, mostly. How did you know?”

 

“Because I know you. I thought Kansas at first, but then I realized that your mother would be there.”

 

“No, you’re right. I did stop in Kansas to pick up a few things. I left before she got there.”

 

“I talked to her. A few days after you left.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Dean asked, still staring and the slow waves rolling across the sand. “And what did you tell her, Cas?”

 

“Nothing. I asked her where you were. But, then I realized that you wouldn’t put her, or anyone, in a position to lie for you.”

 

“Yeah, well, I guess I’m just a stickler for honesty.”

 

“Dean…”

 

“What, Cas? Are we supposed to have this big dramatic scene play out on the beach?”

 

“You came here for a reason.”

 

“Yeah, well I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”

 

“You could have come home,” Cas said softly.

 

“Home,” Dean chuckled, looking down at the sand. “The thought crossed my mind. But then I asked myself if I am really ready to face this. It’s uncharted territory for me, Cas. The last time I went through something like this, she died and knew that I’d never see her again. You...I could turn around right now and look at you. All I’ve seen for the last two weeks is you. I’ve tried to picture the guy who sat in his driveway and laughed with me. The guy who stayed with me after Bobby died. The guy who calls me an asshole almost daily. And I’ve tried really fucking hard to picture the guy with his face scraped up, stitches in his head, and a goddamn green cast on his arm. That guy...that guy is my world. But all I can see is a replay of you at that bar. Holding her hands, hugging her, kissing her, and the look on your face when you realized that I knew.”

 

“Dean, I never intended to…”

 

“What? Get caught? I’m not even going to ask you what happened. Maybe you fucked her, maybe you didn’t. You can’t stand there and give me some lame excuse like you were drunk, or she kissed you and I missed the part where you pushed her away. I waited for that part, but it didn’t happen. Not right away. You kissed her back. But we both know that there is more to it than just some brunette at a bar that you never thought I’d go to. You lied, and I’m guessing that you lied for awhile. You told me that you love me, you told me everything that I wanted and needed to hear from you. You touched me and I let it go. I stopped questioning why you were distant, I stopped asking myself what you were hiding, even after I read that email.”

 

“I lied, I hid things, but it’s not what you think.”

 

“Then enlighten me, Cas.”

 

“That was Hannah,” Cas sighed. “She saw my name in an article about the Robinson case and she contacted me.”

 

“Let me guess, the ex reads about uber lawyer Cas Novak, sees dollar signs, and decides that it’s time for a romantic reunion?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe.”

 

Dean just shook his head and started walking away. Cas had spent years with this girl. At one time he had been in love with her, and Dean didn’t know what to think or how to feel.

 

“Don’t do this Dean. Please, don’t do this.”

 

“I’m not doing anything,” Dean turned around and finally looked at Cas. “I’m just walking back to my car because I don’t see this conversation going anywhere. At least not anywhere positive.”

 

“I told you after Bobby died that I would always come find you. I have come here every single night since you left, hoping that I’d see your car in the parking lot.”

 

“So you know my habits, that’s doesn’t mean shit Cas.”

 

“You came here for a reason. I half expected to find your wedding ring on the dresser when I got home that night, but you are still wearing it.”

 

“Another habit.”

 

“It is not another habit, Dean. How much time did we spend as just friends talking about how neither one of us wanted a serious relationship? How neither one of us could ever see ourselves getting married and settling down? We’re wearing matching rings, and I’m not Cas Novak anymore. She saw the ring, and I told her. I told her everything.”

 

“Did you whip out your driver’s license to prove it? Because telling her that you married some guy on an impulse really doesn’t amount to shit. I watched you hug her, Cas. I stood there and I watched you kiss her. I heard you tell her that you don’t just jump into shit that will change your life because it doesn’t always work out the way that you expected it to. I heard her tell you to put it in your rearview mirror,” Dean cried.

 

“You aren’t just some guy and it wasn’t an impulse. I wanted to marry you. You aren’t just my husband, Dean. You are everything. I’ve been sleeping in the guest room because I can’t bring myself to go into the room that you built for us. I hugged her, and I kissed her, and I was wrong. She knew how to get to me, I know that’s no excuse.”

 

“No, it isn’t. Because what about next time, Cas?”

 

“There won’t be a next time. I love you, I am in love with you and she knows that.”

 

“As much as I hate saying this, that’s empty. It doesn’t mean anything. You told your ex that you’ve moved on, and that’s great. But you also told her that you had doubts, and I can’t live that way. I can’t do this,” Dean started walking down the beach.

 

“She found my biological mother. She met with her and talked to her. She wants to meet me, Dean.”

 

Dean stopped, but he couldn’t turn around. “I thought you wanted no part of that.”

 

“I didn’t. I don’t. But she sent me pictures, told me stories, fucked with my head. She used it to get to me. She hugged me because I was sitting in a bar confused and falling apart. Yes, she kissed me and for a second I kissed her back. I hate myself for that. I know that she never loved me, not like you have. Life changes, regret, putting things behind me, none of it is about you. It never has been. It’s been about my history, where I came from.”

 

“So that’s why things changed? For the last month I can be sitting right next to you and I feel alone. You shut me out. You tell me that I’m everything, but you couldn’t even come to me and talk to me about it. You met with somebody who you once loved, behind my back. What is it Cas? You don’t trust me? You can climb into a bed that I had built for you and touch me, tell me things, but you can’t bring yourself to tell me that your biological mother wants to meet you? That you are afraid of how it may change your life? What am I supposed to do with that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Cas quietly cried. “I didn’t want my past affecting my life, my future. I was confused, it’s some heavy shit, maybe I was just trying to protect you.”

 

“From what? I’m your fucking husband. It’s my job to be there for the heavy shit. I made you that promise in Lake Tahoe and I meant it. Every goddamn word. If you decide to meet her, I would be right by your side. You should know that. If you decide not to, I would be there every night to tell you that you did what you had to do. I thought that’s what this relationship was about. I thought that’s who we were. When I lost Bobby, I needed you, and you were there. You took that chance away from me. You know, I took a huge risk and split my business because you supported me and you believed in me. I’ve seen things in your eyes that I have never seen anywhere else, and I mean anywhere. Yeah, I’ve been in love before, but it wasn’t like this,” Dean finally turned and Cas could see the tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. “We were equals, Cas,” he said quietly. “We shared everything. You didn’t even have a real birthday when I met you, which is why I asked you to marry me in September. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it doesn’t make sense, but I wanted you to remember the day that you became Castiel Winchester as the day that your life, the life that I thought you wanted, began. To the rest of the world I’m just an arrogant grease monkey, I’m an asshole. But not with you, never with you. My life began that day because for the first time, I felt like I fit. So I don’t know if you were born on September 16th or the 14th or whenever, I don’t want to know. I married you on the 20th and that’s what mattered to me. I wanted it to matter to you. God, if anybody else heard me say half of this shit they’d think that I was losing it because this side of me, it’s yours Cas. It always has been. I would have been there, every step of the way. I would have been there for all of it just like you were there when I lost Bobby. I can let go of what I saw at the bar that night. It stings like hell, but I can move past it. But secrets, the lack of trust, what do I do with that? Don’t tell me that I am everything to you, because I’m not.”

 

Cas didn’t call out or try to stop Dean when he walked up the rickety steps and got into his car. He winced when he heard the engine start, and cried as he heard it fade. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean couldn’t bring himself to go into the bedroom either. He gave Chuck the attention that he was starved for and laid down on the couch. He didn’t grab a beer, he didn’t pick up the remote, he just rolled on his side facing the back cushions and pulled a blanket over his body. He was emotionally exhausted, empty. He hadn’t really slept in weeks. He finally felt himself drift off.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was almost silent when he came through the door. He was surprised to see the Impala parked at the curb, but not surprised to see Dean on the couch softly snoring. He needed to fix this, but he didn’t know if he could. He went back to that first night. The night that Dean needed him and somehow in the mixture of pain and confusion, they found one another. He knew that night that he loved Dean, that maybe in his own way, he always had. He knew that he had nothing to lose when he knelt down on the floor and pressed his lips against the back of Dean’s neck. Dean rolled over and looked at him. “Cas I don’t think I can do this...that we can do this…”

 

“I need to feel like I’m living and not dying,” Cas cried softly. “I am barely hanging on, Dean. Without you, I have nothing. I’m dying on the inside, I can feel it. The only place where I can see my life, my future, is in your eyes.” Cas leaned his head against the couch cushion and Dean could feel his body shaking.

 

Dean sat up and ran his hands down his face. Cas lifted his head and he met the watery blue eyes, fearful and anguished. He didn’t think before he reached out and touched Cas’s cheek, gently running his thumb across the scar on his forehead. “I thought I lost you that night,” he said thickly. “I was scared when I couldn’t find you, but then the traffic...the traffic it just made me angry. I saw the red and blue lights, then the broken glass, and then I saw the car. I looked at it and I knew, I just knew that there was no way that somebody could have survived whatever had happened to that car. Traffic was moving so slowly, everything was moving slowly, but when I saw the license plate it felt like everything stopped. I couldn’t breathe and I was just waiting for my phone to go off. I was waiting for that call, I was waiting to hear those words. I don’t remember driving to the hospital, I don’t really remember anything except for that moment when I pulled back that curtain. God,” Dean took a deep shuddering breath. “All of the blood, the stitches, the scrape on your face, you had never looked more beautiful to me than you did at that moment. You were still here and you were still mine and I could breathe again. You sat at that table and ate that night, you argued with me about going to Lake Tahoe and I gave in because I would have given you anything, I would have done anything you asked of me if it meant that I could still hear your voice or see your smile. I was so afraid to touch you, but I had to. I needed to feel your skin under my hands because I needed you to be alive. I needed to know that I didn’t have to stand in a room and tell somebody that it was time for them to turn off the machines. I did that with Ben and I did it with Bobby and I couldn’t do it again. Then all of this happened, and I almost started feeling like I was slowly moving to that place. It was like I needed to figure out how my life would go on without you, because I’ve never been through this shit before. It’s never been a choice for me. I love people, and then they are taken from me and there isn’t a goddamn thing that I can do about it. I just stand there and I wait for the flat line.”

 

“Dean…” Cas whispered.

 

“I left. I thought that’s what you wanted, so I left. I didn’t know what else to do. But tonight, I knew that you were there before I heard you. You didn’t have to say anything because I felt it again. I would have given you anything, I would have done anything that you asked of me. The hurt and the anger, it’s still here, but so are you. I have to let go of one or the other, I can’t live with both. I made a promise to you, for better or for worse. Right now, I feel pretty fucking bad. So how do we make this better?”

 

“I don’t know. I wish I had a better answer, but I don’t. I have never had somebody tell me that they would be there and mean it. I’m not trying to play the orphan card, but my life has always just been my life. Nobody was there to celebrate when I graduated from high school or college. Nobody was ever there to help me up when I fell or tell me that they were proud of me. Nobody has ever told me that they love me unless they could somehow benefit from it.”

 

“So what, you’ve spent all of this time just waiting for the other shoe to fall? Just waiting to see what I want from you? I don’t want anything Cas, I never have. This has never been about what I could get out of you, it’s about having you by my side, that’s all. That is all I’ve ever wanted. Just you, here with me. There’s no motive or agenda, I love you. I would take a bullet for you.”

 

Cas dropped his head, “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

 

“Come here,” Dean whispered, pulling Cas into his arms. “You don’t need to say anything.”

 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I am so sorry,” Cas cried quietly.

 

“I know you are, baby.” Dean pulled away and placed his hands on either side of Cas’s face, leaning in for a tender kiss. Cas was still shaking, Dean could still see the fear in his eyes. He stood up and reached for Cas’s hand. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

 

\-------------------------

 

They stripped each other slowly, shadows from the low fire dancing on the rustic looking walls. Cas looked at Dean, touched him almost reverently in the bed that they’d always shared. Their mouths were lingering and soft, Dean trapping Cas’s hands against the pillow, trailing his full lips across his jaw and down his neck. He needed to lose himself in the heady musk of Cas’s skin. He needed to taste him and feel him. He needed to forgive him. Cas arched his body against Dean’s mouth, quietly moaning and faintly crying. Rough calloused hands skimmed across smooth skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. They moved together with an intuitive need. Cas needed to feel the pleasure and pain when Dean settled between his legs and buried himself deep. Dean needed to feel his body intertwined with Cas’s. Each slow thrust brought them closer, each kiss deeper and more passionate than the last. Dean’s embrace was eternal, Cas’s emotions undeniable. The sweat slicked friction started an unavoidable build, Dean’s cock grazing the spot inside of Cas that would take him to another place. The days spent apart fell away when he cried out Dean’s name and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, his thighs tensing against Dean’s body. Intoxicated by the sound of his name, the sticky warmth spreading between them brought Dean to the edge when he thrust one last time, pulling Cas to him with a loud groan. Their bodies were trembling, chests pressed together, hearts pounding. “I need you,” Dean said quietly. He lifted his head and they locked gazes, Cas reaching to trail his fingers down the side of Dean’s perfect face. “You really are my everything,” he whispered. Dean leaned into a long, lingering kiss before letting his body collapse into Cas’s arms. 

 

\-------------------------

 

They touched and kissed, the jetted waves of water keeping them warm against the chill brought on by the slow breeze. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, kissing him tenderly. "You make your decision about your biological mother, and I'll stand behind you. I love you Cas, we'll get through this.” He understood now, he knew that he’d never really had a choice. He would always belong to Cas. “I love you too,” Cas said with a soft smile, staring into his husband’s eyes. “I still can’t believe that you don’t know why I always choose green.”


	4. It's All About Family

Dean woke up to the smell of coffee, Cas’s side of the bed still radiating body heat and the scent of his skin. He threw his boxers on and walked into the kitchen. He smiled at Cas and felt arms wrap around him while he was reaching for his mug.

 

“Are we okay?” Cas asked softly.

 

Dean poured his coffee and turned around, “We will be. But I...I can’t do this again Cas. You have been the best friend that I have ever had, and I need to know that we can share everything. I need to know that you trust me.”

 

“I do trust you, and I am so sorry.”

 

“I know that you are, baby,” Dean said quietly, kissing Cas’s forehead. “I made you promises, and I meant them. All of them. We are in this together.”

 

Cas relaxed and leaned his body against Dean’s, “People are going to ask what in the hell has been going on for the last couple of weeks. I called your mom, I stopped by the shop. I didn’t say much, but they know that you left. They know that you went somewhere without me. That I didn’t even know where you were.”

 

“People can ask all they want. They can question and wonder. I don’t give a shit. Something came up, but it worked itself out. That’s all anybody needs to know. I’ll deal with my mom, Sam, and Jody.”

 

Cas kissed Dean softly before sitting down at the table. “I’m going to ask Crowley for an assistant on this settlement.”

 

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Dean asked over the rim of his mug.

 

“I don’t know. The Robinson case earned me some serious brownie points, but I can’t work 20 hours a day every day. If I have to suck it up and tell him that I need help, then I will. I may not have a wife and kids to support, but I have a husband and a very needy step-dog who I need to spend time with.”

 

“Step-dog?” Dean grinned. “Don’t let Chuck hear you call him that, it’ll break his heart. I don’t think that he’s down for the whole ‘blended family’ thing.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean bent down and kissed Cas before he grabbed his keys and phone. Cas understood that he needed to go into the shop today. He’d been inexplicably gone for two weeks, and had no idea what had been happening in his absence. They were supposed to be starting work on the new building soon and he had to be there, staying home wasn’t an option. Cas opened his laptop and started to work from home, sending Mr. Crowley a fairly lengthy email explaining that as much as he appreciated the opportunity to work on a large profile case by himself, he needed some assistance. He started sorting through his personal emails and cringed when he found the one that Dean must have read. If only Dean had read the emails that were about him, how strong Cas’s feelings were, how Dean was the only person he could picture himself being married to. He finally deleted them, he didn’t need them anymore. He’d told Hannah at the bar that night that he didn’t want her to contact him again. It was over, all of it. Right now he had to do whatever he could to regain his husband’s trust.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Dean, is everything okay?” Jody asked when she finally caught up with him.

 

“Yeah, everything is fine. Something came up and It was last minute. I’m sorry about the whole lack of communication thing, but I see that the building is still standing, there are cars here on the lifts, and people are actually working. You and Garth are seriously my dream team.”

 

Jody blushed, “Garth deserves most of the credit. I don’t know what it is, but he’s changed. He carries around that clipboard almost like he’s somebody’s punk nephew who showed up to run the place.”

 

Dean grinned, “I can almost picture that. Where is the guy anyway?”

 

“I think he’s in your office.”

 

Dean didn’t bother to knock before he walked in, it was his office. Garth was at his desk messing with his computer. “Uh, what are you doing?”

 

“Hey Dean! I’m glad your back. So, I had this idea; most of the oldtimers are running around digging up repair manuals when they come across shit that they aren’t familiar with. I thought that maybe we could build a database. You know, upload all of the info and then maybe put a few computers out in the shop so that they could just type in what they need and pull it up. What do you think?”

 

“I think that it’s brilliant and a step ahead of me. How long would something like that take?”

 

“Few days probably. I can do it after hours.”

 

“You’re expecting me to pay you time and a half?”

 

“I was thinking double time,” Garth smiled.

 

“I make you manager, I give you an apartment, I show you how to pick up chicks, and now you want me to pay you double to play on a computer?” Dean grinned. “Fine, double time, but don’t drag the shit out. The fun part will be showing some of these guys how to actually use computers. You realize that you just put yourself in charge of a project that is going to be a royal pain in your ass, right?”

 

“Yep, but it gives me something to do.”

 

“What about being the boy king of the dive bar?”

 

“Things got complicated. I figure that the dive bar can find a new boy king. I kind of get why you’re married.”

 

Dean smiled, “Being married can be just as exhausting. Anyway, I need to head over to restoration and then check out the new building. Do you have anything else for me?”

 

“Oh, Mr. Baldwin called. Said his brakes are working like a charm.”

 

“And to think, I almost didn’t want to come in today. Thanks kid.”

 

Dean walked through the familiar space, his second home. He asked Marco to pull up the restoration waiting list. They were still holding at four months. He looked at the plans for merging the two buildings into one shop and checked into which departments needed staff. When he was done with his walk through, he kicked Garth out of his office and sat down, he needed to start making some phone calls.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Hey mom...Yeah, last night...I know that he did, but everything is fine...No, it is...I’m not going to go into detail about this, mom. You know that being married isn’t always easy and I’m pretty sure that being married to me is seriously difficult...We are fine...No really, we are...So you got it all here and moved in?...I know and I feel like shit that I wasn’t able to help...Well I still do...Dinner sounds good just let me know...I love you too.”

 

He knew that his mom would want to play 20 questions, that she’d want to know what happened. Maybe one day keeping his private life private would blow up in his face, but problems between Cas and him needed to stay between Cas and him. He thought about calling Sam, but he figured that his mom was already on the phone with either him or Jess. He would wait and deal with them later. He had a shop to run and a marriage to work on.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean looked up from his paperwork when he heard Cas walk in his office with lunch. “Hey baby, you didn’t have to do that.”

 

“I know, but I also know that you have a lot going on and that you probably wouldn’t take the time to go eat. Plus, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

 

“Yeah, well there’s another way, but we’d have to shut the blinds and lock the door,” Dean winked. “So, what did you bring me?”

 

“I stopped at the deli.”

 

“Okay, that’s almost as good as shutting the blinds and locking the door,” Dean grinned, taking the sandwich out of Cas’s hand. “I know you, and I know that you’re doing this to try and make it up to me. As much as I do appreciate a good sandwich, you don’t have to. We’re going to be fine, Cas. Marriage isn’t easy and we hit a bump early. With as much baggage as we both have, shit was bound to happen eventually. You were right when you said that I went to the beach for a reason, that I kept my ring on for a reason.”

 

Cas sighed and looked at Dean, “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

 

“You brought me lunch from the deli, so yes I do have an idea of how much you love me.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was surprised when Crowley assigned a new hire to help him without question. The guy was young, fresh out of law school, unmarried, and had no kids. Cas felt like an asshole when he was relieved that he wouldn’t be working with a family man. He had no intention of giving the bulk of work to the guy, he just knew that he was dealing with somebody would could pull off 12 hour days if he needed to. They planned a meeting for the following morning so that Cas could get him caught up on the settlement. He knew that he’d probably run into Sam at the office, but Dean was right, what happened between them was between them and the rest of the family didn’t need to be involved. 

 

Dean came home early and they ate dinner together, laid on the couch and watched a movie together, and climbed into bed together. They just held one another, kissing and touching, quietly making new promises and repeating the old ones. Cas fell asleep with his head on Dean’s chest, listening to his heart beat. Dean fell asleep holding Cas close and listening to his even breaths. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“Mr Winchester?” the young man asked nervously.

 

“Yes, I’m Cas Winchester. And you are?”

 

“Oh, yeah, I’m Kevin Chau. I recently graduated from UCLA Summa Cum Laude...”

 

“Kevin,” Cas smiled. “This isn’t an interview, I don’t need your resume. What I do need is to explain to you exactly how exciting high profile settlements work. I’m guessing that you came out of law school hoping to either change the world or make a lot of money? I hate to tell you this, but we don’t do a whole lot of world changing around here.”

 

“I saw all of the coverage on the Robinson case. That was pretty impressive.”

 

“Yeah, well I’ll be honest, that was actually kind of a fluke. But, it worked and our client will get what he deserves when the criminal case is over. Don’t get your hopes up that it will happen with this case. We’re looking at a bad real estate investment, very little chance of shady overseas bank accounts. But, I guess a guy can dream, right? So let’s get started.”

 

They went over the details until Sam poked his head in the door of the meeting room. “Hey Cas, I’m sorry to interrupt, I was just wondering if you’d have a minute later? There’s something I’d like to go over with you.” Cas just looked up and nodded. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Sam Winchester,” Sam reached his hand out and shook Kevin’s with a firm grip. “I should be in my office most of the day so just come find me. Again, sorry to interrupt.” Sam walked out and Kevin looked confused.

 

“So which one of you worked on the Robinson case?”

 

“We worked on it together,” Cas murmured, looking through file folders.

 

“I’m sorry, I thought that the reports said…”

 

“Okay, I’ll get you up to speed with the office gossip. You’ll hear it eventually anyway. The attorney’s on that case were Winchester and Novak. Sam Winchester and Cas Novak. I recently married his older brother.”

 

“Huh, congratulations. That must get confusing around here.”

 

Cas smiled, “You have no idea.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“What’s up, Sam?”

 

“You can actually come into my office and sit down, Cas.” Cas closed the door softly and sat down. “So, some family business that we need to take care of. Thanksgiving kind of went by the wayside. We had to go to the Moore’s, mom spent some time with friends in Kansas, and Dean said that you were kind of doing your own thing. So, Jess has officially moved on to torturing us all with Christmas plans, and she has help from my mother. Good times. Anyway, you are the voice of reason and so I need you to try to keep my brother from going completely overboard when it comes to my kids. They adore him more than they do Santa.”

 

Cas sighed with relief. “You really think that I can make Dean stop from going overboard?”

 

“Not a chance in hell, but I said that I’d pass on the message. Oh, and a housewarming at mom’s sometime after Christmas.”

 

“I have to admit, it feels a little strange to be sitting in your office talking about family plans.”

 

“Hey, your dumb ass married into this family. You get to deal with this shit too,” Sam smiled. “But seriously, tell Dean to step away from the toy store. Freeze his debit card, his credit cards in ice if you have to.”

 

“I can try, but you know that he won’t listen to me.”

 

“Welcome to the Winchester family,” Sam grinned. 

 

\-------------------------

 

They were in bed, Cas lying crosswise with his head on Dean’s stomach. “You know, it’s a little nerve wracking to get called into your brother’s office, expecting a full on 20 questions session just to be told that I need to take away your credit cards before Christmas.”

 

“Like that would work. I’d just order online. One click shopping with the credit card info already saved.”

 

“Of course you would,” Cas chuckled. “You know, I’ve never really celebrated Christmas, or any holiday, with a family. Okay, that sounded seriously pathetic, even to me.”

 

“It’s not pathetic, baby. This was what I wanted to give you. A house full of noise, chaos, and absolute mayhem at Christmas. The beautiful part is, we can leave and come back to our quiet little home.”

 

“So, do you do the whole tree thing?”

 

Dean started laughing, “I tried one year. But, Chuck saw a tree in the house and decided that he might as well do to it what he does to the trees outside. So, after cleaning up dog pee a few times I trashed it.”

 

“Okay, no tree. Damn dog…”

 

“Why? Do you want a tree and all of that happy merry joy type stuff?”

 

“I don’t know. I mean last year I spent Christmas on my couch eating a turkey sandwich and watching ‘A Christmas Story’ like seven times in a row. No tree, no lights, no shopping...nothing.”

 

“Well, family dinners, holidays, barbecues, and if you’re lucky maybe a garden party or two...it’s all part of the Winchester package. I probably should have warned you about that before you signed up for the team. The sex is great, but the family is overwhelming,” Dean grinned.

 

“Yeah, I don’t remember reading the overwhelming family clause.”

 

“You probably should have had your lawyer look into it before you signed on the dotted line. Speaking of which, how’s the new guy?”

 

“Young Asian kid fresh out of school. Smart as hell, he’s going to be a damn good lawyer. I think we were about ten minutes into our first meeting when I had to explain the two Winchester thing. I should just make up cards and hand them out when people get confused.”

 

“Again, you really should grow up and use each other’s first names.”

 

They laid in silence, Dean reaching down to run his fingers through Cas’s hair. “Do you want the tree and all of that?” he finally asked.

 

“I don’t need it.”

 

“I didn’t ask if you need it, I asked if you want it. A lot of shit makes sense to me now. I’ve taken things for granted that you’ve never experienced and I hate that.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Dean.”

 

“No, but it’s my responsibility. You tell me what you want, I’ll do it. You got your hot tub didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah, and you thank me every time that we use it.”

 

“Yes I do.” Dean grinned.

 

Cas went silent again, just staring at the exposed beams on the ceiling. He never got tired of being in this room, he couldn’t imagine sleeping anywhere else. They hadn’t even been married for three months yet, but he’d already betrayed Dean’s trust and knew how lucky he was to be laying in the large bed with his husband. The family, the normalcy was overwhelming at times. They all knew everything about one another. Dean was the most private, but they knew that something had happened between the two of them and that Dean had left for two weeks. He knew that Dean would never tell them why, but they still knew. It hadn’t been like this with Hannah. Her family had little use for him. He was still struggling to find a good job and pay down his student loans. He didn’t want to get married or have children. He had nothing to offer as far as they were concerned, and they never tried to hide their disdain. He had a few Christmas’s with foster families, but he always knew that it was temporary and that he would be shuffled around soon. The Winchesters could be loud and argumentative, especially his husband, but there was actual love there and sometimes it confused him. He was still learning to accept Dean’s unconditional love, love for him had always come with strings attached. “I love you,” he said quietly.

 

“I love you too. Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Come here,” Dean said, reaching for Cas, pulling him into his arms. “Why don’t I believe you?”

 

“It’s just...I don’t know. I’ve have over 30 years of really no memories. I hate it because I feel like I’m whining when I talk about it. It’s all I’ve ever known. I mean, us and our marriage, I still ask myself why you love me so much, but I don’t want to picture my life without it. The twins and Jess, they accepted me right away. I know that it was a hard sell with Sam and your mom, I know that they still don’t understand it.”

 

“They don’t need to, Cas. It’s not about them.”

 

“I know, but I’m one of you now. I have a name and I have a family and unless I seriously fuck up again, I can’t see that changing.”

 

“Is this about…”

 

“No, not really. You’ve only been back for a couple of days, but everything feels right again. I don’t deserve it, but I’m not going to argue it. It’s like we’re back in that driveway just talking, only my last name is different and we are wearing a lot less clothes. I just feel, I don’t know, thankful, lucky, maybe a little confused.”

 

“You don’t need to feel thankful or lucky, Cas. I told you when we were in Lake Tahoe that you deserve all of this. We hit a rough patch. Instead of sticking around and dealing with it, I did what Dean Winchester does best. I left. Maybe I have only been back for a couple of days, but that shit happened a couple of weeks ago and I want to leave it there. We both bring a lot of baggage to this relationship and shit is bound to come up. Now I know that next time I can’t just bail and try to pretend like nothing happened. I man up and I deal with it because you and our marriage is worth it to me. I told you when I proposed, we moved from zero to sixty, but that’s because I didn’t need time to figure out how I feel. I knew the first time you stayed with me that I needed you. How things went from drinking beer and talking about women to sleeping in my bed together, I can’t explain it. I don’t think that either one of us really knows exactly why or how we ended up here, but I’m not going to question it. You are my best friend and the sex is incredible. I could be wrong, but I think that’s what a marriage is supposed to be about. I plan a romantic weekend, something nobody would ever expect me to do, and I could tell that it meant everything to you. Breakfast in bed, overpriced coffee, that damn balcony. If I could plant pine trees and build a mountain out back for you, I would. The proposal, it was spur of the moment, but I saw the rings and something clicked, I just knew. This room, this was easy. Some pictures and a credit card, but you should have seen your face when you saw it. I never want to stop surprising you, Cas. My family hears the stories and I don’t think they really believe it because like I told you the other night, this part of me belongs to you. I want to be that husband, the one who does things that nobody has ever done for you. You’re that husband. It may not have seemed like much to stop at the deli and surprise me at work, but it was. I was busy, I had a lot going on, and my quiet in the storm showed up with my favorite lunch. I’ll do the big things, you do the little things, and we’ll stay balanced.”

 

“Really? A sandwich?”

 

“Yes a sandwich. You sat here, looked at the time, knew that I would be swamped and probably wouldn’t get the chance to go anywhere. You remembered how much I love the deli that I took you to once. You don’t think that means something to me? When you get up before me in the morning, you always feed the dog and make coffee. Usually I find my favorite mug sitting next to the coffee maker. You think about me, what I want or what I need. I know that I’m waxing poetic all over the place here, but I just need you to see the things that I feel like I don’t deserve. You were in your accident, but you didn’t care about how you felt. You never complained about the pain, even though I saw it in your eyes. You held me and told me how sorry you were because I was so scared. It’s those things, Cas. I was alone for so long, and I was fine with it. But to have somebody do something as thoughtful as bringing me a cold beer when I’m tearing down a wall or offering to refill my coffee cup so that I don’t have to move out of the chair on the patio, that’s everything.” Dean knew that Cas was softly crying when he pressed his lips to the top of his head. “I love you, Cas Winchester. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.” Cas didn’t say a word, he just let Dean hold him until he fell asleep. Dean sighed and reached for the lamp, turning it off before pulling Cas closer.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was struggling. Kevin was great to work with. He was bright and eager. Sam was treating him as a brother at work. Dean still came for Monday lunch, and Cas left them alone, but other days Sam would track him down and invite him to go somewhere. Jess would call or text because the girls wanted to say hi to their Uncle Cas. Mary would call just to make sure that things were okay. Dean...Dean was amazing. He was beautiful and attentive. His hands and his mouth brought out feelings that Cas couldn’t describe. But, Cas was still struggling. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“I’m thinking about calling her,” Cas finally told Dean in the dark.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Your biological mother?”

 

“Yes, I don’t know. Maybe it’s still a sore subject, but I deleted all of the emails and texts from Hannah. All but one. I have her name, her information, I could pick up my phone right now if I wanted to.”

 

Dean took a deep breath, he didn’t know if he was ready for this conversation. “Okay, I need you to know that none of this is about Hannah and I know that. I told you on the beach that night that I would be by your side if you decided to meet her, or I would tell you every night that you did what you had to do. That promise still stands. Good or bad, I’m in this as much as you need me to be.”

 

“But what do you think?”

 

“I think that you have a lot of questions. If you need answers, I get it. I really hate myself for quoting her, but Hannah was right when she said that if it goes bad you can always put it in your rearview mirror.”

 

“It’s fucking with my head, Dean. I wish I could just let it go, maybe I should have deleted that one email.”

 

“But you didn’t, and there’s a reason why. I can’t tell you what to do, I’d never even try. I will be by your side, or behind you, or at home waiting. I’ll be wherever you need me to be.”

 

“What if I talk to her, and I don’t get the answers that I want?”

 

“Then we pick up the pieces.”

 

“You don’t have an opinion?”

 

“Cas, I’m not on the outside looking in anymore. I don’t want to see you get hurt, but I don’t want you to wonder for the rest of your life.”

 

Cas took a shuddering breath, “It’s the holidays and we’ve spent a ton of money on the twins and Robbie. Enough that Sam will probably kill us. Between us, Sam, and Jess we have secretly set up a total remodel and design for your mom’s condo. I went with you and we picked out gifts for every single one of your employees. I came home from work and found Christmas lights on the house and a small tree in our bedroom. It’s all coming together and it’s exciting and emotional and I can’t wait to watch MaryEllen and JoAnna open presents and hug their Unca Dee and Uncle Cas. I’ve never done this, and a part of me is scared shitless. But there’s this part of me that needs to know why I’m scared, why I never had this. That’s all I want to know. Why? I was a baby, I didn’t do anything wrong but I was dropped off at a church, named after an angel, and I don’t know why.” Cas was crying. “Fuck, all I ever do is cry and fucking whine. My life is perfect. I have a good job, I have a family, I have an amazing husband. We live in a beautiful house. Hell, I even have a damn dog who spends hours on the weekend begging for my attention. So why in the hell can’t I just accept all of that and move forward?”

 

“Maybe you just need to know, peace of mind. I’ll be brutally honest, maybe she’s a monster. Maybe she’s a selfish bitch who got knocked up and didn't want to deal with it. Maybe she was young and afraid. I’m guessing that Hannah never gave you those details.”

 

“No, that was part of her manipulation. She had a secret, but she had conditions and I wouldn’t do it. You do know that the last time I spoke to her was that night at the bar, right? That was the only time I saw her.”

 

“I don’t need to know, okay. That’s behind us and I really need to leave it there.”

 

“I’m sorry, I just…”

 

“I forgave you, Cas. I’m over it. We are in bed, we just had sex, and that’s something that we don’t need to talk about.”

 

“I know,” Cas said quietly, moving his body closer to Dean’s. “I’m just lost, seriously fucking lost. I don’t want you to feel like giving me a family wasn’t enough. My name, my birthdate has never meant shit to me until now. I’m a Winchester and September 20th is the most important day of my life. My romantic side kicks in everytime I think about going back to that damn lodge and spending that day with you.”

 

“So does mine, that’s how it will always be. That’s what I want for us. But I want you to find what you are looking for.”

 

Cas went silent, listening to Dean’s heartbeat. “Her name is Susan. She lives in Portland.”

 

Dean didn’t know how to respond.

 

“She was 20 years old when I was born, I don’t know if that means anything. She had other children but I don’t know if she gave them up as well.”

 

“I’m not trying to bring you down, baby, but what if Hannah was lying. How do you know that she wants to meet you?”

 

“She sent me an email. No explanation no apology. She just wants to meet me. If I didn’t know her name, if I’d never seen her face, I could’ve just kept moving forward. But that bitch, Hannah...she knew that’s all it would take to fuck with my head. She knew my story, she found out that I had gotten married, and she couldn’t handle it. I know, you want to put that behind us.”

 

“No, I want to put what I saw behind us, not the things that have happened in your life. Maybe she tried to fuck with your head, but where are you right now? Sharing a bed with somebody who loves you. So fuck her, she didn’t get what she wanted and I’m petty enough to smile about it.”

 

“Do I email her? Do I call her?”

 

“You do what you need to do, baby.” Dean was trying to stay calm for Cas’s sake. He didn’t think that this was a good idea, he didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. He also knew that sometimes you needed to face your demons head on. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Can you wait until after the holidays? Let us have that time with the twins and Robbie? I know that you are distracted and it’s weighing on your mind, but let’s just get through this.”

 

“I still haven’t decided, but if I do, I can wait. What’s another couple of weeks?”

 

“It will be fine, baby. We’ll get through it. Let’s turn on the hot tub. Not wake the neighbors hot tub, just soak and relax.”

 

“Can we just soak and relax out there?”

 

“I guess we’ll find out.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Christmas came, and it was chaotic. Mary cried when she’d come home after spending a night at Sam and Jess’s to babysit, just to find her condo remodeled. She loved her things, and they didn’t want to take anything away from her. It was mostly new carpet, paint, an updated kitchen and bathroom. It took the twins over an hour to open all of their gifts, Sam shooting dirty looks at his brother the entire time. Jess squealed with excitement when she saw the cruise tickets that Cas and Dean had given them. Robbie sat up and drooled on the toys that had been set in front of him. Cas got a beautiful watch and framed pictures that the girls had painted for him. Dean got similar pictures and a moving hot tub cleaner with a filter. Sam had no idea why Dean needed it when he asked Cas what to get, but Dean seemed thrilled to have it. Mary made them all blankets. They ate too much, Cas, Sam, and Jess may have had a little too much wine, but they hugged and kissed and passed around thank you’s and I love you’s. Cas was starting to reconsider meeting his biological mother. Cas and Dean finally made it home, both exhausted but they hadn’t exchanged gifts. They gave Chuck new toys, he still played with the old rope. Dean led Cas into the bedroom and stopped when he saw the pictures that Cas had hung on the wall in simple frames. A wedding picture where you could see Cas’s injuries, one where you couldn’t, and a framed picture of Cas standing on the balcony at sunset. Cas knew that Dean didn’t expect much, but he couldn’t stop staring at the pictures. “These are amazing, baby,” Dan said quietly, pulling Cas into his arms. He finally dragged Cas onto the patio and showed him the pine trees that he’d had planted in the yard. It wasn’t easy to find ones that could survive the Southern California heat yet look similar to the ones that had meant so much to Cas. Cas just stood there and smiled. The thought, the effort, the fact that nobody else would ever understand is what brought tears to his eyes. There was champagne on ice in the bedroom and the fire turned low when they made love, shared a physical connection that went beyond thoughtful gifts or a beautifully chaotic day spent with family. It was a Cas and Dean thing.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas wasn’t just up brewing coffee, he was up and making breakfast. Dean sleepily followed the smell of bacon into the kitchen. “What’s this?”

 

“Day after Christmas breakfast. Sit down.”

 

“My husband really is perfect,” Dean grinned.

 

“Far from it, so we’ll just say dedicated,” Cas smiled back.

 

“I can live with dedicated.”

 

They ate and laughed. They talked about Robbie’s new room and the hot rod that Dean was going to build. Cas felt guilty about not helping with the playground, so he wanted to build an entire playhouse.

 

“We’re turning our backyard into a fucking amusement park. You really have been sucked into this whole uncle thing.”

 

“You told me once, you look into those blue eyes and they own your soul.”

 

“Is that what happened to me?” Dean laughed. “You do have those amazing blue eyes.”

 

“I try to use them for good instead of evil, but it doesn’t always work out that way. So, can I have an overly sentimental moment?”

 

“Go ahead,” Dean said, chewing on a piece of bacon and rolling his eyes back into his head like he was in heaven. “You keep cooking me breakfast…”

“And I’ll own your soul?”

 

“We’ll just add it to the list of reasons.” 

 

“Now back to sentimental. I know that your shop is bursting at the seams with testosterone. At least you hired Jody and Donna for a little balance. I don’t know how many of them know about me, and I don’t know how much it matters to you…”

 

“Doesn’t matter at all, but they all know that I’m married. They’ve heard your name. Some of them saw me kiss you goodbye and most of repair saw you bring me lunch. I seriously don’t give a shit. I’m their boss and if they want to play the phobic game they can keep it to themselves or they can go. I love my business, but my family comes first. So, fuck ‘em. Now, how is that sentimental?”

 

“I want to go with you to take them their gifts.”

 

“Wow, you do have this whole Christmas spirit thing going on, don’t you?”

 

Cas blushed, “I just, I don’t know, I mean I helped you pick out things for Garth and Jody and some of the others and the best part of yesterday at Sam’s was just watching everybody else get excited. Well, other than the beautiful watercolors painted and signed by M.E. Winchester and J.A. Winchester,” he smiled.

 

“The purple version of Chuck was a nice addition to the piece from MaryEllen. But what do we do with four watercolor paintings?”

 

“Uh, we hang them up.”

 

“You've moved beyond the uncle trap. It’s like you’re in uncle prison now and there is no escape.”

 

“I know that you’re a slave driver and you’re opening the shop the day after Christmas, but I told Kevin that we didn’t need to meet for the rest of the week. He can call or facetime me if he has a problem. So, can I tag along?”

 

“Blue eyes and bacon. Seriously, how does a guy say no to that?”

 

“He doesn’t. Meet me in the shower in 20 minutes.”

 

“And the perks just keep rolling in.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“Dean!” Garth called from across the shop. “Merry Christmas, man,” he pulled Dean into a hug before shrugging his skinny shoulders and hugging Cas as well. “I didn’t know if you were coming in today.”

 

“Well, my husband pointed out that I’m a slave driver by making you guys open up, so I figured the least I could do was to come bearing gifts.”

 

“Seriously? You didn’t have to do that. I mean I didn’t really get anything for you.” Garth said, rubbing the back of his neck and blushing.

 

“That’s probably because your asshole boss doesn’t pay you enough. Anyway, there are a few of you who seriously helped me get this place into shape and I wanted to do a little extra. Open your card and pretend like you got something extremely lame and uninteresting. And enjoy the bottle, after hours,” Dean grinned, handing Garth a card and expensive bottle of scotch. 

 

“Wait, you bought me a 60” big screen in high def with a blu ray player and sound system?”

 

“No, I bought you a bottle of scotch. The rest is from Santa,” Dean winked. “Just don’t wake the neighbors with the sound system. You’ve been great, man. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

 

“This is way better than living with my parents!”

 

“We all have to grow up sometime, kid. Now we’ve got to spread some holiday cheer. They’ll call you and ask when you want it delivered.”

 

“Sounds good. Another round of hugs?” Garth hugged them both and slipped the card into his pocket. 

 

“So, do you really think that passing out alcohol in the shop is a good idea?” Cas whispered.

 

“I only bought a few bottles. I know who I can trust and who I can’t. Let’s go find Jody.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“A spa weekend?”

 

“Well, and this girlie gift basket that my sister in law picked out. I’m going to tell you what I told Garth. That part’s on the down low, the basket is here to make me look like a sexist pig.”

 

“You’re secret is safe with me,” she hugged Dean and Cas, smiling when she saw how happy they were. “So, maybe this goes with your sexist theme, but I baked. There’s a plate in your office.”

 

“You didn’t poison the shit, did you?”

 

“Nah, I like him,” she grinned at Cas. “Merry Christmas Winchesters.”

 

Most of the staff got gift cards, wine, free dinners, paid time off. Dean gave Marco and Billy football tickets, good seats. He found his office full of baked goods, cards, and totally inappropriate gag gifts. 

 

“They love you, don’t they?”

 

“I sign their checks, they have no choice.”

 

“No, I mean it, Dean. I see it. They respect the hell out of you.”

 

“Well, I spent a lot of years not being respectable, so I guess it’s never too late. Even you respect me in the morning.”

 

“Not when you drop a $20 on the nightstand,” Cas laughed.

 

“Okay, you’re right. I’ll start dropping big bills,” Dean grinned, kissing Cas with the office door open. “Should we get out of here? We still have that housewarming thingy at mom’s.”

 

“I really should have had a lawyer look into that family clause.”

 

“Yeah, tell yourself that the next time you let Robbie chew on your finger or let the girls paint your nails.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“You officially survived the holiday season with the Winchesters, including a housewarming. How are you holding up?”

 

“Mild headache, sore shoulders from too many hugs, a few bite marks on my knuckle.”

 

“Jess warned you that he’s probably teething.” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, “It’s just as rough for me. I’m so used to just being here alone that the noise and shit can make me crazy. But, we spoiled everyone. Mom’s new place looks amazing. We have wedding photo’s and pine trees. Now it’s quiet and calm, we can grab a couple of beers and get caught up on the DVR like any boring couple should.”

 

They fell asleep on the couch, and Cas had never been more grateful for the alarm on his phone. He got up, fed the dog, made coffee, pulled Dean’s favorite mug out of the cabinet, and got ready for work. He had an early meeting. He kissed his sleeping husband on his forehead before he left. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was still struggling. The holidays were over, they’d served as a needed distraction, but now he had time to think. He tried to delete the email more than once, but could never bring himself to do it. He hadn’t talked about it at home. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Dean, he knew that it was a decision that he needed to make for himself. 

 

He looked at her picture. She didn’t have the blue eyes, he must have gotten those from whoever fathered him. She wasn’t beautiful like Mary or Jess, she looked like life had hardened her in some way. Sometimes Cas felt pure resentment when he saw her face, and other times he felt like a confused child. He didn’t want to hear her voice, he didn’t want to see her in person, but he felt compelled to contact her. She never even gave him a name or a date of birth, and even if she had no good explanation, he wanted to ask why.

 

\-------------------------

 

He took Dean out for burgers and beer. He would watch the women flock to Dean, and then walk away, shrouded in disappointment when they saw the matching rings. He knew that it probably made him an asshole every time he smiled about it. Dean was in a good mood, talking about work. The expansion was still a work in progress and he had the guys ready to do some of the heavy lifting. His dream was being realized, but he still didn’t know how it had all fallen into place. His life was becoming so much bigger than he’d ever anticipated and as stressful as it was, he loved every minute of it. Cas didn’t want to bring him down, but he needed to talk and he needed to talk to his best friend just like he had all of those months ago in his driveway.

 

“So, um I think that I might email her.”

 

“Who?” Dean looked up from his plate.

 

“Susan.”

 

“Your bio…”

 

“Yes. I don’t want to talk to her, I don’t want to see her, but this was all kind of shoved in my face. I remember telling you that putting it behind me was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done. It was. Now I’ve seen a face and it’s real. I can make up reasons and excuses all I want, but now I have the chance to ask the questions.”

 

“You know that I support you, I do. I don’t want to bring you down, but you need to be prepared. She might lie, Cas. She might lie her ass off.”

 

“I’m prepared for that, I think. I’m a lawyer, we’re wired to recognize that shit.”

 

“Even when it’s this personal?”

 

“Million dollar question, I guess. I don’t know what I’m doing, Dean. Other than ruining dinner.”

 

“Cas,” Dean reached across the table for his hand. “Of course you don’t know what you’re doing. It’s not like they gave you an instruction manual for this shit. Talk all you want, please. Get mad, get upset, cry if you have to. I will listen, and these will still be the best burgers in town.”

 

Cas offered a half smile before he looked down at his plate. “What in the hell do I even say?”

 

“Start off with hello. Go from there. If you want to jump right in with the hard questions, then do it. Honestly, I think maybe you should take it slow. Get a feel for what this woman is all about. I mean, why then? And why now? She has over 30 years of explaining to do and you deserve to hear all of it.” Dean could already picture himself picking up the pieces.

 

“I need to respond,” Cas sighed. “I need to do it when we get home.”

 

“And I’ll pour you a glass of scotch before you do.”

 

Cas leaned across the table and kissed Dean, much to the chagrin of the women in the room. “I seriously don’t deserve you.”

 

“Sure you do. I’m a stubborn son of a bitch with bad table manners who very rarely gets up early enough to be the one who starts the coffee.”

 

“Who builds princess beds, adds on a new bedroom, and elopes.”

 

“Seriously, don’t say that shit out loud. If people knew…”

 

“Yeah, I know. It would ruin your reputation. But explain to me how you got away with building two pink cars at the shop.”

 

“Client hired me for a custom job.”

 

“They all know, you do know that.”

 

“Nope. Ignorance is bliss. In my mind they all see me as a hard ass and they fear me when I walk into the building.”

 

“All of the baked good and Christmas presents?”

 

“Kissing the boss’s ass.”

 

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

 

“Yes I do. Now dig into that burger. We have a heavy night ahead of us and I’m already thinking of things that I can do to take your mind off of it later,” Dean winked. He was nervous, nervous as hell, but he couldn’t let Cas see it.

 

\-------------------------

 

They were laying on the couch, Dean leaning back against the arm, Cas between his legs leaning back against his chest. Cas had the laptop open and had already let Dean read the email from his biological mother. Dean was mindlessly flipping channels while Cas tried to come up with the words. “It doesn’t have to be the great American novel, baby. Just a simple ‘hello, I have a few questions’. If she wants to talk to you, she has to be expecting questions, and a lot of them. She owes you answers, you don’t owe her shit.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right. Short and sweet.”

 

Hello,  
I was given your information and told that you would like to speak with me. If you truly are who you say that you are, you should understand that I have many questions. If you are not prepared to answer them honestly, then I see no reason for us to communicate any further.

 

Castiel

 

Dean watched him type over his shoulder and kissed the top of his head. It was all lawyer-speak and it was the only thing that would set Cas’s mind at ease. With a deep sigh, Cas closed the laptop and set it on the coffee table, reaching down to scratch Chuck behind the ears. “Okay, done. Is there anything good on?”

 

“Is there ever?”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean loved the nights when Cas would straddle him, when Cas would ride his cock. He held his strong arms against Cas’s back, gripping his shoulders, letting him lean his body so that he could run his lips across his chest and collarbone. He was holding Cas perfectly still. He knew that he could come quickly but he didn’t want to. He wanted to make this last, he wanted to feel Cas against him for as long as he could. He moved one hand and slid it up Cas’s stomach, his fingers grazing the sensitive nipples. Cas was hungry, he wanted to move, but Dean wasn’t ready. He pulled Cas’s body against his, slipping his left hand between them. The feeling of Dean’s ring twisting on his finger, while he stroked Cas’s shaft always brought a low moan. They kissed deeply, Cas’s arms wrapped around Dean’s neck, his body shifting subtly. “Oh god baby,” Dean groaned when Cas’s thighs tightened against his hips. His cock was already throbbing when Cas started sliding up and down, taking him deep. Dean’s hand was moving, down his back, squeezing his ass, holding his hip. He leaned his head back and stroked, already feeling the tension in his stomach, already feeling Cas’s body begin to tremble. “Come for me, baby,” he whispered, rocking his hips, stroking faster. Cas’s cock was throbbing and twitching, he cried out and gripped Dean’s shoulders, sliding against him harder. “Right there,” Dean whispered before he pulled their bodies together and came with a loud groan. Cas was panting, leaning against his chest when Dean reached for tissue and cleaned his hand. He wrapped his arms around Cas’s shaking body, waiting for the deep kiss that he knew was coming. “God Cas, you make me feel things…” he said quietly. Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck, kissing and sucking, careful not to leave marks. “I love you,” he whispered. Dean tightened his arms, “I love you too, baby.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“So, uh, she emailed me back,” Cas said quietly. They were sitting on the patio drinking coffee, Cas’s legs laying across Dean’s lap while Dean threw the rope for the dog.

 

“And?” Dean said evenly, staying calm, still throwing the rope.

 

“She gave me a date, a time, a location of where I was born. The address of the church where she dropped me off.”

 

“Well, I guess now you know when your birthday is,” Dean said cautiously.

 

“I’ve known for months. It’s September 20th. That won’t change.”

 

Dean just nodded and took a sip of coffee. He could see Cas’s eyes growing watery, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if Cas needed to be held or just heard.

 

“She, uh,” Cas lifted his head. “She wants to meet. She doesn’t want to explain things through email or over the phone.”

 

“Wow, well…”

 

“I don’t know how to feel about that. I’m not taking time off to go to Portland. I’m not the one who owes any explanations.”

 

“So what if she offers to come here?”

 

“I’ll never let her come here, I mean she heard about the Robinson thing and she knows where I work, but I would make her meet with me somewhere public and somewhere far away.”

 

“Is that what you want?”

 

“I don’t fucking know. God, I just wish that this whole thing never would have started. It caused problems between us, it fucks with my head.”

 

“Cas, things between us are fine. I don’t know what’s going on in your head but the worst case scenario is, either she won’t tell you a damn thing, or she’ll lie to you. You’re a lawyer, you can see right through that shit.”

 

“So you think that I should do it?”

 

“I think that you should do whatever it is you have to do in order to clear your head.”

 

“The lying and lawyer thing, it’s a nice thought. This shit is emotional, and I don’t know where my head would be.”

 

“I’ll go with you.”

 

“No. If I decide to do it, I need to keep my family away from it. It needs to be her and I, face to face.”

 

“Yeah, I get that, baby,” Dean said quietly, running his hand up Cas’s leg.

 

“I checked, there’s a diner about 30 miles north of here.”

 

“Sounds like you’ve made your decision.”

 

“Maybe I have. I’m scared, Dean. I’m really fucking scared.”

 

“Come on, let’s go in the house. I’ll make some breakfast and we’ll just be lazy. I’ll spend the rest of the day telling you that you’re doing what you need to do.”

 

“Why are you so amazing?” Cas questioned, tears in his eyes.

 

“I ask myself everyday why you think that I am. Now come on.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean walked through the elevator doors and smiled at the receptionist. She was smart and beautiful, as well as happily married. She smiled back at him. She knew that the good looking dark haired guy showed up most Monday’s to bring his brother, Sr. Partner Winchester lunch. She also knew that other days he showed up to take his husband, Jr. Partner Winchester to lunch. 

 

Dean let himself into to his brother’s office and sat down, leaving the bag of food on the desk and propping his feet up. It was only a few minutes later that Sam showed up and sat down. “So, what is it this time?”

 

“Italian.”

 

“Those calzones?”

 

“Yes Sammy, those glorified hot pockets that you love so much.”

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked, digging into the bag.

 

“I don’t know,” Dean sighed. 

 

“I know that we talk about it all of the time. Dean is the private one. But maybe you need somebody other than Cas to talk to about shit. I know that we don’t always see eye to eye, but I am your brother.”

 

“It’s just...it’s Cas’s story, ya know? It’s not my place to talk about it.”

 

“Dean, he’s your husband and if he’s going through shit it’s going to affect you. It’s not like I would go to him and announce that you actually opened up to me and talked about what’s been going on.”

 

“I don’t know how much you know about him,” Dean said quietly. “He was dropped off at a church as a baby, raised in the foster system, never adopted. He put himself through school and ended up here after a bad relationship. He tried to find his biological mother for a little while, but said fuck it and gave up. He didn’t need to know anything. Well, the ‘bad relationship’ all of a sudden pops up after that case is splashed all over the media. She found his biological mother and apparently they became good friends. It really fucked with Cas, it fucked with both of us. So, he’s gone back and forth. Does he want to meet her, doesn’t he. He decided the other day that he wants answers, and I don’t know what in the fuck to do.”

 

“Wow, I had no idea. I’ve always respected the guy, but damn.”

 

“He was named by a nun, Novak was the last name of his first foster family. Now do you get why the name and family thing was so important to me?”

 

“Yeah, I do. Now I feel like shit for being kind of a dick about it.”

 

“Don’t, he understands and so do I. You and mom both thought that it was a phase or some type of experimental thing and that I’d get bored or hurt. I really need you to see that it’s not, because if this thing goes south, if he doesn’t get the answers that he’s looking for, he’s going to need family. I’m his husband and I’ll do whatever I can to pick up the pieces, but he needs to know that he has more than just me. And I’m not talking about tip toeing around him because shit went bad. I mean legitimately being a family. If you aren’t quite there, I totally get it. This thing moved fast, really fast, but I don’t see it ending. He’s here and he’s not going anywhere.”

 

“I know that. Mom knows it. Jess has always known it. It just took time.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Dean mumbled, picking at his food.

 

“It looks like it’s fucking with your head pretty bad.”

 

“Of course it is. I love him and the last thing that I want is to see him get hurt. I’m not going to go into detail, but the last time things got rough, I bailed for two weeks instead of sticking around and working things out. I can’t do that shit. It doesn’t matter how hard things get, I need to be here. So, I support him and I’m here for him, and then I feel like shit because it’s exhausting.”

 

“If he grew up in the foster system, and you have the past that you have, you guys need a storage unit for all of your baggage.”

 

“I tell him that all of the time.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean caught Cas a he was coming out of a meeting, “Hey, feel like walking a guy to his car?”

 

“Uh, sure.” Cas turned to the young man standing behind him. “Kevin, this is my husband.”

 

Dean reached out and shook Kevin’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Winchester.”

 

“Okay, seriously you guys have reached your Winchester quota. Call me Dean,” he smiled.

 

“So, why don’t you take some time for lunch and we can meet back here around 2:30?”

 

“Sounds good, Mr. Winchester.” Kevin walked away and Dean rolled his eyes at Cas. 

 

“You were not wrong when you said that the Winchesters are attempting to take over this town. Or at least Crowley’s. We should have had my mom apply for the receptionist job, made things even more confusing. I’m parked in the garage, stairs or elevator?”

 

“Let’s take the stairs.” 

 

Cas turned and wrapped his arms around Dean when the heavy door closed behind them. He had set up a meeting with Susan for Saturday, and he became more and more upset every day.

 

“You don’t have to do it, baby. You can tell her that you decided not to,” Dean said pulling Cas close in the dark garage.

 

“I need to do it, and I feel like a whiny mess every time you touch me.”

 

“But you are my whiny mess, and you are a beautiful whiny mess, and I’ll never stop touching you.”

 

“You put up with all of this because I brought you a sandwich?”

 

“Yes. And you cooked me bacon.”

 

“Who knew it was that easy?”

 

“I told you, saltine crackers and a bottle of water,” Dean grinned. “I need to get back to work. If we make it home at a decent time, let’s go out. If we don’t, pizza and beer.”

 

“Sounds perfect,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

 

“You know that the security cameras can see us?”

 

“Let ‘em.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean could see Cas shaking when he walked him to the car. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come? I mean at least drive you there?”

 

“I’ll be fine. I need to do this by myself.”

 

“Okay,” Dean kissed him softly. “I’ll be here all day just hanging out with Chuck. If you need anything, just call or text. Hell, send a carrier pigeon if necessary. I love you, Cas.”

 

“I love you too. I’ll be okay.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas sat in his car looking through the diner window. He could see her drinking coffee, just waiting for him to show up. A part of him desperately wanted to turn around and go home, spend the day in the hot tub or just laying in bed, but he couldn’t. He finally took a deep breath and got out of his car.

 

He slid into the booth, looking at her but not making eye contact.

 

“Castiel?”

 

“Uh, I go by Cas, but yes.”

 

“I’m Susan. I’m not even sure what to say here. I’m happy to finally meet you.”

 

Cas felt a knot beginning to form. “Well, it’s been over 30 years and you are finally happy to meet me?”

 

“I understand that you are angry and bitter. I understand that you have questions. Your girlfriend and I talked at length.”

 

“Okay, first of all, Hannah is not my girlfriend and hasn’t been for quite some time. I’m going to lay down some ground rules. I do have a family, but they are to be kept out of this.”

 

“I noticed the ring and I just assumed that you’d gotten…”

 

“Again, they are to be kept out of this.” Cas still couldn’t meet her eyes. “Honestly, I just want to know why. That’s it, that’s all I want. I didn’t come here to tell you my life story, you don’t need to know. I just want to know why I ended up where I did.”

 

“I was 19 and a waitress at a coffee shop. He was passing through town, but he had the most beautiful blue eyes that I’d ever seen, I guess we know where yours came from. He left before I found out. I was young, barely 20 when I gave birth. I couldn’t raise you on a waitresses wages. I thought that the church would find you a good home.”

 

“What about the other children? I know that you have others.”

 

“They are all younger. I was in a better place when I had them.”

 

Cas finally met her eyes. He felt angry and bitter, “you never looked for me.”

 

“I thought it would be for the best to let you grow up and have a life of your own.”

 

Cas chuckled, “You don’t need to know what kind of life I had.”

 

“You’ve obviously done well for yourself. I know that you are a lawyer. I can see that expensive ring on your finger. I saw you drive up in that new car.”

 

“So, is that what this is about? Money?”

 

“I didn’t know that you had money.”

 

“Hannah knew, and she’s the one who tracked you down. I don’t understand that part. My ex finds you and suddenly you want to meet. How did that work?”

 

“She called me up. She told me that she was your girlfriend and that she was trying to help you.”

 

“Well, she wasn’t my girlfriend and she wasn’t trying to help me. But explain to me why now. One phone call from some random girl and suddenly you want to talk to me.”

 

“I’ve always wondered about you. Every holiday, every birthday, I wondered how you were.”

 

“Okay, I’m starting to feel like this is some bullshit movie scene. I get it, you were young. That’s really all I needed to hear.” Cas stood up, shaking and needing to go home.

 

“Castiel…”

 

“You couldn’t even give me a proper name. A nun had to do it. Good luck, Susan. Now you know that your orphan child has his blue eyes.” He dropped cash on the table to pay for her coffee and walked to his car. He made it as far as the closest grocery store before he pulled into the parking lot and called Dean.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Hey baby, I didn’t expect to hear from you this soon. Are you okay?”

 

“It’s what I figured it was. A one night stand when she was young. She’s left me alone all of these years so that I could just live my life. There isn’t much more to tell. Will you get the hot tub going. I could seriously use a warm soak and cold beer when I get home.”

 

“Uh, sure. So I’ll see you in about 45 minutes.”

 

“Yep. I’ll be home in about 45 minutes.” Cas hung up the phone and rested his head against the steering wheel. He had more questions, things that he wanted to know, but it seemed pointless now.

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas was shrugging his light jacket off of his shoulder, pinning Dean’s body to the wall with his own. They kissed hard, their hands frenzied as they pulled at each other’s clothes. Cas cupped Dean through his thin pajama pants, stroking and squeezing, feeling him grow hard in his hand. They silently moved down the hallway, unbuttoning, unzipping, tugging, and pushing until they’d left a trail and Cas fell naked on the bed, pulling Dean with him. They were kissing deeply, their tongues sliding together when Cas reached into the nightstand and blindly searched for the small bottle. He found it and handed it to Dean. “No fingers, just your cock,” he whispered, sliding a pillow under his hips. Dean was rock hard and suddenly needy. He’d never seen Cas like this. He wasn’t gentle when he spread Cas’s legs and buried himself. Cas winced at the pain but slowly smiled. He wanted to feel it, he wanted to be fucked. Dean was thrusting, running his mouth along Cas’s neck and shoulders, biting and sucking. Cas’s fingers were digging desperately into his back, his hips meeting Dean’s with every movement. He came quickly between them, arching his body and pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. Dean was already sweating, they’d never been this rough. Hid slid his hands between Cas and the mattress, reaching up to wrap his fingers around his shoulders before thrusting one final time, their bodies sliding together hard as he came. He was panting and could already see the marks on Cas’s body starting to form. He felt bruises on his back where Cas’s fingers had dug into his flesh. He let his body collapse into Cas’s arms. He wasn’t going to question why that just happened. For some reason, it’s what Cas needed.

 

\-------------------------

 

The weight and shared heat of Dean’s body became overwhelming and he rolled onto his back.

 

“Is there beer cooling out there?” Cas panted.

 

“Yeah, should be.”

 

Cas rolled out of bed and held his hand out for Dean’s leading him outside and into the hot tub. He sighed as he felt the jets of water hitting his lower back. He knew that he would be sore tomorrow, and he knew that Dean was probably wondering what in the hell had just happened. “Are you okay?” he turned and asked.

 

Dean handed Cas a cold beer and watched him start chugging it as he slid into the hot tub next to him. “I was going to ask you the same thing, but I wasn’t sure whether or not you were in the mood to talk.”

 

“Yeah, that. I’m...um...sorry.”

 

“For what?”

 

“That was probably a little unexpected.”

 

“It was a lot unexpected, but by no means unappreciated. Feel free to manhandle me anytime, I think I’ve told you that before. But really, are you okay?”

 

“I think so. I mean seeing her didn’t accomplish much. It was the story that I was expecting, the story that I’ve always told myself. Being unable to care for me somehow seemed less selfish than just not wanting me. So, now I know.”

 

“So, is this it? I mean no plan to stay in contact?”

 

“No. There’s no point. I’m not going to lie and say that it didn’t suck, because it did. But, it’s over and life goes on, right?”

 

“Of course, baby,” Dean said quietly, pulling Cas to him. “Tomorrow is Sunday, we are not expected to be anywhere or do anything. I am yours all day. What should be do?”

 

“Start rough cutting the sides of the rocket ship bed. If our nephew is going to have his own space room, we’re going to go all out.”

 

Dean smiled and pressed his full lips against Cas's temple. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too. Now, hand me another beer and let’s figure out what we’re going to do for dinner.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“Crowley and Associates. How may I direct your call? Mr. Novak? I don’t think we have a...oh wait you must be talked about Mr. Winchester. Hold one moment and let me transfer you to his office.”

 

Cas was sitting in what used to be Sam’s office with Kevin going over some financials. This was a cut and dry case, the perfect one to train a new lawyer. 

 

“Hold that thought,” he said as he picked up his office phone. “This is Winchester.”

 

“Castiel?”

 

“Um, just one moment.” He covered the mouthpiece with his hand and gave Kevin some money to run downstairs and grab them each a coffee, with instructions to take his time.

 

“Why are you calling me here?”

 

“Well, I remembered that you worked at Crowley and Associates.”

 

“Okay, Susan, we had our conversation. I asked questions and you answered them. That’s it. I got all of the information that I needed. I really don’t have anything else to say. Please do not call me at work.”

 

Cas hung up but was shaken. That Robinson case may have helped his career, but it was finding ways to fuck up his private life. He wanted to call Dean, but Dean had a job to do and he didn’t need to bother him with this right now. He sighed, gratefully took the coffee out of Kevin’s hand, and turned back to the large stack of files. “So we need to go back through all of his financial records from the last five years. That includes large purchases, investments, all of that fun stuff.” He handed Kevin some files and watched him open his laptop. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“Wait, she what?”

 

“She called the office. She asked for Novak, but everybody there knows the story about how I became a Winchester, so Meg knew to transfer it to me.”

 

“Why in the fuck did she call you?”

 

“I have no idea. I told her that I had nothing to say and I hung up. I should never have met with her”

 

“Well, you did and it’s behind you.”

 

“Yeah, about six hours behind me at this point. I don’t know who to be pissed off at. Susan, Hannah, or myself.”

 

“You can’t put this on yourself, Cas. You didn’t do anything.”

 

“Except for make a bad decision,” Cas said, picking up Chuck’s rope and throwing it across the yard.

 

“You didn’t know.”

 

“No, but I never should have gone down this road. It’s not like anything good would have come of it.”

 

“Maybe not, but you have your answers.”

 

“And it’s the exact story that I was expecting. Well, at least what I’d hoped for. You know, couldn’t take care of me versus didn’t even want me. God, I’m in my 30’s, happily married, I have a good job and a nice house. I’m contractually obligated to keep either new or restored American made cars in front of it, why did I think that I needed anything else?”

 

“You didn’t know, Cas. Now you do. If she calls again, just tell her that you want nothing to do with it. If it doesn’t stop, see if Meg will screen your calls. I mean who really calls the office line looking for you?”

 

“Clients mainly.”

 

“Okay, well all you can do is just keep hanging up. Eventually it will stop, it has to. So off the subject…”

 

“Yes please,” Cas interrupted.

 

“Dinner at Sam and Jess’s this weekend? We haven’t seen the kids since Christmas. They called me today and backed me into a corner.”

 

Cas smiled, “Dinner sounds good.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean was a mess. They had taken down the wall between the old building and the new one and they were building an annex between the two. He was covered in sweat, grease, and dirt.

 

“You probably could have hired a crew to do this.”

 

“And missed out on demolition? Seriously Marco? This shit is therapeutic. You should have seen me take a sledgehammer to the back of my house.”

 

“When you said ‘hands on’, I didn’t know that you were going to be this literal.”

 

“Then you don’t know me very well,” Dean grinned, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. “We should have this other side up and running in a couple of weeks. Expect to get even busier, boys. Oh, yeah, sorry Donna.” Dean smiled. He’d been going over the numbers and he figured out that he wasn’t going to be able to bounce between repair and restoration every day. He was going to have to keep his eye on restoration and let Garth completely take over repair. His computer database idea had worked and repair was running more efficiently than it ever had. They planned to meet weekly to go over the numbers, and Garth knew to contact him if there was a problem. He felt guilty in so many ways for walking away from Singer Auto like he had, but Cas kept reminding him that he was still the owner and business was booming. Bobby would be proud. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“Mr. Winchester, there is somebody here to see you.” Cas set the phone down and turned to Kevin.

 

“Just keep going through those land deeds. We’re going to need the dates on those. I told you that high profile settlements are an exciting business. I’ll be right back,” Cas said as he left his office. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he walked to the front desk. “Thanks, Meg” he smiled. “I’m going to be away from my desk for a few minutes. If anything serious comes up, Chau is in my office and he can answer any questions.” He tilted his head towards the elevators and pushed the button, impatiently waiting to hear the bell. When the doors finally closed he turned to Susan, “What in the hell are you doing here? I told you when you called me that I had nothing more to say. I asked the questions, you answered them, that was the end of it.”

 

The elevator stopped at the lobby and Cas walked out, Susan right behind him.

 

“Castiel…”

 

“Okay, don’t fucking call me that,” he whispered loudly. “It’s not the name I go by. Hell, some nun named me after an angel. They couldn’t even open up a bible and give me something like John or David. But that’s not the point, you don’t need to be here.”

 

“I feel like we have more to talk about.”

 

“I don’t. Why haven’t you gone back to Portland? Why are you still sticking around. And don’t give me some type of bullshit about how after all of these years you want to make it up to me. I should never have contacted you. I have a life, I have a mother in law, I don’t need this shit. Please just stay…” Cas jaw dropped open when he saw Dean coming through the glass doors with Sam’s lunch. “Shit!”

 

“What’s the matter, sweetie?”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, DO NOT call me sweetie. I am nothing to you.”

 

“Cas,” Dean walked up on them looking confused. 

 

“Dean, this is Susan,” he said pointedly. “Susan, Dean.”

 

Dean looked from her to Cas and raised his eyebrows. Cas shook his head almost imperceptibly. “Nice to meet you. I’d, uh, shake your hand but you can see that my hands are full. I have to feed that giant brother of mine.” He leaned in towards Cas, “Um, text me when this is done and then maybe you can walk a guy to his car. I love you,” he whispered. “Again, nice meeting you.” They watched him get on the elevator and smile as the doors shut.

 

“Winchester? And he has a brother? I thought that you were never adopted.”

 

“I wasn’t. That was my husband,” Cas held his left hand up. For the first time in his life he found himself hoping that somebody was homophobic.

 

“He’s very handsome,” she smiled.

 

Cas wanted to scream. “Okay, I’ll lay it out. Stop calling and do not show up again. I will let Meg know that security can escort you out.”

 

“Castiel, I’m your…”

 

“You are not my fucking mother.”

 

“You have siblings. They want to meet you.”

 

“Why are you doing this? Seriously. Is this like a guilt thing? You dropped a blue eyed baby off at a Catholic church and all of these years later you want to make up for it? If it was that easy for Hannah to find you, it would have been that easy for you to find me. Now just go.” Cas turned and got in the elevator, trying to compose himself.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Well that wasn’t awkward. Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Cas said, resting his forehead on Dean’s shoulder.

 

“Are you sure? Because that looked pretty intense, Cas.”

 

“It was.”

 

“What in the hell does she want?”

 

“Honestly, a part of me thinks that she wants to somehow make her way into my good graces because she thinks that I have money. She knows that I’m a lawyer. Crowley runs a prestigious firm. She saw the car and the ring. I guess when you abandon a baby and find out more than 30 years later that he’s actually made something of himself, it’s appealing. I don’t know. It’s just fucked up. She told me that I have siblings, that they want to meet me.”

 

“Cas, it sounds like she’d probably tell you anything right now. Now I told you that I’d stay out of it and let you make the decisions, but I know bat shit crazy when I see it, and that definitely qualifies.”

 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas mumbled, letting Dean pull him close.

 

“For bringing bat shit crazy to the table? I’ve had plenty of experience with it. Remember Rachel?”

 

Cas finally laughed, “We both need to go back to work. I love you”

 

“I love you too,” Dean kissed Cas sweetly, and then kissed him again until they were breathless. “Sorry,” he panted. “I was doing demolition this morning and well...we both know how much I like demolition.”

 

“We’ll deal with that later, now go.” Dean kissed him again before getting in his car. Cas just smiled as he drove away. He groaned as he went back up in the elevator. He still had hours worth of work left and no energy to do it.

 

\-------------------------

 

Susan called the office at least twice a week. She emailed daily, her other children started emailing Cas. He truly felt for these kids. It sounded like in many ways their lives had been just as difficult as his. He and Dean would still talk about it, but he didn't bother bringing it up every time it happened. He wasn’t hiding anything, he just wasn't going to let it consume his life. 

 

He started sending money to the kids. Nothing big. $20 here or $50 there. He sent it to PayPal accounts so that she couldn't get to it. He knew that he should tell Dean, that keeping it to himself may start another argument, but they never really talked about what they did with their money after the bills were paid and he considered it a personal expense. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Life was good. Jess was still not ready to let Robbie go for the night, but Unca Dee and Uncle Cas were finally allowed to take him to the house and let him meet Chuck. Mary got a job at a bakery and was settling into a life in California. Cas felt closer to Sam and Mary as time went on and the day finally came when Mary looked at him like he was her son. Cas was happy, truly happy. He worked hard, spent weekends building a rocket ship bed or elaborate playhouse. He made love to his husband as often as he could and fell asleep next to his warm body every night. 

 

It was a lazy Sunday morning. Dean and Cas were sharing the large outdoor sofa on the private patio that Dean had built. They were quietly comfortable and drinking coffee when Cas realized that he had everything he needed, everything that he’d ever wanted, but felt like he didn’t deserve. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Jess looked at the calendar and noticed that it had been a year since the garden party. A year that felt like a lifetime, but still a reason to celebrate. She called a caterer, Mary worked on special order pastries, and Dean finally unveiled the hot rod that he’d built for Robbie. Granted, Robbie was only crawling, but Unca Dee had it taken care of. The partners from the firm didn’t just chat with Dean, they shook his hand firmly and talked about how impressed they were. He’d built a company that was unrivaled. They teased Cas about marrying out of his league and he blushed accordingly. He was proud of his name, he was proud of his husband, and he was proud that he no longer used the words ‘in law’.

 

Cas couldn’t bring himself to tell Dean that he was waiting for the other shoe to fall. 

 

\-------------------------

 

In an impulsive romantic and nostalgic gesture, Dean bought an old 1967 Chevy Corvair that he planned to restore at home. He wanted Cas by his side when they had time. He wanted to go back, he wanted to remember where it all started. When they sat in the driveway, passing tools, drinking beer, and talking...they were just those two guys. They loved and needed every minute of it. 

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean had built himself an office in restoration and given the one in repair to Garth. It was bittersweet. That had always been Bobby’s office, but Garth respected that and didn’t change a thing. He was surprised when Garth knocked on his door. He turned his music down and yelled for him to come in. “What’s up? Problems?” Dean still had some old customers who would only talk to him, and minor issues that came up in repair.

 

“Um, this is actually more of an off the record personal conversation,” Garth stammered nervously.

 

“I’m going to be honest with you, man,” Dean leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. “Can’t do the bar thing anymore. It ended up not working out so well for me.”

 

“This isn’t about that. Actually, it’s a little more serious than that.”

 

“Okay, shoot. What have you got?”

 

“Um, a baby on the way?”

 

“Okay, I’m sorry because this may be a completely inappropriate question, but are congratulations in order? Or is this one of those I’m sorry moments.”

 

“It’s a big surprise, but I’d lean more towards congratulations.”

 

“Well then, congratulations. So are you needing time off? What do we have going on here?”

 

“More like advice. I like this girl, I mean I really like her. She told me that she's pregnant and I asked her to marry me. She thinks that it’s just because of the baby, but it’s not. I know how you feel about your personal life, but some of us know that it was kind of a last minute thing for you. I mean, you proposed and got married right away.”

 

“And I didn’t even need to knock him up first. Sorry, bad joke and bad timing. So you want to know how to talk somebody into marrying you?”

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“Is she out of your league?”

 

“Way out of my league.”

 

“Well, she slept with you. That kind of puts her back in the game. I wish I had some type of advice, but I really don’t. I decided like a week before I proposed, and I still almost didn’t do it. I was surprised as hell when he said yes. Damn...now I’m getting all mushy and shit. But, we got away from the city for a few days and just spent time together. That’s when I knew. Take a couple of days, talk her into going somewhere, but not Vegas. Shut off your phones and see what it’s like. It changes shit, it seriously does. Do you have a ring?”

 

“Yeah, I have for a few weeks,” Garth blushed.

 

“Take it with you and see what happens. Let me know when you need the time off, and good luck. Remember, this conversation never happened. You had some questions about repair and I was a total dick because I’m working on some things for restoration. Right?”

 

“Right. Thanks Dean.”

 

Dean turned the music back up and smiled when Garth closed the door. He knew what it was like to feel like you couldn’t confide in anybody. When things changed between Cas and him, he didn’t really have anywhere to go. He just went with his gut and it worked. 

 

\-------------------------

 

“So, the girls wanted me to ask Unca Dee if they could come over this weekend,” Sam said with a mouthful of curry.

 

“And you say that I have bad table manners. But yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

 

“Shouldn’t you ask Cas?”

 

“When I do talk to Cas about it he’ll be rushing out of the back door to put a final coat of paint on the playhouse that he built.”

 

“He built a playhouse?”

 

“Yep. We both did, but it was kind of his deal.”

 

“Dude, your house is like fucking Disneyland.”

 

“I love to spoil the shit out of your munchkins, what can I say? Have you seen Cas around today?”

 

“He had a meeting with the new guy and Crowley.”

 

“Okay, that’s either very good or very bad.”

 

“I can’t imagine very bad. I think that the only reason I got the Sr. Partner position was because of seniority. Cas is one of the best that we have.”

 

“Which is why we don’t argue. He gets that shit out of his system here.”

 

“He gets looking through paperwork and files out of his system here. You don’t argue because he’s probably just happy to be home and not dealing with the shit. Now, not to be nosy, but how did that whole thing with his biological mom go?”

 

“You know when you start a sentence with ‘not to be nosy’, you’re being nosy. It didn’t go so well. He got his answers, kind of, and wanted no part of it after that. She called here for awhile, even showed up one day. Thank god she only knows where he works and his email address. She’s bat shit crazy.”

 

“So he’s over it?”

 

“He was over it about 20 minutes after he talked to her. She’s finally leaving him alone. I don’t think that he should have gone there, but it was up to him.”

 

“He has a family, I hope he knows that.”

 

“I think that he finally does.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Cas couldn’t help but smile when the twins ran to him and wrapped their arms around his legs. “Thank you for the pretty house, Uncle Cas,” JoAnna said, staring up at him. Dean had refused to take credit for the playhouse, he let the girls know that it was their Uncle Cas who built it. He stood off to the side and watched the nieces that he loved more than anything hugging the man who had become his world. “Can we play in it until dinner?” MaryEllen asked.

 

“Of course you can, it’s yours. I think that Unca Dee is going to start cooking soon. Hot dogs, right?” The girls just nodded and kissed Cas’s cheeks when he bent down before running across the yard, calling for Chuck to follow them.

 

“Too bad we can’t have any of our own,” Dean grinned, wrapping his arms around Cas from behind.

 

“No it isn’t too bad, not at all.”

 

“You’re right, you don’t have child bearing hips.”

 

“Asshole,” Cas said quietly. 

 

“Speaking of child bearing, I don’t think that told you that Garth is going to be a daddy.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah,” Dean chuckled, lighting the grill. “He came to me for tips on how to propose properly.”

 

“Because you’re the expert.”

 

“Uh, you married me less than 24 hour later.”

 

“We were at a high altitude, my brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen.”

 

“And I’m the asshole,” Dean laughed, making sure that the twins didn’t hear him. “Anyway, I guess he already asked her but she thought that he was just doing it because of the baby. Turns out he actually cares about this girl.”

 

“Wait, are we sharing work gossip?”

 

“Hey, that skinny ass goofy kid knocked somebody up. That’s big news. I mean I took the guy to the bar, tried to show him how to meet girls. For all we know, a new life is being brought into this world because of me,” Dean grinned.

 

“That’s kind of a sick way of looking at it. But, what pearls of wisdom did you bestow upon him?”

 

“Take her out of town, shut off the phones, see if they actually like each other. It worked for us.”

 

“Did you tell him not to take her to Vegas?”

 

“Yes, I told him not to take her to Vegas.”

 

\-------------------------

 

“I still think that it’s funny how Chuck sleeps in front of their door when they’re here,” Cas said, finally relaxing on the couch.

 

“Hey, he didn’t leave your side for days after we got back from Tahoe. I told you, he’s a fickle bastard, but he has a good heart. We’re probably going to need another dog.”

 

“Why in the hell would we need another dog?”

 

“Who’s going to sleep in front of Robbie’s room?” Dean grinned.

 

“I love those girls, and I love that little boy, but we are not taking all three at the same time. I’m too damn old and too damn tall to be crawling around that playhouse with them.”

 

“Hey, you brought that shit on yourself. You could have made it bigger. Or, you could have told them no when they asked you to come play with them.”

 

“Says the man who will feed them ice cream in the morning.”

 

Cas was sitting between Dean’s legs, leaning back against his body, transfixed by the feeling of Dean’s fingers absentmindedly running across his chest and stomach. If it weren’t for the little girls asleep down the hallway, he probably would have dragged Dean to the hot tub. As it was, he was perfectly content and exhausted. He didn’t even feel Dean press his lips to the top of his head before he fell asleep.

 

\-------------------------

 

They made sure to clean all remnants of ice cream and chocolate syrup off of the girls before they left the house. Cas had to laugh at how earnest their faces were when they told Jess that they had eggs and toast for breakfast. Dean had already dropped a quick kiss on her cheek and went in search of his nephew, not listening when Jess tried to tell him that she’d just put the baby down for a nap.

 

“Was he like this when they were babies?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Jess laughed. “He would hold one in each arm and bounce them for hours. He was the one who pointed out MaryEllen’s freckle. I understand why he feels the way that he does, but he would make a great father.”

 

“Yeah, he says that I don’t have the hips for it. If it gets bad enough, I’ll just buy him a puppy.”

 

“You know, I love Dean. He’s amazing. But, I honestly never thought that he would find anyone who could keep up with him. You have this way of balancing him out. Am I getting too mushy here? I feel like I’m reading a Hallmark card or something.”

 

“No,” Cas chuckled. “I get what you’re saying, but he balances me out just as much. I came into this with my fair share of demons, and I haven’t always handled things well. But he’s patient and understanding, and I think that you and I should start a card writing business.”

 

“We’d make millions,” Jess smiled. “I’m guessing that my husband has already heard the yelling and running around but he’s probably in his study working. I should go drag him away from that computer.”

 

“Oh, Dean was going to call you about starting a support group for lawyer spouses,” Cas grinned.

 

“Sometimes I think I need it. Speaking of spouses, should we go track down a couple of Winchesters?”

 

“I’m right behind you.”

 

\-------------------------

 

It was a lazy afternoon when they got back from Sam’s. Cas mostly laid on the driveway while Dean worked on the car. He was still wondering whether they should keep it or sell it. Cas thought that maybe they could give it to Mary as a gift. Every time he looked at or drove the Camaro, he remembered falling in love with Dean. He couldn’t imagine them restoring another car and never seeing it again. He smiled at the view of his shirtless husband leaning over the engine of the old Chevy. It was one of those moments where he felt complete and content. Everything was right in his world.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean couldn’t quite see her face. He couldn’t tell if it was her or not when he hid around the corner and watched her waiting for the elevators. He knew that he couldn’t walk up and make conversation, he wouldn’t be able to keep a cool head. He heard the elevator ding and the slow slide of the doors before he moved into the main lobby. He decided to go up the stairs to Sam’s office, he wanted to avoid the front desk. He was on edge and pissed off by the time he dropped the bag of gyro’s on his brother’s desk and propped his feet up.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Mr. Winchester, you have a visitor.”

 

“Uh, thanks Meg.” Cas set the phone down and looked over at Kevin. “Apparently I have a lunch meeting that I forgot about so why don’t you take off and we’ll meet back here in an hour or so.”

 

Cas walked Kevin to the door of his office and watched him join a group of other new hires as they were leaving for lunch. He hesitated for just a moment before he walked to the front desk. He didn’t want to make a scene, he didn’t think that the group waiting for the elevator needed to hear it, so he nodded his head and walked back towards his office with her on his heels.

 

\-------------------------

 

“You have your own office.”

 

“Perceptive as always. So, what are you doing here?”

 

“You’ve done well, Cas.”

 

“I’m guessing that you’re talking about my job. Honestly, I think that my biggest accomplishment is that I married well, but I guess that’s a matter of opinion.”

 

“So, you’re still experimenting?”

 

“No, Hannah, I’m married. Happily married.”

 

“To a man.”

 

“Yes, to a man. A kind, generous, and absolutely gorgeous man. The only reason I let you back here was because I’ve had enough dramatic bullshit go down publicly in this office. I don’t need you adding to it. So what do you want?”

 

“You do realize that he’ll know that I was here.”

 

“I plan to tell him that you were here,” Cas looked at the clock and realized that it was about the time that Dean would be showing up to have lunch with Sam. “He’ll probably ask me why.”

 

“I’m guessing that he will. I don’t think that our last meeting went very well.”

 

“Okay, cut the bullshit. Why are you doing this? You saw my name in the paper last year and saw dollar signs?”

 

“That has nothing to do with it. Things didn’t end well between us. We’ve both had time to think.”

 

“Things ended just fine. I packed my shit and I moved two states away. And yes, we’ve had time to think. I think that leaving Seattle and starting over here was probably the smartest thing that I’ve ever done. Good job, great family, and have we talked about how happily married I am?”

 

“You can’t be serious about that. You aren’t…”

 

“What? Gay? You’ve seen him, maybe not under the best circumstances, but you’ve seen him.”

 

“It’s an experiment, Cas. I get that. You need to get it out of your system. I’ll admit that the fact that you married a man bothers me a little bit, but you know it’s not who you really are.”

 

“So who am I? The asshole who was still struggling and wasn’t making enough money? The asshole who didn’t want children? The asshole who didn’t want to marry you?”

 

“You’re bitter.”

 

“No, I’m not. I want to be left the fuck alone.”

 

“But I found your…”

 

“I didn’t want you to find her. You knew that I wanted no part of that, but you did it anyway to fuck with my head. You can think that my marriage is some type of fleeting thing, I really don’t give a shit. You don’t live in my home and you’re not a part of my life. I love him, I married him, I took his last name, and I would really appreciate it if you would just get the fuck out of here. I am done with you and I am done with Susan. Go back home, Hannah.”

 

“Cas…”

 

“Go back home. You are not going to ruin this for me, I don’t care how hard you try.”

 

“The day will come when you realize that this has all been a mistake. You will wake up and see that you’re just being used by some guy.”

 

“That ‘some guy’ is my husband, who makes more money than I do. And the only time that he ‘uses’ me is at night when I beg him to. Nobody has ever made me feel the things that he does. Do you want me to keep going?”

 

“You’re disgusting, Cas.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong. I am satisfied and I am happy and I want you to take your sorry ass back to Seattle and talk to your mindless little friends and your judgmental family about how big of an asshole I am, just like you did when I was still there. Make sure you tell them that I did finally get married. You can show yourself to the elevators.” Cas held the door open while she shoved past him. He watched until she turned the corner towards the front desk before he closed it and sat down at his desk. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to Dean.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean stood up and hugged his brother. “Listen, I brought lunch, but something came up and I’ve got to bail. Call me, we’ll reschedule.”

 

Sam watched his brother leave and looked in the bag. He was starving and there was enough food for two. He shut the door and sat down to eat.

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean ran down the back stairs and inconspicuously got in line at the coffee kiosk in the lobby. He looked around as the line moved slowly and was just paying for his drink when he saw her get out of the elevator. He worked his way into a group of people leaving for lunch and watched her. A part of him hated himself for following her, but he didn’t trust her. This wasn’t about her and Cas, it was about her. He was confused when she climbed the outdoor stairs to the parking garage, but waited until she made it to the second level and turned before he hurried up them. He got there in time to hear the conversation.

 

\-------------------------

 

“I thought you were coming down the elevator.”

 

“If he threatened to call security on you, he may have called them on me. Or followed me himself. I needed to be seen leaving the building. This isn’t working.”

 

“What do you mean it isn’t working?”

 

“I tried the sob story about how much I miss him, that didn’t work. I figured that telling him about you would work, especially after his husband saw me kiss him in the bar.”

 

“Well, I met his husband when I came here and they seemed perfectly happy.”

 

“It’s one thing that he got married after telling me that he never would. But he married a man?”

 

“A gorgeous one.”

 

“You are not helping, Susan.”

 

Dean didn’t know what in the hell was going on, he just knew that he needed to stay where he was.

 

“He thinks that I’m his mother, Hannah. He just doesn’t seem to give a shit. I told him that he has siblings, I even sent him all of those pathetic emails like we talked about. They must be believable because he has been sending his brothers and sisters money, but never more than $50 at a time. I’m trying to keep up with all of these PayPal accounts and send emails. You said that he would come crawling back to you and accept that I was his mother. Our deal was that you would give me $25,000 if I helped you, and I have. Apparently you aren’t the actress that you thought you were. You are still paying for my travel expenses, and I’m not giving you anything from those accounts. You’d think he’d send more to his poor sad siblings. I saw his car, I saw his ring…”

 

“Yeah, I paid for that,” Dean said, moving out of the shadows. “Not the car, he totaled his beamer so we upgraded. The ring? I paid cash, and I have one just like it. They were not cheap. But, he deserves the best.”

 

Hannah and Susan just stared at Dean as he walked towards them. “Trying to take my husband for his money? It’s not going to happen. Because you,” he said, pointing at Hannah. “You’re just a conniving little bitch. Nice try at the bar, too bad it didn’t work out for you. And you,” he said pointing at Susan. “Well, you’re just a pathetic old woman. You’re right, he does think that you are his mother. And you’re right, he doesn’t give a shit. These siblings? I’ll take care of that. Keep in mind that he is a lawyer so he just might get pissed off enough to have these PayPal accounts looked into. For the time being, both of you need to get the fuck out of here and stay the fuck away from him. Sorry Hannah, I stole your man. You were never going to be a Novak, but I made damn sure that he became a Winchester.”

 

\-------------------------

 

Dean got home early and started pacing. He didn’t know what he was going to say to Cas, or what Cas was going to say to him. He finally heard the car pull in the driveway so he grabbed a beer and went to sit outside. Pacing around the living room would be too obvious and he needed a more gentle approach. “Out here,” he called when he heard the front door shut. He waited the few minutes that he knew it would take for Cas to set all of his stuff down and grab a drink before making it outside. He finally saw those blue eyes and it almost broke him. He leaned up for a kiss and heard Cas sigh when he sat down next to him.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah, I just...um I had a visitor today…”

 

“I know.”

 

Cas turned with his eyes wide, “You know?”

 

“I saw her when I showed up to bring Sam’s lunch.”

 

“Dean, it’s not what you think…”

 

“Baby, slow down. I know it’s not. It’s not what either one of us thought.” Dean took a deep breath. “I followed her when she left, not because I didn’t trust you, I don’t trust her.”

 

“You followed her?”

 

“Yeah, and I can uh, either tell you what I heard or you can hear it for yourself.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I overheard an interesting conversation and I recorded it on my phone. She was playing you, Cas. Seriously playing you. Or trying, anyway.”

 

“Let me hear it.”

 

Dean handed his phone to Cas. He watched Cas’s face turn red as the conversation played out, his jaw clenched and he shook his head slowly. He turned it off and handed it back to Dean. “So she really isn’t my mother?”

 

“No, I’m sorry Cas.”

 

“Don’t be, I didn’t want to find her. I still don’t. But they brought kids into it. Fake fucking kids.”

 

“How much are you out?”

 

“A couple of grand. I should have told you.”

 

“No, I get it. You thought that you were legitimately helping out kids. A couple of grand isn’t even enough to cover their expenses to try and pull this shit off.” Dean reached out and pulled Cas to him. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m pissed. I’m really fucking pissed. If it was more than just a couple of grand I would look into it, but the paperwork alone isn’t worth it. I don’t get it. I don’t understand how people can be like that? I know that Hannah’s a bitch, I’ve always known, but this...this is something else entirely. I feel like an idiot.”

 

“Why? You didn’t buy into her shit. Yeah, the scene at the bar sucked but that was months ago and we worked through it. In hindsight, maybe it was a good thing.” Cas turned his head and looked up at him. “Okay, what happened wasn’t necessarily a good thing, but like I told you before, now I know that I need to man up and face problems head on instead of taking off. And now you know that you do have a mother. A beautiful blonde woman named Mary,” he kissed Cas’s forehead. “A sister named Jessica, again a beautiful blonde,” he kissed Cas’s cheek. “Two nieces and a nephew who think that you are a superhero,” he kissed Cas’s other cheek. “A freakishly tall brother who is an absolute pain in the ass,” he kissed Cas’s chin. “And a husband who loves you more than anything,” he pressed his lips softly against Cas’s. 

 

Cas kissed him back and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “And that’s all I need to keep me out of the quicksand.”

 

\-------------------------


	5. Never Give Up

Cas rolled over, expecting to feel Dean. His arm gently landed against the cold sheets. Dean wasn’t in bed. Cas waited, but he could feel that the house was empty. Dean wasn’t home. He sat up slowly, swinging his legs until his feet hit the floor. It was still dark outside so he flipped on a dim lamp before he threw on clothes and reached down to scratch Chuck behind the ears. He grabbed his keys and wallet and set off for the small coffee drive thru a few blocks away.

\-------------------------

“I can’t believe that it’s already been a year,” Cas said quietly, handing Dean coffee and wrapping an arm around him from behind. He rested his chin gently on Dean’s shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Dean sighed. “I just...miss him, Cas. Even after he was gone, I’d walk into the shop and my first stop would be that office to check on him. God, it hurt every single time because he wasn’t there. I had to remind myself that he’s never going to be there. I don’t even remember when I stopped doing that. I don’t know when I stopped thinking about him every day. He left me Singer Auto, and I spend most of my time running Winchester Restoration. Something about that just doesn’t feel right.”

“He started restoration, and he did it for you. Singer Auto is still going, and it’s going strong. I can stand here and tell you that it’s what he would want, but I never knew the man. I wish I had. He left you the business for a reason. He believed in you, and he wanted you to make it your own. Look at what you’ve done, Dean. You don’t think that he’d be proud?”

“I know he would,” Dean said quietly, looking out over the water. “He always saw himself in me, but he never wanted me to become him. He didn’t want me sitting at that desk, drinking cheap liquor to help me forget about my past.”

“Then you are doing what he wanted you to do.”

“It’s all so bittersweet, and that makes me feel really fucking selfish. I lost Bobby, it was like losing my father all over again. But you were there. I asked you to stay and you stayed. You haven’t left my side and sometimes I ask myself…” Dean took a deep shuddering breath.

“If we would have found each other?”

“Yeah,” Dean whispered, dropping his head. 

Cas stared at the gentle waves, letting Dean lean his body against him. “I don’t know, we’ll never know. But this isn’t about being selfish. It’s about living.”

“Thanks Cas,” Dean said quietly, wrapping his hand around Cas’s arm to pull their bodies closer. 

They stood together unmoving, feeling the sun slowly come up behind them.

\-------------------------

“So you and this new guy got your case settled before the deadline? I’m guessing that Crowley is pretty happy about that.”

“Mmhhmmm….” Cas murmured from where his head lay on Dean’s chest. They were supposed to be watching a movie on their oversized sofa, but the feeling of Dean’s fingers trailing up and down his back, and the musky scent of his skin both comforted and intoxicated Cas.

“And right now you’re between cases so we might actually get to spend some time together?”

“Mmhhmmm…”

“Don’t tell me that you’re tired, Mr. White Collar. I’m the one who works with my hands all day.”

“Mmmmm...your hands…”

“And, I got up early this morning to make the coffee.”

“.....”

“What? No comment on the coffee? Just my hands?” Dean smiled for the first time since Cas had come looking for him at the beach a couple of days ago.

“Mmhhmmm…”

Dean’s free hand slid in between their bodies and gently cupped Cas. “I love it when you’re just in boxers, it doesn’t take much to get you hard.”

“I could be wearing four layers of clothing and it wouldn’t take much for you to get me hard,” Cas groaned softly.

“So take ‘em off,” Dean whispered, shifting to slide his own down his legs before pulling Cas on top of him. He waited for the slow smile, the bright blue eyes locking on his own before lifting his head for a soft kiss. Cas was gentle, Cas was always gentle when Dean needed him to be. They kissed slowly, their tongues sliding together until they were breathless. Dean tilted his head back and closed his eyes, knowing that Cas’s lips would find the places that he needed to feel them. They rocked languidly, pressing their bodies together, taking their time. Dean moaned quietly as Cas’s stomach slid across his hard cock, the sweat already starting to build between them. Dean’s hands were everywhere, moving down Cas’s sides, up his back, holding the back of his head to pull him into a deep kiss. The sultry friction against sensitive skin had Dean lifting his hips, burying his face in Cas’s neck, pressing his full lips to the soft skin. He was nipping and kissing, arching his body, his cock throbbing between them. He knew that Cas was close by the the way that he moved, the way that he sounded. He was engulfed by that feeling that he couldn’t describe, moaning loudly when he came, hearing Cas’s muffled cry and feeling the warm fluid spread between their bodies. He wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him close, holding him in a long lingering kiss. “I love you, baby,” he whispered. “I love you too,” Cas said quietly, letting his body meld against Dean’s.

\-------------------------

“So,” Cas said, pulling himself up onto his elbows. “I say that we go shower. There’s this blue eyed lawyer who would love to take his husband out to dinner.”

“Is this lawyer guy hot?” Dean grinned.

“I couldn’t tell you. But his husband is.”

“Oh really?”

“Oh yeah. I’d do him,” Cas smiled, rolling off of Dean and standing up.

“You do have good taste in men,” Dean winked, grabbing their boxers and throwing them into the laundry basket on their way to the shower.

\-------------------------

“So, Mr. Winchester, how does it feel to finally have old walls torn down, new walls built, and the backlot expanded?”

“Strange. I pull up and I see Singer Auto looking like it always has, and then there’s Winchester Restoration. It takes up like half of the damn block.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“No, not at all. It’s still surreal. I doubled the amount of space we have, hired some new people, and we still have a waiting list.”

“Must be tough to be the best,” Cas laughed. He was proud of the things that Dean had accomplished in such a short period of time. He’d just opened the expansion, and word of mouth had spread. Dean was a perfectionist when it came to the quality of work that came out of Winchester Restoration and it was obvious when the customers saw the end result. “Shit, I had to sleep with the owner to get my car restored.”

“No, you had to sleep with the owner to get it painted. The restoration was almost done.”

“Okay, bacon cheeseburger with onion rings for the blue eyed Winchester, double bacon cheeseburger with fries for the green eyed Winchester,” the waitress smiled, setting their plates on the table.

“I’m starting to think that we’ve become predictable,” Dean winked at her.

“Eye candy that tips well can be as predictable as they want,” she laughed. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

Cas just nodded and watched her walk away. “Hey, you told me that this place had the best burgers in town.”

“I still stand by that.”

“I’m going to have to take your word for it. This is the only place I come for burgers,” Cas smiled. “So how is Garth doing?”

“You mean with the girl?” Dean asked, with a mouthful of food.

“Your table manners, seriously. But, yes with the girl.”

“You want work gossip?”

“Hey, I like Garth. He’s a nice kid. And, I’d love to know if your relationship advice worked out for him,” Cas grinned.

“I got you to marry me in less than 18 hours. I’d come to me for advice too. But, they’re still seeing each other, she still hasn’t accepted the ring, he still hasn’t had the chance to put the plan into action.”

“Plan into action? You make it sound like some covert operation.”

“Take her away from the city and convince her to marry him. I guess it sounds a little covert. But as long as it works. You have to figure, I let him take over the apartment and got him out of his parents basement. I taught him how to meet women. Now he’s going to be a dad. And, he’s hoping to get married, using my advice and proposing the right way. I’m watching the boy become a man,” Dean grinned.

Cas loved the way the corners of Dean’s eyes creased when he smiled. He loved how bright green they became when he was happy. Everything about Dean was beautiful, but it was his eyes that told his story. 

“Now you’re looking at me like you expect me to put out because you bought me dinner.”

“Maybe I do. I guess we’ll find out when we get home,” Cas laughed.

\-------------------------

Crowley had given Cas a couple of weeks off between cases and he spent his days cutting out and painting planets and stars for Robbie’s room, jogging with Chuck on the beach, and taking lunch to his husband. Everybody at the shop knew that they were married, and nobody seemed to care. Cas had underestimated Dean’s staff in the beginning. He’d thought that because it was such a testosterone driven environment, some of them might have an issue with the owner’s sexuality, but none of them seemed to. They respected Dean. He was the type of boss to praise their work, understand that they had private lives and needed time away from the job, and even help them out if they were in a bind. He hired only the best, and that included women. He was fair and kind, but tough. He had high expectations, but he made sure that they all knew that Singer Auto and Winchester Restoration wouldn’t be the businesses that they were without each and every employee. They were loyal and dedicated and never hesitated to shake Cas’s hand or call out a hello from across the shop when he showed up. 

\-------------------------

“Hey baby,” Dean smiled, wiping his hands with a shop rag. “You didn’t have to bring me lunch.”

Dean said the same thing every time Cas showed up with food. It was almost like it still surprised him, and he was always appreciative. Dean never took the small things for granted.

“Hey Cas,” Marco called. “Is there any way you could talk to my wife? A guy gets hungry, but it’s kind of hard to leave and go anywhere for lunch when your boss is a slavedriver.” 

“So I married well. Now get your ass back to work,” Dean grinned.

“I work for Mark Crowley, so if you ever want to compare slave driving bosses, let me know.”

Marco laughed and went back to explaining to the paint team which cars he wanted in which bay. Cas followed Dean to his office and set the paper bags on the desk before closing the door.

“You seriously spoil me,” Dean said, pulling Cas to him and kissing him softly. 

“It’s chinese food, Dean.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” Dean kissed him again, reaching up to press his hand against the side of Cas’s face. He parted his lips and let their tongues slide together.

“Are we going to make out in your office?” Cas questioned, trying to catch his breath.

“We can.”

“Your lunch will get cold,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips.

“Buzzkill.” Dean leaned in for one last kiss before sitting down to unpack the bags. 

Dean listened to Cas talk about how much he’d been able to get done in Robbie’s room. Cas listened to Dean talk about a phone call that he’d gotten from a local car magazine wanting to do a feature on Winchester Restoration. He was nervous, his success hadn’t really sunk in yet and he didn’t know what to think. Cas had to once again reassure him that he’d earned it. They finished lunch and Cas got up to go, but Dean pulled him back before he could reach for the door. He cupped his face and leaned in for another kiss, “You know that I couldn’t do any of this without you. You’ve never stopped believing in me, Cas.”

“I never will.”

“I know, and I don’t deserve it but I’m not going to argue it. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Cas said, kissing Dean softly again before opening the door and letting his husband walk him to his car. “I could be wrong, but I think that an offer for a magazine spread means that I should have the hot tub warmed up and the beer cold by the time you get home.”

“Sounds perfect. Drive safe.”

“I will,” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean before getting in his car.

\-------------------------

Cas was in the backyard sanding the rough edges of the stars that he’d rough cut and distractedly throwing the rope for Chuck when he heard his phone. He wiped his hand off and answered it without checking the number.

“Garth!...wait calm down…” Cas jumped up from where he’d been sitting. “Now what happened...I need you to calm down...He’s where?...I’m on my way.”

Cas didn’t remember if he locked the door behind him when he stumbled to his car and backed out of the driveway. He was shaking, he was terrified, he’d never been on this side of things before.

\-------------------------

“Winchester, Dean Winchester. I got a call,” Cas voice quivered. The sound of fingernails clicking on the keyboard was deafening, time stood still.

“Are you family?”

“I’m his husband.”

“It looks like he’s been taken into surgery. I’ll have somebody take you up to the floor...”

“Cas!”

Cas turned and saw Garth. He looked lost, stunned, his eye swollen and bruised. His lip was split and he had tears rolling down his cheeks. “Garth, what in the hell is going on? What happened?”

“New customer...big truck...overcompensating asshole type….”

“Garth, please calm down. Tell me what happened to Dean.”

“He wanted to haggle the price so I showed him the numbers. I tried to work the price down for him but he lost it...he went off…”

“Garth, please.”

“He pushed me around, started calling me names. Phil tried to step in but you know he’s in his 60’s. Jody started yelling. Dean came running and got in between us but the guy wouldn’t back down…”

Cas was dizzy, everything around him seemed to be going black, but he needed Garth to keep talking. “Garth! What in the hell happened to Dean?”

“He called me a little faggot and Dean lost it. He pushed me out of the way and got in the guy’s face. He told him that if he wanted to pick a fight with a little faggot he was looking at the wrong guy…” Garth was starting to hyperventilate.

“Wait, Dean told him..”

“He said that the shop was owned by a faggot, and that he was looking at the owner. Then he swung on him. Dean hit him, but this guy was huge. He knocked Dean out and started kicking him...his head...his body...kept saying ‘fucking queers’. Jody was on the phone with 911 and some of the guys from restoration came running over. They must have heard the yelling, I don’t know. Marco and Billy jumped in and beat the guy pretty good before the cops and the ambulance showed up. I looked at him...I tried to talk to him...but he wasn’t moving…” Garth cried.

“Dean?”

“He was bleeding everywhere and not moving. The paramedics pushed me out of the way. I couldn’t really hear what they were saying, and I didn’t understand what I did hear. The cops threw Marco and Billy in cuffs. They brought Dean and that asshole here. I got in the back of the ambulance with Jody.”

“Jody? Did she get hit?”

“No, she passed out.”

“Mr. Winchester?”

Cas looked up and saw the man in scrubs holding a clipboard. “I’m Castiel Winchester,” he said quietly, walking towards him.

“Dean Winchester’s husband, correct?”

“Yes, where is he.”

“Your husband has been taken to surgery. Why don’t you follow me.”

Cas just nodded and looked back at Garth before he turned down a hallway and towards a bank of elevators.

\-------------------------

“You can wait here, Mr. Winchester. A doctor should be out to talk to you shortly.”

Cas could only nod. He couldn’t talk, everything was nothing more than white noise, his vision was blurry. He could feel his body shaking and he couldn’t control it. He needed to call Mary and Sam, but not until he knew, not until he had talked to somebody. Everything that had happened in his life, the abandonment, the disappointment, none of it had prepared him for how afraid and alone he felt sitting in that room. He felt like he was dying.

\-------------------------

“There was significant abdominal bleeding, but we were able to surgically repair his liver. Our biggest concern is the cerebral edema. We did put a shunt in to relieve the pressure. He has other minor injuries, a fracture of his left clavicle as well as a few ribs. His vital signs are good, considering the fluid build up, but we do have him heavily sedated. They will be moving him from recovery into a room in the ICU within the next half hour and you can see him at that time. I just want to let you know that he does have some severe facial lacerations and bruising so that you are prepared. He doesn’t look like himself.”

“Thank you doctor,” Cas whispered. He sank into a chair and sent texts to Sam and Mary. He knew that he should call them, but he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t trust himself to talk. He started doing research on his phone. Cerebral edema, lacerated liver, he needed to know what they were dealing with.

\-------------------------

He hesitated for just a moment before he crossed the room to Dean’s bed. He cringed and felt the tears when he saw the breathing tube, the IV’s, the bandages. That face, that beautiful face was almost unrecognizable. It was swollen, purple and red. He watched his eyelids flutter slightly, but he knew that Dean’s eyes wouldn’t open. Those green eyes that made him feel loved and safe, he couldn’t see them. There were stitches along his hairline, across his cheekbone. His nose had been packed to repair the break. His lips, the full lips that he had kissed just hours ago were split and bloodied. Machines were beeping, the blood pressure cuff was periodically filling with air and clicking. He looked around before he bent down and gently kissed Dean’s forehead. He was sitting in a chair, staring at his face and holding his right hand when Mary showed up. All he could do was look up at her, tears welling. He didn’t have words. She stood behind him with her hands on his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

“He’s a fighter, Cas.”

They waited until the doctor came in to check on Dean and Mary followed him into the hallway to talk. Cas didn’t know if he could hear it a second time. He was vaguely aware of Sam’s arrival. All they could touch was his right hand or his feet. His left arm and shoulder were bandaged and in a sling to align his collar bone. 

They handed Cas his things. They’d cut his clothes off in the ambulance, so he was given Dean’s phone, keys, wallet, and wedding ring. He slid the wedding ring onto his left hand, he knew that he would wear both his and Dean’s until he could slide Dean’s back on his finger himself. 

He felt the tears, but he wasn’t crying, not really. His entire world had been beaten almost to death, but he still couldn’t process it. As long as Dean’s hand was warm against his, he would sit next to the bed and hold it.

\-------------------------

Visiting hours were over, and he remembered how angry Dean had been when he was told that he had to leave Bobby’s bedside. He didn’t punch a wall as he walked defeatedly down the hallway. He let Mary wrap her arm around him and offer him a place to stay for the night. Sam offered a spare room as well. He knew that he couldn’t be around the kids, they would see it in his eyes. He wanted to be home with Chuck, in a house that still felt like Dean, that smelled like Dean. Mary followed him home to make sure that he got there safely and hugged him tightly before he went into the house. She'd promised to pick him up in the morning and take him to the shop early so that he could get the Impala. He knew that Dean wouldn’t want it just sitting there. Out of pure habit he filled Chuck’s bowls with food and water when he felt the wet nose against his hand. He walked around aimlessly, holding a tumbler of scotch, exhausted but unable to relax. He finally changed into pajama pants and dug one of Dean’s t-shirts out of the laundry basket to wear before taking Dean’s pillow from the bed to hold against his chest and face when he laid down on the couch and cried himself to sleep.

\-------------------------

Dean pulled up at the shop and pocketed his keys before he walked through the door and knocked lightly on the office door as he opened it.

“Mornin’,” Bobby smiled. “Coffee?”

Dean had a pounding headache, his shoulder hurt, his stomach was killing him, but he didn’t know why. “Sure, I think I could use some.”

“I’ve got to say, Dean, I’m pretty damn impressed with what you’ve done with this place. I started that restoration side to keep you out of trouble. I know how bored you get, and we both know what they say about idle hands. I never figured that it would become it’s own business.”

“Bobby...I…”

“No, don’t do that explainin’ yourself thing. You’re a grown man and I left you the business for a reason.”

“Wait, left me the business?” Dean looked around. The office looked the way that it always had. When Garth took it over, he had changed very little. But if Garth took it over, why was Bobby here? He nervously reached for his left hand, twisting his wedding ring was an unconscious habit, but it wasn’t there. “Wait Bobby, what in the fuck is this?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Punching some jackass.”

“Well, at least you missed the ugly part.”

“Ugly part?”

“The part where he knocked you out, kicked you around.”

“Wait, am I…”

“Dead? No, I don’t know that you’re even close. You definitely ain’t out of the woods, but they may have got to you in time to save you.”

“Okay, so what in the hell is this?”

“It’s kind of an in-between I guess.”

“So I’m still alive, but for some reason I can see you? Talk to you? How hard did I smack my head?”

“Pretty hard,” Bobby said, giving him a level look. “That blue eyed boy won't leave your side.”

“Cas…”

“Yep, that’s the one.”

“So what, you can like watch me? See what’s going on? Because that’s a little creepy. Hell, this whole thing is creepy.”

“I can’t watch you, I don’t know that I’d want to. It’s more like I get updates. I know what you’ve done with the business, I know about that boy, I know about remodeling your house and Sam’s kids. I see pictures, sometimes it comes through as a video, but it’s only what I want to see or what you’d want me to see. The last thing I saw before that brawl was you standing on the beach.”

“With Cas, it had been a year…”

“And a hell of a year. You’ve been hard to keep up with. I’ll tell ya kid, I didn’t see the marriage coming.”

“Because of me? Or because it’s him?”

“Oh, a little of both I guess,” Bobby leaned back in his chair. “I’m an old man, but I try to stay up to snuff with how things work these days. He makes you happy, I see that in those updates. I may not completely understand, but it’s not my job to. There were two things that you talked about on the beach that morning, and I want to clear both of ‘em up. Am I upset about you changing my business? Hell no. I left that to you, and you knew how to turn it into something big. I would have been pretty damn disappointed if you’d just run it the same way I did. My name still exists, but so does yours. The other thing, you said that it was bittersweet.”

“Bobby…”

“Just hear me out, Dean. I had heart problems, I was drinking myself to death and I knew it. Thing is, I didn’t give a shit. I was haunted by visions of my beautiful Karen since the day she died. I drank to make me forget long enough so that I could get through another day. I was dying, Dean. I was dying for a long time. There ain’t no reason for you to feel guilty about finding peace in your life after I passed. You don’t trust people. Not unless they’re family. But you trusted that Cas. You asked him to be there for you, and from the pictures and updates that I get, he’s still around. There’s nothing selfish about that. He’s a man, and that threw me a little, but he’s got a good heart. I’ve seen the way that he looks at you.”

“I love him, Bobby.”

“I know that you do, son. Never feel guilty for that. I never had children of my own, I had you and your brother. The fact that I favored you was probably the worst kept secret in the world. You were right when you said that I see a lot of myself in you, but I didn’t want you to become me. I didn’t want to see a lonely bitter old man at this desk. You’re successful and you’re happy and there ain’t no shame in that. You’ve earned it, Dean. Life ain't been easy for you, it’s about damn time you caught a break. You bust your ass, and I know that you do a lot of it in my memory. I appreciate that.”

“I want to keep your legacy alive, Bobby.”

“And you have. I’m proud of you boy. Do you want some more coffee?” 

\-------------------------

Cas desperately wanted to get back up to Dean’s hospital room, but Sam needed to talk and he felt like he owed it to Mary to give her some time alone with her oldest son. He was blowing on the hot cup of hospital coffee that Sam had handed him, just staring at the table.

“I uh, I talked to Crowley. I explained the situation and he’s willing to give you family leave.”

“Thanks Sam.”

“I wanted to talk to you about the fight. I know it’s still sensitive, and that you weren’t there, but from a legal standpoint, I need facts.”

“Have you called the county jail? I want to bond out Marco and Billy.”

“I’ll do that as soon as we’re done here. You haven’t said much, and I understand that, but I’d like to talk to Garth.”

“Garth?”

“We might be able to try to prosecute this as aggravated assault and a felony hate crime. I need to know exactly what was said, and I need to hear it from somebody who witnessed it. Who was there?”

“I don’t know, Garth, Jody, Phil, Marco, Billy, probably a few others from repair. I need to call Garth anyway. Dean would want him to keep the shop open and the sooner we can get Marco and Billy back there, then restoration will open too. Do you really think that we can get this guy on a hate crime?”

“Well,” Sam said, taking a deep breath. “I talked to Crowley. We both know that we don’t handle criminal cases, but he knows the DA and he seems surprisingly sensitive about all of this. He says with the right witness accounts, we can go after this guy and hopefully get him some serious time.”

“He was brought here. I don’t even know his name.”

“It will be in the police reports. When you talk to Garth, have him call me. And Cas?”

“Yeah,” Cas finally lifted his head. 

Sam could see the bags under his eyes and noticed him wearing both wedding rings. “You do know that he’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not a matter of knowing it, I have to believe it. Without him…” Cas felt the tears.

“There is no ‘without him’. Winchesters are tough, especially my brother.”

“I know. Thanks for everything Sam. I’ll get a hold of Garth and let you know. Right now I just need to get back upstairs.”

\-------------------------

Cas was waiting impatiently in the elevator, it never seemed to move quickly enough. He groaned every time it stopped at a floor. He didn’t pay attention to the doors opening and closing, or the people coming in and out. He just wanted to be with Dean.

“Cas?”

Cas was surprised when he heard the soft voice. “Garth, I was going to call you. Dean’s brother wants to talk to you about a few things.”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem. How’s he doing?” 

“Cerebral edema, lacerated liver, a few other things. They did emergency surgery, but they’re keeping him sedated. He looks bad, really bad,” Cas whispered, his voice shuddering. “I uh...I appreciate you being here, but it’s family only in the ICU.”

“Yeah, um, I’m not here to see him. I wish I could, but I’m actually here to pick up Jody.”

“Jody? Is she okay?”

“Yeah,” Garth said, rubbing the back of his neck. “They were worried because she was bleeding. They thought she might lose the baby, but she didn’t.”

“The baby? Wait, Jody? You...that baby?”

“Uh, yeah. It just kind of happened one night and I didn’t know how Dean would feel about the workplace thing. Anyway, I guess this isn’t really the time to talk about it. So, Dean’s brother wants to talk to me?”

“We’re bonding Marco and Billy out. Crowley is going to make some calls. They want to try and prosecute this as a hate crime. I know that Sam needs to talk to you. Possibly Jody, Phil, Marco, Billy, and whoever else heard and saw what happened. Here, I’ll give you his number. Just call him when you get a chance. Get Jody home and resting.”

The elevator stopped on the Labor and Delivery floor and Garth hugged Cas before he stepped out. “I’ll open the shop tomorrow, keep things running. Hang in there, Cas. Call me if you need anything.”

Cas tried to smile, but he wasn’t fooling Garth with his attempt. He nodded as the elevator doors closed and leaned back against the wall with a sigh. He just wanted to feel Dean’s hand.

\-------------------------

Cas talked. He held Dean’s hand while the classic rock music quietly played on his phone, and he just talked. He replayed every minute that they spent in Lake Tahoe, warm days spent on the back patio, laughing and throwing the rope for Chuck, nights in bed with their limbs intertwined sharing murmured promises of love. He had cried until he ran out of tears, so now he just talked. His voice would start to grow hoarse, or Mary or Sam would show up, and he would turn quiet. He let all of his calls go to voicemail and listened to them at night when he was home alone. Words of support and well wishes from Dean’s employees, from his own co-workers. He couldn’t bring himself to wash the dark stain of coffee from Dean’s favorite mug or put his t-shirts with the rest of the laundry. He hadn’t slept in the bed or walked out onto their private patio. He spent his nights wandering around the house with Chuck at his side. 

\-------------------------

It was sunny out and already growing hot. He had to use his hand to shield his eyes when he stopped walking. He could see his father’s back, bent over the Impala. He watched him stand up and turn around, wiping his hands with a shop rag. 

“Dean, why don’t you come give your old man a hand.”

“Uh, sure,” Dean mumbled, staring at his father. He didn’t realize how much he looked like him, how his mannerisms and posture were the same. “So, what’s going on?”

“It looks like the carburetor. I know that you can take the thing out and rebuild it with your eyes closed. You’ve done a hell of a job keeping this old girl running.”

“So is this like...I mean I was just talking to Bobby…”

“Bobby,” John chuckled. “You did a hell of a job keeping him running too. That stubborn bastard.”

“I owed it to him. Everything that he did after you…”

“After my heart attack? I know that he was there for you, that he stepped into my shoes the best he could. That man saved my ass in combat more than once, and then he turned around and saved you.”

“Saved me? From what?”

“Yourself. You carry a whole hell of a lot of guilt for things that you couldn’t control, Dean.”

“I shouldn’t have shoved you, dad. I shouldn’t have swung on you.”

“You’re right,” John grunted from under the hood of the car. “You were a total asshole. Not just that day, there were a few rough years.”

Dean dropped his head and stared at the spot in the driveway where he had done chest compressions until his arms hurt. “There were a lot of rough years, and I’m sorry.”

“For which part? The rough years or showing up here that night? Hey, hand me that wrench.”

“All of it,” Dean said quietly, handing his father a wrench.

“Not that two wrongs make a right, but I had some pretty choice words for you that day. I shoved you around, but that had nothing to do with my heart attack,” he said, turning his head to look at Dean. “I had a bad heart, I just didn’t know it. Your mom, she was always on my ass to take better care of myself and go to the doctor. I guess I was a stubborn bastard too. God, between me and Bobby, I can see why you ended up so damn bullheaded.”

Dean sat down on the driveway and leaned against the brick wall next to the garage. “I guess bullheaded is one way to put it.”

“No, it’s the only way to put it. You know that she didn’t mean the things she said to you that night.”

“Mom?”

“Yeah. She needed somebody to blame, and you just happened to be there. She regretted it after the fact. You boys mean everything to her.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I know that it tore her up to see this house go, but I’m glad that she’s closer to you and your brother. I can see you all together now. Mary, Sam and Jess with the kids, you and Cas with that damn dog.”

“Wow, I uh, didn’t really expect you to be so casual about...”

“What? You mean Cas? I see a lot more than Bobby does. I’ve seen what you’ve been through, I see what you’ve been through with him. Now I get that I’m supposed to be the ex-marine asshole dad who’s going to stand here and pass judgment. Your brother did the whole college, beautiful wife, kids, white picket fence thing. That was Sam’s path. That was always going to be Sam’s path. You’ve never had a path, Dean. You’ve dug some pretty deep holes and somehow you’ve always clawed your way out of them. I know why you left for California, but you closed yourself off the minute you unpacked your suitcase. You decided that you were just going to help Bobby, that you were just going to get up in the morning and go through the motions. But, if there is one thing that you know, it’s cars. You didn’t help Bobby, you saved his business. That meant something to you. When Sam had those twins, that meant something to you. When you bought that house and got that damn dog, it meant something to you. It was like I was watching you live again, one step at a time. Now I’m not going to be all sentimental about you wanting to be alone for the rest of your life. Hell, Bobby did it. I know that you were perfectly happy just working and going home. But then you met him, and it changed the game. Now if this were ten years ago and I was still alive, I might have had an issue with it. But from where I stand, the things that I see, I don’t have a problem with it at all. I know that this is ridiculously cheesy so you can’t ever tell anybody that it came out of my mouth,” John turned and smiled. “But you are the glue that holds this family together. You spend time with Sam and his family. I see it, I see that those kids love you as much as they love him. You always came out here to visit your mom, and spent years trying to talk her into moving in with you because you didn’t want her to be alone. You took care of Bobby. You put everyone before yourself. Hell, I don’t know a whole lot of bachelors in their 30’s who have princess beds in their house,” John laughed.

Dean dropped his head and smiled, “You saw that? Maybe not my finest hour.”

“It was absolutely your finest hour. Why do you think that little boy is named Dean and not Jonathan or Samuel?”

“Yeah, that was probably the proudest day of my life,” Dean said, lifting his head.

“Really? I’d think it would have been your wedding day,” John looked at his son.

“Is there a difference between happy and proud? Holding that baby, knowing that his name is Dean Winchester, I can’t even describe how I felt. But standing on that mountain with Cas, it was something different. Proud, happy, I don’t know. But, my wedding day was the most important day of my life,” Dean chuckled softly. “I never thought I’d have a wedding day, especially a last minute one.”

“Well, when you’re lucky, you find that one that you don’t want to let go of, and in a moment of weakness they agree to marry you,” John smiled. “I see the way that he looks at you. I see how different you are. You still put them all before yourself, especially him. But then he does something as simple as pour you a cup of coffee and you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot because it’s all about the little things to you. He does those little things without a second thought.”

“He still doesn’t understand why it means so much to me.”

“He probably never will. I know that it seems like life has come a lot easier for Sam than it has for you. I know that you’ve been dealt a shit hand in the past, but look at you now. You’re a business owner, you’re happy, and you only drive American made cars.”

“Thanks dad,” Dean said quietly.

“I’m not sure why you came here. I don’t know if you needed forgiveness, but I’m not going to give it to you. There’s nothing to forgive. If you needed to hear me tell you that I’m proud of you then I’m going to go a step further and tell you that you are a better man than I ever was. You take care of everybody around you, but wake up some mornings feeling selfish for having so much. You’ve worked your ass off for everything that you have. You’ve earned it, and I am so damn proud of you, son.” 

Dean’s eyes welled up. His father had never said those words to him before.

\-------------------------

“I don’t even know if you can hear me. They have you sedated, they’ve had you sedated for so long now and it’s starting to scare the shit out of me. The doctor told me today that the fluid build up isn’t draining as well as they’d hoped and they might have to put in another shunt. I don’t know what to do, Dean. I sit here and I hold your hand and I look at you. I want to touch you, but I can’t. I just want to hear your voice or see your eyes open. I want to wake up in our bed and feel you next to me,” Cas softly cried. “I need you here, with me. I need to hear you call me baby or even call me an asshole, I don’t care. You are my everything, Dean. You need to fight because I can’t do this without you.”

\-------------------------

Cas relented and finally went to dinner with Mary, Sam, and Jess. When he wasn’t at home, he was at the hospital, and he knew that Dean wouldn’t want that for him. 

“You don’t need to feel guilty, Cas. You need a break,” Mary said softly, holding the back of his hand.

“I know. I just…” he could feel the tears starting to well up. 

Jess reached across the table and held his other hand, “Some days I worry about you just as much as I worry about Dean. I know that his progress has been slow, but there has been progress. We’re going to get through this.”

“Thanks Jess,” he whispered.

“Um, I don’t know if you want to hear about the legal side of things…”

“No, you’re fine Sam.” Cas knew that Sam needed to do something, to find a way to have some control over the situation. He loved his brother, and right now he was scared for his life but hell bent on vengeance. 

“Well, the state is going to move forward with aggravated assault and a felony hate crime. That’s about a ten year minimum. This guy has a record so we might be looking at 15 or 20 years at least. I told you that Crowley knows the DA, and it looks like the public defender is claiming self defense. We have all of the eyewitness statements and the video from the security cameras in the shop. It’s clear that Dean didn’t swing on the guy until after he made a homophobic slur and Dean made him aware that he is homosexual. It will go before a jury, but it’s pretty open and shut. This guy isn’t going to get away with it. Right now we’re trying to get the assault charges against Marco and Billy dropped but I’m not sure how easy that will be. They are two big guys who got involved to help their boss. I’m hoping that Crowley can help us find a loophole somewhere.”

“If you need anything from me, if anybody needs anything from me, just let me know. I was thinking of stopping by the shop this week. I haven’t talked to Marco or Billy since it happened, and I haven’t seen Garth since the day he showed up to pick up Jody.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Jess asked quietly.

“Probably not, but I’m his husband and it’s something that I need to do. I’ll eventually see the crime scene photos, I’ll know what it looked like. That business is his life and I owe it to him.”

\-------------------------

Cas was shaking when he pulled into the parking lot of Winchester Restoration. He couldn’t bring himself to walk through repair, not yet. He got out of the car and went to Dean’s office. He opened the door and sat at the desk, the anxiety was starting to set in. This room, this is where he had kissed Dean goodbye that day and told him that he loved him. He looked up when he saw a figure in the doorway.

“Cas?”

“Hey Marco,” Cas said, trying to stay calm. He stood up and let the large man pull him into a strong bear hug.

“How is he?”

“You can sit down. I don’t know how much anybody has told you. He had some pretty serious internal injuries, but it looks like they got to him in time. He has fluid build up around his brain and they’re trying to slowly drain it, but it’s taking longer than we expected.”

“So is he even…”

“Awake? No. The last time I spoke to him was here when I left that day. They’re keeping him sedated for now. How are you?”

“It was all bumps and bruises, no big deal. Thanks for bonding me out.”

“You saved my husband’s life, and I need you to help me run this business until he comes back.”

“I don’t know that I saved his life.”

“I talked to Garth, I have no doubt that you and Billy saved Dean’s life. Where is Billy?”

“He’s around, let me go grab him.”

Cas sighed as he watched Marco leave. He knew that he needed to find Garth and Jody while he was there. He was so relieved that Dean had the staff that he did to run the business while he was in the hospital. Cas wouldn’t know the first thing about it. Marco came back with Billy on his heels who also pulled Cas into a bear hug before he sat down.

“Cas, man, how are you doing?”

“I’m holding up, trying to be patient. The state is going ahead with aggravated assault and the commission of a felony hate crime.”

“There’s no doubt that it was a hate crime, Cas.”

“Dean’s brother said that they have the video from the security cameras. I’m glad that Dean decided to go with ones that have audio so that we can hear what was said. Anyway,” Cas took a deep breath. “I really just wanted to check on things. I know that you guys can handle this place, and I can never tell you how much I appreciate everything that you’ve done. I have no idea when he’ll be out of the hospital, and I have no idea how long he’ll have to recover at home. Is there anything that I need to do? I don’t know if Dean handles payroll himself or anything like that.”

“Garth has been doing all of the inventory, ordering, paperwork, that type of shit. Payroll went through so I’m guessing he did that too, but you’ll probably want to talk to him. Do you want me to go grab him?” Billy asked.

“No,” Cas sighed deeply. “I’ll head over to repair. I’ll try to keep you posted, and you let me know if you need anything.” Marco and Billy both nodded at him before standing up. Just as they got to the door Cas quietly said, “Thank you, for everything.” 

“No need to thank us. We just did what was right. Hang in there, Cas,” Billy said with a failed attempt at a smile.

\-------------------------

“Cas, oh my god,” Jody cried, wrapping her arms around him. “How is he?”

“Well, if I said okay that would be a lie. He’s not out of the woods, but he’s slowly getting better. How are you?”

Jody pulled away and wiped her eyes, “Garth said that he told you. I’m okay.”

“I’m not going to be nosy, but I am going to tell you that sometimes you find something in the most unexpected place at the most unexpected time. If you would have talked to me two years ago I would have told you that I was a straight man who never intended on getting married. But, Dean showed up.”

“And he’s pretty amazing. How are you holding up?”

“Well, he’s been sedated so I haven’t heard his voice or seen him open his eyes since I left here that day. I’m just trying to get through each day until I can take him home.”

“Cas!” they both heard from across the shop. Garth jogged over and hugged Cas. “How is he?”

“I was just telling Jody, still sedated but getting better slowly. But um, I just wanted to check on things. I have absolutely no idea how he runs this place, but I need to be able to tell him that I stopped by. I already talked to Marco and Billy. Billy said that you’ve been taking care of all of the ordering and payroll.”

“Yeah, Dean showed me how to do everything in case he needed time off. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal, Garth. You guys, you don’t know how much I appreciate everything,” Cas said with tears in his eyes.

“Don’t worry about us,” Jody whispered, wrapping her arms around him again. “We’re in good hands. You need to focus on Dean, and yourself. All I ask is that you let us know what’s going on, and you let us know if you need anything.”

“Thanks Jody,” Cas whispered.

\-------------------------

The second shunt seemed to be working. Dean’s blood pressure had stabilized and they were talking about stopping the medication. They didn’t know how long it would take him to wake up. Cas was excited and terrified. He desperately wanted to feel Dean’s hand squeeze his, he needed to see him open his eyes and flash that charming grin. Cas didn’t know when the days had turned into weeks. It was all a blur of fear and hope. All Cas could do was watch the doctor turn the IV off and wait. He held Dean’s hand, played music, talked softly, and waited.

\-------------------------

“Dad!”

Dean stopped without turning around. Ben had never called him dad, he had always called him Dean. “I said my goodbyes that day in Kansas. I don’t know if you heard it, Lis, but that was it. I let go. I loved you, and a part of me always will, but I don’t know that I can ever really forgive you.”

“Dean…”

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I get why I’m on this journey or whatever it is. I needed to hear the things that Bobby and my dad had to say, but I don’t need you to forgive me. I’m trying to forgive you. You kept him from me for eight years. I’ve watched my brother’s kids grow up and now I know what I missed, what you took from me. You can try to justify it by saying you didn’t think that I was ready to be a father, but that was my choice to make. What we had, it was everything that I always thought I wanted. But I would look at him and I would hear your voice in the back of my head saying that he wasn’t mine. I could never figure out why you lied to me, I don’t need to know. Is he the reason that I don’t want more children, maybe. I know that I’m an asshole for saying this, but as much as I loved you, I tried to make it work because of him. This feels like a bad 70’s ballad, but I know what love is now. I wake up every day and he looks at me like I am his whole world. I never expected that. Hell, I don’t know that I deserve it, but I’ve learned that I need it. I’m sorry Lis, I’m sorry that you had to go through the things that you did. I regret not saying goodbye to you that night, but that’s something that I have to carry.”

“I’m just here to tell you that for what it’s worth, I give you my blessing Dean. He gives you things, he sees things in you that I never could.”

“I know that he does,” Dean said thickly. “I do need to see Ben before I leave, that’s my final step here.”

\-------------------------

Cas thought that he saw Dean’s eyelids twitching, but he knew that his mind could be playing tricks on him, showing him what he wanted to see. He was gripping Dean’s hand tightly, music still quietly playing in the background. He hadn’t told Mary or Sam that they were taking Dean off of the medication, he needed to be the first one to see him and hear him. He rested his head against the metal railing and cried softly. All he could do was repeatedly mumble how much he loved him, how much he needed him. Remind him that he was everything. Without Dean, his life meant nothing.

\-------------------------

Dean waited until he could feel the mass of childhood energy rushing at him before he turned around and squatted down. “Hey kiddo, I almost forgot that you’re almost too big to hug like this,” he said quietly, starting to mindlessly count the freckles. He could see the same restlessness and need for something new that he’d always had in his own eyes.

“I always knew that you were my dad, even if mom wouldn’t say it.”

“Yeah, so did I,” Dean pulled him close. “I’ll always be your dad, Ben.”

“Mom told me that it was okay for us to let go. She said that you fell in love and got married.”

“I did,” Dean said quietly with tears in his eyes. “He’s amazing and I think you would really like him. But I’ll never let go of you, Ben. I talked to my dad and my uncle, do you remember grumpy Bobby?”

Ben just nodded.

“They told me that they see pictures of me. I don’t want you to stop seeing those pictures. I don’t want you thinking that I could ever forget you. I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you too, dad. You have to go now, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Dean said softly, running his hands down his face. “I have a lot of people who rely on me and I need to get back to them. I need you to know that signing those papers was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done.”

“It’s okay, mom was already waiting for me. But I saw you, and I’m sorry that you had to do it.”

“At least I got to say goodbye to you, Ben.”

“I know, I heard you. Just be happy, dad.”

“I’m trying, kiddo. Just remember one thing, your birth certificate may say Braeden, but you’ll always be a Winchester.”

\-------------------------

They removed Dean’s breathing tube and put him on light oxygen. All they were giving him now were mild pain killers and IV fluids. It was a waiting game. The staff knew the rules, but Cas was quiet, and nobody made him leave that night. He begged Dean to hear him. Repeated every promise that he’d ever made, and added more if he would just open his eyes. He just needed to see those green eyes.

\-------------------------

Ben and Lisa disappeared, leaving Dean in a fog. It was silent except for the familiar gentle murmur. He looked around and yelled as loud as he could, “Cas!” His throat was starting to hurt, but he didn’t stop. He needed Cas to hear him. He needed to go home.

\-------------------------

“Cas…” it was so quiet that it was almost imperceptible.

Cas sat up and searched Dean’s face. The bruising was gone, the stitches were gone, they’d taken the packing out of his nose, he looked like the man that Cas had married on a mountain top. “Dean,” he stammered. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He squeezed his hand desperately, feeling a slight movement in Dean’s fingers. “Oh god, Dean,” he cried. “Please, just open your eyes, whisper, I need to see and feel that you are alive.”

“Cas…”

It was louder this time, the grip on his hand tightened. Cas reached out and gently touched his face. “Dean?”

Dean’s eyelids fluttered and his eyes partially opened, heavy lidded and light sensitive. “Hey baby,” he whispered. Cas pulled Dean’s hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle like Dean would do to him. He rested his forehead against the bed railing and started sobbing. “How long have I been out?” Dean’s voice was barely more than a whisper, his throat dry and sore from the breathing tube.

“A couple of weeks, maybe longer. I lost track of time.”

“You’ve been here every day?”

“Yes, I couldn’t leave. I can’t leave,” it all finally hit him and he broke down. “I wondered if I was going to have to picture my life without you, and I can’t…”

Dean let go of his hand and slowly reached up to press it against the back of his head, “You aren’t getting rid of me that easy, baby.”

“I need to call the doctor, but I just want to look at you, I just want to hear you before I share you with anybody. I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too, more than anything.”

Cas cried, Dean wanted to hold him and comfort him, but he was in too much pain and couldn’t move. The look of fear and love in those watery blue eyes made his chest ache. Cas was it, Cas was his world.

\-------------------------

Cas went into the hallway to call Mary and Sam while the doctors ran some tests and checked Dean.

“Mary? He’s awake...Just now...He said my name and opened his eyes. He talked to me...I want to cry and laugh. Finally eat and sleep. I might go downstairs and grab something while the doctors finish with him...Yeah, I’ll still be here and I’m pretty sure that he isn’t going anywhere...I know, he’s a fighter.”

“Sam, he woke up...Yeah just a little while ago...They’re running some tests but I should be able to go back in and see him in an hour or so. I think I might try to go to the cafeteria and eat something...We still have a long road ahead of us, but I didn’t lose him...I’ll see you in a while...Thanks Sam.”

\-------------------------

Cas texted everyone at the shop while he was eating a sandwich. He felt almost sick, this was the most that he had eaten in weeks. He went back upstairs and peeked into Dean’s room, checking to make sure that the doctors were finished. The young nurse caught his eye and smiled, waving him over. She had watched him sit, day after day just talking to his silent husband. Dean’s beautiful green eyes were opened, and he flashed Cas that charming grin that he’d so desperately needed to see. He crossed the room, smiling and reached for Dean’s hand.

“What? A guy can’t get a kiss?” Dean asked, his voice still rough.

Cas looked at the nurse who quietly nodded before he bent down and pressed his lips to Dean’s gently. He felt a shiver run through his body. His husband, his beautiful and perfect husband was looking at him and grinning.

“I’m not going to ask you what happened. I don’t want to know right now, and I don’t want to put you in a position to talk about it. The doctor gave me the scoop. My liver, collarbone, ribs, and the brain thing. He said that they had to put in two drains.”

“Yeah, the first one wasn’t relieving the pressure like they had hoped. The second one seemed to work. How are you feeling?”

“Medicated. I’m guessing that they still have me on some good painkillers. Everything is fuzzy, and even after that extended nap, I’m pretty fucking tired.”

“But you’re sitting up and talking, that’s what matters.”

“I guess if I’m a good boy and I behave myself, they’ll move me to another floor in the next day or two. Apparently just waking up isn’t a good enough reason to go home already.”

“As much as I want you home, you’re staying until they think that you’re ready.”

“I love it when you’re bossy, come here and give me another kiss.”

Cas looked around, they were alone in the room. He leaned over the bed and kissed Dean again, feeling him part his lips to slide their tongues together. He was almost breathless when he pulled away. “I don’t know if you’re ready for that, and I really don’t want them showing up to ask why your heart rate changed,” he smiled. 

“Good call,” Dean said, nodding his head towards the door. 

Mary was walking in, covering her mouth with tears in her eyes. “Oh my god, Dean.”

“Hey mom,” he smiled when she bent down to kiss his cheek. 

“You look great,” she said quietly.

“From what the doctor told me, I probably don’t want to know how I looked when I came in here.”

“No, you don’t,” she whispered, squeezing Cas’s arm. “You know, you have quite the husband here.”

“I’ve always known,” Dean looked at Cas.

“What did the doctor say?”

“A bunch of shit that I didn’t understand. My liver, collarbone, something about fluid in my brain. They’re going to move me to a different floor in the next couple of days. Apparently I don’t qualify for ICU anymore.”

“I don’t even know what to say,” Mary cried. 

“I’m going to be okay, mom,” Dean held his hand out. She sat in the chair and gripped it tightly

\-------------------------

Cas slept that night. Not in the bed, he still could bring himself to sleep in there alone, but he finally slept. He had talked to his husband, kissed him, looked into those eyes. 

\-------------------------

They moved him to a regular floor, and he was already complaining about the food. Cas had to hide his smile. Garth and Jody stopped by. Dean looked at the ring, then at Cas, but didn’t say anything. He was annoyed that his arm and shoulder were still in a sling, and was more annoyed when the doctor told him that he needed to keep it on for a couple of more weeks. All of his liver function tests were coming back normal, or close to it. He complained of headaches, but that was to be expected. He was a charming but difficult patient. Dean was back.

They were finally ready to release him. Cas could pick him up any time after 9:00 the next morning. After close to a month in the hospital, Cas was ready to have him home and in their bed, softly snoring when he fell asleep. The doctor pulled him aside to go over the aftercare instructions.

“His liver looks good. He needs to stay away from alcohol and certain medications, I’ll provide you with a list. The incision has healed well. Just keep an eye on it. If it starts to get red or inflamed you’ll want to bring him back. I have a feeling that he’ll fight you on this one, but he needs to stay in that sling unless he’s in the shower for another couple of weeks. The biggest thing that I wanted to talk to you about is the after effects of the cerebral edema. Dean suffered a traumatic brain injury. We were able to treat it and get the excess fluid drained, but that doesn’t mean that there was no damage. His cognitive functions are fine. Walking, talking, taking care of himself. The only concern at this point would be things like headaches, dizziness, and possible changes in personality.”

“Changes in personality?”

“Forgetfulness seems to be the most common. The inability to control his emotions at times. I don’t know if he’ll experience any of these symptoms, but you need to be prepared. Sometimes these things will resolve on their own over time, we don’t always know. I’ll prescribe him something for the headaches. Like I said, there’s a chance that he will be fine, but taking care of somebody who has a traumatic brain injury can be difficult. There are support groups and counselors. Hopefully it won’t come to that. Make a follow up appointment as soon as you can and feel free to call the hospital with any questions or concerns, and good luck Mr. Winchester.” The doctor shook Cas’s hand firmly and handed him a stack of papers.

Cas walked back in the room and saw Dean flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch. He was bored, crawling out of his skin, and ready to leave.

“So, 9:00 tomorrow and you’re mine again.”

“And if you show up at 9:01 I’m going to have to ask for a divorce,” Dean grinned. “God, I just want to go home, baby.”

“I know that you do. I want you home. Chuck has been depressed for weeks. He keeps looking for you.”

“Aw, now that just hurts.”

“Yeah, but I told him that daddy will be home, and then I felt really ridiculous for saying it.”

“Oh no, we are not that couple with the dog-child.”

“Just don’t tell Chuck that. It’ll break his little heart.”

“I know that visiting hours are almost over and you need to go,” Dean said quietly. “So come over here and give me a kiss or two before you leave.”

Dean reached up with his right hand and held the side of Cas’s face, pulling him down for a long soft kiss, “I seriously wish there was room for two in this bed.”

“Is that all you ever think about?” Cas laughed.

“Right now? Yes.”

\-------------------------

Dean got home and stripped out of the t-shirt and pajama pants that Cas had brought him. He examined his body in the mirror. He was thinner than he had been, but so was Cas. He looked at the incision on his stomach, gently running his fingers across it. He hated the sling, but knew that it wasn’t worth the fight with Cas to take it off. He had a headache and was starting to feel a little dizzy, but they’d told him to expect that. He walked in his boxers down the hall towards the kitchen and cringed when Chuck jumped up on him. He gently pushed him away and scratched him behind the ears before letting him into the backyard.

“What happened to your stomach,” Cas asked, alarmed.

“Happy dog,” Dean smiled, happily sinking into one of his kitchen chairs in his home.

“I should have thought about that, sorry. So I have this whole list of foods that you probably shouldn’t eat. But, because I’m either the best or the worst husband in the world, I think we should do take out, your choice. We’ll start that healthy shit tomorrow.”

“Cas, we still have plenty of time until dinner. You’re nervous as hell, all over the place, you need to relax.”

“I know,” Cas said, dropping into a chair across from Dean. “You have no idea how happy I am to have you home, but it’s just so weird that it’s all over, you know? You’re here and besides an incision and a few scars, you’re fine. Well, except for that monstrosity that you have to keep on your shoulder. And before you ask, yes you do have to keep it on. If your collarbone slides out of place they may have to do surgery so you’re just going to have to suck it up.”

“Damn, bossy. But I do like bossy. What about the shower? He said that I can take if off in the shower.”

“You want to take a shower?”

“A hot tub is close enough, right?” Dean grinned.

Cas couldn’t help but smile, “I guess so, but no cold beer.”

“Okay, that part sucks. Why my liver? Why not my spleen? I don’t even know what in the fuck my spleen does, but I doubt it would stop me from drinking beer.”

“I’ll go turn the hot tub on,” Cas laughed. “And then I’ll help you with that sling.”

Dean watched Cas walk away and just looked around the kitchen. There were over two weeks of his life that he didn’t remember, he couldn’t imagine how bad it had been for Cas. He hadn’t seen any pictures of the crime scene, or how he’d looked, but he knew it wasn’t pretty. Jody had cried when she saw him, she couldn’t stop telling him how good he looked. He felt guilty. Cas sat with him every day for weeks, Jody watched him get beaten, Garth took a few hits, Marco and Billy went to jail, he knew that it must have been an ugly fight. He pushed away from the table and walked to the bedroom, waiting for Cas to come help him with his sling. This was something that was going to be hard to get used to, letting Cas help him.

\-------------------------

Dean leaned back and sighed. Most of the pain was gone when he slid his naked body into the warm water. He was home, in his hot tub, reaching for his husband. He had to keep his left arm against his body, so he pressed his right hand against Cas’s lower back, pulling him onto his lap. Cas was gentle, almost too gentle when they kissed and touched. He ran his lips along Dean’s jaw and across his neck, pressing his thighs against his hips. Dean moaned and leaned his head back, he just wanted to be inside of Cas. “Did you…” he murmured. “Yes, I mean if you feel…” Cas said quietly, his face buried in Dean’s neck. “I need to feel you, I need to be inside of you.” Cas raised up on his knees and wrapped his fingers around Dean’s cock, lining up before he slid down, taking him deep. The tears were both emotional and painful. It hurt, it always hurt when he first felt Dean inside of him, but this was different. He had missed this, he didn’t expect that they would make love this soon, but he desperately needed to feel it. They kissed deeply, Dean moaning against Cas’s mouth. Cas moved slowly, Dean’s hand sliding up and down his back. He groaned and started throbbing when he watched Cas slip his hand between their bodies to touch himself. The feeling of Cas’s slick body, seeing him squeeze and stroke himself, it was too much for Dean. “I would love to do this all day, baby. But I’m right there,” he whispered. “So am I,” Cas panted, as Dean gripped his shoulder and pulled him down, coming with a loud groan. Cas cried out and held his body as close to Dean’s as he dared. He couldn’t stop the tears when he leaned his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. “God I missed you, I missed you so much,” he cried quietly. “I know, baby,” Dean wrapped his right arm around Cas and pulled him close. “I love you, Cas. You’re it, you’re the one.” Cas leaned back and pulled his body away. He pulled one of the two rings off of his finger, “I have something that belongs to you.” He slid it gently on Dean’s finger. “I love you too,” he murmured against Dean’s mouth before pressing their lips together for a long and lingering kiss.

\------------------------- 

Dean hated the sling, and Cas hated the look of pain on his face when he helped him put it on. He’d finally done laundry and washed Dean’s coffee cup. He didn’t need clothes or a pillow that smelled like Dean anymore. He got him settled on the couch before he left to go pick up burgers. He knew that making love in a hot tub and eating greasy food probably went against everything that the doctor told him, but he needed it, they needed it. 

Dean declined a pain pill and happily ate his dinner, grateful that he was right handed and could do things for himself. He knew that Cas would baby him, and he knew that he would let him. They finally turned the fireplace on low and crawled into bed together. Cas was afraid, he didn’t want to hurt Dean, but he curled his body as close as he could.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand, but do you remember anything?”

“Why wouldn’t I want to talk about it?” Dean asked, looking into those blue eyes. “You’re my best friend, I’ll tell you anything. The last thing I remember was swinging on the guy.”

“And then you just woke up?”

“Are you asking me if I had dreams or anything while I was out?”

“I guess so.”

Dean sighed quietly. He didn’t know if he could explain what he’d seen, but he’d told Cas that he would tell him anything. “It probably won’t make much sense to you, it still doesn’t make sense to me. I was in this, I don’t know, Bobby called in an in-between.”

“Bobby?”

“Yeah,” Dean whispered. “It wasn’t like a near death experience, at least I don’t think so. It was like this crazy search for forgiveness or approval. I saw Bobby and he told me how proud he is. He never thought that restoration would become it’s own business, but he left me the shop because he knew that I could turn it into something big. He knows about you, he sees how happy I am. We talked about that morning when you found me on the beach. He told me that I shouldn’t feel guilty about finding peace after he died.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Cas said quietly. He didn’t know what to think, but he could tell that Dean was telling him the truth. 

“I uh, I saw my dad too. That was rough. He forgave me, told me that I had nothing to do with the heart attack. That even though I was an asshole, I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He told me that Sam’s life turned out the way that it has because Sam’s always had a path. I’ve never had a path. I’ve always dug myself holes, and then clawed my way out of them. He said that when I moved here I completely closed myself off, and I was perfectly happy doing it until you came along. The whole guy thing threw him off, he admitted that he didn’t know how he would have reacted if it had been ten years ago and he was still the same asshole ex-marine. But he also told me that when you’re lucky, you find the one that you don’t want to let go of, and in a moment of weakness maybe they’ll agree to marry you. He said that I hold this family together, and he’s proud of me, everything that I’ve done,” Dean was softly crying.

“I wish I knew what to say.”

“You probably think that I’m fucking crazy, Cas.”

“No, I don’t. And I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. You were heavily sedated, I didn’t know where you’d gone. I didn’t know if you could hear anything or if you were dreaming.”

“Bobby told me that they don’t really watch over us. It’s more like they get updates, pictures and video. The latest news, I guess. My dad and I talked about Sam and Jess naming Robbie after me and I told him that it was the proudest day of my life. He just looked at me and said that he figured my wedding day would have been the proudest day of my life. I hadn’t talked about the wedding, I didn’t know if he was ready to hear it. But, I told him that September 20th in Lake Tahoe was the most important day of my life. He smiled when I said it.”

“Did you see…”

“Yeah,” Dean sighed quietly. “He called me dad. He didn’t call me dad when he was alive. She still didn’t admit it. She didn’t apologize for keeping him away from me for so long. I didn’t really give her the chance. I told her that I tried, I wanted to give them a life.”

Cas listened silently. He didn’t compare himself to Lisa, he never had. 

I couldn’t even look at her. I finally told her that I don’t know if I can forgive her for keeping Ben from me. I’ve watched Sam’s kids grow up and now I know how much I missed. It should have been my choice, and she took that away from me. I didn’t have to let go, I already did. I told her that as hard as I tried, it took me until now to know what love really is. I saw Ben. All I could do was tell him how much I love him, ask him to check on me. The last thing I said was that I wanted him to know that he’s a Winchester. I know that I sound fucking insane, I feel a little insane. It was just weird, I heard and said things that I’ve needed to hear and say for so long and it’s like this weight has been lifted. Bobby believes in me, my dad is proud of me, and Ben knows. Are you okay hearing all of this?”

“Of course I am, Dean. These are all things that you’ve questioned for a long time, and now you can let it go. You don’t have to carry it with you.”

“I need you to know that you are the one, Cas. I know that. I’ve always thought so, but now I know. There is no doubt in my mind that I will always need you. Nobody has ever loved me like you do, and I’ve never felt this way about anybody. Never. You are my world, I need you to believe that. God, I would give anything if I could just hold you right now.”

“I believe you, Dean. It just all makes my head spin, I brought you lunch and then kissed you goodbye. Two hours later Garth called me. He was hysterical and I had that ‘punch in the gut’ feeling when I drove to the hospital. I don’t know how you were able to drive the night of my accident. Not knowing, it feels like you can’t breathe. Garth tried telling me what happened, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. All I knew was that you were in surgery and for hours I just sat there, not knowing why. I barely recognized you when I finally saw you. I researched your injuries and I wondered if you were going to live or die. I did everything that I could not to lose hope,” Cas took a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have asked you, but I can’t talk about it anymore, not right now. You’re alive and you’re home, and I don’t want to think about anything else.”

“I didn’t want to upset you, Cas. I’m sorry.”

“No, Dean, you didn’t upset me. I just want to lay in this bed and listen to you snore while I hold your hand. I just need this to be about me and you right now.”

“I get it. I love you, baby.”

“I love you too.”

\-------------------------

Cas scheduled a meeting with Crowley. He let him know that he was ready to come back to work, if he could do it remotely, and with help. Crowley approved his request under the condition that he would show up once a week to meet with Kevin, and that he schedule face to face meetings with clients. Everything else could be done from home. Cas walked away feeling like he’d underestimated the man.

Dean wanted to go to the shop, but Cas thought that he should wait until the sling came off. He knew that the employees needed to see him healthy, they didn’t need reminders. 

They were lazy, on the couch, on the patio, in bed, just talking and eating things that Dean probably shouldn’t be eating. Dean would get headaches, but that was to be expected. A few times Cas watched him reach for a counter of the back of a chair when a wave of dizziness hit him, but that was also to be expected. He was healing, he was getting better every day.

\------------------------

The sling came off and there was no talking Dean out of going to the shop. He winced every time somebody hugged him. Cas knew that his shoulder and collarbone hurt, he needed to do the exercises to get his strength back, but he wouldn’t let his staff see that. He thanked Marco and Billy. He congratulated Jody and Garth. He stopped to talk to each and every one of his employees to make his presence known. Dean Winchester was going to be fine. 

\-------------------------

Cas was finally able to lay his head on Dean’s chest and listen to his heart beat. They hadn’t even attempted to make love since the day that Dean got home. Cas worried too much about hurting him. But, with his sling off, there was no stopping him. Their kisses were heated, Dean’s hands needy when they slid across the taut skin, already covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Cas arched his body against Dean’s full lips as they trailed across his chest, stopping to gently bite on a sensitive nipple. His mouth traced a line down his stomach, kissing and nipping at every subtle ridge of muscle. Cas moaned when he felt Dean’s fingers wrap around his hard cock and start stroking, He was breathing heavily, almost delirious with need when he felt Dean’s tongue swirl around the head and slowly pull it into his mouth. He gently sucked, moving his head up and down, taking more of Cas as he slid his tongue along the silky shaft. Cas was too caught up in the feeling of Dean’s mouth to be confused. It wasn’t until he called out Dean’s name and felt him swallow the warm sticky come that he realized that Dean had no intention of making love to him. Dean crawled back up his body and kissed him gently, pulling him to his chest. “I love you, baby,” he whispered. “I love you too,” Cas responded, satisfied but somehow lost.

\-------------------------

A few nights later, Cas noticed that Dean was keeping his body angled away from his, shying from his hands as they kissed and touched. When he wrapped his hand around Cas and started stroking, Cas moved away and got out of bed, throwing on his boxers and finding some pajama pants. It was still warm outside and he silently walked through the house and out the back door. Dean found him in a chair on the patio.

“Baby?”

“Hhhhmmm?”

“Is everything okay? And don’t tell me that it is if it isn’t. I’m not doing this passive aggressive thing.”

Cas took a deep breath, “I love when you touch me, Dean. I love everything about it, your hands, your mouth, your cock. But I can give myself a hand job.”

“Cas…” Dean said gently.

“You can’t get it up, and I’m taking it personally. I’m entitled.”

“It’s not you. It is definitely not you. Every cell in my body wants to make love to you, but the blood just didn’t pump to the right place. These things happen.”

“Never to us, and never twice in a row. Seriously, just let me sit out here and feel like shit.”

“Cas, the best sex that I have ever had has been with you, you know that. This seriously isn’t personal. Nobody has ever turned me on or made me want them the way that you have.”

“Okay, maybe tomorrow I’ll believe that. But right now...right now I want to be fucking selfish and just be left alone. It’s late, you need to sleep. I’ll be in soon.”

“Cas…”

Cas turned and Dean could see the tears, “Dean, please.”

Dean turned quietly and went back into the house. He felt like shit. His husband, his world, was sitting outside doubting himself and there was nothing that he could do about it. He couldn’t let Cas pull away, he couldn’t let Cas feel like he was pushing him away.

\-------------------------

Dean rolled over and smelled coffee. He hadn’t felt Cas come to bed last night, he didn’t even know if Cas had come back to bed. He sat up and yawned, turning until his feet hit the floor, and followed the smell of coffee. His mug was sitting next to the coffee maker and he could see Cas curled up in a chair outside, throwing the rope for Chuck.

“Hey baby,” he said, bending down to kiss Cas before he sat in the chair next to his. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Cas said quietly, not looking at him.

“Cas…”

“Dean, I know that I’m being immature and taking it personally when it’s not personal. It’s just never happened and it confused the hell out of me. I’m not blaming you, I’m really not. It’s just a small totally unreasonable blow to the ego, but I’ll get over it.”

“I love you, Cas.”

“I know that you do, Dean,” Cas said, finally looking at him. Dean could see the rejection in those blue eyes. “I love you too, and this really isn’t that big of a deal. Do you want breakfast? I can make something.”

“Why don’t we go out, let this grease monkey buy you a meal.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile, “let’s shower first.” He knew that they could be intimate in the shower without being sexual, and he just needed to feel that.

Dean was surprised, but grinned. “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

They touched and kissed, holding their bodies together under the warm water. It wasn’t about getting hard, neither one of them did. It was just about being together and Dean knew that after all of the weeks of sitting and wondering, that’s what Cas needed from him.

\-------------------------

They laughed and talked, gossiping about Garth and Jody, making plans to finally go see Sam’s kids. They held hands across the table and barely noticed the looks from the women in the diner. Cas’s eyes were happy, Dean’s eyes were happy, and the night before seemed forgotten. 

They thought about running some errands, just as a way to get out of the house, but Dean started to get a headache and they changed their plan to laying on the couch together and catching up on the DVR. Dean made it as far as the living room before he reached for the couch and missed, falling to his knees. He dropped his head in his hands and bent forward.

“Dean?”

“It’s okay, Cas. Just give me a minute, it’ll stop.”

“Stop? What are you talking about?”

“The dizziness. It usually doesn’t last very long.”

“Wait, how often does it happen?”

“I don’t know, maybe a few times a day.”

“A few times a day? And you decided that I didn’t need to know this?”

“Yeah, because I knew that you’d freak out, which is what you’re about to start doing. I just need to get to the couch and I’ll be fine.”

“Does this happen with the headaches?”

Dean was trying to pull himself up, trying to move around so that he could lay down. He sighed when he finally fell onto the couch and threw his arm across his eyes. “Come here,” he mumbled.

“Dean, does this happen with the headaches?”

“Sometimes, now will you just come here and lay with me? Pull the blanket up and turn the TV on?”

“Do you want a pain pill?”

“No, I want my husband. Come here, Cas.”

Cas pulled off his boots and Dean’s before he grabbed a blanket and picked up the remote. He curled up on his side and felt Dean’s arms wrap around him and pull him close. “I’m fine, baby,” Dean murmured in his ear, before kissing the back of his neck. 

Dean wasn’t fine, and Cas knew it.

\-------------------------

Dean didn’t talk about the headaches or the dizziness anymore, but Cas could see it. He sat with his laptop and worked, telling himself that it was no big deal. It was to be expected. They only tried to make love when Dean initiated it, and he only did that when he was already hard. Cas refused to see things that way. In his mind, Dean was still recovering and he needed to wait for Dean to come to him. He couldn’t admit to himself that it was a problem. 

\-------------------------

Dean wanted to go back to work, Cas didn’t think that he was ready, and it turned into a fight. Cas dropped it and let him go, terrified that he’d get dizzy or sick while he was driving. Scared that he’d get a headache or fall while working. But, he’d learned that it was easier to just give in. 

\-------------------------

They had missed Robbie’s birthday and the twins had a birthday coming up. Without going into detail, Cas let Jess know that it was probably better if they celebrated it all at one time. He didn’t know if Dean was ready for the noise and the chaos. He didn’t know if Dean was ready to try and explain to the twins why he hadn’t seen them in months. It was the first time that they had been to Sam’s since the accident and Cas was nervous. 

“Are you okay, Unca Dee? Mommy and Daddy said that you were in an accident,” MaryEllen looked up at him.

“I’m fine, munchkin. I had to have surgery. I was in the hospital and everything, and I’ll tell ya that the food is terrible,” he said, making a face. 

“We missed you and Uncle Cas,” JoAnna said.

“We missed you too,” Cas smiled. He was hoping that seeing the kids would help bring Dean out of his malaise. “But we heard that there was going to be cake here.”

“Of course there is, it’s everybody’s birthday and grandma made us all special cakes,” MaryEllen smiled, showing a gap where two teeth were missing.

“I cannot believe how grown up they are,” Cas said quietly to Dean.

“Yeah, I’ve told Sam on numerous occasions that I’ll sit on the porch with him holding a shotgun when the boys start showing up.”

“If you need a third, let me know.”

They set down the bags of presents and walked into the family room, hugging and kissing Jess and Mary. “How is he doing?” Mary whispered. Cas just looked at her and shrugged. He couldn’t bring himself to lie, but he didn’t want to involve the family. 

“Okay,” Dean said, clapping his hands. “It’s baby time.” He picked Robbie up out of his walker and sat down, holding him under the arms while he jumped on his lap. “I don’t remember giving him permission to grow up so fast. He’s getting ready to walk.”

“Yes, and I am not looking forward to it. At least now I know where he’s at.”

Dean wasn’t listening to Jess, instead he was talking and babbling to the baby. Cas hadn’t seen him this happy in weeks. He didn’t even seem to notice when Sam came in the room. Sam hugged Cas and also asked how Dean was doing. Again, all Cas could do was shrug. 

“So, you’re back to work?” Sam asked.

“Who? Me?”

“Uh, yeah Dean. I’m pretty aware of Cas’s work schedule.”

“Yeah, I went back last week. I’m taking it easy. I just sit in my office and order people around,” Dean grinned.

“Sounds like you’ve got this business owner thing figured out,” Sam smiled. He hadn’t seen much of his brother since he’d been home from the hospital, but he looked good. Every time he talked to Cas about it, Cas just shrugged and said that everything was fine. The trial would be starting in the next couple of months and Sam was just hoping that both Dean and Cas were in a place to handle it.

“Meh, it’s easy. You hire a few competent people, they’ll do the work for you.”

“Garth seems like a pretty great guy. Marco too.”

“Yeah, Garth has become the stud of Singer Auto,” Dean laughed.

“Garth?” Jess giggled.

“Well, he knocked up the assistant manager and now she’s wearing a ring. Of course he asked me for advice on how to propose, and it worked,” he smiled at Cas. “I’m considering patenting the idea, maybe writing a book. I might even look into getting my own talk show. I’ll be like the blue collar Dr. Phil.”

“Daddy, what does knocked up mean?” JoAnna asked innocently.

“Um, it’s your Unca Dee’s way of saying that a lady that he works with is going to have a baby.”

“Oh, well you might want to tell her that babies cry a lot and they smell funny.”

“Yeah,” Dean smiled at JoAnna, “I’ll make sure to tell her that.”

“So Garth and Jody?” Jess asked.

“Wow, you are really interested in the shop gossip,” Dean grinned.

“It’s just, talk about a seriously unexpected couple.”

“Uh, you are talking to Mr. and Mr. seriously unexpected couple here,” Dean said, turning his attention back to the baby.

“Good point. So, should we let the little guy open his presents so that he has something new to chew and drool on?”

“This means that I have to hand him over, doesn’t it?”

“No, he can sit on the floor with Unca Dee and open them,” Jess smiled.

Dean helped Robbie open box after box of toys, stuffed animals, and new clothes while the girls tore into their own. Sam just rolled his eyes and gave Cas an exasperated look. All Cas could do was laugh, Sam should expect this by now. Dean sat on the floor letting the baby crawl all over him, playing with the twins. Mary signaled to Cas where she was cutting up birthday cake. “Should he be doing that?”

“His incision is healed, his collarbone is fine, I don’t see why not.”

“But what about his…”

“The brain injury? He’s okay. He gets headaches from time to time but that’s about it,” Cas lied. 

“So he’s doing okay? I don’t hear from him very often.”

“I think this has all been a little more intense than he expected, but don’t take it personally. He doesn’t really talk to anybody,” including myself, Cas wanted to add.

“You let me know if you need anything.”

“I will, Mary.”

“You know,” she smiled, “you can start calling me mom.”

“I’ll have to work up to that,” Cas laughed. 

Dean was distant towards the adults, he seemed happier playing with the kids. The kids didn’t ask the tough questions or give him the concerned looks. Unca Dee said he was fine and they believed him. Other than conversation over cake and ice cream, Dean didn’t have much to say.

\-------------------------

“Well that alone was enough to give me a headache,” Dean grinned as he clicked his seatbelt. “What?” he asked, looking over at Cas. “Not funny?”

“Not really, but you looked like you had a good time.”

“Those kids, they just make everything seem so simple, you know? I mean the biggest news they had was that MaryEllen has lost two teeth and JoAnna has only lost one. That kind of drama I can handle.”

Cas didn’t know how to tell him that the trial would be starting soon.

\-------------------------

Dean was going to the shop every day. Cas watched him go, knowing that he couldn’t baby Dean forever. He was a grown man and if he got a headache or he felt dizzy, he would have to figure out how to handle it on his own.

Cas was working and didn’t always check the time. He felt guilty because he didn’t take Dean lunch as often as he used to. He set the alarm on his phone to remind him to stop at the deli and pick up some sandwiches.

\-------------------------

Everybody smiled and greeted Cas when he showed up. Marco just nodded and pointed towards Dean’s office. Cas knocked lightly while opening the door and walked in. He closed and locked the door quickly when he found Dean slumped over his desk.

“Dean,” he bent down and whispered. “Dean, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Cas,” Dean mumbled. “I had a headache and got dizzy. If I lay my head on my desk for a little while, it goes away.”

“So, this isn’t the first time?”

“Seriously?” Dean groaned when he lifted his head. “I get that you are concerned, I do, and I appreciate it. But I’m not a fucking child, Cas. I can’t call you or text you every time I get a headache. It’s going to happen, we both know it, so I suck it up.”

“How long does it last?”

“I don’t fucking know, it’s not like I time the shit. Sometimes just a few minutes, sometimes longer. Oh god, this conversation is just making it worse.”

Cas could feel himself start to tremble, “I brought you lunch.”

“Thank you. I don’t feel so great. I’ll eat it later.”

“Um, do you need anything?”

“No. I just need to relax until this passes.”

Cas just stood there. He could tell that Dean just wanted to be left alone, and it hurt. But he knew that he’d been too sensitive and maybe he needed to just leave Dean to deal with it himself. Maybe Dean was right, he wasn’t a child and he didn’t need to call or text any time something happened.

“I guess I’ll get out of your way.”

“I’ll see you when I get home. I love you,” Dean mumbled.

“Yeah, love you too.”

Cas walked straight to his car, he couldn’t look anybody in the eye. He remembered the doctor telling him how difficult it could be to live with somebody who had a traumatic brain injury, but things just seemed to be getting worse and he didn’t know what to do. He had a video conference with Kevin in an hour and he knew that he needed to get his shit together.

\-------------------------

Cas just watched Dean turn more and more inward. It was like his headaches were starting to rule him. He was changing, he was different. Dean would ask Cas to lay with him on the couch, he would come to him for sex when he could, but it wasn’t like it used to be. They still went out to dinner and did things once in awhile, but Dean’s eyes always looked tired and hollow. It was almost like he wasn’t really living. They rarely sat on the patio together. Dean rarely gave Chuck any attention. They didn’t sit in the hot tub or turn on the fireplace at night. Cas coddled him, but Dean pushed him away. Cas distanced himself, but Dean became needy. Cas tried to live like nothing was happening, but Dean seemed to be surrounded by this quiet chaos that Cas couldn’t break through. He would hear Dean in the next room, but the house still felt empty. He considered calling a counselor, but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to talk to anybody about it because he felt like somehow he would be betraying his husband’s trust. He just remembered the doctor telling him that these things could be temporary, and that’s the only thing that gave him hope.

\-------------------------

He was dropping Kevin off after a dinner meeting with a client. Cas always hated dinner meetings, but this was a difficult client and he knew that Kevin needed the experience. He was in a good mood as he drove home. He’d finally finished Robbie’s room, they’d gone to Mary’s a few nights ago for dinner, and Dean seemed relaxed and happy for the past couple of days. 

“I’m home,” he called, walking in the bedroom to take his suit off. He changed into jeans and a t-shirt while he heard the muffled “Out here,” coming from the back patio. He smiled as he moved through the kitchen towards the back door. He would love nothing more than to spend an evening sitting outside just talking to his husband. He stopped in the doorway.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me…”

“What?” Dean turned around.

“Seriously Dean? I don’t even know what to say,” he stepped slowly onto the patio and looked at his husband with the tumbler of scotch in his hand. “It’s only been a few months since they had to cut into you to fix your liver and rule number one was no alcohol.”

“It’s a drink, Cas. I’ve had a long fucking day so I wanted one drink.”

“Yeah, okay, you had a long fucking day. That justifies going against your doctor’s orders.”

“What? So I will never again be able to relax with a drink because some asshole beat the shit out of me?”

“It’s only been a few months, Dean.”

“I heard you the first time, Cas.”

“I can’t do this, I really can’t. I have done everything that I can to be patient with you.”

“Patient? What in the hell are you talking about?”

Cas walked back into the house, searched through a stack of papers and grabbed his laptop. “This,” he said, slamming a paper on the table next to Dean. “The doctor handed me this before we left. Read it, go ahead. We probably should have had this conversation a long time ago.” Dean picked up up while Cas opened his computer and started searching. “When you’re done with that, read this,” he left his laptop open on the table, an information page for traumatic brain injuries pulled up. “I’m not even going to pull up anything about what that is doing to your liver. You can figure that shit out yourself.” Dean winced when he heard the bedroom door slam.

Dean read the paper, he looked at the website, it was all too familiar. He clicked on links and searched. He read about families of people with traumatic brain injuries, he read stories about stress and divorce. He could hear Cas moving around in the house, but he wasn’t ready to go in. He knew that they needed to talk about it, but what was he supposed to say? He looked at the glass in his hand and dropped it on the table. Cas was right, it was poison and he knew it. He was surprised when Cas came back outside holding his boots and jacket.

“What is this?”

“I’m upset, Dean, and I don’t know what in the fuck to do. I come home and you are sitting out here drinking. I have listened to you tell me over and over again that you are not a child and I have tried to back off. But this? This is a whole new level of not giving a shit. You have two moods. Total dick and needy husband. There is no in between anymore. I can’t just sit here and watch this.”

“So why my boots and jacket?” Dean asked slowly.

“Because I’m leaving. I can’t be here right now. But you told me once that leaving isn’t the answer. Manning up and dealing with it is the answer. You want to man up and deal with this? Then come with me.”

“This doesn’t make sense, Cas.”

“Neither does you poisoning your fucking body after I spent weeks begging you to live,” Cas cried, picking up the glass and throwing it against the wall. “I need to get away from this house, from that shop, from the hospital and Crowley’s and everywhere else that I have been over the last few months. I’m fucking suffocating, Dean. You come with me and we try to fix this. Or, you stay here and we see if we can fix this when I get back. Either way, I can’t be here.” Cas grabbed his laptop and went back in the house. Dean could still hear him moving around when he put his boots on and grabbed his jacket, shoving his phone and his keys in his pocket.

“Cas, don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Leave.”

Cas could see the fear in Dean’s eyes. He didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want things to be this way.

“Then come with me. These walls are closing in on me, Dean.”

In a daze, Dean followed him out of the house and got into the passenger seat of his car. He didn’t know what in the hell was going on, he just knew that he’d go to the ends of the earth to keep Cas with him.

\-------------------------

They stopped at the coffee drive thru and Cas ordered two before he got on the highway. “If you don’t want yours, I’ll drink both. I have no idea how long I’m going to drive.”

It only took a couple of hours for Dean to figure out where they were going. 

\-------------------------

Dean just looked at Cas when he pulled two bags out of the trunk. “Worst case scenario, you decided not to come and I held some of your clothes hostage.”

Dean just looked at him again when they got to the front desk, “Hi, I reserved a suite under the name Winchester.” Dean watched Cas pull out his ID and credit card. He followed Cas to the elevator and got in. They had barely spoken since they left the house.

Cas slid the keycard into the door and walked in ahead of Dean, dropping his bag on the bed.

“Yes, Lake Tahoe. Same lodge, same room. You probably saw it coming.”

“I figured it out, but I don’t know if I completely understand it.”

“Look at your phone, Dean.”

Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was after 3:00 in the morning, and it was September 19th.

“A year ago we came up here to get away from everything, and I left with a husband. I want my husband back,” Cas cried softly.

“Cas…” Dean reached out and pulled him into his arms. “I read everything that you showed me. I clicked links and I read. I saw words like stress and divorce and it freaked me the fuck out. You’re right, I am going through a lot of that shit. The headaches, they’re bad. I get dizzy and I black out. I get pissed off for no reason, and then I’m scared shitless and can’t be alone. I’m afraid to touch you because I don’t know what you’ll do if I can’t get it up. I’m scared, Cas. I’m really fucking scared,” he cried. “Some days, nothing in my head makes sense. I’m pushing you away and that’s the last fucking thing that I want. What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to admit that these things are happening, I need you to take it seriously, and I need you to let me help you. Almost a year ago we stood on a mountain and we promised for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. We’ve seen better and worse, we’ve seen sickness and health. You’re sick, Dean. I need you to want to get better.”

“You’re right, you didn’t sit next to that bed for weeks just to spend months dealing with this shit. I’m sorry.”

“None of this is about being sorry, I know that it’s not your fault. This is one of those Cas and Dean things, so you need to let me be a part of it. You were beaten, almost to death. When you came out of surgery the doctor had to warn me that you had so many injuries to your face, you didn’t look like yourself. I sat there, and the only place that I could touch you was your right hand. I watched your face heal, I saw you again. Your body was healing. But the rest, it was a waiting game. That’s all I could do, wait. They told me that the shunt wasn’t working, they needed to put in another one. I did research and I knew that if it worked, there was still a chance that we weren’t done. I was ready for that, I’ve been ready for that,” Cas could feel the tears. “I just want you to let me be here. That’s all I want, Dean. I promised you that I would be there through sickness, so let me. I get that you’re scared, I’m pretty fucking scared too. The sex thing, we can just drop that for now. It isn’t important and I shouldn’t have let it get to me. I can’t put pressure on you when it’s something that you can’t control. I spent weeks memorizing every inch of your right hand, because that’s all I had. I’ll do it again if that’s all I have. But if you get a headache, tell me. I’ll get you your medication and I will lay with you. If you get dizzy, tell me and I will help you get somewhere before you fall or black out. When you’re angry, tell me so that I know that it’s the injury and not something that I did. I will do absolutely anything for you, Dean, except give up. I won’t and I can’t. Don’t put me in a position where I don’t have a choice.” 

“I didn’t realize how bad it was,” Dean said raggedly, “I just wanted to pretend like it wasn’t happening because I didn’t understand.”

“I should have talked to you about it when we got home, but I didn’t because everything felt so perfect that night. I should have talked to you the next day, or a week later. He told me to make a follow up appointment, but I knew that you would fight me on it.”

“I knew where the paperwork was, Cas. I glanced at it without reading it, I saw the words ‘brain injury’ and I walked away because I felt fine. And you're right, I wouldn't have gone to a follow up appointment. It’s not on you. We are two people who are so used to being alone, so used to taking care of ourselves that we don’t see the helping hand when it’s right in front of us. I know that it’s been over a year since we realized what we are, what we have, and you’ve always been there. I haven’t known how to ask you for help, because I can’t even explain what is going on. I just...I would reach a breaking point and the only thing that would get me through it was to have you next to me. I guess those were my needy husband moments.” He leaned back and held Cas’s face in his hands. “I need your help, Cas,” he whispered, pressing their lips together. “I am in pain, I am afraid, I am pissed off, I can’t even make love to my husband. I came home and I poured a drink because I wanted to forget. I’ve never known how to ask for help, not really. But I’m begging you, Cas. Help me.”

\-------------------------

They turned the fireplace on low and crawled into the large bed. Cas held Dean while he cried and whimpered away the months of confusion and anger. While he proclaimed his love and admitted to his fears. Cas assured him that needing help didn’t make him weak, he was sick and none of it was his fault. They touched and kissed, Dean treating Cas’s body with the reverence that he always had. He ran his hands and lips over every inch of skin, it was gentle and emotional. He needed to remind himself how beautiful his husband was. He needed to feel him and touch him without somehow disappointing him. “Did you bring the bag that I used last year?” he whispered, slowly sliding his hand up Cas’s stomach. “Yeah, why?” He kissed Cas softly, running his fingers across his sensitive nipples. “There’s a bottle of lube in there. It was almost empty, so I bought a new one when we got home.” Cas turned his head away, he couldn’t do this. “Dean…” Dean buried his face in Cas’s neck, pressing his full lips against the soft skin. “I want to feel you, Cas. I want you inside of me.” Cas turned his head and stared at his husband, his eyes wide. “You...I mean...are you sure?” Dean pulled himself up on one elbow. “I’m sure. I need you, and I know that you need me.” He leaned over and dug the bottle out of his bag before rolling on his back and sliding the pillows under his hips.

\-------------------------

Even though Cas had never been in this position before, he knew where to touch. He dripped lube on his fingers and spread Dean’s legs, bending down for a long kiss while he slid his finger across Dean’s virgin hole before pressing on it and slipping it inside. He felt the gasp and started sliding it in and out. The second finger elicited a groan and wince while he searched for the spot, the one that would make Dean tremble. He grazed it and felt Dean’s body arch when he pressed in the third, still rubbing and stretching. He nervously dripped lube on his cock and in one motion, pulled his fingers out and buried himself inside of his husband for the first time. He held Dean’s hips still, seeing the look of pain in his eyes, the same look that Dean must have seen so many times. He shifted and angled his body until he knew that he’d found the spot that would take Dean somewhere else when his cock slid past it. He leaned down and kissed Dean deeply, he had never felt anything like this and knew that he could come easily if he let himself. “Are you okay?” he whispered. “I will be, just give me a minute. It’s just…” he closed his eyes and leaned his head back, inviting Cas’s lips to trail along the soft skin of his neck. “I know it is, it’s indescribable,” Cas said quietly. Kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin. He felt Dean’s body relax around him and he started moving slowly. He could feel the moans more than he could hear them when he gently thrust and touched the place that made the pain worth it. Dean’s cock was growing hard between them, but he wasn’t holding out hope, not even when he pressed their bodies together to create a slow and sweaty friction. Dean’s hands were sliding and gripping, their mouths were heated, and Dean was throbbing between them. The combination of pleasure and pain, giving himself to Cas, it was like nothing that he had ever known and he came hard, groaning loudly. “Come on, baby,” he encouraged Cas and felt the final hard thrust as Cas cried out and buried himself, letting his sweaty body relax against Dean’s. Dean wrapped his arms around him, holding him as tightly as he could. He’d never felt closer to his husband than he did at that moment. “I love you, baby,” he whispered, sliding his thighs against Cas’s hips. Cas trembled and lifted his head, kissing him slowly and softly. “We needed that,” he said quietly. “I needed to feel like I have my husband back.” Dean reached up and held his face in both hands, “I’m not going anywhere. Just help me, Cas.” Cas laid his head on the pillow next to Dean’s, “I love you more than anything, and I will do whatever it takes.”

\-------------------------

They showered slowly, feeling closer and more relaxed than they had since the day that Dean had been admitted into the hospital. Covered in the soft fluffy robes, Dean followed Cas onto the balcony and looked at the trees. The sun was starting to come up, neither one had slept in almost 24 hours. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder. “I still say that it’s fucking cold out here, but I understand why you like it so much.”

“Well, it’s not quite the same as my pine trees at home, but it’s a close second,” Cas smiled, turning in his arms. “Are you okay?”

“To be honest, I’m probably going to be sore as hell for a day or two. Other than that, I’m good, better than I’ve been in a long time.”

“I texted people, let them know that we decided at the last minute to take off for a couple of days and celebrate our anniversary. I know that everybody will understand.”

“Okay,” Dean leaned in to kiss Cas softly. “So now we shut off our phones, climb back into that bed, and sleep all day.”

“And call room service when we wake up?” Cas smiled.

“And call room service when we wake up,” Dean smiled back. “I love you, Cas. You aren’t afraid to stand up to me and call me on my shit. You’re right, I’m sick and I can’t do this alone. I don’t know where we go from here, but we’ll do whatever we need to do.”

“How about we wait to deal with that when we get home. In less than 24 hours it will be our wedding anniversary, and I need this to be about us.”

“You’re right, let’s go to bed.”

They slid the glass door closed and dropped their robes on the floor before climbing into the large bed. They held each other close, played with each others wedding rings, and talked about love, promises, and never letting go until they were too tired to talk and Dean wrapped the blanket around them, pulling Cas against his body and kissing the back of his neck before he started to softly snore.

\-------------------------

Cas smiled slowly when he felt the calloused hand slide up his stomach, the full lips pressing against the back of his neck. He could smell Dean’s skin, and hear his soft breaths when he pulled himself up on one elbow and trailed his mouth slowly along Cas’s neck and shoulders. “I love you,” he whispered when he reached down and pulled Cas’s leg up to rest on his hips. Cas heard the subtle click and sighed when the back of Dean’s hand brushed against the silky skin of his hard shaft. Dean’s hand wrapped around him and started stroking, his own slick cock pressing against him. Cas gasped when he felt Dean, rock hard, slide inside of him. He tilted his hips back and moaned. The kisses turned into gentle bites, Dean’s hand was stroking faster. Cas was panting, he knew that he was going to come. Dean’s name reverberated off of the walls as the sticky fluid covered his hand. He pressed his other hand against Cas’s stomach and buried himself deep, crying out. “Good morning,” he panted. “Or is it good afternoon?” Cas reached for tissues and tried to wipe up as much of the mess as he could. “I don’t know, and I don’t really care. Feel free to wake me up like that anytime you want.” Dean chuckled and rolled onto his back, encouraging Cas to turn on his side. Cas held himself up on one elbow, just looking into Dean’s eyes. “So was that one of those…” Dean turned his head and they locked eyes. “No. I woke up limp, but I could feel you and I could smell your skin. It was because you have an amazing body, you are sexy, and I couldn’t keep my hands to myself.” Cas laid his head on Dean’s chest and smiled slowly. “Again, feel free to wake me up like that anytime you want.” Dean chuckled and wrapped his arms around Cas, kissing him on top of the head, “I may take you up on that. Shower and room service?” Cas turned his head and kissed him gently, the first kiss of the day. “Sounds perfect.”

\-------------------------

“So we’re somewhere between lunch and dinner. What do you want?”

“How about no healthy shit,” Dean grinned.

“Okay, no healthy shit. That still didn’t answer my question.”

“Burger? Sandwich? Steak? I know that we have a lot of choices here,” 

“Well, I can’t bring myself to eat a burger unless it’s from the best burger place in town. I can guarantee that these sandwiches are nothing like what we get at the deli. Do you want to go out?” Cas questioned, flopping down on the bed next to Dean.

“Absolutely not,” Dean smiled, taking the menu from his husband. “Okay, Italian. Do you want Italian?”

“Sure.”

“That’s not very convincing,” Dean leaned over and kissed Cas’s forehead.

“I’m in a good mood and not feeling picky. Italian sounds good. Order whatever.”

Dean picked up the phone and ordered, Cas wasn’t paying attention to a word he said. He felt comfortable, content, and still a little sleepy. “So I booked this room for three days.”

“Does yesterday count? I mean technically we got here after midnight.”

“I don’t care what counts, I’ll book it for three more if we need to. Maybe tomorrow we’ll actually make our way into town.”

“And wander through your woods?”

Cas smiled, “and wander through my woods.”

\-------------------------

They ate until they couldn’t eat anymore and called room service to pick up the plates. They curled up and started watching a movie, and then Dean’s body started trembling.

“Dean?”

“Headache,” Dean groaned.

“Okay,” Cas said calmly. “I brought a few of your pills. Let me grab one and we’ll lay down.” 

Dean nodded, pressing his hand against his forehead, cringing and starting to curl his body. Cas’s hands were shaking as he got a pill and handed it to Dean with a bottle of water. He knew that things had gotten bad, he just didn’t know that they’d gotten this bad. Dean had obviously gone to great lengths to hide it from him. He was still trembling uncontrollably, groaning quietly, his body tense when Cas turned off the TV and lights. He pulled Dean to him, letting him rest his head on his chest and wrapped the blanket around them. He held him and whispered, pressing his lips gently to the top of his head. He was scared, but he needed to stay calm. After 20 minutes that felt like a lifetime, Dean stopped shaking and seemed to have dozed off. Cas just held him, pressing his cheek against his dark hair, and waited. 

\-------------------------

“What in the hell happened?” Dean asked, still groggy.

“You had a headache. I think the medication knocked you out.”

“How long?”

“A couple of hours. How are you feeling?”

“Confused, shaky, how are you feeling?”

“Better now. That scared the shit out of me Dean. How long has it been this bad?”

“I don’t know, a few weeks. I’m sor….”

“No, no apologies. I was here and we got through it, okay? If you feel like we need to go, we can.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere, Cas. I want to call room service and order ice cream and pie and sit in this bed with you while we finish watching that movie.”

“You feel up to that?”

“Dessert and a movie? Who wouldn’t feel up to that? I’m okay, Cas. I just need a few minutes to get my head together.”

“So ice cream and pie? Anything else?”

“Shit, order the whole damn dessert menu.” Cas reached for the phone. “And Cas, I’m going to call the doctor when we get home.”

Cas kissed him and called room service.

\-------------------------

It had been a year to the day, and the desk clerk recognized the handsome couple as they walked through the lobby. It was colder than it had been last year, but Cas was prepared and packed warmer clothing. They found the coffee shop that he liked, they went into the silly souvenir stores and picked up a few things. They walked to where their wedding had taken place and kissed deeply before wandering through the woods, their cold hands clasped together. The manager at the restaurant recognized them and their matching rings. Once again they got a cake, but this time they paid for dinner. Dean grinned and told Cas that he should have ordered something more expensive considering that it was on his credit card this time. Dean felt himself starting to get tense and he let Cas know that they needed to get back to the hotel, his eyes told Cas why. Cas stood in a warm shower with him, rubbing his shoulders and his back to calm him. Drying him off with a towel before leading him to the bed to rub his back and shoulders again. He sat against the headboard and held Dean between his legs, his back resting against Cas while he gently ran his fingers up and down his chest and stomach. Dean finally looked up at him and Cas saw light in his eyes. 

They spent their three days in Lake Tahoe, but it wasn’t perfect. Dean had headaches, dizzy spells, mood changes, and Cas did what he could to deal with all of them. Now he knew, and now Dean understood. It was time to get home and find out what they could do.

\-------------------------

Cas knew that Dean was nervous as they sat in the waiting room. Cas was surprised that they’d been able to get in to see a doctor so quickly, but when he described Dean’s symptoms, they made him an appointment for that same week. He’d told Dean that he understood if he wanted to go alone, but Dean just held on to his hand and quietly told him that he needed him there. They were called back into an exam room and Dean sat on the examination bed, fidgeting and holding Cas’s hand. The doctor finally came in with Dean’s medical file.

“Mr. Winchester,” he held his hand out to Dean. “And I guess the other Mr. Winchester,” he shook Cas’s. “It’s been months and you look well, but I read in your file that there have been after effects of the TBI and that they’ve gotten progressively worse. What’s going on?”

Dean looked at Cas, who gently nodded before he looked at the doctor. “It started out as headaches and some dizziness, which I expected. The headaches have gotten worse, a lot worse. The dizziness has gotten bad enough that I black out sometimes. And then, I don’t know, I just feel kind of pissed off all of the time,” he said quietly.

“Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon. Fortunately, it can eventually resolve itself. Now, I’m not guaranteeing that it will, but there are ways to treat it. I can prescribe you a different medication for the headaches. If they are happening frequently, the medication you currently have is too strong. I can prescribe you a mild anti anxiety drug for the mood problems. I can also give you a hand out that shows you some relaxation techniques. Believe it or not, sometimes medication for air sickness can help with dizziness or nausea. I have to ask you the tough question. You were the victim of a crime, correct?”

“Yeah, I had my ass kicked.”

“Do you have any memories of the crime taking place?”

“No, none.”

“Was your husband there?”

“No, he got the call from one of my employees.”

“Okay, now is this going to trial?”

“It is, sometime in the next month I believe.”

“Well, Mr. Winchester, I saw you when you came into the hospital. I didn’t perform the surgery but I became very familiar with your injuries. Are you planning on being at the trial?”

“I have to. I need the bastard to see that I’m okay.”

“This is my concern, for both of you. It was a horrific crime. You will be exposed to testimony, pictures, and possibly video. Have you heard of post traumatic stress disorder?”

“Isn’t that what soldiers have when they come back from war?”

“It can happen to anybody who has been through a traumatic experience. You don’t remember it, and your husband wasn’t there, but you will see it happening and I wouldn’t be surprised if you walk away a little traumatized. You need to be prepared for that.

“What do we do?” Cas asked, quietly.

“You look for signs and symptoms. I have a booklet that I’ll give you. With your TBI, the last thing that you need are emotional stressors. I understand that you need to be at the trial, but it may be very difficult. I got to know your husband quite well at the hospital, and I know that you have a good support system. You two need to communicate and do not hesitate to seek counseling if you feel that you need to. I normally wouldn’t do this, but I’ll prescribe a stronger anti anxiety medication for the time being. I’m confident that we can get you through this Mr. Winchester. Now I’d like to see you again in a few weeks just to see how the medication is working. I understand that you own a business and I do feel comfortable releasing you to go back to work under the condition that you do not drive until you and your husband feel like the symptoms are under control. Is there anything else?”

Dean considered asking about their sexual problems, but a part of him thought that maybe that maybe their trip to Lake Tahoe had taken some of the pressure off of them. “No, nothing that I can think of. Cas?”

“No. I appreciate everything you’ve done for him, for us.”

“Just follow my instructions and I’ll see you in a few weeks. My nurse will be in with the prescriptions and paperwork. Take care,” the doctor smiled, shaking both of their hands.

Dean sighed deeply when the door closed behind him. “Shit, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. But what about the trial, Cas? What if it fucks us up.”

“Then we do what he told us to do and we get help.”

The nurse came in with a stack of papers and even more instructions. She went over the prescriptions and talked to them about relaxation techniques. She smiled and wished them luck before she told them that they were okay to leave.

Dean turned his head and looked at Cas, reaching for his hand again. The things that he saw in those eyes amazed him sometimes. “So, do you think that this will get better?”

“I think it’s already starting to. You’re going to be okay, Dean.”

“As long as we’re going to be okay, I’m okay,” Dean smiled, pulling Cas’s hand to his lips. “So there is this green eyed grease monkey who would love to take his husband out for the best burgers in town.”

“Is this green eyed grease monkey hot?” Cas laughed.

“Couldn’t tell you, but his husband is.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Dean grinned. “I’d do him.”

“You do have good taste in men.”


	6. It's Time To Move Forward

Cas looked up when he heard the soft knock on his office door and watched it open slowly. “Hey baby,” he saw the sparkling green eyes. “Do you have a minute?”

“Is this for a legal consultation?” he smiled, standing up to wrap his arms around his husband.

“Well, some of things you did to me the other night might be considered illegal in a few states, but that’s not why I’m here,” Dean grinned.

Cas kissed him gently before sitting back down at his desk. “Are you sure that you don’t want to prosecute for that?”

“I think that I’ll hold off on the legal proceedings as long as I can get a sworn statement that it WILL happen again,” Dean smiled, sitting down in the chair across the desk. “Where’s your little helper?”

“Kevin? He’s doing some fact checking.”

“Wow, I really regret not going to law school. You guys have all of the fun. Now I do have a reason for being here.”

“I know, you missed my charm and sparkling personality,” Cas grinned.

“Holy shit we have been together for too long, you are starting to sound like me.”

“We’ve been married for just over a year. Can you imagine your life five years from now?”

“Yes, I can, and hopefully you will still be performing those semi-illegal acts on me.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile at his husband. He’d had his follow up appointment with the doctor the day before and everything that they had been given to help with his traumatic brain injury seemed to be working. He was still having headaches, but they weren’t as severe. He still got dizzy, but the motion sickness pills seemed to work. Cas hadn’t seen the anger or hostility since a few days after he started his medication. They spent time together, they laughed, they went out, they made love. The upcoming trial had Cas worried, but they’d promised each other that they’d get through it together, openly and honestly. “Okay, what’s up?”

“Well, I brought Sam lunch and he asked some tough questions. I don’t like lying, I don’t want to be that guy. So I was wondering, will my medical records be brought up in court?”

“It’s standard protocol in an assault case.”

“I mean my recent records.”

“So you want to know if these last couple of appointments will be used as evidence?”

“Pretty much.”

Cas sighed, “Dean, it’s in the DA’s best interest to have all of your medical information. You were still dealing with the effects of your TBI for months. You still are, you are just now getting them under control. There’s even a chance that they’ll ask me to testify, it’s a slim chance, but there is still a chance. I know that it sounds bad, but they are going to try and prove that not only were you injured, your injuries may have a long term impact.”

“Not the answer that I was hoping for,” Dean groaned. “I want to nail this guy’s balls to the wall, trust me, I was just hoping that this recent shit could stay between us.”

Cas dropped his head. He knew that Dean saw his injuries as a weakness, and nothing that he could say would convince him otherwise. “Listen, they don’t have to know details, just the facts.”

“Okay,” Dean said, taking a deep breath. “That really blows, but I get it. Anyway, I’ve got to get out of here and back to the shop.”

Cas stood to again wrap his arms around his husband, “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. I’ll see you tonight,” Dean said kissing him, and then kissing him again before he left. Cas sighed deeply when the door shut behind him. He knew how private his husband was, and he knew how difficult the trial might be.

\-------------------------

Dean could feel the headache coming on, the type of headache that he needed to sleep off. He told Garth that he needed to leave to get some things taken care of and got home just as it hit. He distractedly scratched Chuck behind the ears and took one of his pills before laying down on the couch. He sent a quick text to Cas. He knew that he wasn’t obligated, but Cas seemed to worry less when he knew that Dean was taking care of himself. He pulled a blanket over his body and threw his arm across his eyes, waiting for the pain to stop.

\-------------------------

He could smell something cooking and hear somebody moving around in the kitchen when he slowly opened his eyes. He felt a little unsteady when he sat up and ran his hands down his face. He waited for the dizziness to pass before he got up. “Hey baby,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around Cas from behind and resting his chin on his shoulder. “Whatcha doing?”

“Cooking.”

“You’re cooking?”

“Yeah. They didn’t just make me take auto shop in high school, I had to take home ec. It’s gourmet spaghetti, the sauce is straight out of a jar and the garlic bread is from the bakery at the store. Not exactly rocket science. How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Dean yawned in Cas’s ear. “And hungry.” He pressed his lips to the back of Cas’s neck before letting go and digging through the refrigerator for something to drink. Sometimes he still reached in with the intention of grabbing a beer bottle, but he was slowly getting used to it not being an option. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, because I do. I appreciate it a lot. But what possessed you to cook dinner?”

“I knew that you’d appreciate it,” Cas turned and smiled. “Is your headache gone?”

“Oh yeah, just a little dizzy.”

“Sit down, I’ll make you a plate.”

Dean dropped into a chair and took a long drink of the bottle of water in his hand. It was one of those moments when he watched Cas without being noticed and wondered how they ended up here. He wondered what he could possibly have to offer, why his husband felt like he deserved the things that he did. He smiled when Cas set the plate on the table in front of him and pulled him down for a kiss. “I love you,” he said quietly.

“I love you too,” Cas responded, knowing that tonight wasn’t the right time to let Dean see the letter that had come in from the second district court.

\-------------------------

“30 days, that’s right before Thanksgiving,” Dean said, holding the paper in his hand.

“That might not be a bad thing.”

“It kind of kills the holiday spirit, Cas.”

Cas felt a little guilty for waiting until the weekend to show Dean the letter, but he needed to wait until he knew that Dean was ready to read it. “It will all be over before the holidays. We can spend time with the family, especially those nieces and that nephew. I could be wrong, but I think it will be good for you.”

“So what do I do for the next 30 days? I’m going to go fucking nuts just thinking about it.”

“You could always drag that car out and finish restoring it for your mom.”

“Will you sit in the driveway and call me an asshole just like the good old days,” Dean finally grinned, reaching for Cas.

“If that’s what you really want,” Cas smiled against Dean’s lips before holding him in a long soft kiss. 

“You know that you might be starting something here,” Dean murmured.

“Is that a problem?”

“Not at all,” Dean said, sliding his hands down Cas’s back to squeeze his ass and pull him closer.

They pushed, pulled, and tugged, leaving a trail of clothing from the kitchen to the bedroom before falling onto the bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms.

\-------------------------

Dean smiled when Cas rolled him on his back and straddled him. Cas was an amazing lover, a strong lover, but Dean loved when he was an aggressive lover. Cas’s fingers were kneading his chest when he bent down for a deep kiss. Dean’s hands slid down Cas’s back, squeezing his ass, dragging his dry fingers to press against his hole. He reached for the small bottle on the nightstand, surprised when Cas sat up and took it from his hands. He watched the slow smile when Cas wrapped his fingers around himself and started stroking before dripping lube on Dean’s hard cock, working his hand up and down until he got to his knees and slowly slid his body, taking Dean inside of him. Dean moaned and reached for Cas’s hips, digging into the flesh hard enough to leave bruises. Dean watched as Cas sat perfectly still, his hand still sliding slowly along his shaft. “You’re going to take my cock and make me watch the show?” Dean moaned, gripping Cas’s thighs, encouraging him to move. Cas pressed his hand against Dean’s chest, leaning forward and rocking his hips to the same slow rhythm as his strokes. Dean arched his body, thrusting, transfixed by the sight of Cas pleasuring himself. He could see the blue eyes with lust blown pupils. He tightened his grip, pulling Cas against him. They rocked, the hunger taking over. Cas came with a cry, his fingers tightening against the flesh of Dean’s chest, the warm sticky fluid dripping onto Dean’s stomach. Dean was thrusting harder, “C’mon baby, I’m almost there,” he whispered. Their bodies came together and Dean’s guttural groan was almost primal. Cas rocked until Dean couldn’t take anymore and reached out to wrap his arms around him, pulling him close. “You’re amazing,” Dean said quietly, running his lips down the side of Cas’s face. Cas lifted his head and they shared a long kiss, feeling their hearts pounding while they laid chest to chest. “God, I love you,” Dean moaned. “Because of that?” Cas grinned. “Not just because of that, but it definitely helps.”

\-------------------------

They took a quick shower and spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch kissing, touching, and talking about everything except the upcoming trial.

\-------------------------

Dean pulled into the parking lot of the bakery and took a deep breath before he got out of his car and pocketed his keys.

“Dean!” Mary smiled when he walked through the door, coming around the counter to hug him.

“So, can a guy take you to lunch?”

“I had someone call in today, so I’m short staffed. But, I can have some sandwiches made and some hot coffee ready.”

Dean smiled and nodded before he sat down at one of the small bistro tables and waited. 

“So, what do I owe the honor,” she said, sitting down across from him.

“Well,” he answered, picking up his sandwich. “They finally set a court date.”

“When?”

“A few weeks from now. I was just, uh, wondering if you were planning on being there.”

“Of course I will, unless you don’t want me to.”

“It’s up to you,” he mumbled while he was chewing. He swallowed and wiped his mouth before taking a sip of coffee. “It might get ugly. Actually, it will get ugly. Crime scene photos and the security video will be entered into evidence. My medical records too.”

“I figured they would be. I saw you at the hospital. I can’t say that I know what to expect, but I’d like to be there for you.”

Dean sat his half eaten sandwich down and rested his elbows on the table. “Not just my hospital records.”

“They want follow up records?”

“Uh, yeah. Some of them are as recent as a week and a half ago. I get these headaches,” Dean said uncomfortably. “Dizziness, mood swings, that type of shit. They have me on medication for all of it.”

“I guess that explains why you have been so distant. What’s going on?”

“The doctor said that I have a traumatic brain injury. They did a CT scan during my last appointment and didn’t really find anything. There’s a chance that it will clear up on it’s own, but there’s a chance it won’t. It’s really not a big deal, but I didn’t want you finding out about in court.”

Mary reached for his hand, “How bad is it?”

“Um, a lot better since I started the medication, pretty bad before. Let’s just say that Cas put up with a lot of shit from me.”

“Is everything…”

“Yeah, we’re fine now.”

“Now?”

Dean sighed and dropped his head.

“Dean, I know how you are but it wouldn’t hurt you to talk about these things.”

“Let’s just say our last minute trip to Lake Tahoe wasn’t to celebrate our anniversary. It was to work some shit out. But, I really don’t want to talk about that. I just don’t want any surprises, so I thought that you needed to hear it from me and not an assistant district attorney or public defender.”

“Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“I’m okay mom,” Dean said, forcing a smile.

\-------------------------

“Whatever happened to my 12 months of hot mechanic calendar idea?” Cas wondered out loud while untangling the cord for the sander. After talking to his mom, Dean had finally pulled the Corvair into the driveway and was keeping himself busy finishing the restoration on it. He was hoping to have it ready in time for Christmas.

“Uh, besides the fact that it’s a balmy 65 degrees out here and so I probably won’t be taking my shirt off, I’m not sure,” Dean smirked.

“I should have done it when I had the chance.”

“Wait, does that mean that you thought I was hot while I was working on your car?”

“I know that my neighbors did. I was hoping to sell it door to door. But, they probably took their own pictures,” Cas grinned.

“Okay, that’s just creepy.”

“Bored housewives, smartphones, hot sweaty shirtless guy...it’s like basic math.”

“I’m feeling objectified.”

“You’re objectified every time we go out in public,” Cas laughed. “Even the waitress at the burger place calls you eye candy.”

“No, she calls us eye candy. You are really nothing more than a hot body and amazing blue eyes to most women,” Dean grinned. “And probably a few men.”

“Well, there is that guy at the coffee kiosk in the lobby who always gives me a discount.”

“Do I need to show up at Crowley’s and defend your honor?”

“And risk losing my discount?”

“Meh, you’re probably right. Maybe if you flash a little skin you could get a freebie every once in awhile.”

“I wear a suit to work,” Cas chuckled. “How in the hell am I supposed to flash skin? Loosen my tie?”

“I think it’s hot when you loosen your tie.”

“You’ve also told me that if I gave you saltine crackers and a bottle of water you’d put out.”

“Hey, that offer still stands. Now get your ass over here and hold this fender for me while I sand it.”

\-------------------------

Dean called the victim’s advocate at the encouragement of the assistant district attorney. He had Cas by his side with the phone on speaker. He let Cas do most of the talking, Cas understood the legal speak. The only thing that Dean had a strong stance on was that they not drive their own cars and that nobody was to know where they lived. He couldn’t let this carry over into his home life beyond the emotional toll that it would already take. It was arranged that a car would be sent to Crowley and Associates to pick them up daily and then drop them back off.

\-------------------------

“I don’t know how in the hell you can stand to wear these things every day,” Dean said nervously, tugging on the collar of his dress shirt in the lobby.

“You get used to it, kind of. For what it’s worth, you look great,” Cas said calmly. Today they would be seeing the defendant, Matthew Simon, for the first time. Opening statements would be made by the public defender and the prosecution. Both would be describing in detail what happened that day. As much as they’d talked about being ready for it, he didn’t know that either one of them really were.

They watched the nondescript black car pull up in front of the building and looked at each other, taking a deep breath before they went outside and got in the back. The driver’s phone rang as they pulled away from the curb and they could only hear snippets of the conversation.

“Well guys,” he said over his shoulder, “it looks like we’re going to have to go through the parking garage and not the front door.”

“Did something happen?” Cas asked slowly.

“Yeah, the media. Apparently the press got their hands on the docket and put two and two together. This is a trial for a hate crime against the owner of Winchester Restoration.”

“Son of a bitch,” Dean moaned. “The last fucking thing I want is press. I just want this over and done with.”

Cas was waiting for Dean to start shaking or get that caged look in his eyes, but he seemed more annoyed than anything. “Well, they showed up so we’ll just have to ignore it.”

“What if it affects the business, Cas?”

“What if it does?” Cas questioned with a level look. “Do you really want customers who don’t want to do business with you because of this?”

“No, you’re right,” Dean sighed, leaning back and reaching for Cas’s hand. “It is what it is and I can’t change it now.”

“We’ll get through this.”

“I know, baby,” Dean said quietly, pulling Cas’s hand to his lips.

\-------------------------

Dean watched Matthew Simon as he was chaperoned into the courtroom, but kept his face neutral. There were no surprises in the opening statements. The public defender tried to paint Dean as a hothead and a bully who swung first, and his client was simply trying to defend himself. They all knew differently. The testimony and evidence would show differently. Mary cringed when the prosecution stated that Matthew Simon would have continued to beat Dean until his employees intervened and stopped him. The defendant had no issue with Dean Winchester other than how he lives and what he stands for. Proceedings were recessed for the day and testimony would begin in the morning.

\-------------------------

Garth was the first to testify. His honesty and earnestness made things easy for the prosecution, the defense didn’t ask him many questions. He looked at Dean as he got down from the stand, but Dean just nodded.

Jody was next. She was nervous, her skin pale. Dean was worried about her but just like Garth, she was honest and did not give the defense anything to work with.

Marco was called to the stand. His account was difficult. He did not see how the fight began, and he had made a plea deal to battery charges after the incident. The defense tried to prove that those facts alone showed that Mr. Winchester associated with violent criminals, the prosecution shut him down. He was a family man who, with the help of Dean Winchester, had worked hard to ensure that his children were not raised the way that he was. He reacted that day because Dean Winchester was his friend and a human being. He stood by his actions and stated that he did what any decent person should do, stop a violent crime.

Billy was called. His account was similar to Marco’s. He had also made his way out of a difficult life with the help of Dean Winchester. He had also acted that day as a decent man who stopped what could have been a murder and not an assault.

The defense had nobody. Dean had no incidences of violence, or even a brush with the law since his arrival in California. He was a business owner and seemingly upstanding citizen. 

They recessed for the day. His medical reports would be entered into evidence tomorrow. Cas had been called to testify.

\-------------------------

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it, Dean. I really don’t.”

“You’re going to do what the rest of them have done and you’re going to tell them the truth. I don’t like this any more than you do, trust me. The last thing that I want is to sit and listen to my husband talk about what I put him through, but they need to hear it, Cas.”

“I honestly can’t believe that you, of all people, are telling me this.”

“I’d rather be saying anything but this, but like I told you, I want to nail this guy’s balls to the wall. I have sat there for two days and watched him be a fucking coward and drop his head every time one of my friends talked. The prosecutor said that once the pictures and video are shown, we basically have this in the bag. I wish we could skip over this medical bullshit, but we can’t. If anyone knows what has happened to me, it’s you. It’s not going to be easy to listen to you answer the questions. Yes, I’ll admit that I’m probably going to feel like a total pussy when this all comes out, but there is no choice. I can’t testify because I don’t remember a goddamn thing.”

“What do I even say?” Cas’s voice shook.

“You answer the questions and you tell them the truth,” Dean said, wrapping his arms around his husband. “Right now we are at home, it is quiet, and we have more than 12 hours before we have to go back to that place. Let’s eat something and then sit in the hot tub. We’ll worry about tomorrow...tomorrow.”

\-------------------------

Cas dropped his robe and followed Dean into the water. He slowly relaxed and let himself sink to his knees until he was shoulders deep. He grasped Dean’s outstretched hand and straddled him on the wide plastic bench seat. “Did you…” Dean asked quietly before Cas nodded and pressed their lips together in a slow kiss. Dean’s hands roamed his body, knowing where to touch. He ran his mouth across his jaw and down his neck, sucking and nipping. Cas was hard, rock hard and needy. He raised up on his knees and turned, leaning his back against Dean’s chest and slid his slick body slowly down Dean’s cock. He tilted his head back, his mouth open, his chest already heaving. Dean kissed a line along his shoulders and the back his his neck, pressing his hand against Cas’s taut stomach. Cas spread his legs wider and started to move, Dean’s fingers splayed, pulling Cas’s body closer as he reached out and wrapped his fingers around Cas, squeezing and stroking. Cas was panting and moaning, he was already there. He arched his body and cried out. Dean was thrusting, Cas moving against him until he gripped Cas’s hips and pull him down, burying himself deep with a loud groan. Cas pressed his back against Dean’s chest and reached down to hold the hand that was still splayed tightly against his stomach. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too, baby. We’ll get through this,” Dean said quietly, pressing his full lips against Cas’s temple

\-------------------------

“You’ll be fine,” Dean said, pulling the down blanket over their bodies before wrapping his arms around Cas.

“I know. I’m just nervous.”

“You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. I love you Cas.”

“I love you too,” Cas said quietly, turning his head for a kiss before he tried to think about anything other than the courtroom so that he could fall asleep.

\-------------------------

Dean stayed calm while they interviewed paramedics, the surgeon who performed the surgery to repair Dean’s liver, a neurologist who treated Dean in the hospital. He took a deep breath when his recent medical records were brought into evidence, when the court learned that he had suffered a traumatic brain injury that could have long lasting effects. 

“We now call Mr. Castiel Winchester to the stand.”

Cas squeezed his hand but didn’t look back as he stood and walked to the stand where he placed a shaky hand on a bible and swore to tell the truth.

“For the record will you state your name and relationship to the victim?”

“Castiel Winchester, I am Dean Winchester’s husband.”

The prosecutor came around from his table and stood by Cas, “Mr. Winchester, how long have you been married?”

“14 months.”

“Did you live together before you got married?”

“Yes, for a few months.”

“So you haven’t been together long, but long enough for you to know your husband’s traits and habits?”

“Yes.”

“Your husband was in the ICU in a medically induced coma for 17 days, spent another 3 days in the ICU, and 5 days on the neurology floor at the hospital, is that correct?”

“Yes sir.”

“He was in the hospital for close to a month. How did he seem when he came home.”

“He was fine at first. Then he started getting headaches, he would become dizzy and nauseated. Eventually I started to notice some personality changes.”

“How bad would you say that these headaches were?”

“Objection! The witness cannot provide us with a first person account of the actual physical manifestation.”

“Sustained. Counsel, please rephrase your question.”

“Okay. How do you feel that these headaches affected your husband?”

Cas tried to focus on the attorney questioning him and not look at Dean. “They seemed debilitating. He would become sensitive to light, unable to move. Over time they became serious enough that he would shake and sweat.”

“And the dizziness?”

“He would sometimes fall and blackout.”

“And how often would this happen?”

Cas took a deep breath, “I don’t know for sure. All I can do is estimate, so I would say at least three times a week if not more.”

“You don’t know for sure?”

“As previously stated, my husband experienced some personality changes. He became very withdrawn and at times angry.”

“Did he ever become violent?”

“No, never. He was irritable and frustrated. He became very distant.”

“What was he like before this incident?”

“He was outgoing and loving. He was funny. He was charming.”

“And that seemed to change?”

“Yes,” Cas said with a silent sigh.

“Do you believe that this affected his quality of life? Your marriage?”

“I believe so, yes,” Cas tried to keep his voice even.

“But he did eventually seek medical help.”

“We went and saw Dr. Berenstein. That was when we were told that he was suffering from the effects of a traumatic brain injury caused by this incident. He is being treated with medication for the headaches, dizziness, nausea, and mood swings. He still experiences these things, but not as frequently and usually not as severely.”

“But it is now controlled with medication and monitoring by a physician?”

“Yes, as much as it can be controlled.”

“I have no further questions,” the prosecutor said to the judge and gave Cas a warm smile.

“Defense, do you wish to question the witness at this time?”

Cas held his breath. He couldn’t imagine what the public defender might say. 

“I have no questions for the witness.”

“Thank you, Mr. Winchester you may now step down.”

Cas made eye contact with Matthew Simon as he stood and walked away, taking his seat next to his husband and intertwining their fingers. 

“Court will go into recess at this time. We will reconvene tomorrow at 8:00am.”

Cas, Dean, and Mary stood, watching the jury shuffle out before they turned to leave the courtroom. Cas silently hugged and kissed Mary, he silently held Dean’s hand in the car, he silently followed him into the house. When the door shut behind him, he broke down.

\-------------------------

“I’m so sorry,” Cas softly cried against Dean’s neck. Dean tightened his arms and pulled him closer.

“For what?”

“I hate that I had to tell them that you changed, that our marriage was affected.”

“Baby, I did and it was. But we got through it. This whole thing sucks, it really sucks, but your part is over. It wasn’t easy to hear, but unless they bring it up in closing arguments, I’ll never have to hear about it again.”

“They will bring it up in closing arguments. The prosecution will make a point of your life being affected in the long term due to the injuries that you sustained. And then there’s tomorrow. The pictures, the video…”

“Like I told you last night, we can worry about tomorrow...tomorrow. This is tonight. Are you hungry? Neither one of us really ate lunch. Let’s jump in the shower, I’ll go grab us something to eat, and we can try to catch up on the DVR. This shit already affected our home life once. Maybe I’m being naive as hell, but I’m not going to let it happen again. Not even during the trial. Other than the closing arguments, tomorrow should be the end of it. It will be the worst of it, but in my mind it’s the end of it. Let’s go get out of these damn suits.

The stood under the hot water, Dean running soapy hands over Cas’s body, slowly massaging Cas’s shoulders, while Cas let the water mix with his tears. He felt like he had somehow let the world invade the privacy that Dean worked so hard to protect.

\-------------------------

Dean sighed when he saw Jess and Sam sit down next to Mary. It was the day that they were going to show the evidence. He figured that Mary must have called them the night before and that now they knew everything. He understood that his brother and Jess just wanted to support him, but he didn’t want them to see the things that they were going to see. Court was called into session and the prosecution entered the audio and visual evidence.

The evidence was brutal. Dean sat perfectly still, his face stoic, his hand gripping Cas’s tightly. Cas tried not to cringe every time a new picture flashed across the screen. They could both sense Mary and Jess wiping their eyes and could hear Sam quietly clearing his throat. Dean was trembling and reached for Mary when they showed the security video. It was grainy, black and white, but still clear enough to see the beating that Dean had taken. The audio was just as painful, but it was invaluable. Matthew Simon had openly and undoubtedly used a homophobic slur prior to the fight, and repeatedly used homophobic slurs even after he was pulled away by Marco and Billy. Dean was sick but transfixed. He’d walked in not knowing what to expect, but what he saw was worse than anything he’d imagined. He realized how he must have looked when Cas first saw him and it made his chest hurt. He was subtle when he took a pill out of his pocket and opened the water bottle that Cas handed to him. They concluded the day after the evidence had been shown. Dean moved slowly, not speaking, not making eye contact. His family knew not to try and touch him or speak to him much. They just watched Cas calmly lead him out of the courtroom.

\-------------------------

“Do you want to talk?” Cas asked gently. Dean was laying on the couch with his arm thrown over his eyes, recovering from a headache.

“No,” Dean whispered, moving his body to make room for Cas. “Just lay with me.”

Cas crawled onto the couch and wrapped his arms around his husband, pulling him as close as he dared. He knew that this headache was bad and the pain medication hadn’t fully kicked in yet. The anti anxiety pill he’d taken at the courtroom seemed to help a little, but for the time being, Dean just needed to lay down. “I love you,” Cas whispered.

“I love you too, baby.”

\-------------------------

There were no surprises in the closing arguments, it was clear that although Dean took the first swing, Matthew Simon beat him savagely simply because he was married to another man. Cas and Dean went to lunch with Mary, Sam, and Jess while the jury met to deliberate. The prosecutor told Dean that he would call when a verdict came in. 

It took less than two hours for them to find Matthew Simon guilty of aggravated assault and a felony hate crime. 

\-------------------------

The victim’s advocate encouraged Dean to make a statement before sentencing. He stood and looked at the man who hated him because of what he stood for, not for who he was. He shook his head and looked almost smug when he candidly said, “You may have beaten me, but you didn’t break me.”

Matthew Simon was sentenced to 15 years in a state prison and taken away in handcuffs.

They shook the prosecutor’s hand and left the courtroom. It was over. It was finally over.

\-------------------------

Cas and Dean joined the family for dinner. It wasn’t celebratory as much as it was knowing that it was the end. It was time to move forward. It was time to let Cas and Dean put this behind them. But they didn’t know if it would be that easy.

Cas woke up in the middle of the night and could feel it.

\-------------------------

“Maybe I should just start waking you up and bringing you with me,” Dean chuckled quietly, looking down at the sand.

“Maybe you need some time to yourself before I come find you. Maybe I should just stay in bed and wait for you to come home.”

“We both know that you’ll always come find me, and we both know that I’ll always need you to. This sucks, Cas. This really fucking sucks. The verdict came in and I should be able to just let it go, but it’s almost like the whole thing just hit me. I keep hearing and seeing everything that happened in that courtroom. That motherfucker shoved Garth around. Garth has to weigh a buck twenty, tops. Marco and Billy were both charged with battery, and Jody,” Dean’s voice caught. “My pregnant assistant manager was screaming at him to stop until she passed out. She could have lost that baby. And then I think about you getting that call and I feel it in my gut. I didn’t get a call, but I knew where you were after your accident. I was lucky, you had some stitches and a fucked up wrist, but I still lost my fucking mind when I saw you. I can’t imagine...I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you. It’s one thing to wake up feeling like shit, not knowing where the last few of weeks of your life went, to hear the doctors tell me what happened. But you lived it in real time, Cas. You saw my face. Every single day you had to look at my face. You had to talk to the doctors about putting in another shunt because the first one wasn’t working. The few weeks that I lost had to have been a fucking nightmare for you. And everything that happened after I came home. The way that I treated you.”

“Dean…”

“I know Cas, it’s not my fault, none of it was intentional. But it’s still there, it still happened and I had to listen to you relive it in that courtroom.”

Cas wanted to touch Dean, to reach for him, but he knew that he couldn’t. Dean still needed time, he needed to talk.

“You know, I’ve always come here because it’s quiet and peaceful. I can just stand here, watch the water, and think. Right now all I can think about are those pictures and video, the things that you all had to talk about on the stand. This anger, this rage, I keep waiting for the waves to take it away but it’s not working. I mean, this isn’t about me, not really. I don’t remember anything after I went down. But the shit that my friends had to see, that my family had to deal with, the things that bastard put you through…”

“Dean, Jody didn’t lose the baby. Marco and Billy were both able to make a plea deal. That asshole is going to prison. And I’m fine.”

“No you’re not, Cas. You are just as angry as I am. He got what was coming to him, but we’re both still angry. It’s moments like this when I realize how different you and I are.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Dean said, finally turning around. “I’m reckless and impulsive, I know that. But you...you have this quiet way of dealing with things that I don’t understand. I need that, I need it to keep me from doing something stupid. I can’t drink this away, or fight to get it out of my system, but I don’t know what to do with it.”

“We’re out here alone, so scream and yell. Pick a room to remodel in our house and take down a wall or two. Buy a piece of shit car and go at it with a baseball bat. I deal with it quietly because I’ve always had to. I’ve spent almost my entire life being angry. I get it, Dean. I do. You’re right, I’m not fine. But I will be, we both will.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I have to. Our home, our marriage, our life is everything to me and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some asshole take it away from us. This year and a half, it’s been a hell of a bumpy ride. But I have to believe that’s all this is, just another bump. I saw your face that day, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But I sat there and I watched it heal, until I saw my husband again. I was told that the shunt wasn’t working, and I felt like I was slowly dying inside. But the second one worked. You said my name, you said it twice and then you opened your eyes. The weeks that we lost didn’t matter anymore because I still had you. I knew what could have happened after you left the hospital. But you came home and you talked, you laughed, you touched me. Those were all things that I so desperately wanted and I needed to pretend like everything was okay. I pretended for a long time, too long. I had to talk about it, we had to look at pictures and watch video of what happened, but it’s still behind us. That’s where I need to leave it. I need to be able to wake up and make you coffee, bring you lunch at the shop, and rub your shoulders in the shower because I need to see you smile at me. I need to see that look in your eyes. It’s moments like this when you realize how different we are, but these moments are when it all makes sense to me. Why I will always come looking for you, and why you will always let me.”

“I’m pissed and I’m sorry,” Dean said quietly.

“Be pissed, but don’t be sorry. The anger will fade. Don’t carry guilt around with you. You are the best friend that I have ever had, and you are my husband. I am by your side, Dean.”

“I know you are,” Dean whispered, pulling Cas to his trembling body. “Which room do you want remodeled?”

“We don’t have to decide that tonight.”

\-------------------------

Dean pulled up in the Corvair and was surrounded by his staff the minute that he got the door closed. He was overwhelmed by hugs and handshakes, pats on the back and congratulations. He just smiled and nodded his thank you.

“Hey Marco? I need your help,” he called across the lot.

“Yeah, Dean,” Marco jogged over.

“That Corvair, Cas and I restored it for my mom and now all she needs is a paint job. You’ve seen my mom, and if you use the word hot I may have to fire you, but I want you to do that one personally.”

“Yeah, okay. I can get it in this week. What color were you thinking? Do you want custom striping or anything?”

“Surprise me,” Dean smiled.

“No pressure…”

“I trust you. Just make sure it’s one of your best.”

“Again, no pressure…”

Dean chuckled and patted Marco on the shoulder, “I have total faith in you, man.”

\-------------------------

For the first time in weeks, everything felt calm. Their house felt peaceful as they sat on the patio, throwing the rope for Chuck and talking about Thanksgiving. Then Dean’s phone rang.

\-------------------------

“That was Sam. Apparently he wants us to turn on channel four news.”

They went in the house, Cas grabbed the remote, and flipped on the TV. They both dropped slowly onto the couch when they heard the reporter say Dean’s name, and then Cas’s.

\-------------------------

“So what, now I’m the new face of the LGBTQ community?”

“Yes, you are. Apparently we both are. The press has looked at me as a high powered attorney. I’m Cas Novak who helped take down Robinson and his entire operation. But, I come home to a man every night. I married my partner’s brother.”

“I didn’t sign up for this, Cas.”

“Are you ashamed of it? Are you ashamed of who you are? Who we are?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I own an auto shop. That place is full of testosterone and none, I mean none of my guys have ever said a fucking word about this, about us. Hell, Marco never hesitates to joke that I married well. Garth and Jody, half of the time I think that they like you more than they like me. I pulled you into that world as my husband, knowing what could have happened, but having faith in the people that I surround myself with. I wear this ring so fucking proudly, I hold your hand and I kiss you because I know how lucky I am, Cas. We go to the burger place and the waitress knows what the ‘eye candy’ couple, the Mr Winchester’s, want. I have never hidden you. I have never been ashamed of who you are or what we have. I still lay in bed and wonder why in the hell you chose me, because I know that I don’t deserve you. But how do I stand up and represent a group of people who have fought to be accepted, when I never had to fight? I’ve never felt the things that they have felt. I respect the hell out of them, I respect every single thing about them and what they stand for, but I’m a fucking phony if I go out there and pretend to know what they’ve gone through.”

“You were a victim of a hate crime, Dean.”

“You’re right, I was. That motherfucker called Garth a little faggot and I jumped in. I told him who and what I was and all he could say to me was ‘fucking queer’ while repeatedly introducing me to his steel toed boots. He almost killed me because he was pissed off and he hated everything about the way that I live. If only he knew, “ Dean chuckled, rubbing his forehead. “I live just like any other man. I work, I come home and hope like hell that I get to spend time with my spouse. We eat dinner and watch movies. We sit on the patio in the morning and drink coffee, throwing that stupid rope for that damn dog. I am a happily married man who owns a business and a home and lives just like any other guy. But when I go to bed at night, it just so happens to be a man who touches me. That’s the only thing that sets me apart from assholes like him. It’s anatomy, Cas.”

“Exactly! We’ve talked about how neither one of us ever considered a homosexual relationship, that we were both always in straight relationships until we found each other, as if that somehow disqualifies us from being a part of their community. Did I always have this underlying need to be with a man? Not that I remember, but that stopped mattering the minute you touched me because it’s never been about that. I love you, and if you are gay, straight, male, female, none of that fucking matters because you are Dean Winchester and you are my world. Does that alone make us the face of the LGBTQ community? Probably not. You’re right, we haven’t struggled and fought, but there are people out there who have lived through what we’ve lived through, and worse. There are people out there who are afraid to let others know who they really are. They haven’t had the luxury of understanding friends and family, or a strong presence in this city. The minute that guy touched you, the minute that he was prosecuted for a hate crime against a gay man, we became the face. Now, we either walk away and live our quiet life, which is everything that I ever wanted. Or, we stand up and we say something. We give them hope that they can have a quiet and successful life too because at the end of the day, who we love doesn’t fucking matter. We have the support of Singer Auto and Winchester Restoration. We have Mark Crowley, who owns one of the most prestigious law firms in the city, supporting us. We have our family who loves us no matter what. Hell, our six year old nieces think that having two uncles is the greatest thing that ever happened to them. A lot of these people, they have no one. Maybe it’s because I’m a lawyer and I’m wired to fight. Maybe it’s because of the way that I grew up. I don’t know. But can we really sit by and live this perfect life while they struggle to have everything that we already have? We both fought to be where we are today, but that was because life kicked us when we were down, not because of who we loved. We never had that added pressure, the preconceived notions, shoved in our faces. We fell into this the minute that we fell in love, and that means something.”

“You’re right, Cas. You are. Shit, you usually are. So what do we do?”

“We say fuck you to the people who may decide that because of who you share a bed with, they no longer want to do business with you. Winchester Restoration has a waiting list because you are the best at what you do. Marco came from a latino community where your life was predetermined. You either join a gang or you die. Now Marco is the head of your paint department. You told me yourself that he can freehand shit that you wouldn’t dare stencil. Billy was raised by a single mother who was on drugs. The guy had to steal food in order to survive, but he can restore the interior of a car that rivals the original design. Garth was living in the basement with judgement bible thumping parents and you gave him the chance to be a man. For the first time, he makes his own decisions, and some pretty goddamn good ones. Talk about someone who will be marrying well. You took a risk and you hired these people, knowing that there was more to them. We go out there and we show people that it doesn’t matter where you came from or who you love. There are people who will believe in you. We do what we can to give them hope, just like you did with Marco, Billy, Garth, and the others.”

“You know, the only things that keeps you from being a hell of a trial lawyer is that you’re too fucking honest. You always have the words, Cas,” Dean reached out and pulled his husband into his arms, kissing him on the temple. “For the first time in my life, I have the chance to be an example and not a selfish prick. I can’t let anybody go through what we did, especially what you did. I can’t.”

\-------------------------

By the next morning Dean had already received death threats and hate mail. He also received emails and letters of support. He received gut wrenching stories of parents turning on their sons or daughters, friends becoming hateful enemies, unyielding and violent bullying. It was exhausting and in some ways just as traumatic as the trial had been. 

\-------------------------

Jody had taken the day off of work to prepare for the wedding. Garth didn’t want to get married so close to Thanksgiving, but Jody wanted to get married before the baby came. He didn’t want to run the risk of her changing her mind, so he let her pick any day she wanted. He was surprised when Dean knocked on the door of what used to be his office and walked in.

“Uh, so I know that you’ve seen the shit that’s been all over the news for the last couple of days, everybody has. You’ve told me how your family is and so I think that Cas and I are just going to take a pass on the wedding. We’ll take you out to celebrate another time”

“Just because they’re over the top religious doesn’t mean that I am.”

“I know, I just don’t want any shit starting at your wedding, man. I really don’t. I hate to say this because I know you aren’t like these people, but I’m getting death threats from religious freaks and I seriously don’t want to put you in the position of having Cas and Dean Winchester making things awkward.”

“I get that you’re my boss and all, but I kind of consider you my friend too. This is my wedding, mine and Jody’s, and we want you there. My family doesn’t have to like it and if they are the good people that they claim they are, they’re not going to say anything. I mean don’t expect a hug from Aunt Thelma,” Garth smiled, “but come. Shit, I probably wouldn’t even be getting married if it weren’t for you. Seriously man, we want you there.”

“Are you sure?”

“Do I need to call Cas and ask him to drag you kicking and screaming?” Garth grinned.

“You would seriously sic my husband on me. That’s a low blow. Just wait until you’ve been married for a year, you’ll get it,” Dean smiled. “Okay man, I guess we’ll see you tonight.” He patted Garth’s shoulder as he left the office.

\-------------------------

“I am so happy that we eloped,” Cas groaned.

“No shit. That was seriously...I don’t even know what it was. Well, awkward as hell for one thing. You know when you walk in a door and everybody turns to look at you it’s either a good thing, or it’s a bad thing. Didn’t feel like a good thing. And I swear, if I have to put on another suit anytime soon, I am going to lose my fucking mind. I still don’t know how you do this every day.”

“I don’t. I work from home half of the time. I’m in pajama pants or boxers.”

“You’re an asshole,” Dean grinned, reaching for Cas. “I agree with you about eloping. I don’t know, there was something about it being just me and you. Nobody was there, nobody even knew it was happening. Hell, we didn’t even know if it was going to happen, but I wouldn’t change anything, none of it.”

“Are you getting sentimental on me?” Cas smiled.

“Maybe. It’s just, I don’t know, that day was perfect. Even though you were in a cast with stitches and your face scraped up, you’d never looked better to me. You were alive and you were mine.”

“How do you think I’ve felt every day since you opened your eyes at the hospital?” Cas whispered, kissing his husband softly.

Dean held Cas’s body against his, returning the kiss, deepening it. The smell of Cas’s skin, the feel of his lips, he didn’t think that he’d ever loved and wanted Cas more than he did at that moment.

\-------------------------

Cas waited with his eyes closed, a slow smile already crossing his face. He could feel the mattress dip and Dean’s full lips press against his stomach, trailing as he slowly crawled up Cas’s body, kissing and gently biting. Cas arched against his mouth and reached for him, moaning when the warm flesh brushed against his rigid cock. “Just thinking about you makes me crazy,” Dean whispered, running his mouth across Cas’s chest. “But when I can hear you, and smell you, and taste you...when I can feel you...it’s like nothing else matters.” He nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin on Cas’s neck, reaching for his hands and intertwining their fingers, holding them against the mattress above Cas’s head. Their mouths came together in a deep kiss, their tongues slowly sliding against one another. They were breathless and needy when Dean let go and ran his fingers down Cas’s arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Cas was free to grip Dean’s shoulders, kneading and massaging, pressing his thighs against Dean’s hips. Dean reached for the small bottle and sat up between Cas’s legs. His fingers were patient and tender, pressing inside of Cas, rubbing and stretching him. He lined himself up and gripped Cas’s legs, spreading them while he slowly slid his hard cock inside. Cas watched his eyes slowly close and his jaw go slack as he tilted his head back, his chest heaving. “Oh god, baby,” he murmured, caressing Cas’s legs, his hands squeezing Cas’s hips. The low firelight threw soft shadows against his muscular body as he knelt perfectly still, buried deep inside of his husband. His calloused hands brushed the silky skin of Cas’s shaft on their way up his stomach, his fingertips grazing sensitive nipples. He lowered himself against the fine sheen of sweat on Cas’s skin and pressed a hand to either side of his face, kissing him slowly, subtly rocking his hips. Cas gasped against his lips and moved against him, desperate to feel their bodies slide together. It was a gentle rhythm in a slow haze, Cas meeting Dean’s thrusts, sweat slicked friction causing him to shiver. They became hungry, their mouths desperate, fingers dragging across supple flesh while their need was building. Cas was throbbing, every stroke of Dean’s warm skin bringing him closer. He cried out and tensed, begging Dean to come. He rocked hard against Dean’s final deep thrust and heard the loud groan before Dean’s sweaty body collapsed against his. He wrapped his arms around his husband, pulling their chests together. Their hearts were pounding, bodies trembling, breaths heavy as they laid together quietly, each wondering how they had found someone so perfect to share their life with.

\-------------------------

“Unca Dee! Uncle Cas!” the twins yelled, running at them before they could close the door. Robbie was toddling unsteadily a few steps behind them. 

“Wow, JoAnna, you are getting too big to pick up,” Dean smiled at MaryEllen when he lifted her off of the floor.

“Unca Dee…”

“What?” Dean asked innocently.

“You know that I’m MaryEllen.”

“No you’re not. You look just like JoAnna.”

“I have a freckle,” she giggled. “JoAnna doesn’t.”

“Sorry, they finally figured it out,” Sam shrugged.

“Okay MaryEllen, give your Unca Dee a squeeze and a kiss,” Dean said, happy to be holding his niece. She quickly moved on to Cas when he picked up JoAnna. He got a toothy grin from Robbie when he picked him up and tickled him. “It’s like a hug and kiss assembly line around here. You need more kids, Sam.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen anytime soon,” Jess called over her shoulder. Dean wouldn’t let go of the baby when he walked over to kiss her on the cheek. He kissed his mom and hugged her with one arm, still not willing to let go of the baby.

\-------------------------

The Winchesters were loud, laughing and bickering over dinner. Cas looked at Dean and remembered how much he loved the way the corners of his eyes creased when he was happy. Dean turned and winked at him, reaching down to squeeze his knee.

\-------------------------

“Oh god, I ate way too much,” Dean moaned.

“So why are you laying on the floor letting Robbie jump on you?” Sam laughed.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Can I ask you a question, Unca Dee?” 

“MaryEllen right? Show me the freckle, I need to know who I’m talking to.”

“Yes it’s MaryEllen,” she smiled.

“Okay, what’s your question?”

“Why won’t Lily’s mommy let her play with us anymore?”

Dean looked at Sam and then Jess, both looked mortified. “Uh, I don’t know munchkin. I don’t think that I know Lily’s mom.”

“She said that we can’t have two uncles.”

“Son of a bitch,” Dean muttered under his breath. 

“I already told you girls that Lily’s mom doesn’t get to decide who is in your family and that you’re lucky because you have another uncle,” Sam said to MaryEllen.

“Listen, Unca Dee is going to explain it like this,” Dean said, struggling to sit up with Robbie in his arms. “There are always going to be people out there who don’t like things about you. Maybe they don’t like what church you go to, or if you go to church at all. They might not like where you’re from. And some won’t like who you decide to marry. But personally, I don’t think that I would want to be friends with somebody who didn’t like me for any of those reasons. I have a friend at work whose family goes to church a lot. I don’t go to church, but I’m still his friend because that doesn’t matter. He’s a good person and he thinks that I am a good person. I have another friend at work whose family is from Mexico. Our family isn’t from Mexico, but I’m still his friend because it doesn’t matter. I know that he’s a good person and I’m pretty sure that he thinks that I’m a good person. I like Garth because he’s Garth. He’s nice and he’s funny and he’s been a really good friend to your Unca Dee and Uncle Cas. It’s the same way with Marco. When I got sick and went to the hospital, they were both there to help me. I do what I can to help them. Those are the kind of friends that you want. I’m sorry if you can’t play with Lily anymore, but I’m guessing that you two have a lot of other friends who probably don’t care that you have two uncles. Now can one of those uncles get another hug and kiss?” MaryEllen bent down and hugged Dean before kissing him on the cheek. He laid down with a deep sigh and went back to letting Robbie jump on his stomach.

“Wow, well that was a better explanation than the one that I gave,” Sam stammered.

Dean turned his head and looked at his brother, “You should read some of the letters I’ve gotten, Sammy. They’ll break your heart. I know how lucky I am.”

\-------------------------

“Do you need any help?” Cas asked Mary, watching her pull pies out of the bakery boxes.

“You can start cutting them if you’d like. That was quite a speech from Dean.”

“He’s gotten a lot of letters and notes since the news reports about the trial. Some positive, some not so positive. I think it’s put a lot of things in perspective, for both of us. We’ve never really thought of ourselves as a gay couple, we’re just a couple. Until we started reading the notes and letters, we didn’t realize that we have that luxury. I guess logically we knew, but our relationship has never really been an issue. I know that both you and Sam had a hard time in the beginning, and I understood. Hell, it was just as unexpected for us as it was for everyone else. But, we never had anybody outright disagree or turn their backs on us out of principle. It’s probably tearing him up inside to know that it affects the girls. But in the end, who and what we are just teaches them and Robbie about tolerance and acceptance,” Cas stopped cutting pie and smiled at Mary, “I remember one of the first times I came over here with him for a barbecue. We went swimming and were laying on our towels drying off. I don’t know if you remember, but MaryEllen called us out. She asked if I was Dean’s boyfriend. JoAnna asked if boys could have boyfriends. MaryEllen told her that anybody can have a boyfriend and anybody can have a girlfriend. Sam and Jess must be teaching them the right lessons if they’d already planted that seed.”

“And what he said about Garth and Marco…”

“It’s true. He told Garth that out of respect for his very religious family, we wouldn’t go to his wedding. Garth and Jody insisted, so we went and somehow survived it. Marco grew up in a bad neighborhood. He was hired on basically as a grunt, but Dean saw his potential. Marco is easily one of the best freehand painters in this part of the state and now he’s the head of the paint department and basically runs restoration when Dean isn’t there. Dean trusts him, and we both know that Dean doesn’t trust most people. He never hesitated to refer to me as his husband when I started coming around the shop because he believed that he’d hired the type of people who wouldn’t care. And if they did, fuck ‘em. Oh, sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Mary laughed. “I raised Dean Winchester. I’ve heard a lot worse language than that. I feel a little guilty for being so surprised by how he handled that conversation with MaryEllen. I’ve always known that Dean is sensitive, that he’s passionate and feels things deeply. That’s probably why he would get in so much trouble when he was younger, he didn’t know what to do with it. But I feel like I underestimate him sometimes.”

“I think that everybody has, but a lot of that is because he keeps his distance.”

“You never have, Cas.”

“We were friends. We started out as two guys sitting in a driveway BS’ing and working on a car. I hadn’t been living here for very long and I didn’t really know anybody outside of the office. The only people that he associated with were his family and the guys at the shop. Neither one of us had anyone that we really opened up to. I told him my life story one day, and it was unnervingly easy to do. He didn’t look at me with pity when he said that he was sorry. He respected me for the things that I’ve done. He went to Kansas a few weeks later and when he came back he cancelled our plans. I don’t know why, but I knew where to find him, and I did. He told me about his father. Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“No, you’re fine. I will always love and miss my husband, but I can talk about him. It surprises me that Dean talked about him.”

“I think it’s because when I found him it was still fresh, it was still raw. He didn’t have time to put up his walls when I sat down next to him, so he talked. Maybe that’s where things started for us, I don’t know. But you’re right, he feels things deeply and I’ll be honest, it’s not always easy to be married to somebody like that. But, it’s worth it. I mean he proposed in Lake Tahoe, we were married within 18 hours. When we got back he’d had our bedroom remodeled to look exactly like the suite we stayed at. He planted pine trees in the backyard for me as a Christmas present. He may have been a pain in the ass to raise, but you did something right.”

“I think that this is the longest conversation you and I have ever had. Thank you, Cas.”

“There’s no reason to thank me,” Cas said, giving Mary a hug. “Just never tell Dean about any of this. He’d kill me if he heard 90% of the things that I said.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Mary laughed.

“Hey, what are you two doing over there?” Dean called.

“Conspiring against you,” Cas smiled.

“Oh, cool, let me know when dessert is ready” Dean said, and went back to playing with the kids.

\-------------------------

“Holy shit this was an exhausting day.”

“And you loved every minute of it,” Cas said, kissing Dean gently.

“I did.”

“You looked happy. You looked like the Dean Winchester whose biggest concern was whether or not doubling the size of Winchester Restoration was worth the risk and was impressed because his husband brought him Chinese food for lunch.”

“I felt like that Dean Winchester. I got a letter from GLAAD yesterday. They want me to come to some dinner. I’ll let you read it, but not tonight. Right now I just want to lay here in a food coma with my amazing husband,” Dean kissed Cas’s forehead and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too.”

“Were you and my mom really conspiring against me?”

“Yes we were,” Cas laughed, reaching up to hold Dean’s arms closer to his chest. 

\-------------------------

Cas held the letter in his hand while he sat with his legs across Dean’s lap. “This only hit the news last week and they want you to give a speech?”

“Apparently. They obviously don’t know the first goddamn thing about me if they are asking me to speak. Hell, I said maybe ten words at the trial. I don’t even hold staff meetings because I’m not good at that type of shit.”

“So you’re going to tell them no?”

“I don’t know what to tell them. I mean it’s a holiday benefit for victim advocacy. Telling them no seems like an asshole move. But what do I even say? I got my ass kicked and the jackass who did it went to prison? The facts were on the news and in the articles. It’s not like I can get up there and talk about my feelings. Even if I could, I don’t know what to say. That it sucked? That it fucked up my head? Shit, it fucked with you as much as it fucked with me, maybe more.”

“I don’t know that I’d use those exact words,” Cas smiled.

“You know what I mean. It’s like what we talked about before. Am I supposed to stand there in a suit and talk about the struggles of a successful gay man who never had to deal with this shit until that day? It’s not real, Cas. It’s not legit.”

“Obviously somebody thinks that it is.” 

“Yeah, somebody who watches the news or reads the paper. Hell, maybe they need to hear about it from the husband’s point of view. All of the emotional shit that you went through.”

“That’s not what this is about. It’s not really about the facts that the media reported. It’s about picking yourself up and brushing yourself off. You told that guy that he may have beaten you, but he didn’t break you. That’s what they want. How did you get through all of this without breaking.”

“I broke, Cas. I’m still broken.”

“No, you started to crack but you never broke.”

Dean took a sip of his coffee and leaned his head back, “So what do I do?”

“I can’t tell you what to do. I know you and I understand if you don’t want to.”

“This isn’t about not wanting to, it’s about not knowing how. A year and a half ago I was nothing but a selfish asshole who wore matching blue pants and a blue shirt with a name patch above the pocket holding a clipboard in an auto shop. Now I’m supposed to set some type of example?”

“I heard what you said to MaryEllen, we all did. You told her that people shouldn’t pass judgment, and a lot of it had nothing to do with the fact that she has two uncles. You told her about Garth and Marco because people are judged on a lot of different levels. You don’t want those kids growing up thinking that it’s okay to have preconceived notions. You brought me into your life, your family without a second thought. You love me and you have never hesitated to let me or anybody else know that. You never once blamed what happened to you on our relationship. You blamed it on that asshole’s close mindedness. That’s what you talk about.”

“I don’t know where to start, Cas,” Dean said quietly.

“Then let me help you.”

\-------------------------

Dean watched Marco pull the drape off of the car and let out a low whistle. “You seriously outdid yourself, man. She’s beautiful.”

“So you like the color? I mean I know how you feel about the classic cherry red and that your ride is black. That emerald turned out pretty well on the Camaro. I thought I’d go a different route.”

“I’m loving this electric blue thing that you’ve got going on with the white striping. She really is beautiful.”

“Well, when you’re painting a car for the boss’s mom, you’d better get it right,” Marco smiled.

“Yeah, this one is definitely photo worthy. We’ll take a few shots and put it in the book and then I’ll just store her here for the time being. Hey, I’ve got to head out for a bit. I should be back in a couple of hours. Thanks again,” Dean said, patting Marco on the back.

\-------------------------

“I don’t care what it is as long as it doesn’t have turkey in it,” Sam smiled.

“Shit! Now I kind of wished that I’d brought you a turkey sandwich instead of thai food.”

“You’re a dick,” Sam mumbled with his mouth full.

“Aw Sammy, always with the compliments.”

“So how are you doing?”

“I’m good. Cas is good. Chuck seems a little down, but I think it’s just the holiday stress getting to him,” Dean grinned.

“Speaking of, you are not spending a fortune on my kids again this year.”

“And break my record of six perfect years? Not gonna happen, Sam.”

“They like you more than they like Santa.”

“What’s not to like?”

“Do you want me to start a list?”

Dean smiled, it felt good to banter with his brother. “Nah, don’t bother. Cas keeps me in check.”

“Why do I doubt that?”

“He does. He calls me an asshole all of the time.”

“Someone needs to. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about the MaryEllen thing.”

“I’m sorry if I overstepped, I just…”

“No, you didn’t overstep. You explained things in a way that Jess and I didn’t. You know that you mean everything to those kids, and they took it to heart. They got it, so thanks.”

“I feel like shit. They’ve lost friends because of me.”

“No, they’ve lost friends because of narrow minded parents. That’s not on you.”

“I know, but this whole thing got a lot bigger than I expected. A part of me wishes that the hate crime thing was never an issue.”

“Well it was, and the guy got what he deserved. Anyway, I’m guessing that you are dying to change the subject so Jess brought up the idea of all going in on another gift for mom.”

“Nope, got it covered,” Dean said with a mouthful of food.

“Already? What did you get her?”

“A car.”

“Dean, she has a car.”

“Right, but does she have a restored classic Corvair painted electric blue?”

“You do know that you have to wait ten years before you park something for the twins in my driveway, right?”

“Yeah, okay Sammy.”

\-------------------------

Dean knocked lightly on Cas’s office door before slowly pushing it open. “Is it safe?”

“Why wouldn’t it be safe?” Cas laughed.

“I mean is your little buddy here.”

“Who? Kevin? He left for lunch about 15 minutes ago. Even if he were here, why wouldn’t it be safe?”

“No, I just wanted to talk to you alone and I feel bad that the few days you are here, you always send him off to do some mind numbing boring shit if I show up.”

“You’re fine,” Cas stood up and wrapped his arms around him. “So, what’s going on?”

“Um, my hormone levels if you squeeze a little tighter and talk dirty,” Dean grinned, planting a kiss on Cas’s lips. “You know, we never have had office sex. Not even office head. That’s something we should consider.”

“Please tell me that’s not why you’re here.”

“Well it wasn’t, but now that I think about it…”

Cas let go and sat back down, laughing.

“Aaaand that’s all I can think about,” Dean groaned, sitting down in the other chair. “But I’ll let you deal with that later tonight. Anyway, I think that I’m going to do it.”

“Okay, you come in here talking about office sex and then tell me that you think that you’re going to do it? I need a little more information to work with.”

“The speech. I think that I’m going to do it. It scares the shit out of me, and I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to say, but I can’t be the asshole who says no.”

“There will be more than one speaker, and you’re not the keynote. You aren’t going to have to talk for very long. It’s your speech, and you should talk about what you want. But, throughout this whole thing, your concern has almost always been how it’s affected other people. How our marriage had an effect on the lives of those around us. Homophobia goes a lot farther than just the victim.” 

“No, you’re right. That is a big deal to me. The shop, my family, you...you guys had it worse than I did in a lot of ways. Granted, I haven’t had a drink in months, and that sucks. I need your help. I seriously don’t trust myself to just talk. I like to think of my language as colorful, but apparently some people find it offensive. I don’t get it. You have this whole lawyer thing going on. You guys can talk for hours about absolutely nothing.”

“I hope you mean that professionally and not personally,” Cas smiled. He’d waited for signs of PTSD in both of them, but so far he hadn’t seen any. If anything, Dean was getting better every day. His headaches weren’t as frequent. He rarely had dizzy spells. And his anger was under control. “You do realize that I specialize in financial settlements, right? The only talking I do is to clients and other lawyers.”

“Yeah, but I remember when Sam was in law school he told me about the public speaking classes and all of that shit.”

“They are required courses, but I graduated from law school over five years ago. I’ve never done trial law. But, I’m more than happy to help you. When do you have to respond to them?”

“Uh, end of business today.”

“Then call them and tell them yes. I’ll help you write whatever you want.”

“Okay, then I guess we’ll do this thing. I’m going to go before your little helper gets back. I’m leaving the shop early so that I can head home and get one side of the garage cleaned out.”

“For what?”

“The Camaro. Can’t have her sitting out all winter.”

“Dean,” Cas chuckled, “we live in southern California.”

“True, but I don’t like leaving her in the driveway, even with a cover on.”

Cas stood up to hug and kiss his husband before he left. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered.

“Thanks baby, I love you.”

He let go and watched Dean open the door. “And Dean?”

“Yeah?’

“If you’re going to clean the garage, wait until I get home to shower,” Cas grinned.

“Ah, the successful lawyer in the expensive business suit gets turned on by a sweaty dirty grease monkey,” Dean smiled.

“Only when he’s my sweaty dirty grease monkey.”

\-------------------------

“I am glad that I waited for you to get home,” Dean moaned, leaning back against the warm tile. He watche Cas’s head slide back and forth, taking his cock deeper, swirling his tongue around the shaft. “Oh god baby...just like that...I’m going to…” Cas slid his head forward and swallowed the warm come. He gently licked and sucked until Dean went limp before he stood up and pressed their bodies together, leaning in for a long kiss. “Holy shit,” Dean panted. “I’m going to clean the garage more often. I kind of feel like I should take you out to dinner now.”

“I’m your husband,” Cas smiled. “You should want to take me out to dinner once in awhile, even when I don’t give you shower head.”

“You’re right, but this is a seriously motivating factor. Does that make you feel cheap?” Dean grinned.

“No, I’ll just make you buy me an expensive dinner.”

\-------------------------

They worked on the speech. Dean paced and talked, stopping to rub his forehead when he couldn’t come up with something. Cas patiently typed it out, adding and removing words and sentences when Dean asked him to. He wanted it to sound like Dean, he wanted it to be Dean’s words. They wrote and rewrote. They would sit down and read it, Dean would read it out loud and get frustrated because it wasn’t coming across the way he wanted it to. Cas actually hid smiles at Dean’s frustration, this was the Dean before he was beaten. This was his Dean getting annoyed, but not angry. He hadn’t had a headache in weeks, it had been even longer since he had a dizzy spell. He didn’t take his anti anxiety medication as often as he used to. He’d gotten through the trial without any signs of PTSD, they both had. The effects of his TBI were lessening every day. He was the guy who built new rooms and had them designed on a whim. Who proposed out of the blue, and planned to marry the next day. The man who researched the internet for days to find pine trees to plant in the backyard. He wasn’t broken, he wasn’t broken at all. He was perfect.

\-------------------------

“I swore after Garth and Jody’s wedding I was never going to wear another one of these things,” Dean complained.

“It’s a charity benefit, and you are speaking. Plus, you look damn good in a suit.”

“I thought you liked me shirtless and sweaty,” Dean grinned.

“Yes I do, very much. But, I don’t think that would go over very well tonight. You can loosen the tie the minute you sit down after you speak.”

“I can’t believe how much people are paying for this dinner.”

“Well, there will probably be some important people there.”

“But no pressure…” Dean muttered.

“You’ll be fine. You’ve gone over the speech so many times that you probably have it memorized by now.”

“Yeah, and I’ll get up there and suddenly forget everything, including how to read.”

“No, you’ll get up there, looking amazing, you’ll flash that smile and you’ll talk. Now, should we go?”

“Might as well,” Dean mumbled quietly.

\-------------------------

“Our next speaker tonight is Dean Winchester.”

Dean leaned over to Cas for a quick kiss before standing up. Cas watched his handsome husband climb the few stairs to the stage and shake hands with the President of the local chapter of GLAAD before he pulled his speech out of his pocket and set it on the podium.

“If you’ve watched the news, or read the paper, then you probably know who I am. I was the victim of a hate crime. I spent almost a month in the hospital and have lived with the effects of a traumatic brain injury due to the beating I received. You probably also know that my attacker was sent to prison, not just for aggravated assault, but for the commission of that hate crime. He beat me because of what I stood for. This didn’t just affect me, it affected my friends and family. The most profound effect was on my husband,” Dean paused and looked at Cas sitting at the table, watching him with those bluer than blue eyes. “Speaking of my husband, he is probably going to kill me for this because of how much time we spent writing it, but now that I’m here I can’t just read words off of a piece of paper.” Dean folded up the speech and put it back in his pocket. “This isn’t really my story. I’m a successful man who had always dated women, but fell in love with my best friend. He’s my world, and I was lucky enough that in a moment of weakness on his part, he agreed to marry me. I was the victim of a hate crime, but so was he. My friends and family, they were victims too. I’ve had the luxury of being surrounded by understanding and supportive people when I surprised them with my marriage to a man. The night that this hit the news, I told my husband that what my attacker didn’t realize is that we’re not that different. I’m a hardworking man who owns a home. I come home at night and all I want is to spend time with my spouse. I want to eat dinner together, I want to sit on our back patio and drink coffee on the weekends while we play fetch with our dog. The only difference is that my spouse is a man. It’s anatomy. I haven’t had to fight for acceptance, and I feel like I’m lying if I’m telling you that I represent this community in any way.” He reached inside of his jacket pocket and pulled out some worn papers in all sizes and colors. He held them up, “This is their fight. I’ve received over a hundred letters and emails showing support for my husband and myself. I don’t deserve the recognition, these people do. This is a letter from a transgender woman named Kai. Her parents kicked her out of the house, her entire family disowned her when she was 14 years old. At 17 she was raped and beaten when a man found out that she was transgender, but she was too afraid to go to the police. This one is from a gay man named Patrick. He was bullied relentlessly. He had notes slipped into his locker and messages on social media telling him that he meant nothing, that by killing himself, he would make this world a better place. I have one here from a woman named Sasha who came out as a lesbian to a group of friends, people who she had known since she was a child. They all turned their backs on her. They used homophobic slurs when they talked about her. On more than one occasion, some of them physically attacked her. All three of these people have at some point tried to commit suicide. I have more. I have so many more and I always keep some with me to remind me of how lucky I am. The things that I have struggled with in my life, my personal demons, they have nothing to do with the fact that I am gay. But these people,” he said with conviction, holding up the letters, “They struggle every single day, and that’s why I’m here tonight. They all deserve the things that I have, the things that I took for granted until I read their words. I can’t be here to inspire anybody, my story isn’t inspirational. What I can do is say that I will be a part of this because people should not have to live alone and cold in fear. They should not take handfuls of pills and feel disappointed when they wake up alive. They should not be sleeping in the streets or be forced to do degrading things just to get a bed for one night. I have a box full of these at home, and I read them. My husband, Cas, reads them and our perspective has changed. We’re not the face of this fight, we haven’t earned that. But we will be a part of it because I want to receive letters of hope. I respect and feel for every single member of the LGBTQ community who is struggling simply because of who they are or who they love. I get to go home tonight with a husband who has never left my side, even when things were at their worst. I have never had somebody love me in the way that he does, and I ask myself every single day why he chose me. Everybody deserves that, nobody deserves to be victimized because of it. Not me, not Kai, not Patrick, not Sasha, and certainly not my husband who has loved me when I wasn’t deserving of his love. Thank you,” Dean nodded and left the stage to a huge round of applause. He sat in his chair next to Cas and slid the letters back into his pocket. “Sorry baby, I got a little of track there.” He reached down and squeezed Cas’s knee with a shaky hand. “You have no idea how proud I am of you right now, Dean,” Cas smiled, kissing him quickly and softly. “We couldn’t have written that if we’d tried.”

\-------------------------

Winchester Restoration and Singer Auto began to donate financially to groups that helped the LGBTQ community. Dean drew up plans to restore and raffle off cars to benefit them. Cas contacted GLAAD, the ACLU, and other organizations, offering to volunteer as a licensed attorney. They became part of the fight.

\-------------------------

“Sam is going to kill you when he sees all of this.”

“Kill me? Uncle Cas is just as guilty as I am,” Dean grinned. The temperature had dipped and they were laying on the couch with their coffee instead of the patio. Chuck was pouting on the floor because they wouldn’t go outside and play with him. They had a huge pile of wrapped presents in the corner of the room under the tree, and it was all protected by a gate. Chuck had pouted about that as well. 

“So, I had a thought,” Cas said.

“Okay, what’s going on.”

“I want to take some classes. I found some online, there might be one or two that I’d have to take at the actual school.”

“Classes?”

“Yeah, civil rights law. I spend 60+ hours a week dealing with financial settlements. I don’t feel like my volunteer work is very effective if I have to look things up instead of just knowing them. Thoughts?”

“Hey, as long as I still get to spend time with you and not have to make your picture the wallpaper on my phone so that I can remember what you look like, then go for it.”

“I don’t need to take very many…”

“And you don’t need to explain yourself to me, baby. We’ll make it work.”

“Do you know how much I love you?”

“I have a rough idea, but hearing it never hurts,” Dean smiled.

“More than anything,” Cas leaning in for a kiss.

“I love you too,” Dean murmured against his lips.

\-------------------------

“Where’s Cas?” Mary questioned when she slid into the passenger seat of the Impala.

“We got a late start this morning and he has some shit he needs to finish up for work.”

“On Christmas?”

“Crowley’s an asshole, Cas has a deadline, so yeah on Christmas. He figured he’d do it now instead of putting it off. He shouldn’t be too long.”

“We could have waited.”

“Mom, those kids are probably staring at the clock waiting for grandma and their uncles to show up.”

“How much did you spend this year?” Mary asked with a smile.

“Enough to effectively piss Sam off.”

“I can’t decide which you enjoy more, spoiling those kids or annoying your brother.”

“Let’s just say that it’s a win/win,” Dean laughed.

\-------------------------

They showed up and got their hugs and kisses. Dean hated that the kids were growing up so quickly. He couldn’t pretend that he didn’t know which twin was which, and Robbie walked steadily to him, reaching out his arms to be picked up. Sam glared when it took Dean three trips to get all of the gifts into the house and under the tree. Jess just shook her head. She’d learned a long time ago that there was no stopping Dean, and like Mary, she sometimes wondered if part of the reason he went overboard was just to annoy Sam.

Cas rushed in as they were getting ready to eat, full of apologies and hugs. They sat down and in true Winchester form, laughed and talked loudly, the brothers arguing and bantering through the entire meal.

They sat in the family room for over an hour, watching the twins and Robbie squeal with each new toy, each new outfit, each special gift from grandma and their uncles. They got more hugs and kisses before the girls sat down to play with their things and Robbie walked around picking up all of the wrapping paper and ripping it into pieces. It seemed even more significant and made Jess laugh at the one year of house cleaning and yard care that Cas and Dean had paid for. “It may not be as exciting at the trip we got for you last year,” Cas said.

“But with three kids that are now all mobile, you have no idea how much this means,” Jess smiled, hugging them both. 

Cas and Dean were impossible to buy for. When asked, neither could think of anything that the other wanted or needed. They simply got a card that stated Mary, Sam, Jessica, MaryEllen, JoAnna, and Dean Robert Winchester would donate money in their name to the charity of their choice. Dean smiled and hugged his brother when he read the card. The best part was seeing the name ‘Dean Robert’ on there. Dean finally handed Mary the small box and tried not to grin while she opened it. She pulled out the set of keys and looked at him, surprised. “These are car keys. I have a car.”

“Yeah, well now you have two. Go look outside.”

The family followed her out and saw the bright blue car parked at the curb. Mary covered her mouth and walked a full circle around it. “Oh my god, it’s beautiful.”

“I hope you like the color,” Dean grinned. “If you don’t, I can have it redone. I may have to fire Marco since he chose it, but I can still have it redone.”

“It’s perfect. Dean, you didn’t have to do this.”

“Seriously? This is like you baking me a cake or Sam...I don’t know...doing some type of boring legal shit for me.”

“So you weren’t at home working?” She tried to glare at Cas, but failed miserably.

“It took a lot of work to talk him into letting me drive it here if that counts. Speaking of, why don’t you take her for a drive?”

“Can we come, grandma? Mommy? Daddy? Can we go for a drive with grandma?” The twins begged, jumping up and down.

“I’ll drive around the block, slowly,” Mary smiled.

“Okay, but just around the block and try to keep your feet off of the seats. Are your hands clean?” Jess asked.

“I can get it detailed, Jess. They’ll be fine,” Dean leaned over and whispered.

They all waved at the girls as they took off down the street in grandma’s new car, Robbie opening and closing his chubby hand at his sisters while Unca Dee held him in his arms.

\-------------------------

Dean hung up his phone and set it on the coffee table before he sat down next to Cas. “Well, I guess I’m going to call all of my employees and give them an extra present this year,” he sighed.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m giving them tomorrow off. I have no manager, no assistant manager, and I sure as hell don’t want to open the shop.”

“No manager or assistant manager.”

“Little girl. Seven pounds six ounces, ten fingers and ten toes. I told Garth we’d stop by the hospital tomorrow.”

Cas smiled, “Merry Christmas to the Fitzgerald’s. Do you want to split the list? I’ll help make the calls.”

They finally made all of the calls and sent texts saying that Winchester Restoration and Singer Auto would be closed for business but they would still be paid for the day. Billy offered to run down to the shop and put a sign on the door. Cas and Dean finally leaned back and looked at each other. Dean handed Cas a small box, Cas handed Dean something heavy and rectangular. 

“What is this?” Cas questioned, looking at the key. It wasn’t a car key.

“It’s a key, Cas.”

“I know that. What is it for?”

“That you will have to wait and find out,” Dean grinned.

“Seriously? I get a clue for Christmas?”

“Yes. But let’s not forget the additions to our ever growing collection of art from ME and JA Winchester. Those are pretty impressive as well.”

“A key, Dean?”

“Patience, just trust me.” Dean opened his present and his jaw dropped, tears welled up. “How in the hell did you...I mean...Cas…”

“I took all of them out of that box and had them turned into digital images. It wasn’t hard to find a printing company that would bind them as a book. I did go behind your back and had Marco do the cover art for me.”

Dean was barely listening. He was running his fingers across the words on the glossy hard cover, ‘Letters For Hope’. The inscription inside simply said, “You inspire me every day. I love you. C “

“This is amazing Cas. You put all of those letters in here?”

“All of them. I had no idea what I was going to get you until the night you gave the speech. It’s been a hell of a ride getting it done on time.”

“It’s beautiful, baby,” Dean said, still in shock. He wrapped his arm around Cas and kissed him softly. “You don’t know how much this means.”

“I do know how much it means, that’s why I wanted you to have it.”

“I love you baby.”

“I love you too. Merry Christmas, Dean.”

\-------------------------

Cas saw the baby hungry look in Dean’s eyes when Garth handed him the newest member of the Fitzgerald family and he bent down to kiss Jody’s cheek. “She beautiful,” he smiled.

“You can unwrap the blanket and count the fingers and toes if you want. The nurse just showed me how to wrap her back up,” Garth grinned.

Cas leaned over Dean’s shoulder and reached for a tiny hand, letting her wrap it around his finger. “What did you name her?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Charlie. Charlie Fitzgerald,” Jody smiled.

“I like that,” Dean said, bouncing Charlie as he paced around the room holding her. “She looks just like you, Jody.”

“Thank god for that,” Garth chuckled. “So, I should have talked to you about this before, but I’m going to be moving out of the apartment. I haven’t stayed there much for a few months anyway but I figured that I’d give you the keys back and let you rent it out. We think we may have found a small house.”

“Oh, do not tell Dean that you found a house. You will have a playground and princess castle built in the backyard before you finish moving in.”

“I seemed to recall that you did most of the playhouse building,” Dean smiled.

“Um, another thing,” Garth said, rubbing the back of his neck. “We, uh, talked about this and I know that you aren’t religious and all. Neither are we, really. But, we just thought it would be nice to have Charlie baptised, kind of cover our bases we guess. We were wondering how you two would feel about being her godparents.”

“Oh shit, and now she’ll get her room remodeled and a mountain of presents on her Christmas birthday,” Cas chuckled.

“But Garth, your family...”

“I don’t care about that, Dean. You have always treated me decent, more decent than most of my family members. If anything were to happen to me or Jody, we know that you and Cas would love her like your own.”

“We will anyway,” Dean smiled. “What do you think, Cas?”

“I’d be honored,” Cas smiled, hugging Garth and bending down to kiss Jody.

“Does this mean I have to wear a suit again?”

“Yes, you’ll have to wear a suit again.”

“Well, I’ll do it for this little angel,” Dean murmured.

“I think he’s in love,” Cas grinned.

\-------------------------

Cas was nervous. He’d enrolled in two online classes, but he was still nervous. When he was at the University of Washington his focus was school, now he had a job and a husband. When his classes started in January, he’d already gone back to working at the office full time and tried to study in the evening and on weekends. He worried that he was shutting Dean out, but Dean was nothing but supportive. He brought him food when he got caught up on an online lecture, he listened to him talk about the finer points of civil rights law, but most importantly he saw the shine in Cas’s eyes and knew how important it was to him.

\-------------------------

“I’m trying to study.”

“I’m not stopping you,” Dean mumbled from where his face was buried in Cas’s neck, his full lips kissing and nipping at the soft flesh. He slid his hand up Cas’s thigh and gently cupped his crotch.

“You’re being a little distracting,” Cas laughed.

“You can multi task.” Dean’s hand softly squeezed Cas’s hardening cock and he smiled when Cas leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. He deftly worked Cas’s belt buckle and button, slowly sliding the zipper to free him, wrapping his hand around the silky skin of his shaft.

“You do not play fair,” Cas moaned, reaching for Dean, pulling them together in a heated kiss. He slowly turned his body and pushed Dean against the couch, running his lips across his neck. 

“Oh, I don’t play fair?” Dean started to pant, sliding his hands up the back of Cas’s thin t-shirt. He watched Cas sit up and pull his shirt over his head, he was always captivated by how taut and beautiful Cas’s body was. He slid his own shirt off, dropping it on the floor and lifted his hips when Cas pulled his jeans and boxers down his legs. Dean held their bodies together, their hard cocks trapped between them. “This seems more than fair…” Dean moaned before Cas cut him off with a deep kiss, slowly rocking. Dean’s legs tensed and he arched, meeting Cas’s rhythm. The feel of Cas’s skin against his own, the velvet friction and passionate mouths took his breath away. He moved his hands down Cas’s body, digging his fingers into the warm flesh, pressing them against his lower back to hold him closer. He could feel Cas’s lips, his gentle teeth, and was already starting to throb. “Oh god baby…” he whispered. Cas rocked harder, hearing Dean’s loud moan, feeling the warmth spread between their bodies. Dean lifted his hips, knowing that Cas was close. He was almost too sensitive when Cas cried out and let his body sink against Dean’s, still gently rocking.

“You are not a good influence,” Cas panted.

“You’re saying that I’m not a good study partner?”

“Not when I’m watching a lecture on socioeconomic civil rights.”

“Oh god,” Dean groaned quietly. “I have absolutely no idea why, but hearing you say that was kind of hot.”

“Socioeconomic civil rights?”

“Mmhhhmm…maybe it’s because I just banged a college student,” Dean grinned.

“This is going to be a long semester,” Cas smiled. “Let’s go clean this mess up,” he said, rolling off of Dean and leading him to the shower.

\-------------------------

Dean raffled off cars and donated the proceeds. He spent time with different clubs, organizations, and groups discussing victim advocacy and how to build a support system. He realized if he was talking with a group and not in front of an audience, he was fine. That’s where he met Adam. A recent graduate of the Auto Technology program from a local community college, the newest member of the Singer Auto family, and the tenant of the apartment above the shop. Cas studied and aced his classes, registering for another for the next semester. They miraculously still found time to spend together, and cherished every moment they had alone in their busy lives.

\-------------------------

“Ah, burgers with no beer. How you spoil me,” Dean smiled from across the table.

“Does the no beer thing really bug you?”

“Not really. I mean sometimes it would be nice to kick back with a drink, but it’s not worth it,” Dean stared into those blue eyes.

“Hey, the Mr. Winchesters. I haven’t seen you guys for awhile,” the waitress smiled.

“Busy lives,” Cas smiled back.

“My friend Adam was the president of the LGBTQ club at the community college. He told me that you gave him a job.”

“Yeah, he started a few weeks ago. Great kid.”

“He thinks the world of you guys, they all do. Dinner is on me tonight.”

“We can’t let you do that,” Cas said. “But thank you.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault if I lose your bill,” she winked. “One bacon cheeseburger with onion rings for the blue eyed one, and a double bacon cheeseburger with fries for the green eyed one. What are you drinking tonight?”

“Uh, I’m going to go with something exotic and say water,” Dean grinned.

“I’ll be back with your order.”

They watched her walk away and Cas started to chuckle.

“What?” Dean asked.

“I remember the first time we ever came here. We sat back and talked about which of the waitresses were hot. Now one of the hot ones is bringing you and your husband free food because you hired her gay friend and gave him a place to live.”

“Does that mean that we come full circle? Or half circle? Maybe full rectangular? Definitely not a square.” 

“So how is Adam working out?”

“Well, it helps that Garth is technically his boss. It’s impossible not to like Garth, and now that Jody is back he’s got a good team to train him. The old timers still don’t really get it, but they know about me and they’re still there so they must not have a huge problem with it. I do miss having Garth upstairs with a key to the shop, but I’m happy that they got the house.”

“With the ‘loan’ for the down payment that you’ll never let them repay you for,” Cas smiled at his husband. His passion and generosity never failed to surprise Cas. He had always been generous and passionate in their marriage, but now he’d found an outlet and he was proud of it. 

“How is the volunteer work going?”

“Oh, we have this anti discrimination case against a landlord who wouldn’t rent to a gay couple. I don’t think that it will be newsworthy, but it’s something.”

“I’m proud of you, Cas,” Dean’s eyes were shining when he reached across the table for his husband’s hand. He let go when the waitress sent their food down and gave here a wink before she walked away.

“I uh, wanted to run an idea past you,” Cas said nervously, starting to pick at his food.

“Okay, go for it.”

I was thinking that maybe after I got through these classes and really felt like I have a good knowledge base of civil rights law, I might leave Crowley and Associates.”

Dean swallowed the bite of burger that he had been chewing and took a sip of water. “To do the advocacy thing full time?”

“Yeah. I mean it just feels like a fit, you know. The way I grew up, the life we have. I feel like I’m actually doing something important and not just earning a paycheck. Which may be an issue.”

“Meaning?”

“I’ll have to take a fairly substantial pay cut,” Cas said quietly.

“So where is the issue? We have money, Cas. I make money. I have no intention or interest in buying a bigger house, and getting a new car isn’t exactly an issue. I put us in a situation where we could have lost money when I split the businesses and bought the building next door. If you want to change jobs, change jobs. I don’t want to be that guy who is miserable but needs to earn a paycheck, and I don’t want you to be that guy either. Plus, a happy husband is a lot more likely to put out,” Dean grinned.

“It really doesn’t matter to you, does it?”

“Nope, not at all. Your food is going to get cold if you just sit and stare at me instead of eating it,” Dean smiled.

“I’m just still not used to…”

“What? Someone believing in you? Get used to it. We’ve been run through the fucking wringer, but we’re still standing and we’re still together. I don’t see that changing any time soon. Take your classes. I’ll try, not promise, but try to keep my hands off of you when you’re watching those lectures. Talk to Crowley when it’s time. He won’t be happy about losing one of his best, but any of these groups that you decide to work will will be lucky to have you. Now seriously, eat.”

“I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too, baby.”

\-------------------------

Dean smiled and nodded at the waitress as he stood up to leave. He waited until she had turned her back before he dropped a $50 on the table and followed his husband to the car.

\-------------------------

Cas knew that he needed to study, but he was too relaxed sitting on the patio with Dean’s legs across his lap, drinking coffee and throwing the rope for Chuck. 

“So, I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but I think I’m having a Jess moment.”

“What?” Cas laughed.

“I want to throw a, I don’t know if I’d call it a party, but I want to do something. The family, my employees, whoever you work with that you consider a friend, people we work with in the programs, they’ve all helped me get my head together. I want to show some type of appreciation. You, you’ve obviously played the biggest part in this…”

“And you showed me your appreciation about an hour ago,” Cas grinned.

“I will continue to do so. I was just thinking of doing something.”

“A garden party?” Cas tried not to laugh.

“As much fun as garden parties are, I think I’ll pass. Instead of mimosa’s and caterers I was thinking more along the lines of burgers and beer. And soda of course.”

“So you want to throw a Winchester family, Winchester Restoration, Singer Auto, Crowley and Associates, and a bunch of LGBTQ foundations barbecue?”

“That isn’t exactly what I’d print in gold on an ivory colored invitation, but basically.”

“You’re not planning on doing it…”

“Here? Oh hell no. Nobody knows where we live except family. Garth has our address in case of an emergency because of Charlie, but he’s never been here. Our home stays private.”

“I could ask around, see if there is somewhere you could do it. Or ask the administration at the community colleges or even the university if they know of somewhere.”

“Now that I’ve said it out loud, it sounds kind of ridiculous.”

“No, a garden party with mimosa’s is kind of ridiculous. I mean thank god Jess throws the damn things or we never would have met, but they are painful. Everybody likes a nice relaxing outdoor barbecue. It’s the perfect time of year to do it.” 

“Okay, I guess I need to figure out how to organize it.”

“Call Jess. She’ll have a plan and a bunch of lists drawn up before dinner.”

\-------------------------

“Hey baby,” Dean said into the phone, walking across the back lot. “I can barely hear you, let me go into my office. Okay,” he said pulling the door shut behind him and sitting down. “What’s up? Uh no, I haven’t talked to Jess yet...Nope none of the colleges either. I just came up with the idea...I hadn’t really thought of a date, why?...You what?...A private beach?...No I’m not mad. It’s a little crazy and not the direction I was going. But I get the idea. Day on the beach, water and sun, bonfire at night. How did you pull that off?...The guy was a client of yours?...Well I guess we have three weeks to plan a beach party...No, I’m seriously not mad. I just need to call Jess and get some direction...I love you too, baby. Bye.”

Dean hung up his phone and shook his head. 

\-------------------------

“I was able to get tables and chairs from the community college. I’m buying the food in bulk, so we have that. We’ve got games and shit for people to do. What else do we need?”

“Um, a time that it starts and guests would probably be a good idea.”

“Smartass,” Dean leaned over to kiss Cas while they sat on the couch. “Seriously, am I missing anything?”

“We’ve been over these lists. The only problem might be parking, we’ll just have to let people know that. Otherwise you have everything covered.” Cas still had a hard time believing that the guy who used to be so uncomfortable going to parties and gatherings wanted to throw one of his own. “We have a couple of weeks to get the word out, and everything will be fine. I think we should start in the early afternoon, give people a chance to enjoy the water. I’m guessing that some of these people have never really had the opportunity to take their families to the beach. Honestly, this may come off as really cheesy, but if it goes well I say we make it an annual thing.”

“Seriously? An annual Winchester family rager on a private beach?”

“Hey, the guy who owns it loves me. I got him a multimillion dollar settlement. He probably bought the damn thing with that money. I’m pretty sure he’s willing to put up with some noise once a year.”

“I just don’t want to fuck this up.”

“You won’t. It will be fine.”

\-------------------------

“Where’s Cas?” Mary called, walking down the wooden steps with her arms full of pink bakery boxes.

“He went to pick up some of the food. We had to do a divide and conquer type thing. Marco took one of the shop trucks this morning to pick up the tables and chairs before he went back home to help his wife get the kids ready. I fit what I could in the Impala.” 

“It’s a beautiful day,” Mary said, setting the boxes on a table and shielding her eyes from the sun. 

“Holy shit mom, how many damn cookies did you bring?”

“I didn’t know for sure how many people would be here so I brought eight dozen. Do you think that will be enough?”

“96 cookies should be plenty,” Dean smiled. “I hate asking, but do you mind helping me set up some of this shit? People should start showing up in a couple of hours and I don’t have any of the table up or the grills ready.”

“Of course I will. Your brother will be here soon. We’ll put him to work too.”

\-------------------------

Dean looked at the coolers full of food and wondered if he’d ordered too much until he turned around and saw how many people were swimming, playing games, talking. They were from all walks of life and he had to smile when he saw old timers like Phil talking to one of the lesbians who was part of the group at the university or one of Cas and Sam’s co-workers talking to Marco. Garth and Jody finally showed up and Dean had Charlie out of her car seat before Garth had a chance to set it down. “She has sunscreen on, right?”

“Of course,” Jody laughed. “I don’t know where the fair skin and red hair came from, but we put some serious SPF on this girl.”

“Well, I’m stealing her for a little while. I’ve got a couple of guys manning the grills. Drinks are in that big ass cooler over there. Jess brought a shit load of extra towels if you want to get in the water. If you need your baby back, you’ll have to come find me.”

Dean went in search of Cas, bouncing Charlie in his arms. “Hey Charlie, there he is. You’re other handsome godfather. When I say it like that I feel like I should mumble a little more like Marlon Brando,” Dean grinned.

“When did Garth and Jody show up?”

“About five minutes ago.”

“And you’ve had that baby in your arms for the last four minutes?”

“Something like that. I want to take her to see the twins and Robbie. Do you want to come with or are you mingling?”

“I think Billy has me next on the list for grill duty, but I’ll find you later,” Cas leaned in for a quick kiss. “Have you looked around? This is everything you wanted.”

“And more,” Dean smiled, wandering off with the baby in his arms. 

“Oh my god who is this beautiful little one?” Jess asked from behind him.

“This,” Dean said proudly, “is my goddaughter Charlie.”

“Garth and Jody’s little girl? She is adorable.”

“You have a baby Unca Dee?”

“No,” Dean chuckled at JoAnna. “This is my friend’s baby. Remember when I told you about Garth? This is his little girl.”

“She’s really pretty. I like her red hair.”

“Yeah, so do I munchkin. Did you get something to eat?”

“Not yet. Daddy said that we have to wait until after we’re done swimming.”

“Well then go swim and when you’re ready, I’ll sit down and eat with you.” He bent down for a kiss on the cheek and watched her run off to join MaryEllen and Sam in the water. Sam was holding Robbie, bouncing him up and down in the waves.

“It’s too bad Cas doesn’t have those child bearing hips, you two really should have had kids,” Jess laughed.

“We do. Two nieces, one nephew, and a goddaughter. I’m just counting on my friends and family to keep having more so that I can spoil them and send them home.”

“Yeah, I still don’t believe the eggs and toast story.”

“Hey, If they tell you that I feed them eggs and toast, then I feed them eggs and toast.” 

Jess laughed again and patted him on the shoulder before she walked away.

Dean wandered around with the baby, showing her off and talking to people. He got hugs and thank you’s. He watched Marco splash around with his kids and a few of the students from the community college building an elaborate sand castle. Billy had left grill duty and was helping to set up the wood for a big bonfire. Mary was chatting with Donna and some guys from Singer Auto had challenged Winchester Restoration to a badminton match.

\-------------------------

Jody had finally taken the baby from Dean. The sun was slowly setting while people were eating and laughing. Dean was sitting, happy and relaxed, talking to a group of kids from the university.

“So, not to get personal or anything, but we talk about our coming out stories, we’ve never heard yours.”

“I don’t really have one,” Dean smiled. “I always dated women. I never even considered dating a man, I didn’t have a problem with it, I was just never attracted to one. But, a couple of years ago I met Cas.”

“So you’re in your 30’s and you just figure out that you’re gay?”

“Not really. This is why I tell you guys that I’m here to help you, but I won’t always understand your struggle. I never identified as a gay man until the media started calling me one. I never thought about it. I fell in love. I thought that I’d been in love before, with a woman, but I don’t know that I really was. Cas was my best friend. My Uncle Bobby, was the original owner of my shop. When he passed away, Cas was there for me. We’ve been together ever since. I got him to marry me a few months later.”

“You say that like it was hard,” one of the kids laughed. “Not to make things awkward, but you’re pretty hot.”

Dean smiled, “Have you seen my husband?”

“Okay, he’s pretty hot too.”

“The waitress at the burger place we go to calls us her ‘eye candy’,” Dean laughed.

“So was it weird? I mean if you’d always been with women and then all of a sudden…”

“And we didn’t want this conversation getting personal?” Dean grinned. “I really hate talking about my personal life. In fact, I’d probably rather let you shoot blow darts at me than have a personal conversation, but I’ll say this. No, it wasn’t weird. Maybe it should have been, but it wasn’t. He was my best friend and as it turns out, he’s the love of my life.”

“But what about all of the negative shit?”

“What negative shit?”

“You know, the hate crime and all of that.”

“Listen, I never went through the shit that you guys go through. When my story hit the news and we suddenly became this representation of the LGBTQ community I told Cas that the only difference between me and the bastard who kicked my ass is the anatomy of the person we share a bed with. I’m not an example of your fight or struggle, neither is Cas. I just want to be proof that you can be successful and you can find a support system. I have guys in my shop that I thought would be homophobic as hell, but they’re not. You know that big mexican guy? I’d say that he’s on the short list of people I trust, he never hesitates to tell me that I married well. That skinny guy with the wife and baby? He was raised by ultra religious parents, but he chose me and my husband to be that baby’s godparents. I’d say that a third of the guys who work for me are old timers who my uncle hired when he owned the business, and I’ve only had one leave since it came out that I am married to a man. So to get back to your first question, I never really came out. I never had to. I eloped and introduced him as my husband and figured fuck ‘em if they didn’t like it. But I was already settled, we both were, so we had that luxury. I mean it’s not like my boss can hold it against me, I’m my boss. I already had my house. Cas’s boss is Mark Crowley and you never know what in the fuck that guy is going to do, but he didn’t seem to have a problem with it. After my mom and brother picked their jaws up off of the carpet they accepted it. I didn’t come out, I just kind of showed up.”

“You’ve really never been with another man? Never really thought about it?”

“No, Cas is it.”

“Dude, we all know about what happened to you. So if you’d never met your husband, it wouldn’t have gone down like that. I mean being beaten like you were, I read about it and it sounds pretty fucking brutal, man. You were in a coma for almost three weeks. It fucked up your liver and your head. That’s some heavy shit. But none of that would have happened if you and your husband had never crossed paths. Maybe you should have taken a different route that day,” the guy laughed.

Dean was pissed, he was ready to defend his relationship and explain that it wasn’t like that but when he looked up he saw those blue eyes and his heart dropped. They locked on his for a minute before Cas turned and walked away. “You, you are a fucking asshole for saying that shit. Excuse me guys.” He started to follow Cas across the beach. He didn’t want to call out and make a scene in front of everybody. He jogged toward Cas’s retreating back, but Cas was already to the top of the wooden stairs and had turned around a corner and out of sight. He sighed and went back to the group. “Listen, you don’t know my husband and you don’t know what our life it like. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s not Cas’s fault that some homophobic douchebag wandered into the wrong shop at the wrong time. I get that you all feel judged by society. I get it and I respect the hell out of you for fighting back, but you’re going to sit here and be an asshole on my dime? My husband had nothing to do with what happened to me, but had everything to do with how I got past it, so fuck you. You can go.” 

He found Marco and pulled him aside, “Listen man, something came up and I have to bail for a little while. I seriously want to see this thing keep going so do you mind keeping an eye on it for me? I get that you have the kids here so if you have to go maybe Billy could stick around and help tear things down if I don’t get back in time? I’ll put it on your paychecks.”

“Yeah, no problem man.” Marco patted Dean on the shoulder. He’d seen Cas walk up the stairs, but he wasn’t going to ask questions.

“Mom, I uh, I’ve got to go and I asked Marco to keep an eye on things but…”

“I saw him leave, Dean. Just go and we’ll take care of everything here.”

“Thanks mom.”

Dean was in a panic when he climbed the stairs and looked around. The Mustang was gone. He climbed in his car and backed out onto the highway.

\-------------------------

He pulled up to the house, but Cas’s car wasn’t there. He sat with the engine running and pounded on the steering wheel. He knew that Cas didn’t hear the majority of the conversation, but he’d see in his eyes which parts he did hear. He pulled away from the curb and drove aimlessly before he went to the beach, their beach. He parked and walked through the sand in the silent cove, watching the moon start to throw light on the water. He finally dropped to the ground and waited. Cas would come find him, Cas always came to find him. He lowered his head and let the tears come. He just had to wait, that’s all he had to do.

\-------------------------

It had been hours. Long enough that the sun was getting ready to rise behind him. He’d waited, but he was still sitting in the sand alone. He finally stood up with a deep sigh and brushed the sand off of his clothes. He slowly climbed the rickety stairs to the parking lot and got in his car.

The Mustang was parked in the driveway when he got home.

\-------------------------

He entered the house quietly, expecting to see Cas on the couch, but he wasn’t there. He fed Chuck an early breakfast and opened the bedroom door. Cas was asleep in their bed. He’d left his boxers on, which he never did, and Dean knew that it must be some type of statement. At least he was there. At least he was home. He stripped down to his own boxers, needing to somehow respect Cas’s silent limits of not crawling into the bed that they shared nude. He watched his husband sleep for a few minutes and then laid down and reached for him. He wrapped his arms around Cas’s warm body, and held him as close as he dared, still able to smell the ocean water and sun on his skin. He wanted to cry, he wanted to explain the situation, but he needed to let Cas sleep. It wasn’t worth waking him up. He knew that he was trembling, he considered taking a pill, but this wasn’t his injury. This was some asshole running his mouth. Cas didn’t reach up to wrap his hands around Dean’s arms like he normally did. He didn’t slide his body back against Dean’s chest like he normally did. He just laid there. Dean laid his head on his pillow and listened to Cas’s even breaths.

\-------------------------

He could feel when Cas woke up. His body tensed, but he didn’t pull away.

“I went to the beach, the cove. I waited for you to come find me.”

“You didn’t need me to,” Cas said quietly.

“Yes I did, Cas.”

“No, you wanted me to. There’s a difference.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough. None of it was surprising. Everything that he said were things that I’ve already thought about, more than once. It was just hard to hear somebody say it out loud. Especially a voice that I didn’t recognize.” Cas slid out of Dean’s arms and sat on the edge of the bed. “I guess I’m just used to hearing those words in my own voice.” He stood up and started searching for some pajama pants or jeans to put on. Dean watched him for a moment before he too climbed out of bed.

“Cas…”

“Dean, this isn’t something that we need to talk about. I hope the party went well.” He had his hand wrapped around the doorknob when Dean grabbed his arm.

“We are not playing the passive aggressive bullshit game here, Cas. If the things that you heard are things that you’ve already thought about, I’m pretty sure that we need to talk about this.”

Cas looked defeated when he turned and looked at his husband. “What am I supposed to say? That I’ve never blamed myself for what happened to you? That my presence in your life had absolutely nothing to do with what that asshole did to you? We can stand here and pretend like it’s not true, but we both know that it is. If I hadn’t walked up to you in Sam and Jess’s backyard, if I hadn’t shown up at your door when you sent me a text that said you needed me, none of that shit would have happened. You can make excuses and say it’s just anatomy and he’s a homophobic bastard, which is true, but at the end of the day he kicked you in the head repeatedly and called you a fucking queer because of the wedding ring on your finger. The one that is identical to mine. We’ve talked about it. Neither one of us woke up one day with the realization that we were both gay. This is a Cas and Dean thing. Dean got his ass kicked because of Cas. I know that.”

“You’re right,” Dean said, slowly letting go of Cas’s arm. “This is a Cas and Dean thing, and Dean did get his ass kicked because of Cas. But it’s not that fucking simple. I love you, Cas. I don’t even have words that can describe how much I love you. I would do anything, absolutely anything for you, and that includes getting my ass kicked. The Dean that you met is not the guy standing in front of you right now. That guy, he didn’t have hopes or dreams. He didn’t live, he existed. He didn’t believe in anything, not even himself. He knew that if he fell, nobody would be there to pick him up. He would have to find a way to do it himself, and that’s if he even wanted to. He wasn’t a guy who was ready to own a business. He didn’t want friends. He died the day that his son died and he didn’t give a shit about anything after that, other than his family. People talk about how I put them first, that’s because I’ve always known that they deserve it and I don’t. I told you once that I’m broken, and you said that I’m not. You told me that I just cracked. That’s bullshit Cas, because the first time we climbed into that bed and you wanted me inside of you, something inside of me broke. I felt something that night. For the first time in years, I fucking felt something. And what I feel, it’s like nothing I have ever felt before. I have spent two years walking this fine line between happy as hell and fucking terrified. You make me happy in ways that I can’t even explain, and I am terrified that one of these days I am going to fuck it up. I’ve told you hundreds of times that I could never have expanded my business if you weren’t by my side believing in me, I didn’t believe in myself. You would look at me and I could see myself doing it. That’s the only thing that kept me going, the way that you looked at me. I got my ass kicked after I told that guy who and what I am. I didn’t have to say a fucking word, but he was disrespecting Garth and he was disrespecting my marriage. I couldn’t let that happen. I woke up 17 days later and everything hurt. My head, my stomach, my collarbone. But I saw more pain in your eyes than I felt throughout my entire body. I treated you like shit for three fucking months, and you never gave up on me. You dragged my ass to Lake Tahoe and told me that we weren’t leaving until you had your husband back. That’s all you wanted. You wanted me. I made you feel like shit, I hid things from you, and all you wanted was to put it behind us and have me back. You were there to get me my medication and stay with me when I got headaches. You helped me to lay down when I got dizzy. You dragged me into a hot shower and then held me when I started to get pissed off. I haven’t had a headache in months, I haven’t felt dizzy in months, I haven’t been pissed off in months unless you count tonight. I was pissed off at that stupid asshole for running his mouth, right now I’m just straight up scared. You sat through that fucking trial, Cas. You sat up there and you said things that you knew were killing me, but you did it because I needed you to. I know that you were waiting for fallout from the trial, and probably sighed with relief when it didn’t come because you were ready to deal with it. Not walk away, but stay by my side again and deal with my bullshit, again. You told me that the first word I said when I came to was your name, it was also the second word. There is a reason that I said your name. I fucking need you, Cas. Everything that I am right now is because of you. My nieces wouldn’t see more love or understand tolerance if you weren’t in my life. I wouldn’t let myself trust Garth or Marco enough to help me run my business, let alone consider them my friends. I wouldn’t have a beautiful goddaughter. If we need to sit down and make a list of everything that has happened to me since you came into my life, we can do that. Pro’s and con’s, straight down the line. But, I need to show you something first. Do you still have that key?”

“What?” Cas whispered, choked up and almost unable to speak.

“The key, the one that I gave you for Christmas. Do you still have it?”

“Of course.” Cas opened a drawer and pulled out the small box. He opened it and tried to hand the key to Dean.

“No, it’s your present. Do you want the rest of the puzzle? I was going to wait, but I need you to see it.” Cas nodded silently and followed Dean to the guest bedroom. “Open it.” Cas looked at Dean and slid the key into the doorknob, turning it and slowly opening the door. Dean reached around him and flipped on the light. “I knew before you even brought up going back to school that things had changed for you as much as they changed for me. Why do you think I didn’t really say anything about you leaving Crowley’s. I fucking knew, Cas. You don’t belong in that office looking over goddamn financial records, you belong with people or in a courtroom fighting. No, you didn’t grow up with the added pressure of coming out to your family. You didn’t have anybody to come out to if you’d needed to. Your fight, your struggles are just as real as theirs and I see in your eyes how you feel when you help them. So this, it’s yours. It’s my gift.”

Cas walked around and ran his fingers across the mahogany desk. The two walls of matching shelves that ran floor to ceiling. His old law school books had been taken out of boxes, cleaned off, and already placed on them. A new laptop with two large monitors sat on the desk. An empty frame hung on the wall above it with a sticky note that said ‘law school diploma’. A framed wedding picture sat just to the left of one of the monitors. There were matching mahogany filing cabinets and an overstuffed loveseat. The floor had been stripped of carpet and replaced by wood. Cas could still smell the fresh coat of paint. He turned and looked at Dean standing in the doorway, fear still in his eyes.

“I need you to know that I believe in you as much as you believe in me,” Dean said with a catch in his voice. “Winchester Restoration and Singer Auto are mine. That space belongs to me and it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I may not be making a difference in the world, but I know that I am one of the best out there. I am proud of the work that I do. This, this is your space. It’s a few thousand feet smaller, but it’s yours. You can sit in here and accomplish things. Hell, you can make a difference and we already know that you’ll be one of the best. This room and everything in it belongs to Castiel Winchester, Attorney at Law.” Dean walked slowly towards Cas. “Everything about my life changed at that damn garden party, and I wouldn’t take any of it back, Cas. Not even the bumps,” Cas could see the tears welling up in Dean’s eyes. “The bumps brought us here, to this moment. I would still be that other Dean if you hadn’t talked to me about a Camaro. I don’t even like that other Dean, but I can’t be this guy without you. I love you, Cas. I love you with everything that I have and everything that I am.”

“I love you too, Dean,” Cas wrapped his arms around his husband in the middle of his office and held him close, their bodies exhausted and trembling. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come looking for you at the beach,” Cas said quietly.

“Don’t be,” Dean cried softly. “You were right. I didn’t need you to find me, I wanted you to. I didn’t expect to come home and see you asleep in our bed, so maybe you needed me to find you.”


End file.
